Disclaimer: All things Star Wars but Kiraan are Darth George�s, I only play with the pieces he�s not using. Babylon 5, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Gundam Wing, Dragonball, Pokemon, Lexx, Blade Runner, and the various other Sci-fi universes stuck in the Metaverse blender belong to those respective. Don�t sue me, I�ll put them back when I�m done playing with them.

(NOTE: this story takes place in a night club called The Blue Lemon. The club is the focal point of a spatial rift that causes a parallel universe called the Metaverse to exist within the walls of the club. Fictional characters can exist in real form, including deceased characters and cartoon/comic characters. Occasionally, an internet fanfic character or two ends up in the mix. Somehow, through it all, the universe holds just enough sanity and reality together to return everyone to their proper universes at the end of the day.

Occasionally, some don�t want to go home....)

Or can't.

" I will tell you when I�ve had enough to drink, my good man. Now, refill this glass, and keep it filled until my eyes turn to diamonds or I fall lifeless to the floor!" Londo Mollari proclaimed in his usual rolling accent. G�kar shook his head, �tsk�ing at the ambassador.

Londo shook his head, "Humans! Why must they judge a Centauri�s drinking ability by their own standards? Sure there�s a vague resemblance, but we have twice the stamina!" He said the last part a little louder than necessary, aiming it at the Twi�lek dancing girl and her flame-haired friend with the hooves. They giggled, and the Twi�lek twitched a head-tail at him.

Londo raised an eyebrow, looking toward her. He leaned closer to G�kar. "Ayh, I wonder what she could do with those," he whispered, half-leering, half-ogling her while he spoke.

G�kar snorted, "With any luck, she could strangle you in your sleep, and her companion could dance across your corpse with her hooves," he responded. Londo glared. "I imagine she�d leave quite a lovely set of indentations on your bruised and bloodied being," G�kar taunted, smirking and lifting his glass.

" Down boys, don�t make me go get Garibaldi off door-duty again," Zek teased, stealthily setting a paper coaster under Londo�s drink as he set it down. The two grumbled, casting imagined daggers with looks at each other, but settling to silence.

"He started it," Londo defended in a childish tone. G�kar immediately took offense.

"Why you....you... pompous, incon..."

Zek stopped listening, rolling his eyes and walking away down the bar toward his next patron. "Name your death-drink of choice," he said, setting a coaster down on the bar in front of the man.

"Anything non-alcoholic," he said, flipping a small braid over his shoulder and studying the arguing aliens a few seats down.

Zek sighed, "Don�t worry, they�re Diplomats, they can�t kill each other, at least not tonight," he said, adding a smirk. The newcomer smiled, then sighed.

"You�re from the Star Wars crowd, right? A Jedi?" Zek asked, setting an empty glass down in front of him. He smiled awkwardly, glancing around nervously. "Ahhhh," Zek said, assuming an all-knowing tone. "Snuck off?" he said, lifting an eyebrow. The Jedi nodded. "I have just the drink for you then," Zek said, reaching under the bar counter.

He set a can on the bar next to the empty glass, and the Jedi frowned. "Sorry, you looked like a Guinness man," Zek said, then bust out laughing. "Sorry, couldn�t help it. You know, Obi-wan, Alec Guinness? sorry, bad joke," he chuckled, replacing the can into the cooler. Obi-wan frowned again, then caught the joke.

"Oh, I keep forgetting, they told me about... the movies, but I keep, well," he shrugged, "it seems so bizarre," he added.

Zek nodded, "You think that�s bad? Try suddenly finding out you have a universal other-self who lives in a parallel universe and accidentally opened a dimensional rift trying to find you. Then of course he ruins your nightclub business, because the only patrons that can get within a block of the place are from alternate realities and other dimensions. And worse than that, most of them are fictional characters."

Obi-wan shook his head, "Okay, your problem wins," he joked, picking up the fruit drink Zek had replaced the beer can with.

"Padawan...." a sharp voice said from behind him disapprovingly. Obi choked.

"Shi... oh, um, I mean hi master," Obi-wan caught himself quickly. Zek lifted his eyebrows in a �Busted!� expression and moved along to the next patron.

"That had better not have alcohol in it..." Qui-gon warned.

"No, master! of course not!" Obi-wan answered quickly. Qui-gon�s face dropped a degree sterner.

"You aren�t even going to ask how I found you?"

Obi-wan paused, scanning the room behind Qui-gon quickly. "Umm," was his only reply.

Qui-gon sighed, "Master Yoda followed you, and I followed him. Obi-wan sighed deeply, hiding his face in his hand and fighting off a curse.

"Just how long were you planning to keep it a secret that you�d found an interdimensional gateway in your bedroom closet?" Qui-gon demanded.

"Until you asked to borrow a set of robes?" Obi-wan tried feebly to joke. The elder master�s face hardened.

"Padawan..." he began.

A Quadraan walked past, brushing Qui-gon�s backside suggestively with a hand, two others holding a drink tray, and the fourth tugging on Obi-wan�s braid with a smirk. Qui-gon took a moment to compose himself after she�d passed down the bar.

"Ahem, now, as I was saying..." he trailed off, then sighed, noticing the �begging puppy-dog� look on his apprentice�s face.

"Oh, nevermind, the council�s already mad at me once today, a little night out won�t kill us."

Obi-wan fought off a grin, "Yes, master," he just barely contained the grin of triumph. Just barely.

-------------

"And there we were, the great Centauri Republic, with a fleet so large it nearly eclipsed the sun!..." Londo was telling the Twi�lek, who was now drunk enough to consider a man with six genitals worthy of experimenting.

Starbuck had assumed his usual �poor woman�s Han Solo� position, leaning against a pillar with a lop-sided grin on his face. Apollo sighed as someone finally took the bait, asking if he was as cocky as he acted.

"Dammit, it�s not fair," Apollo growled quietly, "He gets the girls and I get the bad tag-lines. It�s just not fair." He took another deep swig of his drink, glaring at his friend. "Once, just once I wanna be the one that gets the girl. I wanna play the bad-boy, not some damn whiner-law-abider who sits in the corner and acts pure," he snarled, downing the last contents of the glass.

"Better than being a Love-Slave," Zev whispered playfully in passing, patting him on the head like a little kid. Apollo watched her leave with her usual man-in-black with the bad hair.

"Even the dead guy�s getting laid," he grumbled, waiving a server over for a refill. "Dammit, I wanna get laid too!" he complained a little too loudly thanks to the amount of alcohol in him already. A few people glanced over and either stared or snickered.

"You�re starting to sound desperate," a scantily clad green humanoid said, sitting down next to him. Apollo blinked in surprise, then in stupor.

-A girl just sat down next to me?- he slowly registered. She smiled, noticing his awkward stare of shock.

"My name�s Oola," she said, curling a Lekku around her shoulder. "And you really do look desperate," she said, reaching out and pushing Apollo�s mouth shut by the chin.

-------------

Aliya stared at the penny on the table, willing it to move. She stared harder. Nothing. She sighed,

"Kiraan, it�s not going to work. The Force only works for you here because you�re a Fanfic character," Aliya grumbled, sitting back in her chair. "I just don�t have the patience to re-learn everything you taught my double," she sighed.

The ancient Jedi master sighed, a deep rumble like distant a storm. "Aliya, I did not choose you because you were patient enough to learn, I chose you because the Force led me to you, and I sense potential that should not be wasted."

Aliya almost swore she�d seen the pictures on the wall rumble from the vibration of his liquid, almost feline near-bass voice. Even after a year, that voice still made her flutter inside. Like ominous doom and an impending storm in the same breath. Distant thunder on a clear day, the deep rumble of nature�s workings itself drawn into a solid form and given a name. And pointed ears, and fangs, and scars, and most importantly, enough power to knock her through a wall, and claws that could slash through steel or be as gentle as soft-filed fingernails in a caress.

Oh crap.

She fought off the image of Kiraan trailing the backs of his claws down her arms, then up along her neck, barely touching the skin.

Not now.

She managed to fight away the image before Kiraan picked up on it, but the flip-flop of her stomach as he began speaking again threatened to bring it back with a vengeance.

"We need to work on your T.K. skills, but later. Right now," he paused, looking out of the one-way office window at the crowd below. "Right now, I think your brother is going to need help with those Klingons coming out of the vortex."

Aliya groaned in dismay, remembering the last time a batch of Klingons showed up while the Hutts were here. Especially with the full entourage of their dancing girls. What Klingons saw in women with green skin and head-tails she didn�t want to know, but the Twi�lek�s interest in men with big ridges all over their foreheads was something she even less wanted to think about.

Aliya heard the sudden sucking in-breath before she saw Kiraan stiffen in surprise, placing a hand against the glass, almost as if to touch someone outside.

"Kiraan? what..." she began.

"Qui-gon," he said bluntly, sounding hollow, as if he�d just been punched in the gut.

Aliya stood, walking over and looking down through the glass where Kiraan�s topaz-gold gaze was locked. There stood Qui-gon Jinn, alive and well, talking to his Padawan.

"Obi-wan promised not to bring him, so did Yoda." Kiraan�s sudden snort of derision made Aliya take a step back.

"Oh, right. Banished," she said, remembering the full-on bar brawl the two of them had gotten into the first time Yoda had seen Kiraan. Massive bad blood there, almost worse than his beef with Vade....

Her thought stopped in mid-word, the growl from Kiraan was enough. No even thinking of Vader in his presence. Aliya quietly faked a whistle of innocence, backing toward the door.

"Um, I think, um, Zek�s going to need my help," she rambled, then bolted for the door.

Jedi master with a grudge is one thing. Rogue Jedi master with a blood-oath of hate and vengeance is another thing entirely. Trelari rogue with above-said blood-oath is quite another all together, and a lot more dangerous. Aliya could almost hear the door vibrate from the low-level growl Kiraan made after she was gone.

"One of these days, he�s gonna start an earthquake with that growl," she muttered, descending the stairs to the club floor.

-------------

The Klingons were already loading up the flagons they�d brought and getting into the mood by taking over a corner booth. -Well, this is going to be a wonderful night,- Aliya mused mentally, then saw her brother pick up on it with a grimace. -Stupid identical twin link thing,- she growled to herself, closing out her brother.

That was how they�d gotten into this mess in the first place. Kiraan�s current apprentices had been their doubles in his universe. Somehow, Zek�s twin had managed to breach the dimensional barrier by tapping into his double�s telepathic link to Aliya. After that, things went downhill.

Somewhere between the Sith assassins, the Stormtroopers, T.S.A agents everywhere trying to fix the fabric of space-time, Kiraan�s becoming trapped and their Twin-Doubles dying, everything had gotten really, really, REALLY complicated in their lives.

Despite the fact that she could out-snarl Kiraan when she was on PMS, Aliya was pretty-much terrified of the big alien deep down. Well, he really wasn�t that big, he just looked it thanks to that stupid force-illusion he uses to make people pay attention. Force illusion or not, he still looked hot in Jedi robes...

NO! Bad apprentice! Bad girl! do NOT think about Kiraan sexually, NO, NO, NO! she snapped at herself, resisting the urge to bolt for the kitchen and hide in the closet again.

With her luck, she�d probably find Marcus and Susan making out in the pantry again, and that was NOT a chance she wanted to take. The poor boy was destined to die a virgin in season five anyway, it wasn�t fair to accidentally help fate along by interrupting him and Ivanova.

What she wouldn�t give to end up in a broom closet with Kiraan though...

She quickly b-slapped that part of her brain into submissive silence, faking a smile as she approached the Klingons with a drink tray and an order pad.

"Welcome to the Blue Lemon, I�d just like to remind you that we don�t like mopping blood off the floor, gentlemen, so no fights," she said. They roared in laughter. "Okay, let me rephrase that. No fights, or I bring in the big guy with the glowing gold eyes," she said menacingly. Nearly every face at the table dropped, and the Klingons looked at each other uncertainly, then back up to the mirrored one-way office windows.

One who was apparently the leader spoke up. "We do not wish to.." he paused, eyes on the windows, "Offend, the great warrior," he grumbled out.

"Good, then enjoy your evening, gentlemen," Aliya said, turning to walk away.

One of the Klingons who had not been present at the first �main event� bar fight with Kiraan as Bouncer spoke up.

"[Why do you fear this...otherworlder so?]" he asked near a whisper. The leader growled, sitting straighter in his seat.

"[Fear this one, young warrior. Legends will be written of him some day, if they have not already,]" he said softly, reverently. Kiraan in a blood-rage was enough to take the fight out of event he most battle-hardened Klingon Warrior.

-------------

"TRELARI!" the cry came, shrill and short-sounding, answered by an instinctive defensive roar like a Godzilla-sized Lion.

"Oh crap," Aliya muttered, rushing to damage-control with Yoda already. Luckily, Qui-gon had disappeared, but Obi-wan spit his drink- definitely not fruit punch- halfway across the bar.

Aliya rounded the pillar, and saw Yoda up on a barstool, with something that was definitely not his cane threatening Kiraan.

"How in the..." she began. How Yoda had managed to smuggle a mini-lightsaber in here, she didn�t want to know. All she wanted now was to get it off him before he hacked her master and business partner into pieces. Hoping Kiraan had been right in even attempting to teach her T.K., she hastily forced herself to focus on the little weapon in the ticked-off Jedi�s hands.

It moved, and Yoda and Kiraan both flinched in surprise. The little lightsaber did a short hop out of his hands, falling to the floor, sounding like a toy flashlight when it hit. Aliya was momentarily terrified that she�d just blown any chance she had of a normal life, when a hand on her shoulder passed a telepathic message.

(Don�t say anything, they�ll think it was me.) Obi-wan�s voice was clear in her mind and sounded slightly impressed. Aliya kept her mouth shut as the enraged little Jedi spun his barstool around to face Obi-wan.

"Insult me, you do, padawan Kenobi. My fight this is. Keep your pasty human nose out of it you will!" the normally calm and focused Yoda snarled.

"Master Yoda, this isn�t..." Obi-wan began, but Kiraan opened his smart mouth.

"You always were the short-tempered one," he rumbled. Of course, that set Yoda off in a hundred different degrees of pissed.

"Trelari filth! Killed you the day you were brought to the temple, I should have. Personally!" Yoda screeched. Kiraan snarled, not the polite snarl that said �Shut up�, but the snarl that said �Shut up before I kill you with your own intestines tied around your scrawny throat�.

Uh-oh.

This was progressing beyond Damage Control.

This was close to War.

"If my species hadn�t brought your over in the Crossing, you wouldn�t even exist, Vagrant slime of a Hutt�s A.." Kiraan stopped, glancing at Aliya, "Rear," he finished. One thing, he did hate to swear in front of ladies. Yoda launched into a tirade in two different languages, and Kiraan snarled disgusted rebuke.

"Your people were scavengers in our galaxy! We should have flushed you with the rest of the garbage when we arrived in the galaxy!"

Yoda launched into another string of insults as old as he was, then lunged off the chair at Kiraan with a growl. Obi-wan managed to catch him in mid-air, temporarily defusing the situation. "Trelari filth!" Yoda continued to yell as he was dragged across the room and towards the vortex.

"No! No, no, no, NO!" he cried, trying to wriggle out of Obi-wan�s arms. He managed to snag a pillar, and held on for dear life.

"No! behave I will! No more Tequila! Stay I wish to! No!" he whined. Kiraan purred from the corner, moving forward slowly, the little topaz glint that meant mischief in his eyes.

"Begging sounds so good coming from your end for once, _Master_ Yoda," he rumbled, a very un-Jedi tone to his voice. "I think I will let you stay," he purred, and Obi-wan turned to look at Kiraan strangely. "On one condition," the ancient master chuckled, watching Yoda�s uneasy look.

"Door Duty."

"NOOOOooooOooOOOOOoooOoOOoooooOOOOOOO!" the little green being cried as Obi-wan carried him over and deposited him into the booth next to the door with more sadistic joy than a Jedi should have. Kiraan force-locked him into the room, and the Jedi master beat on the door desperately.

"NO! door duty, beneath me it is! Deceive me, everyone will try to! Padawans with Sith-made Fake Ids, this is not for a Jedi master!" he whined. Kiraan stood with a malicious smirk longer than he should have, enjoying the intoxicated Jedi�s whining.

"By the Force, I�ve waited a lifetime to hear that!" he said, almost cackling with glee. The room returned to its own business after Yoda quieted down.

"Free drinks, do employees get?" a timid voice asked from the box. "Least you can do, after such great embarrassment."

-------------

Aliya pressed the cool glass of ice against her forehead. No drinks, no matter how bad she needed one for her nerves. A pair of soft hands on her shoulders, and her headache lessened. She half-turned, seeing Obi-wan rubbing her shoulders. She felt the urge to �Hmmm,� at the contact, but suppressed it. She was in no mood to be pleasant for any reason to anyone. A gentle warm feeling along the back of her skull told her he wasn�t just using his hands.

Aliya casually shoved his hands off her shoulders with a shrug.

"Better?" he asked.

"A little, Thanks, at least until the next crisis threatens to kill, maim, destroy or eat the club, or Kiraan, or Both," she said, then sighed, pressing the glass to her forehead again.

Obi-wan smiled gently, "You know, I could probably work on that headache a little better someplace a little more quiet."

Aliya had to back-slap a few segments of her brain into going over the words again. Then the inflections. Then the little warm nudge on the back of her mind that was coupled with a gentle hand on her shoulder.

Oh crap.

Did Obi-wan Kenobi just hit on me?

She looked over in disbelief, but there he sat, awkward look and curious eyes, waiting for her response. Obi-wan Kenobi had just hit on her.

She shook her head, clearing away the thought. Come on, anything, anything to get rid of that thought. Get rid of the feel of his hand on my arm. Get rid of that little flutter I usually only feel around Kiraan...

Oh crap.

Kiraan.

The brief image of Kiraan�s hand in Obi-wan�s place, rested on her shoulder. Wait, correct that. She felt him gently and experimentally caress the back of his fingers along the side of her throat. Uh-oh.

She frantically tried to replace the feeling with everyone from Darth Maul to Mickey Mouse.

This is not working.

Fingers laced around her hand, pulling away the glass of ice and setting it down. She forced an image of Greedo over Obi-wan, hoping to gross herself out enough to dissuade herself from feeling that annoying little flip-flop. He kissed her hand.

Ohhhhh crap.

He kissed my hand!!!

Somewhere, from the back of her mind, she knew this was way more screwed-up than getting turned on by a lethal Jedi master, but it felt less screwed up than fantasizing about said ancient Jedi master. At least Obi-wan was human.

The cold spill of liquid across the bar saved Aliya. Zek looked at her sideways, mopping up the mess as Obi-wan backed away, releasing her hand, the mood broken.

(Thanks,) she thought at her brother.

(Care to broadcast those hormones a little louder? I don�t think they sensed you in Jersey,) Zek thought back quietly, finishing cleaning up and setting another empty glass of ice down for her.

(Obi�s had a few beers and a shot of Jack, watch it,) Zek warned. Aliya nodded slightly, pressing the glass of ice to her forehead again. -Great Obi-wan has beer-goggles on, and I just happened to be the only one not passed out in his field of view.- She sighed. -Just great.-

"Oh, by the way," Zek said aloud. Aliya looked up, weary already before hearing it.

"What now?"

Zek looked sheepish, "Somebody�s been spiking. Yoda got some, and from Londo and G�kar, I think they got some too." Aliya let her head hit the bar with a thud, trying to knock some sense into it, or at least a shred of reality into the mayhem of the Metaverse.

"Please, please, PLEASE tell me it�s not Sith related," she whined quietly to the bar-top. Zek sighed, confirming it.

"Not again...."

-------------
(Flashback to fifteen minutes before.)

A figure dressed in black on a speederbike appeared across the street outside the club in a flash of blue lightning. He looked up at the neon sign above the door, smiling slowly, the kind of sick, evil smile only the Grinch could do better. He dismounted the bike, grabbing a large, black, cube-shaped object from the back.

"You can�t be a Sith, you�re only a Dark Jedi. Not even Dark, just a fallen Jedi," he imitated Kun�s accent sourly. "I�ll show you bloody Sith Lords what a REAL Darksider can do," he grumbled aloud, heading for the door. He banged on the door roughly, and the sliding panel in the side wall opened.

"Password?" the Ferengi asked.

"Open the damn door or I�ll rip your ears off," the figure in black snapped, pushing a long lock of dark hair back under his hood.

"Hmm, nope, wrong password," the Ferengi said, then slammed the little window shut. Xanatos sighed, resisting the urge to force-fry the little crossover-accident. Ferengi responded well to greed and mayhem, if he remembered correctly.

"Hey, want to make a few extra credits?"

The little door opened so quick it seemed to have dematerialized.

"Federation or those Republic Datarie things?" the alien asked suspiciously but interested.

"Neither, something more valuable than both," the dark figure said, smiling.

The Ferengi was hooked, "What you got in mind?" Xanatos produced a small vial from the folds of his robe.

"Slip some of this into Yoda�s drink. When the chaos starts, I doubt anyone will be paying attention to their wallets."

The Ferengi gave a jagged, malicious grin. "You got it! The little toad�s been traipsing around here like the biggest thing on the planet. Anything to embarrass that ponity-eared freak," he said, snatching the vial as Xanatos handed it though the slot.

"Have fun," he mused aloud, walking back to his bike and lounging against it, waiting for the fun to start.

Several minutes later, the flood of despair and anguish radiating from a certain Jedi master made Xanatos chuckle.

"Right on time," he mused aloud, picking up the cube by the handle and heading for the door.

"Id, I need to see," Yoda grumbled from behind the door.

"You don�t need my id, master Yoda," Xan said, smiling. Yoda blinked away the alcohol-induced haze, frowning.

"Xanatos?" he gasped, barely a hiss. "Dead, you are. Chaos, this universe truly is in, if truly you are alive." Xan smiled.

"Yoda, dear, sweet Yoda," he crooned. "You know how good I am at pretending. What makes you think I didn�t just fake my own death? Like their, who was it? Elvis. Yes. But then again, this is the Metaverse."

Yoda blinked blankly. "To drunk I am to ponder the universe. No card, no entry."

"But I bring presents!" Xan sing-songed, his smile brightening to game-show-host glare, holding up the cube by its handle to where he could see. Yoda gasped, and nearly started drooling.

"Karaeoke Machine," Yoda drooled in hungry awe. "Dark side you are, admit you I should not..." he stared longingly at the machine. "Enter you will, now! and unlock me from this Door-duty you will!" Yoda ordered, buzzing the door open.

Xanatos grinned, stepping through the door. "Sucker..."

-------------
(back to the present)

Obi-wan was on his next beer already, switching to a stronger brand somewhere along the line. He barely noticed the figure in black setting up a large black cube on the small stage he was hiding beside. Xan caught the heavy scent of fermented hops and looked down. He let out a single, loud, derisive, triumphant "HA!", then caught himself as Obi-wan looked up. Xan ignored him, going back to hooking the Karaeoke machine into the sound system.

Obi-wan managed to part the haze long enough to recognize a few things on the mysterious stranger blocking his view of Aliya at the Gundam Pilot�s table.

Long hair. Black hair. Blue eyes. Scar. Familiar scar? Evil smirk. Scar....black hair....blue eyes.... lightsaber? Obi-wan looked up, finally piecing it together.

"Xanatos?" he asked uncertainly.

Xan smiled, "Welcome to the Metaverse, where Vorlons and Klingons coexist, and I�m still alive and kicking. See?" he said, and proceeded to kick Obi-wan in the leg.

"Ouch," Obi-wan mumbled weakly, rubbing his shin. Xan smiled.

"Oh, by the way, ever seen a Karaeoke machine?" Obi-wan looked up, then at the machine. His eyebrows went up.

"Yes, Jedi-boy, let it sink in slowly. Karaeoke, party, singing, drunken fools like yourself embarrassing yourself publicly," Xanatos said, making the final connections.

He plugged the machine in just as Obi-wan struggled to his feet.

"Welcome to the party," Xan teased, grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh, by the way, did you know that Karaeoke is Japanese for Tone-deaf?" he asked the inebriated Jedi, then fought of an evil gloating villain laugh. [You know the one, the one that goes "Muahahahaha!" or something like that] It�s clich�, but it�s what some villains do.

Xanatos casually strolled away from the machine as Obi-wan read the song list. He found a good spectator�s seat, flopped down, and waited for the first one to go. As he�d both feared and hoped, it was Yoda.

He covertly pulled out his holocam and hit Record.

This was gonna be fun.

-------

Just when Aliya thought her headache was at critical mass, the noise began.

"The Timeeee Warrrp, Leeet�s dooo agaiiiinnnn!" a very drunk voice sang over the speakers. The crowd was hooting and cheering, and generally mocking Yoda�s attempt at Rocky Horror.

This was not happening. This could not be happening. The riotous evil laughter coming from a table in a prime observation spot caught her attention. No way, that can�t be....

Aliya shook it all off, deciding to go hide in the pantry until it was all over. The brush of a hand across her backside as she opened the kitchen door startled her.

"Leaving your own party?" a very plastered Obi-wan asked suggestively. Aliya didn�t even know if he�d noticed his own suggestive tone, or if he was really meaning to broadcast the beer-goggles that much. She casually ignored him, ducking inside the door.

She flattened herself against the fridge door, out of breath. What in the universe was going on here???

Okay, step one. Somebody spiked people�s drinks with Sith drugs. Okay, that was easy to live with. G�kar and Londo had been hauled off to their own respective ends of the galaxy to sleep it off after the fist-fight. Yoda was doing Rocky Horror in a place where Karaeoke was forbidden by Kiraan�s decree. Xanatos, alive and well, and probably the source of the Karaeoke machine, and probably the drugs. Aliya was willing to blame even the Klingons on Xanatos right now if it gave her someplace to focus everything that had happened tonight into one little ball of lethal rage.....

A gentle hand touched her shoulder. She spun, ready to knock Obi-wan through the nearest portal.

Kiraan.

Oh crap.

He sighed, looking at her from his normal image, not the six-foot-plus force-illusion. He was short. Well, not short, but still only chin-high to Qui-gon, who stood behind his shoulder. The two looked well-matched, like old friends who�d just....

Oh no, that was it. Kiraan was out of his illusion because of Qui-gon. Aliya suddenly remembered the few stories she�d downloaded after meeting him. "Conflict of Interest", the two of them were friends, Kiraan had saved Qui-gon in childhood, and Qui-gon had saved Kiraan later in life, when he�d been near death.

Death.

Qui-gon.

The Phantom Menace.

Oh crap.

It finally hit her, what had been wrong, and why Kiraan had tried to block any other characters from the Star Wars universe from coming through at first. It still hurt. Even after everything that had happened here, Qui-gon�s death still hurt. Aliya suddenly realized that she needed to finish reading those stupid stories. Soon.

Kiraan smiled softly, pulling his hand away.

"The Ferengi sprinkled some of Xanatos� powder onto your headache glass when you went to pester Duo and Heero. I didn�t see it until it was too late," Kiraan rumbled softly, still looking sad. Aliya took a deep breath in, calming herself.

"We confiscated the vial," Qui-gon said.

Aliya sighed, "I�m guessing that means Obi-wan is just plain drunk then," she said, then immediately regretted it.

"He�s what?" Qui-gon demanded.

"Oops," Aliya muttered sheepishly. The two masters stormed out into the club, and Aliya followed.

She nearly bumped into Kiraan as he stopped dead in front of her. She chased off the idea of bumping into him on purpose, then faking that it was an accident. Barely. She looked toward where the two were looking, then stared, dumbstruck.

Obi-wan was stripped to the waist, on stage with Xanatos, doing a fair job of Jordan Knight�s "Give it to you" that had several of the Hutt�s dancing girls drooling at the edge of the stage. Sadly, Obi-wan does have a pretty fine form under the robes, and a fair singing voice to go with it.

(Note to self, Get Obi-wan drunk, bring him to a strip club, bring a video camera, then sell tape over the internet.) No! Bad Aliya! she snapped at herself mentally.

The song was over, and Kiraan and Qui-gon were still in shock. Aliya recognized the opening of the next song as a Nine-inch-nails song, and knew it was definitely time to get the boys off the stage. No way the council would accept Obi-wan back without probation if he sang "Closer" on stage with Xanatos, half-naked and drunk out of his wits.

"Umm, Kiraan....." Aliya began, but he�d already taken the hint after the first few lyrics. Kiraan heaved him off the stage and over his shoulder, carrying him toward the kitchen.

Obi-wan protested loudly and explicitly, somehow falling into a strange accent that sounded almost Scottish. Naah, he couldn�t have... Aliya listened, Yep, he really did sound like Ewan Magregor when he�s drunk! She fought to keep from laughing, then lost it when Obi-wan managed to flip her and Qui-gon off as he was hauled through the doors.

Qui-gon�s eyes narrowed dangerously, and he turned toward Xanatos slowly, who was laughing his fool head off onstage. He snapped to seriousness with lightning speed at the look in Qui-gon�s eyes. He abandoned the Karaeoke machine, grabbing his cloak and lightsaber as he rolled off the stage and bolted for the door. Qui-gon barely had time to reach for his lightsaber before the boy was a dark blur out the door.

He settled for a �Next time..� snarl and a sigh, then turned and shoved open the door to the kitchen angrily. Aliya recognized the look in his eyes, she�d seen it a few times on Kiraan, usually when he was getting ready to start screaming or throwing people out windows.

"What in the name of the Force did you bloody hell think you were doing!?!?!" an unmistakable accented voice that was normally calm and collected bellowed loud enough to be heard all the way across the club. People fell silent for a second at the sudden sound.

"Padawan hell! I should have left you in Agri-corp!" he boomed again. Something was mumbled.

"Xanatos and his damn Karaeoke can kiss my..." Qui-gon broke off, finally realizing how loud he was being.

Yoda, who was on the verge of passing out, was in the arms of a very lovely Quadraan, who had two hands busy toying with the ends of his ears, and the other two cradling him like a baby. In the silence after the screaming, Aliya vaguely caught him saying something to her.

"Yes, Jedi master I am, yes, very powerful, very powerful in the force. Powerful in other things as well, I am. Show you, I could," he was practically purring to her. Aliya blocked the image of Yoda getting lucky with an alien as freaky as himself and headed for the ladies room.

"Oh Apollo," someone moaned, breathing heavily. Aliya shut the door, face going pale. -Woah, that is NOT something I need to interrupt.- she thought, whistling innocence and walking away.

-Did Xanatos slip some Viagra into everyone�s drinks too?- he asked herself mentally.

Zek was busy chasing a busload of Jawas back into the vortex, and the room seemed to be clearing already. Michael Garibaldi appeared from the portal, looking ticked.

"You!" he growled, pointing at Zek. Zek backed, startled.

"Whatever the hell you and these people did to Londo and G�kar, you�d better have a way to UNdo it, quick!"

"Why? what�s up?" Aliya asked, walking over. Garibaldi fumed.

"Londo just decked G�kar, then he went after me and Sheridan when security tried to restrain him. Then, the fun started! G�kar started cussing in languages I didn�t even know existed, and didn�t want to know existed!" he said in exasperation.

Zek hid his head in his hands.

"Oh, I�m not done yet," Garibaldi growled. "Currently, the two are locked in cells at opposite ends of central security. Before that, the two of them were beating the stuffing out of each other AND my people!" Zek�s head dropped to the bar-top, hidden behind his arms.

"Worse than that, we�ve all got to put on happy faces and turn into nice little actors once I get back, and I KNOW they�re gonna love trying to explain G�kar and Londo looking like they just stepped out of a boxing ring overnight in the next episode!"

Aliya and Zek shared a deep sigh of unfathomable emotion at the way the night had turned out.

"Just another night at the office," Zek quipped from beneath his arms.

"Mister Garibaldi," Kiraan said, seeming to materialize from nowhere again. The deep rumble of his voice made Garibaldi jump.

"Please accept my personal apologies. This incident was caused by a being from my own universe who was attempting to wreak as much havoc as possible before being caught. Sadly, he escaped before we could exact any sort of punishment, but believe me, he will be brought to answer for this." Kiraan ended with an ominous growl, flexing his claws out of their sheaths, then retracting them.

Garibaldi, as usual, looked completely unnerved by Kiraan.

"Okay, um," he said, then paused, breathing a controlled breath out.

"Look, they�re not too happy, and quite honestly, I _never_ wanna see Londo or G�kar that drunk again. So, um, just watch out for them next time, okay? I�m gonna warn them to stick to the Zogalo from now on though. Sorry," he said, then shrugged and started for the vortex.

Kiraan nodded, giving him a slight inclination of the head in respect as he vanished into his own universe. He growled immediately after Garibaldi was gone, turning now-luminous eyes at his two partners and apprentices.

"We are going to have a very, very long talk about all this later," he rumbled. His tone was well past ominous approaching storm, it was now somewhere closer to a global disaster, not quite bad enough to warn of force-lightning, but the angry storm-clouds were there, and no longer just beneath the surface.

It was gonna be a long night.

-------------------

With Obi-wan safely snuggled in bed, Qui-gon staying over on the couch, Kiraan a little calmer, and the last Jawa chased out of the pantry, things almost seemed normal. With the exception of the three Jedi, wait, correction, four Jedi. Yoda was found sound asleep in an exhausted dancing girl�s arms, purring like a kitten. No one wanted to know what had happened in that closet, so they were both left to sleep it off.

Zek was pretending to be asleep on the bar-top, sprawled across the imported oak surface, not caring about anything. Aliya was toying with a penny, slowly making it move across the floor without touching it.

(Stop that and go to sleep,) a voice ordered. She ignored Kiraan�s voice for once.

(You could always join me..) on very drunk padawan suggested from upstairs before his master blocked him.

(Sleep sound better?) Kiraan asked snottily. Aliya yawned. Actually, it did. (Not with you!!) she snarled mentally at Obi-wan, who smirked telepathically. Obi-wan was mentally broadcasting an Orgy song, it half-sounded like "Stitches" through the alcohol-haze. A thump and distant giggle from the general direction of the ladies room, and Aliya snickered and smiled.

She pulled a spare pillow and blanket from the storage closet, trying not to step on Yoda. Walking over to the bathroom, she opened the door a crack, threw the pillow and blanket in, then closed the door and walked off, leaving the two lovebirds alone.

-Way to go, Apollo!- she cheered mentally. About time. Past time. Well past time. Well, at least he wasn�t as sad as Marcus. At least Apollo wouldn�t die a virgin in season five of his show. Poor Marcus Cole.

Aliya picked up a Pikachu from its usual place curled up next to the gothic lantern. It purred a muffled "Peekaa," snuggling into her arms like a little yellow kitty. Ever since Goku had carded Ash on door-duty, he hadn�t been back, but his pet certainly enjoyed a good bar-brawl. -Stupid Anime people,- she grumbled mentally, scratching Pika�s ears. The only cute one was Zechs, and he refused to come back after the incident with the string cheese and the angry Jawas. Aliya sighed, setting Pikachu down in a safe corner high on a shelf. She picked up a broom and glanced at her brother with a sigh.

"Well, another normal night at the Blue Lemon," Zek sighed sarcastically, sitting up as Aliya pried a Drakkan dagger out of the wall.

"By the way, another assassin showed up looking for Kiraan," he casually mentioned. "Londo decked him before we shoved them home. He never got the chance to go past tossing a dagger."

Aliya shook her head, "Someday, I�m gonna wake up, and this will all just have been a very bad dream," she announced, then sighed. "I�m going to bed, wake me when the vortex reverts and everything goes back to normal," she said, shoving the broom at him and walking toward the stairs.

Zek shrugged, waiting until she was gone to snatch Pikachu up by the scruff and fling it unceremoniously though the vortex like a bean-bag.

"Piiiiiiiiiiiiik!" it screeched in terror, waking up before disappearing through the wall. Zek sighed, a grin on his face.

"Now _that_ felt good," he mused aloud, chuckling and returning to sweeping the floor.

--------------------------------

"What do you mean �Sith don�t do Jordan Knight�?!?!" Xanatos bellowed angrily at the convened Sith Lords. Exar Kun just smirked.

"A real Sith would never stoop to Karaeoke," he stated. Xanatos had to fight back the aura of violet-blue lightning that danced around him in rage.

"You�ll have to do better than a drunken padawan doing Nine-inch-nails," Qel-droma added, then shut up at the snarl from the already-beyond-pissed Xanatos.

"Fine," Xanatos hissed, "Next time I�ll get Kiraan singing," he grumbled menacingly. Kun and several others burst out laughing. Xanatos ignored them, storming off for the door, cloak billowing behind.

"You will not deny me what I�ve earned," he snarled once safely outside. "You�ll see," he grumbled, climbing aboard his speederbike and tearing off into the night.

--------------End-----------------

Feedback: [email protected]
© 2001 ShellyFett