"It was a gray knight the day the exil padawan was born..."

"No, that�s terrible!" Xanatos complained. Darth Maul growled, turning the computer screen away from Xan.

"It�s *my* story," he defended.

Xanatos sighed, "First, try typing without the gloves. Second, use the word processor, and perhaps try actually reading what you�re typing. Even Sith shouldn�t be allowed to use bad grammar."

Maul mimed him silently in mocking, "Sith can do what they damn well please," he snapped aloud.

"Well, if the Sith wants to butcher the English language, then go ahead, but I�m not helping," Xanatos said, walking away. He flopped onto the couch, and Maul looked at him strangely, then at the screen.

"I am not doing that bad, and I don�t need your help," Maul said, tapping at the spacebar thoughtfully.

"No, of course not, I wasn�t suggesting I help. You�re very well capable of writing a simple story yourself," Xanatos said, propping his boots on the arm of the sofa.

"I wasn�t asking for help, and you know Qel-Droma doesn�t like you putting your feet on the furniture," Maul said. Xanatos stomped his feet in a mock-dance on the arm of the sofa, then crossed his legs and looked over at Maul with a smirk. Maul shook his head, returning to his typing.

After a few moments of poking at the keys, he glanced up at Xanatos, then back to the keys. After a few more moments of alternating typing and glances, Maul finally sighed and folded the screen down on top of the portable�s keyboard.

"Want help?" Xanatos asked. Maul nodded, opening the computer and turning it toward Xanatos as he hopped off the couch. Xan dragged a chair over, studying the screen. "An evil clone of Obi-wan? Now this could be interesting..." he said, reading. He started chuckling, then looked up at Maul�s nervous expression.

"How about we co-write it? I type, and you help create," Xan said.

Maul smiled, "Sounds good to me," he said, and Xan turned the screen so that they could both see it.
------------------------------

Evil-Wan Kanobi,

By D.M. and X.

--

It was a strange night the eve this story begins. The Jedi were all snug in their beds, blissfully unaware of the evil lurking both outside and within. With and evil plan and a sinister idea, the two malevolent entities had joined forced to engineer the downfall of the Jedi from within.

("Malevolent entities, I like that," Maul mused.)

("Will you shut up and let me type?" Xan grumbled.)

Mr. X, the one of the pair with intimate knowledge of the Jedi Temple, took the main part of the mission.

("You�re making this sound like one of those weird stories with that �Intimate knowledge� part," Maul grumbled. )

("Will you shut up! 'Intimate' has more than one meaning, and I think you�ve been spending too much time in the DMEB. Get your horns out of the gutter and let me type!" Xan snarled. Maul pouted, then fell silent.)

Mr. M, the one with very little intelligence and too many smutty stories written about him, stayed outside.

("Delete that!" Maul demanded. )

("Not unless you either shut up or leave altogether!" Xan snapped.)

*Previous line deleted*

Mr. M, the infamous and secretive Sith Apprentice, waited outside, ready with a distraction should Xan fail in his mission.

("Why am I the distraction?" Maul asked. )

"Because I said so," Xan grumbled. Maul growled,setting his lightsaber onto the table. "Don�t even start..." Xan growled.)
------------------------------------

"AAGH! I give up! After three weeks, this story should be good, not the crap that it has become!" Maul shouted, shredding the hard-copy of the story into pieces.

"Well, you�re going to have a chance to do it all over again anyway," Xanatos said.

"Why?" Maul demanded.

"Because you just shredded the only copy I had. Kun downloaded a bunch of stories about himself from the Internet onto the disk and saved over our story."

"GRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Maul cried, slamming his lightsaber off the wall, followed by a chair, then a lamp.

"NOT THE OTTOMAN! Ulic�s ottoman! Ulic�s ottoman! put. the stool. down!" Xanatos cried as Maul picked up the footstool from the recliner. He dropped it just as quickly, looking around nervously, hoping Qel-Droma hadn�t been there to see his assault on the furniture.

"That man is addicted to his home furnishings catalog," Maul grumbled, kicking the footstool closer to the chair.

"Yeah, and Kun�s been going to Goth-bars, and you�ve been watching too many talk shows lately. We�re all becoming just as screwed up as the �normal� people, so calm down and let�s get back to work," Xanatos said.

Maul hissed, pacing and forcing himself to calm down. "Can�t we just hijack the guy who did the Thrawn books into doing our story for us?" Maul asked. The nearly trademark �wicked-idea� light went on in Xan�s expression, followed shortly by Maul�s malicious chuckle.
-------------------------------

(The Story)

{{Clone Wars: Evyl Incarnate.}} -------

Obi-wan took a startled step back as his mysterious attacker dropped his hood back, revealing striped red and black hair, a menacing smirk, and Obi-wan�s own face distorted with dark intent.

"My Masters engineered me with only one failing, the fact that I look like you," he snarled, then moved into another furious attack before Kenobi had the time to recover. Blades struck, energies clashed, and the two exact-but-opposite Obi-wans dueled with an intensity Kenobi had not seen since Naboo.

Matched blow-for-blow equally, the only advantage the Evyl Obi had was his knowledge of the Dark Side, and of Obi-wan�s inner heart, something he exploited to its fullest. With a side-cut that had started as a down-slash, Obi-wan�s lightsaber was seared in half between his hands, followed by a boot in his face, which knocked him to his rear on the floor. He stared in astonishment at the two chunks of the weapon in his hands, then up at the Evyl Obi, who stared back down with a sneer.

"One for one," Evyl Obi said menacingly, producing the halved lightsaber of Darth Maul from within his robes. He tossed the cleft weapon to the ground next to Obi-wan, chuckling maliciously. "Poor little Jedi, so self-assured of the old laws of Two, One Master, One Apprentice," Evyl Obi mused, twirling his own lightsaber like a baton, pacing. "Little do you realize, they didn�t know that law would someday be brought to govern clones. Which means, there�s still Two, but there�s so many copies of the Two, that you�ll never be able to stop us all," Evyl Obi said, enjoying the supposed moment of Obi-wan�s defeat a little-too-arrogantly.

"Poor, sad, miserable, worthless failure of a Jedi!" Evyl Obi snarled menacingly, stepping closer and hoisting his blade up for a final strike straight down into Kenobi. Obi-wan called the working half of Maul�s lightstaff to his hand just as the clone moved forward in a down-strike. Obi-wan ducked beneath the striking blade, pressing the hilt of his weapon against the clone�s abdomen. He ignited the blade, and the clone�s eyes went wide with a choked gasp of surprise. He looked down at Obi-wan, astonished, his weapon slipping from his grasp and deactivating.

The clone slumped to his knees, and Obi-wan deactivated the blood-red lightsaber. The clone dragged Obi-wan down to a leaning crouch as he slipped to the floor, wheezing in his attempt to breathe with a hole burned through his lungs. Obi-wan found himself staring down at his own face, watching himself die, despite knowing it wasn�t really him. With a last act of pure willpower, Evyl Obi managed enough strength to spit in Obi-wan�s face, then collapsed with a death-shudder to the floor, growing still.

Obi-wan remained motionless for a moment, frozen to the spot awestruck and stunned beyond belief. Slowly, he recovered himself, forcing the shoulder of his robe free of the clone�s death-grip and backing away. He sat on the floor a few paces away, staring at the clone in awe and terror, still overwhelmed from what he�d done. He looked down at the segment of Maul�s lightstaff in his hands as if just noticing it for the first time, then tossed it away in disgust.

He heard the faint sound of voices calling from somewhere outside, but ignored them. He leaned closer to the clone, then reached out, closing the staring hazel-blue eyes with gentle fingers. He returned to his stunned sitting position a short distance away, keeping his silent stare until someone shook him by the shoulder. Another Jedi, someone who�s name he couldn�t remember right now.

He stood, taking one last look back at the clone as he followed the Knight out into the sunlight. If this was what this war was going to end like, he knew he couldn�t survive it intact. Some part of him had died, a spiritual part, not just the physical clone. He needed time, and space to clear his head. Lots of space, and lots of time alone.

Tattooine. Yes, that horrid place was bleak enough to hide on easily if he remembered correctly.

Time, and only time, would tell if these wounds would ever heal.
--------------------------

Maul applauded vehemently, grinning. "THIS is a story worthy of our efforts!" he announced from the couch. Xanatos took a graceful bow, setting down the copy of the story he�d been reading aloud on the desk.

"Yes, bravo, Love," he said cheerfully, kissing the girl sitting behind the computer on the cheek. "Stellar job." She fought not to blush and slid her glasses back up on her nose.

Maul chuckled, then stood, snatching the printout from the desk. "Yes, even if the wrong Obi-wan dies in the end," he said.

Xanatos snatched the paper from Maul�s hands. "Stuff it, it�s magnificent. At least ONE Obi-wan died," he said, then leaned on the edge of the desk. "My dear, have you ever tried writing smut stories? I�d wager you�d do an amazing job," Xan asked quietly, just enough suggestion to his tone for the girl to lose her fight with blushing in embarrassment.

Maul suddenly growled protectively, and Xanatos stood up straight again, clearing his throat. "Well, I suppose we�d better get back. Thanks for the help though, amazing work," Xan said, pressing his hand against the wall and opening and reopening the interdimensional portal.

"Suck-up," Maul grumbled beneath his breath, stepping toward the portal.

Xanatos looked back at the girl behind the computer with a smouldering look of suggestion. "Love to," he said with a smirk, "If she�d let me."

The girl promptly turned flame-red, picking up a stapler and tossing it at the world-jumping former Jedi. He dodged easily, then side-stepped into the portal. Maul sighed and shook his head, looking over at her apologetically. "Sorry," he said. A hand appeared from inside the portal, grabbing maul by the shirt and dragging him into the vortex. He disappeared with a flash of blue light and a shimmer of pseudo-movement along the wall like ripples in a puddle.

The girl sighed, then vengefully added a final addition to her latest story, just for Xan.
---------------

"DADDY!" the flame-red and black haired creature cried, hugging Xanatos and kissing him on the cheek. "MAULIE!!" he exclaimed, hopping over to pseudo-noogie Maul a few inches above the horns.

"What in the flaming twelve hells is going on in here?" Exar Kun demanded, walking into the room. He froze in the doorway, gaping in shock at the flame-haired person hugging Maul. Maul was busy projecting his best �I�m going to kill you slowly and painfully� glare at Xanatos, who was on the verge of either busting out laughing or fainting from hyperventilation and panic.

"Shelly sent you a little present for being such a cute little sicko," the Evyl Obi clone from their story announced. "Me!!" he proclaimed, flopping onto the couch and flipping his red-and-black padawan braid over his shoulder.

"Is Babylon 5 on yet? OOH! lookie! Gundam Wing!" he said, flipping channels with the remote. Kun just glared at the two standing awestruck next to the still-glowing portal.

"Would you two care to explain this?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest and lifting an eyebrow. Maul and Xan looked at each other, then bust out laughing, nearly falling to the floor as they laughed hysterically at their current predicament.

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