Title: Christmas Vacation
Series: Metaverse
Author: ShellyFett
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Christmas in the Metaverse, and even Exar gets a little Christmas spirit
Feedback is welcomed, flames and C.A.D. orders will be laughed at.
Archive: Sith Chicks, Metaverse site.

Note: A trip to the archive may be in order if you missed �Xanatos, Time Lord?�

(see main page for disclaimer)



"Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring �cept Evyl�s pet mouse.

The stockings were hung by the fireplace with care, and Ulic was pissed �cause his Pier 1 reindeer weren�t there."

"That is /not/ how the story goes," Xanatos said, his feet propped up by the fireplace. Evyl made a rude face at him.

"It�s my story, let me tell it," he said. He cleared his throat theatrically and continued.

"The clones were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of Buffy danced in Spyke�s head."

"Hey!" Spyke growled, holding the package he�d been shaking away from his ear.

"Were you trying to peek?" Ulic demanded. Spyke frowned, setting the package back under the tree.

"Only with my ears," he muttered.

"Ahem, do you mind?" Evyl asked, holding up his notebook.

"Oh, go on," Xan sighed, "It�s not like we�ve anything better to do."

Kun glanced toward the windows, where the flashing yellow light of a snowplow passing caught his attention. He sighed, "I�m starting to miss the jungle, at least it didn�t snow there."

"Welcome to Hoth," Xan muttered. "Four feet of fluffy white coldness, and we�re supposed to get another three feet before morning," he said, then shivered at the thought.

"Explain to me again what a fat man in a red velour suit dropping down chimneys has to do with the spirit of love, compassion, and good will?" Maul asked, a candy cane sticking out of the side of his mouth.

"Those are for decoration /only/ until Christmas Eve!" Ulic snapped. Maul made a rude face.

"Duh! guess what today is, Qel-droma," Maul growled, then returned to sucking noisily on the candy cane.

"AHEM!" Evyl said, setting his notebook down. "This isn�t just about good will and candy canes, this is about centuries of traditions, and the celebration of hope for the new year coming," he said.

"Bugger that, everyone knows it�s all about the presents," Spyke muttered, eyeing the pile of boxes under the tree again.

"You peek at one more package, and I�ll permanently damage yours," Ulic warned, glancing pointedly. Spyke crossed his legs and sank further into his chair sulkily.

"So much for holiday cheer and good will," Maul muttered, then looked over at the boxes as one moved slightly. "Umm, Exar....." he began quietly, but Evyl interrupted him, continuing his poem loudly.

"With Maul in his houserobe, and out with the cat, everyone had settled in for a long winter�s nap.

When out on the stoop there arose such a clatter, Ulic was pissed, and caught in a ladder..."

"What cat?" Maul asked.

"It�s a bloody poem! Just let him finish it so we can open presents!" Spyke bellowed. Ulic less-than-politely force-shoved him off the arm of the couch.

"Be silent," he muttered, sighing. Evyl threw the notebook across the room.

"All right, fine! Never mind, open your damn gifts!" he snarled, standing and walking out of the room. Everyone looked at each other for a moment, then dove for the tree. By the time Evyl returned with a mug of hot cocoa, the air was full of the sounds of shredding paper. Evyl sighed, sitting down on the arm of the couch next to Exar.

Spyke suddenly burst out laughing, then hid his gift behind himself.

"Wha�d you get?" Xan asked, halfway done opening one of his own. Spyke made an expression of faked innocence and started opening another package. Xan casually reached behind him and pulled the box into view.

"An inflatable Buffy look-alike doll, complete with battery-operated vibrating stake," he said aloud, and Spyke immediately turned and scrambled to hide the box. Everyone laughed.

"I can guess who bought you that," Exar said, glancing up at Evyl, who shrugged innocently.

"Ooh!!" Ulic exclaimed, then hid his present back under the shredded paper as everyone looked.

"Come on, they made me share," Spyke said. Ulic glared, then produced two bundles bound in red ribbon. An entire year�s subscription to "Martha Stewart Living", and several professional-edition interior decorating source catalogs.

"I�m guessing that one�s source too," Xan said, nodding his head at Evyl. He peeled the last of the paper away from his own gift, then paused, blinking curiously.

"That one�s from me," Exar said quietly, glancing up as he fought with the ribbon tying up one of his own gifts. Xan lifted the fabric out of the box, staring.

"I..." he began, awestruck. It was full set of temple-style Jedi robes, but in jet black with jagged, almost abstract art nouveau-styled dark blue embroidery down the front panels of the outer robe. Small blue script in Sith runes ran along the collar-edge of the tunic and robes, giving the entire outfit a truly sorcerous appearance.

He shook his head, unable to speak. Kun smiled, then coughed, faking a frown.

"Well, I thought you might need something nice to be buried in, in the eventuality I get sick of having you around and finish you off," he said, not meaning a word. "Besides, even Sith are allowed to be nice at least once a year."

Xan smiled. "Thank you," he said, genuinely grateful for the first time in a long time.

"Ooh, that one�s one of mine!" Evyl said as Maul opened the lid on a small box. Maul blinked stupidly, holding up a tiny red collar and harness set, complete with a leash. Everyone turned confused glances at the object.

"Um...." Maul began, looking at the gift.

"Wait a minute, that goes with your other gift," Evyl said, standing up and walking over to the tree. He slid over the box that Maul had pointedly avoided due to the noises coming from within. He backed away from it warily as it moved again, then he heard a mewing though a previously unnoticed set of air-holes in the back of the box. He carefully tore open the wrapping camouflaging a cardboard pet carrier and opened the lid.

His eyes went wide, his jaw dropped, and his face immediately lit up brighter than the Christmas tree with glee.

"It�s a kitty!" he cried in an almost child-like tone, carefully lifting the little gray-and-black striped kitten from her box. She mewed plaintively, looking at him with confused emerald eyes rimmed in gold. She had a giant red bow tied loosely around her tiny neck, with a small card reading �To Maul� hanging from the bow. His heart melted immediately, snuggling the kitten against his chest.

"Awwwwwww, she�s adoooorable!" he cooed, cuddling her in his arms as she purred softly, sniffing at him curiously.

"Hey, she�s even got markings like you," Spyke observed, leaning closer. Maul held the kitten out, observing her. And yes, lo and behold, she did indeed have a set of markings across her shoulders that looked almost exactly like his facial tattoos.

"I saw her at the shelter, and knew you two were meant to be together," Evyl said as Maul echoed the kitten�s happy purr, beaming.

"She�s beautiful," he said, overwhelmed. He flinched as the kitten tried to climb up his shoulder, scratching him.

"Oh, um, she might need her claws trimmed a little, but she�s already litter-trained, flea-bathed and vaccinated," Evyl said. "The harness and leash are so she doesn�t run off if you take her out, like to the vet or something."

Maul was speechless for a moment, eye-to-eye with the kitten. She purred happily, not caring that Maul wasn�t human. He set her down on the floor next to him, and she rubbed against his knee.

"So, what ya gonna name her?" Spyke asked. Maul blinked, thinking. He looked back at the kitten, then smiled.

"Felix."

"You can�t name a girl cat �Felix�, that�s a boy�s name!" Ulic said. Maul growled, and Ulic sat further back in his seat.

"It�s /my/ cat, and I�m naming her Felix," he said defensively, then looked down as the kitten purred and rubbed her nose against his hand. Exar smiled.

"I think she makes a lovely Felix. Apparently /she/ already likes the name," Kun said as the kitten snuggled up to Maul again, waiting to be lifted up and cuddled.

"Open mine next!" Spyke said, shoving a heavy package wrapped in the Sunday comics at Ulic. Ulic glared warily for a moment, then started opening the paper. He gaped.

"Its� a replacement to all the screwdrivers and hammers you�ve lost fixing up this place," he said. Ulic stared at his brand-new 84 piece Craftsman tool set, completely stunned.

"I noticed you drooling over it at Sears, and decided what the hell," Spyke said. "Besides, it�s on Qui-Gon�s credit card." Ulic looked up at him strangely, and Evyl motioned him to shut up.

"Just kidding," Spyke said, then laughed. Ulic didn�t completely buy it, but kept silent.

After opening two other gifts before the ribbon-bound one he�d been struggling with earlier, Kun smirked at the contents of the last one.

"I�m not sure whether I�m offended or grateful for this," he said, holding up a bottle of herbal conditioning shampoo from the 24 piece beauty kit he�d received. The label �Hair Fetish Gift Set� was just barely visible at the edge of the torn wrapping, and Spyke was snickering.

"Well, I did notice a few split ends in there," Evyl said, then peered over his shoulder at the box�s contents. "Ooh, and there�s a trial-size pack of �Lumigothicity� in there too! �for those darker-than-dark highlights�," he said, quoting the label. Exar smirked, looking over his shoulder at him.

"I�m surprised. I actually expected something a lot worse from you, Ulic," he said, turning to look at him. Qel-droma shrugged.

"I was going to get you an inflatable Buffy-doll too, but Evyl outbid me on ebay for it," he teased, smirking. Everyone laughed.

"What, no-one�s made an inflatable Aleema yet?" Exar teased back, and Ulic�s expression turned cold.

"Woah, woah, down boys! No bloodshed on the holidays!" Xan said, backing carefully out of range with his last unopened package. Ulic faked a smile and shrugged it off, picking up another box from the pile.

"Here, this one�s yours, Obi," Ulic said, tossing the gift at him. Evyl caught it, surprised. He started shredding the paper, then screeched in glee, hopping off the couch arm.

"It�s a new Sith Academy T-shirt!" he cried. "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!" he said, then pulled it out of the box and shook it out. Maul frowned. Ulic sighed in annoyance, tossing another similar-sized box at Maul.

"Open the damn box," Ulic muttered, ignoring the curious look from Exar. Maul ripped the box open, and grinned.

"I�ve always wanted one of these!" he said, holding up a �Sith Lords Kick Ass� T-shirt. He looked in the box, and found a bumper sticker saying �Sith do not do mornings� in red on a black background.

"I�m betting that gets slapped onto your coffee mug," Xan said, struggling with a package that seemed to be wrapped completely in tape. "Dammit, Spyke, is this one from you?" he growled, tugging on the tape. The clone-pyre smirked.

"How�d you guess?" he said. Xan glared, then sighed, snatching a pair of tin snips from Ulic�s new toybox.

"I�ll give them back!" he defended to Ulic�s vicious glare.

"That�s what you said about the socket set that�s still missing," he growled.

Kun took the snips from Xan when he was finished with them, picking up the ribbon-wrapped box he�d been fighting with before.

"A home paternity kit?" Xanatos asked. Spyke grinned.

"That�s for the next time someone claims to be your dad," Spyke said. "Speaking of which, where is the big blue box-dweller?" he asked. Xan frowned, studying the box silently.

"Probably the same place Crion always was on holidays," he said softly, "Anywhere but here." He sighed, then tossed the box under the tree with a dismal glare.

"Ah, hell with it, it�s not like I expected him to show up. I mean, he�s probably off fighting Daleks or something."

"Or screwing another one of his traveling companions," Spyke commented. He suddenly found himself a full five feet from his previous location, force-slammed off the wall.

"Don�t you /EVER/....." Xan began, seething.

Evyl whistled loudly, drawing their attention. "Time out!" he called. "Okay, no more mentioning evil girlfriends, or casting dispersions on Time-Lords or parents," he said. "Christmas is a time to be happy with who�s here, not start beating the shite out of each other because of the other three-hundred and sixty-four days of the year!"

They settled into an uneasy truce, finishing opening their gifts and watching the snow fall outside.

-------------------------

"I can�t believe the twins went home for the holidays," Xan mused aloud, leaning on his fist as he stared out the window at the rising snowdrifts. Ulic stirred his tea with a cinnamon stick.

"Well, unlike us, they do have real families, and a life beyond being a public nuisance," Ulic said, sipping his tea. Evyl set a mug of cocoa down on the end-table next to Xan, then sat on the couch, sighing. Maul�s new kitty was batting a wad of wrapping paper around under the tree, completely happy with her new surroundings.

"By the way, if you ever give me a smartass gift like that again, I�ll strangle you with your own intestines," Xanatos said over his shoulder, and Evyl blinked oddly.

"I gave Exar one too!" he defended weakly, then pouted, sipping at his own cocoa. Xan half-turned in his chair.

"Mederma is hardly what I�d consider an appropriate gift," he said. "And the backhand Kun gave you proved he agrees." Evyl sank lower in the couch cushions.

"I was just trying to be helpful," he pouted.

"And I did appreciate the sentiment," Exar said, suddenly seeming to appear from nowhere standing next to the fireplace. Evyl turned toward him, looking surprised. Kun sighed, then spoke.

"It took me a moment to read past the gift to why you gave it to me," Exar said. "I realized that it was your own pathetic way of saying that it�s time to move on, and that we should both stop worrying about appearances so much." He paused, then shrugged and sat down on the arm of the couch.

"I guess that�s what all this nonsense is really supposed to be about," he said. "It�s really not about the tree, or the candy, or the presents. It�s the personal gifts, like knowing that someone cares about you that matter, that are /supposed/ to matter all year long, but we keep forgetting it." He paused again, smiling sadly.

"And despite what I may say sometimes, I�m glad I got the chance to come here and be reminded of that, and that people don�t have to be hostile and cutthroat every day to survive." He looked down at Evyl.
"Thank you."

Everyone was slightly dumbstruck. Evyl blinked.

"Wow, and I just thought I was telling you to patch up the scars," he said in mock-sincerity. Exar motioned to backhand him, then laughed at Evyl�s smirking duck. He yanked on his braid, then handed him a small box. Evyl took it, staring in surprise.

"Just don�t tell Ulic I�m being nice again. It�s getting hard enough to keep him in line as it is," Exar said, standing and walking out of the room. Evyl blinked, studying the box.

"Well, open it!" Xan said, perched on the edge of his chair in suspense. Evyl frowned at him, then opened the lid of the little box. He stared for a moment, a slow smile spreading across his face.

"C�mon, what is it?" Xan said, trying to peer over the edge of the box. Evyl turned it for him to see. Xan furrowed his brow in confusion, then blinked curiously as Evyl pulled one of the objects out of the box.

He held up a silver cuff clip with a oval cabochon of Obsidian, smirking. He looked over the other seven bead-clips, ranging from gold and carved onyx to a matching set of three silver skulls with red, black, and green gemstone eyes. He placed the silver one back in the box, picking up the obsidian-eyed skull bead. He grinned, unbraiding the last half inch of his braid and reworking it through the skull-bead.

Xan just shook his head at Evyl, who hopped off to model his gift for the others.

-----------

Exar watched Evyl prance off down the hall in search of Maul. He lifted Evyl�s present from the hall table, smiling slightly as he removed the contents from the ribbon-bound box. It was a water-globe on a black wood base, with a miniature model of his personal temple on Yavin 4 in the center of the globe, surrounded by swirling iridescent green glitter. He sighed and settled the globe back into its wrappings as Ulic appeared at the end of the hall, a strange expression on his face.

He continued past after pausing for a moment, and Exar shrugged. Ulic reappeared again as Exar approached the end of the hall. Qel-droma shrugged wordlessly at Exar�s curious lift of an eyebrow. Finally, Ulic sighed in disgust and looked up.

"Merry Christmas," he muttered, then stalked off down the hall away from Exar, fuming silently over something. Exar smirked, lifting both eyebrows in surprise. He laughed, then shook his head and started for the stairs.

---------------------

"And I heard Sid exclaim as he drove out of sight, �Merry Christmas to all, now get out of my sight!"

------------------The End----------------

Don�t forget to read Evyl�s take on �The Night Before Christmas�.
Read Evyl's Christmas Poem



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