Victoria Ying 1828-1912

A Chinese wizard from a rich family involved in banking and finance, Mr. Han married an English witch as part of a business arrangement. While this strengthened and expanded the family business, it also isolated them somewhat since interracial marriage was not particularly en vogue in 1825. As was fairly common, their eldest daughter, Victoria Ying, was groomed and primed and schooled to become a proper wife to the man who would someday take over the family business (and help keep him from ruining it). Victoria grew up lovely and educated, with a certain sense of isolation because she was of mixed blood.

When Victoria was about seventeen, the age when most young witches were either seeking a husband or finding other occupation, her father went to America to expand the business to the Chinese wizard population springing up in California. He brought Victoria with him a)to make her more experienced in the ways of business dealings, b)for company, c)just in case there were any appropriate suitors there.

On the schooner to America, they meet a particularly charming young man named Hua Ming Jao. A loud, sweet-talking, and particularly witty fellow, Hua seems very taken with Victoria and expresses hopes that the Hans will sit down to a friendly game of cards. Han, of course, is no fool and knows a con artist when he sees one; after being beaten up and exposed in disgrace, Hua is forced to reimburse every angry man on the boat and lands at the magical land of Golden Mountain aching in every bone and flat broke.

The Hans go on about their business, and Hua hooks up with the other lower-class Chinese wizards. Since there weren't that many of them, they pretty much band together and have this side-show thing going (You know: See the Mysteries of the Orient sort of thing) where they disguise magic as fake magic and charm the Muggles. As the new guy it's Hua's job to do the entry-level crap jobs (figuratively and not). Dirty it is, but it keeps food in the belly.

Hua, of course, would rather be making more money and doing something more glamorous. His favorite part of the show is the trained dragon (think the big rhino-bug in "A Bug's Life": during the show they fight it and keep it at bay at peril to their lives, then as soon as they step off stage they feed it little treats and scratch its belly while it's tongue lolls), and Hua tries to talk the other members of the company into letting him do the dragon act. The guy who went to all the trouble of raising the dragon isn't none too fond of that idea, obviously.

Hua eventually comes up with this scheme (which he has very little intention of carrying through on, but was figuring out) where he could get some money he could take the dragon and make a whole show around it, which would make a lot more money, he thinks, especially if he had a pretty girl to sit on its back and pose. He thinks up all these fantastic stories of how he quelled the dragon and how it is wanted by the emperor for kidnapping his daughter and so on.

Victoria meanwhile is having a pretty lousy visit. America is nowhere near as fun as she thought it would be and she feels bored, useless, and a bit like merchandise after her father begins to parade them suitors through the house. She's looking for something to do-- preferably something kind of rebellious, just because she is so *sick* of constantly playing the dutiful daughter for months and months, nonstop.

Hua's gained a little maturity since he got caught on the schooner and has spent many long months shoveling dragon poo, and has realized that while he usually can make a lie work, it isn't always the best idea. People are like money-- useful, but exhaustible. You rip people off and tick them off, you end up with-- at best-- places you can't come back to, and people who are happy to make your life miserable. Eventually that has to catch up with you. So Hua's keeping his nose clean. He continues coming up with ways to better run the show and dreams a lot about maybe moving somewhere where his name is still clean and setting up his own show and doing it better. The fact that he as no dragon and no capital is a bit of a problem, of course, but it's a nice thought.

This is the situation when Hua's friend snatches Vic's purse. Hua, in a superhuman effort to stay out of trouble and not have Mr. Han beat him up a second time, chews out his friend and takes the purse back to Vic. The lovely young lady is, of course, not so pleased to see him again, but he did return her purse and doesn't seem to be expecting any reward for it, so she lets him walk her home. Hey, she needs the escort anyway.

Mr. Han doesn't believe a word of this and yells at Vic for associating with the likes of Hua. So of course the natural thing for her to do is to arrange to meet him at a teahouse next week. Sure he's a con artist, but he is a rather cute and charming con artist. Besides, she's a more powerful witch than he is and can probably turn him into a toad if he tries anything fresh. Most importantly, he is the number one way she can really piss off her father !

As they talk and get to know each other better, Hua recognizes that Vic a)actually has some good business sense, b)she's pretty enough that she could perform somehow, c)she's actually discontented enough that maybe she might join him just to get away, if he can get her to trust him. So, still experimenting with this whole "nose-clean" idea, Hua hits her with some excellent unexpected honesty:

"Hey look, I have this idea, you have the capital and the business sense. I know you have no reason to trust me. You know exactly what I am, right? But I'm not stringing you a line here. You think I'm just trying to sleep with you, but- no offense- you just wouldn't be worth it. No, really. Look- do you know how cheap hookers are? Don't look so scandalized, it isn't like you didn't know. If I just wanted someone to sleep with I could get one of them far more easily and far more cheaply and I wouldn't have your father chasing me around San Fransisco with a shotgun. This is a business deal, and I have no intention of messing it up by cheating you. We'll be partners, and it'll be your business. It's your capital- it's your business. I don't want to know how much you're bringing. I don't want to know how much we make. I don't want an allowance. I'm just the frontman and the idea guy. You trust me to make us a show that will charm the pants off the Muggles, and not to start anything untoward, and I trust you to handle the business aspect and not to run off in the middle of the night with our profits. How does that sound? And, hey, it doesn't hurt that you're pretty. Just think, we can set you up in the whole beautiful assistant role and you can do fancy gymnastics-- spell aided, don't worry, I learned some really great dancing spells on my last gig-- and sit on Fluffy with flowers in your hair and all that. So? Partners?" Victoria is a little skeptical, but Hua talks a darn good show and she really wants to believe him. So Victoria sneaks off with some expensive jewelry and Hua lures the dragon away with some nice dragon treats (He's going lawful, really-- after this. Honest!) and picks up Victoria and scoots off to find an audience. Hua changes his name to Long Shaio Wun (a- because it sounds better and b- because he just stole a dragon and is trying to be at least a little less traceable) and helps Victoria to hock her stuff and sets up his dragon show with his "lovely exotic assistant, the beautiful and mysterious Jade Snow." ("Jade Snow??? This is a name???" "Please, Vic. You're a showgirl now. No Muggle in his right mind would go for a beautiful assistant named Victoria Ying. It's too real. Their little minds wouldn't be able to handle it.")

  Back on the ranch, Mr. Han finds the note that says, "Dear dear father, I have gone off to seek my destiny." And Dad sputters and rages and throws big ol' curses about how sharper than a serpent's tooth, then calms down and thinks, "Okay, how going to handle? First off, ain't nobody gonna know my dutiful daughter ran off with a con-man. Ergo she's gone missing. Probably kidnapped for her wealth and beauty."

To make it look convincing, he hires cheapest detective around, figuring the guy will make a lot of noise and not actually find anything a half decent con artist couldn't smell a mile off. Sends wire home to wife saying "Victoria missing *stop* start training the little one *stop* hired private eye *stop* home soon *stop*." Starts talking to investors about his other beautiful, brilliant daughter, accepts large amounts of sympathy and heads back home after a few more months "to comfort the family." Victoria's younger sister is pleasantly surprised to hear that now she's the important one and has no problems with being a dutiful daughter if it means she nows gets all the attention and money that had previously gone to Vic. So everybody's pleased.

The private eye, however, is not quite so incompetant as Mr. Han expected and actually catches up with Long and Vic. There are some comedic hijinks-- Long gets hit on the head with a soup kettle, detective gets his ears turned into cabbages-- but in the end, the dynamic duo gets away and decides that now would be a good time to take the show on the road and start heading east. They don't become hugely vastly wealthy and famous, but they make enough and it isn't all bad. After all, it's now their business, which means it actually matters to them. Long gets his fresh reputation, Victoria gets her independence, they both make a chunk of money and live pretty comfortably-- what more can you ask for?

After about ten years on the road, building up their act and getting a good name as they travel east, Victoria and Long hit Chicago for an extended engagement. In Chicago, as we all know, lives "student of Muggle life" Johannes Johnson doing his litte "life-study" befoer he goes back east, who hears from his friends at the rail yard about the show in town and figures it'll be good for a laugh. (A "Mysteries of the Orient" show would have been pretty plebian entertainment at the time.) At the show, Johannes goes "Wait a second! Side show, my Aunt Fanny! I don't believe this- they're using magic in front of Muggles!" and sneaks into the back at the end of the show. Victoria catches him snooping and darned near scorches his nose off (our princess has toughened up after however many years on the road) for snooping. Johannes squawks, "Hey, lay off! I'm not the one performing magic in front of Muggles." Victoria laughs "You're a wizard? Should have known. It isn't like they know it's real." "Well, what are you two doing?" he asks. "Tricking Muggles for a living, what does it look like? How about you?" "Oh, I'm doing an in-depth study of what makes Muggles so interesting." Victoria introduces Johannes to Long and they all have a drink together and talk about Muggles and life in general and leave on good terms.

It's about 1858 now, and Vic and Long have reached the east coast; Johannes discovers this one night in his favorite rowdy wizard saloon. Wizard or not, Long is Chinese and this is the 19th century, and someone makes some smart-ass remarks about Long John Chinaman or some such rot, and Long calls him something truly devastating back and the two come to blows, which leads into a full-out bar brawl. They're keeping magic out of it because they're in public, but the wizards not actually in the brawl take advantage of the distraction to create a little mischief, and let's just say the bar becomes pretty noticeable. Johannes goes, "Oh great! Let's get some damage control here!" and runs over to clean-up and do memory charms on passing Muggles ("Swamp gas lit by Venus!"). By the time he gets there the wizards have pretty much boxed their fellows on the ears, scrammed out of there, and Long is trying to crawl out of everything. He waves Johannes over and Johannes helps him to extricate himself. They creep out, dust themselves off and go a slightly quieter bar to catch up.

They catch up news. Long tells Johannes about getting in trouble with the wizard authorities on the east coast for performing in front of Muggles and how they've been restricted to wizard audiences. Needless to say, performing magical side shows for wizards does not bring in very much money, and they're thinking of going back west. Johannes tells Long about Kansas and politics and the railroad he's trying to sell to the wizards. Johannes explains how nervous he is about presenting this is front of the investors- he's a civil servant, not a salesman. Long says, "Hey, Victoria is a businesswoman. Why don't you come back to our place and let her give you a hand?" Johannes finds that a very good idea and goes with him.

On the walk, Johannes tries to explain what a steam engine is to Long who definitely isn't quite getting it. Being a drama king and pretty clever, he tries to make like he understands, and jokes around a bit. "Oh, I got it. So you have this dragon in this box and it blows out all this steam hard enough that it pushes these wheels that push these other wheels and that makes the train go." "Um, something like that. But with no dragon." "Awww! But the dragon is the best part." "Riiiiiight."

Victoria is all happy to see a familiar face and flattered that he came to her for help. She fusses over him a little, pours him some tea, puts on her spectacles and gets down to business. Long, who doesn't really understand any of this but can't quite bring himself to leave the conversation, sits in the background and makes smart remarks. After a lot of explaining on Johannes' part and a lot of "Hmm"ing on Victoria's part, she takes her glasses off and says "You know Johann, you have a great idea going here, but it just isn't going to sell in the wizard community. It's just too Muggle. Muggles are stupid-- no, no, I understand your area of study, let me finish. Wizards think they're stupid, which is the part that matters here. They'll take one look at this, say 'Muggle,' which means they'll also say 'stupid,' and dismiss it. You need to magic it up a little or it just isn't going to sell."

Long, still making a pleasant nuisance of himself, says, "Hah. Told you the dragon was the best part," and goes into a delightful stream of mental exercise where he talks about fire-retardant clothes for the conductor and fire-retardant cushions for the dragon and how much you'll save on coal and all that. Johannes, who really needs a laugh since his idea is going plthththththtb, lets him ramble. Johannes laughs a little and Victoria looks thoughtful and says, "Actually, that might do it." Johannes looks at them both like they're crazy. "No, really," Victoria explains and the three of them spend all night arguing the finer points of steam engines, dragons and business.

Johannes stumbles home at four in the morning with his head spinning and a promise from Victoria to show up at the meeting to be the smart business person. Long shows up also in a swanky new robe (which Victoria and Johannes both hope he didn't steal, but doubt he could have legitimately bought since money is tight) and proves useful since he's the one with the golden tongue after all. Johann combs his beard and looks impressive, Vi puts on her spectacles and looks businesslike, Long does all the talking, the investors are charmed, and the rest, as they say, is history!