If there was one thing I was completely despising at the moment, it was school.  My sister had been dancing around the kitchen this morning, practically singing, “First day of school!  First day of school!  First day of school in a brand new school!”  Now maybe I wouldn’t have minded this as much if she were a little kid.  But we’re both fourteen years old now, and I think it’s about time we left the ‘First Day of School Song Tradition’ behind.

 

It was too late now, though.  We had been waiting at the bus stop for the past ten minutes, and now the bus finally lumbered into sight.  As it pulled up in front of us and opened its doors, my sister stepped up onto the bus.  Her grin widened more as she dropped her coins in the box and took in the sight.  The bus was already crammed with a bunch of other high school kids.  The colors and sound and noise were overwhelming.  I groaned inwardly and climbed up after her.

 

“New kids!” someone from the back of the bus called.  Instantly I felt my bag ripped off my shoulder.  Bewildered, I watched as a bunch of older teens tossed my backpack back and forth above their heads until finally my twin sister snatched it up.  She had already found a seat next to a quiet looking girl.

 

Not wanting to put up with any more humiliation I took the first available seat.  I sighed and stroked my hair back before I noticed a pair of beautiful green eyes watching me.  I looked to my right and saw my seatmate for the first time.  He was a tall, lean boy with white fur and deep, green eyes.  He had short, spiky brick red hair and had a violin case sitting by his feet.

 

“Hi,” he said, smiling broadly.

 

My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt my palms begin to sweat.  What was wrong with me?  “Hi,” I whispered back, willing myself to calm down. 

 

He looked at me for a while longer and I could only helplessly stare back.  After a long moment of silence, he nodded.  Confused, I wondered what he meant.  “Your bag,” he said at last, pointing to somewhere behind me.  I glanced over my shoulder and saw that a sweet looking black haired girl was holding my bag out to me.

 

“Girl two seats back told me to give it to you,” she said smiling pleasantly.  I looked over her shoulder to see Axie waving at me.  The girl two seats back.

 

I offered a shy smile back and said thanks.  She nodded and disappeared from view, behind the old bus seat.

 

“See?” the voice next to me said.  “It’s not all bad!” the boy said, looking very pleased that I had gotten my backpack back.

 

The pounding in my chest began again and I felt myself blush.  What was this?  “I, uh, thanks,” I stammered, glancing at our feet.  It was safer to focus on anything but him at the moment.

 

He laughed.   “I didn’t do anything,” he mused. 

 

I had nothing to say in reply.  When he realized I wasn’t going to speak any more, he started gazing out the window at the passing scenery.  He glanced back at me after a minute or so, and then looked out the window again.  This time I couldn’t tear my eyes off him.  I watched the back of his head.  He glanced back at me again, and ashamed that he caught me staring at him I forced myself to turn away.

 

He laughed again then turned to face me.  “My name’s Kibo,” he grinned as he held out his hand.

 

“Ex,” I breathed as I took his hand and shook it.  I couldn’t get out of my full name.  The warmth of his hand was sending currents of electricity through my body.  I shivered and abruptly pulled my hand out of his.

 

“Ex?” he said as he leaned back.  “Cute.”

 

Cute.

 

I felt myself blushing again, so yet again I did my best to avoid eye contact with him.  “Um, thanks.”  I directed my eyes to look at the floor.  I took up a false interest in my boots. 

 

Without noticing my gaze moved on to his shoes.  Red sneakers.  Untied shoelaces.  Nice.  Slowly my eyes moved up his legs, hidden under his tight jeans.  Long, long legs…  I’m sure they were smooth and soft, and possibly even silky…  When I realized the direction my thoughts were taking I became horrified with myself.  What was going on?

 

Determined to pay less attention to him I looked out into the aisle, as he had the window seat.  Despite all the activity going on in the rest of the bus, none if it interested me.  Just him.  I stole a glance back and re-noticed his violin case.

 

“So,” I said quietly as I hoped to strike up a conversation with him, “you err, play the violin?”

 

Kibo looked at me from the corner of his eyes.  He turned away from the window and smiled at me.  He looked so innocent.  “Yup!” he said, picking up the violin case and setting it on his lap.  He began stroking it fondly.  “I kinda do it on my own, though.  Dun like people listening to me.”  Awkward silence.  “What about you, anything musical?”

 

I hesitated to answer, but decided I didn’t want to lie to him.  “I uh, sing.  And play the guitar.  Kind of cliché, I guess.”

 

“Nu-uh!” he grinned at me.  “Can you?”

 

I blinked.  “Can I what?”

 

“Sing for me!”

 

I felt my face flush for what had to be the millionth time this day.  This morning.  This hour.  “W-well…I…”

 

“Pleeeeeaaasseee?”

 

“I…”

 

He grinned at me, a new spark in his eyes.  I stared at it for a moment, before I realized it was mischief.  “I’ll give you something nice in return!  I promise.  Cross my heart and hope to die even.”  At these words he made an ‘X’ over his heart with his finger and held up his right hand.  “Now will you sing for me?”

 

I hesitated again and let out a sigh of defeat.  “All right, all right.  But only a little bit, okay?”  He nodded eagerly.  I sat in silence, fiddling with my fingers.  I was stalling, and we both knew it.  With another sigh, I looked up at him, gazed into those gorgeous green eyes… “W-what do you want me to sing?”

 

Kibo didn’t answer but instead started singing softly, “I close my eyes and see you before me…”

 

I knew the song.  I choked and started singing along with him, “Think I would die if you were to ignore me…If you could see just how much I adore you…”  His voice had drowned out and now it was only mine, singing softly, just loud enough for the two of us.  “I’d get down on my knees…I-I’d do anything for you…”

 

As I drew to the chorus I realized that his breath was louder.   He had moved closer to me.  My lips trembled now as I saw his face come closer to me, his lips parting gently.  “I-I don’t want anybody else,” I sang and closed my eyes.  “When I think a-about you I-I touch my-”

 

The bus jerked to a stop.  I pulled away from him and he pulled away from me.  I shot up and stared at him with wide eyes.  He only smiled with a hint of disappointment. What the hell was going on?  I ran into the aisle and mixed with the other kids filing off the bus.  Now I wouldn’t have to look at him. Now I wouldn’t have to think about him.  But I was.  I was going to think about him – I just knew it.

 

It was going to be a long day.

 

 

It took me a while to find my locker.  I felt so awkward wandering around the halls, staring at the locker numbers as I walked past them.  I couldn’t figure out if the numbers were getting bigger as I went along, or smaller, because they didn’t seem to have any order.

 

A voice started up from behind me, “New here?”

 

I turned around and saw the girl who had handed me my backpack on the bus.  I nodded but remained mute.

 

She smiled kindly.  “What’s your locker number?”

 

I handed her the post-it note that I had written down the number.  258.  “See it anywhere?” I asked as I looked around.  I was surprised that I might be considered kind of tall here.  I could pass for a senior, though I wasn’t that well built.

 

“As a matter of fact, I do,” she laughed and pointed to the locker next to hers.  “We’re neighbors.  I’m Cari.”  She held out her hand and I took it and shook it uneasily.  No electric currents from her; not like when I held Kibo’s hand.

 

“Exallen,” I replied almost monotounously.  “Ex for short.”

 

Cari smiled at me and hoisted her bag onto her shoulder.  “Nice meeting you Ex.  Whuzzyour first class?”

 

Before I could answer I had to fish out my schedule from my bag.  She waited patiently.  I finally found the slightly crumpled paper and straightened it out.  “…English,” I said.  “With Holmstrom.”  I glanced up at her nervously.  I was not a people person.  “Know her?”

 

“Yeah, I have her second.  Lemme walk you to your class after you dump your smadoodles into your locker.  It’s on my way!” Cari replied brightly.  I already liked her.

 

I gave her a grateful smile and opened my locker with ease.  If I had had trouble with the lock, I would have taken that as a sign to just give up and go home.  I dropped off a few of my textbooks and closed the locker again.  More searching in my bag before I found my lock and I snapped it on.

 

“All right,” I said finally, a little out of breath.  “Lead the way.”

 

She gave me another friendly smile.  “Will do, babe.”  She shifted her backpack on her shoulder and started walking through the corridors with confidence.  I followed behind her. 

 

We came up to an intersection of hallways, and I caught a glimpse of white fur and spiky red hair.  I stopped short and whipped around to get a better look.  There was Kibo, retreating down another hallway, probably heading to his own class.  Before she could ask me what was wrong, I resumed walking behind her.  Why did I care so much?

 

“Here we are,” she said as we stopped in front of a door labeled E-1.  “Have fun in there.  Holmstrom’s a good teacher.  She’ll make a good impression on you, so the rest of the school day will be more tolerable.”

 

I looked at the door and turned to her breathlessly.  “Thank you,” I managed to say.  She smiled and waved at me.  Then she disappeared into the throng of students, and left me alone to brave first period by myself. 

 

I inhaled deeply and opened the door.  About half the class was already in there.  Some of them were sitting on the desks and talking, and others were in their seats minding their own business.  I joined the ones in solitude and chose a seat in the back.  I slid down and looked everyone over.  No one seemed to care that I was there.

 

When the bell finally rang, a young-looking woman stood up and introduced herself.  After that the class pretty much flew by.    

 

I saw him again, for the second time on the track field.  We had P.E. together?  As I walked out of the gym with my P.E. shorts and shirt on I saw him laughing with a few other guys kicking a soccer ball back and forth half-heartedly.  I was about to turn away when he saw me.  His grin widened and he ran over.

 

“Hi Exy!” he panted as he grabbed my arm.  “Come on; let me introduce you to these bums.” 

 

I glanced over at his group of friends and felt a twinge of jealousy in my stomach.  I really didn’t want to see Kibo look so happy with these other guys.  “No, that’s okay,” I said lowering my gaze to the dirt below foot.  “Class should be starting soon…”

 

“Nu-uh,” he giggled and tugged at my arm harder.  “Come on!”  He yanked me and almost dragged me across the field to the three other guys he had been talking to.  They all looked at me curiously.

 

“Hey guys!” Kibo said cheerily.  He pulled me in front of him and set his hands on my shoulders.  “This is Exy.  I met him on the bus this morning.  He’s a new kid, so make him feel welcome, kay?” 

 

The group nodded simultaneously.  “Ex,” Kibo said nodding to a blonde boy who looked like your stereo-typical depressed emo boy.  “This is Tober.  He’s my brother.”  Tober nodded in Ex’s direction.  Kibo jerked his thumb in the direction of a black haired boy with square glasses.  “That’s Ran, a certified geek.”  Ran scowled at them both.  “And this,” Kibo nodded to a familiar face.  “Is not a guy at all.”

 

Axie grinned at Ex and held out her hand.  “Nice to meet you, Mr. Ex,” she said in a  false, deep voice. 

 

Ex laughed and pulled the cap on Axie’s head down over her eyes.  “Get out of my face,” he grinned.  Everyone stared at them incredulously, especially Kibo.

 

“You know her?” Kibo asked with awe in his voice.

 

The twins snickered and Ex snapped the cap off Axie’s head.  “Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do.  She happens to live two rooms down the hallway and spends hours in the bathroom.”

 

“Half an hour at the most!” Axie cried out and thrust her hand in the air.  “He’s such Mr. Exaggeraty-Pants.  But I am pro-bathing!”

 

The small group stared at them.  They both knew what was coming next.  They glanced from face to face, back and forth, back and forth.  “You’re twins,” Tober finally said in a flat voice.

 

“That we are,” Axie said as she put her arm around my head.  “And we have been for as long as I could remember.”  I grinned and put her baseball cap on myself.  “Freaky deaky that we seem to be in P.E. with each other.  They usually never put family together!”

 

I nodded in agreement, but everyone else did nothing in reply but stare.

 

Finally Kibo let out a low whistle.  “You two are pretty!  Geez!”

 

I was sweating so badly.  I never thought that a game of basketball could be so heated.  I let out a sigh of relief as I sank into the bench in the locker room.  No one seemed to be coming near me, which was just fine by me.  There weren’t many voices left.  The lockers must be clearing out.

 

Deciding that a shower would take too long I began taking off the plain white shirt I wore for P.E.  Just as I had the shirt above my head I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I yelped and flung the shirt off my head and too the floor. I spun around.  There was Kibo, already changed into a preppy collared shirt and khaki jeans.  He grinned at me.

 

“Did I scare ya?” he asked as he sat himself down on the bench.

 

Suddenly feeling very self-conscious I tried to cover my bare chest.  What was wrong with me?  We were both boys…Nothing to be ashamed of…  “No, you just surprised me, I guess,” I mumbled.

 

Kibo smiled and patted the empty space next to him.  A little reluctantly, I sat down.  “Ex,” he said as soon as I had relaxed a little.  “Remember I said I’d do something special if you sang for me?”  I merely nodded.  “You know what I’m going to do?”

 

“I…I think I have an idea,” I whispered so quietly I doubt he could have heard me.

 

Gently he set his hands on my shoulders.  My skin pricked with from under his warm palms.  He leaned in slowly, studying my face.  “Don’t be scared,” he whispered to me.  “You want this, right?” 

 

I looked at him pleadingly, too ashamed to answer.  He smiled a bit and moved his hands up my neck and cupped my cheekbones in his hands.  I whimpered and closed my eyes.  My lower lip quivered and my mind raced trying to figure out why I was on the verge of tears.  At last, at long, long last, I felt his lips press up against mine, turning on my tears.

 

I began sobbing into the kiss.  My first kiss.  My first handed to me by another boy.  Startled, Kibo pulled away.  “E-ex?  A-are you okay?  I’m not hurting you, am I?  Oh god…oh god…don’t make this into…into molestation…”  Furious with myself I wiped my tears away, but had no voice to answer him with.  “Ex…Ex…you wanted this…right?  Right?  Ex…?”

 

When I didn’t answer, he jumped up.  Now he had the panicked look I had had on the bus.  He turned to run, but I grabbed his hand.  He stopped and looked back at me.  I stared at him into his eyes, hoping he could read them.  I wanted this.  I needed this.  And I didn’t know why.

 

Very slowly, he sat back down.  He folded his legs gracefully beneath him and took my face once again in his hands.  “Ex, look at me.  Look at me!”  I looked at him.  “You don’t know, do you?” 

 

Finally my voice decided to bear its ugly head.  “W-what…?”

 

Kibo smiled knowingly.  “You don’t know if you’re gay or not, do you?”

 

Something in my brain shattered as it crashed to the floor.  A million pieces, a million lies I had grown up knowing.  A million things I had to say, and the only shard I could pick up was: “…What…?”

 

“This is rushing it a bit, I know,” he whispered, leaning so close that his breath was in my mouth.  Sweet breath, like he had just eaten apple pie.  “Are you gay?  I saw the way you looked at me in the bus.  Aren’t you attracted to me…?”

 

All I wanted was to melt into the floor.  I was too embarrassed to look at him at all.  “I…I…well…yes.  I don’t know why though!”  When he didn’t say anything I realized that I could have offended him.  “I mean…I mean…you’re really c-cute but…but I’m a boy and you’re a boy and I don’t know…”

 

He giggled a little.  “Sssh.  I thought you were a quiet one.  I know how you feel.”  He held my hand in his and stroked it gently.  “So you’ve never been attracted to a guy before?”

 

I shook my head.  “Never…”

 

He moved his face close to mine again.  He nuzzled my cheek with his head.  He breathed into my neck, causing my entire body to shiver.  He moved his attention back to my face.  “I’m glad I’m first then,” he whispered before catching my lips in another kiss.

 

This time I didn’t cry.  This time I didn’t ruin it.  His lips were drier than I thought they would be.  He wrapped his arms around my waist and suddenly I felt as if my arms were empty.  Nervously I ran my fingers through his soft, red hair, weaving them.  He pulled my body to him tighter; until we were so close I felt we could just melt into one.  Gently I felt his tongue run over the roof of my mouth.  I choked but he held my face still.  I didn’t know what to do, but pet his tongue with mine.

 

My watch beeped, marking the hour.  My eyes flew open and I shoved him away.  My breath came hard, but that wasn’t the only thing hard on me.  “I should go,” I said as I stood up.  He watched me curiously.  I found my abandoned shirt and held it in front of my pants and studied the floor intently.  “See you later.”

 

“Bye Exy,” he said with a smile.  He waved at my bare back retreating out the locker rooms and onto the track field.  I had missed the bus.  I would have to walk home.  Great, just great…

 

 

“Well, you’re home late,” Axie said as soon as I entered the kitchen.  She was standing at the counter, chopping up what looked like fish.  She looked me up and down and then frowned.  “Ex…are you all right?  Why aren’t you wearing your shirt? Were you crying earlier? Oh god…Did anything happen Ex?  Did anyone tou-”

 

“I’m fine,” I cut her off, my voice a bit too rough.  She only cared about me.  I gave her a weak smile.  “I just came straight home from the track field.  I was doing laps.”  How could I lie to my twin sister…?  “What’s for dinner?”

 

She kept a small frown but motioned to her cutting board.  “Fishy fish fish.  Sakari’s already home – he didn’t miss the bus.”  I winced.  Right.  I missed the bus, too.  She must really be worried.  “Look, Ex” she gazed up at me.  “If you were…raped or something, you’d tell me, right?”

 

I sighed and hugged myself.  “Yeah, Axie, I’d tell you.”

 

Her back turned to me and she resumed cutting.  “Right.  You’d tell me.  I trust you.”

 

There was nothing I could do now.  I couldn’t tell her that I was…gay?  Maybe it was just a passing phase.  Some people go bisexual when they’re confused…right?  I sighed and headed upstairs.  Rock was coming from my little brother’s room, but I didn’t feel like saying hi.

 

I walked into my room and fell onto my big, red bed.  I had always loved the spaciousness of it, but now it felt too empty.  Like I needed someone else in it with me…someone like Kibo.  I snarled in frustration and threw my pillow against the wall.  I am not gay.  I am not gay.  I am not attracted to other boys.  I am not gay.

 

Even though it kept playing in my head, I knew it was a lie.

 

 

The next morning I found that my heart was pounding as Axie and I waited for the bus.  Would I get to sit next to Kibo again?  What would happen if I did?  Did he think that I liked him?  Well, I did like him, but…  The bus arrived.  Its doors opened, and Axie and I stepped in.

 

“Ah, perfect!” she said as she grabbed my wrist and yanked me forward.  I had almost no reaction time and before I knew what was happening she had found us an empty seat and I was sitting down next to her.  But I had seen Kibo.  He had had his headphones on, and his eyes were on me.  His eyes were on me.

 

The bus ride became a long one.  Secretly I wished that Axie hadn’t found me a seat, so I could have sat next to Kibo.  Who, I noticed, had had his bag next to him as if he were saving it for someone.  When the bus finally pulled up to school, I was determined to catch up with him.  I shot out of my seat and pushed my way into the aisle, but I caught a glimpse of him walking off the bus.  I was too late.

 

Then I began to wonder why I wanted to talk to him so much.  Yesterday all I had wanted was to get away from him and his sweet kiss.  Today I hungered for more.  I was some seriously messed up guy.

 

Disappointed, I departed from the bus and squinted in the bright sunlight.  I sighed.  Another day of school.  It was just another day of school.