so many roads to take, directions to turn,
choices to make, options to spurn.
To leap and bound never-ending obstacles and
mountains that enter your path,
finally landing on your feet;
recovering from the last-
pitfall; shortfall.
Scrambling up the crumbling sides
of a troubled quarry
having been left at the bottom;
an epitome of lost hope and despair-
always a rope, an escape
from something you wish to leave behind-
for something you know you must find.
30 Aug 1994
so that everyone can see,
things so long kept hidden inside;
things that make up me.
So afraid of being judged,
of being cast aside
afraid of being excluded;
feelings i can't abide.
Feeling not acceptable
to myself and the world around.
Feeling insufficient
to be part of the world abound.
Feeling like i'm incomplete;
the essential parts are missing.
A model without blueprints.
A project without meaning.
21 Nov 2002
or when i look from up above,
when my soul can't bear a plastic world-
one devoid of life and love.
I hate it when people come and go
but noone else can see them
when they yell and scream and taunt
who in my world alone they haunt.
When my mind weaves in and out
of different realms and spaces,
spacing in and zoning out
my many different faces.
I ride the rollercoaster
relentlessly night and day;
the ups and downs and turnarounds,
the ebb and tide and wave.
I wish for a world that's constant
where things can't shimmer in and out
where i can exist with everyone
and the other things without.
9 April 2003
and look over it to the sea
and at the bottom is a rock
beckoning to me.
'Jump' it says
and you i'll catch,
your life i'll take,
your body snatch.
I'll walk you on a journey,
one like never before.
One with peace and eternity,
that and nothing more.
Never again will you ever
suffer and endure
the unending trials of life -
these will be no more.
You will be forever free
to walk the oceans and the seas.
A quiet and restful shade,
with only yourself to please.
So why do you just stand there?
Stand there at the edge?
Take a leap of faith and join me -
to me your life you pledge.
26 November 2001
a diamond among the stars
a demi-God of awe and wonder
a Goddess of beauty unsurpassed.
Planets and moons encircle me
for I am their centre - their sun,
for my aura, my golden halo
doth shine its light around.
I created the Universe
and the galaxies in between.
I am the present and the future
and all that hath gone before.
I am the mother of Nature
all that is green and good.
I am the reason you walk my Earth;
the reason why you could.
20 July 2003
to see what i can see,
the mirror reflects Nothing;
all i see is me.
A broken vessel, an empty shell
marred by pity and self-hate.
Oh! The girl does not look well
but look at all that weight.
Those silver-grey eye-portals
to a world so empty and cold,
a landscape oft worn and torn
away from the fold.
Those lips of hers no more to kiss
the arms no more to embrace
and the smile forever amiss
the warmth left from her face.
I look into the mirror
and ask it "what will be?"
The mirror unwaveringly reflects
a picture that is me.
26 November 2001
yet make you think i'm fine?
I know it's hard for you to know
when you've never seen me cry.
It hurts each time i wear my smile,
conversation pains me deep.
It hurts inside to look you in the eye.
It troubles me wake or sleep.
And yet i keep on trying
to talk and smile and look,
so to you i might be flying
but take a closer look.
For i don't mean to hide
or deceive you in any way.
It's the only way i can meet life
and get through each day.
27 Nov 2002
I hide and cry for noone is there.
With ways out or sorts of solutions,
noone is there. I have no delusions.
A friend in need is a friend indeed
but when my feelings and emotions need to be freed
I look around; my hopes are drowned
I'm alone in the world, there's not a sound.
When i need someone there, someone to care,
there are people everywhere but noone is there.
People are busy no matter how hard i look.
It's the same old story and the same old book.
All i want is for someone to walk past
and hear my cry
and someone to understand
or at least try.
August 1994 (edited Nov 1999)