| REEVES AND MORTIMER PRESENT STOT |
| This is the most important interview since television began....... |
| Donald and Davey Stot interview Damon Hill..... Davey: After a Grand Prix, do you get out of your car and have a nice relaxing poo? Donald: Is your nose aerodynamic like your cars? Donald: ....and was it tested in a wind tunnel? Davey: We've all heard of Lewinski, but would you put a cigar up your arse to make you go faster? Donald: When you're going round the circuit, do you have time to check out the fanny that's looking over the wall? Davey: After you've had your supper and said your prayers, how long is it before your hand slips down your pyjama bottoms? Donald: Do you have a map, or just follow everyone else? Donald and Davey Stot interview Sinead O'Connor...... Donald: Do you wear old fashioned underwear that is warm as well as welcoming? Davey: What have you got in your handbag that I can have? Donald: After a concert, do you have a nice relaxing poo? Davey: (while showing his crotch) Have you seen titanic? It's out now. It's quite long, isn't it? It's quite sad at the end. My mam cried when she saw it. Donald: If you were on stage singing and some mice started walking up your leg, would you stop the concert or let them carry on their journey? Donald: Miss O'Connor, flapjacks or carrot cake? Discuss. Donald: What are you most afraid of? And you can't say 'tators. Donald and Davey Stot interview Nick Ross....... Davey: When you've helped catch an important criminal, do you celebrate by having a nice long relaxing poo? Donald: You have just made love and are lieing back wondering if you were plastic-fantastic, do you ask her straight out or leave a questionnaire for her to send to your home? Davey: Where do you go at night? Donald: If you found a lugworm in your sponge pudding, would you eat round it or pull it out and stare at the other diners through the hole? Davey: Are the artist impressions on Crimewatch drawn by you or a monkey? Donald: What's the biggest chicken you've ever eaten? Donald: If your wife has night-farts, would you stem the flow with your toe? Donald and Davey Stot interview Caprice....... Donald: After a long day of being photographed, do you go home and have a nice long relaxing poo? Davey: Do you have a regular boyfriend or a man who visits you when you require it? Donald: If you were booking a clown for your birthday, would you choose Mr. Crumblebottom from Hyde, or Mr. Minge Muncher? Davey: Would it put you off if you could see one of the photographer's balls hanging out of his shorts? Donald: You are within inches of the staring eye of a Yorkshire Terrier and it is snapping at your face. What's all that about, then? Donald: A dwarf, who is quite unknown to you, is unravelling a thread from your skirt, making it shorter. Do you chastise him or pat him on the head and give him a Chelsea bun? Davey: The cry goes out "Leave the house! Gas Leak!", but you are starkers. Do you run out nude or cover up your intimacy with a couple of Sugar Puffs? Donald and Davet Stot interview Paul McKenna....... Donald: You are stood in front of your fireplace, giving an important speech to you family. Suddenly, the wind blows down the chimney, blowing your night-shirt over your head, revealing your cobblers. Do you carry on regardless, or push your wife up the chimney with a broom to stem the wind? Davey: It's always interested me when i've seen you on T.V with your hypnotism. Could you tell me, Paul, are peanuts soluble? Donald: The more oaty the biscuit, the better for cheese. Discuss. Donald: Have you ever defrosted a trout to make it nice and ready to recieve it's almonds? Davey: At what distance does a picture of a nude lady become to blurry to enjoy? I'll have it in feet or inches, i'm not partial. Donald: The other day, I bought a giant box of Omo to wash me mam's dungarees with, but found out at the cash till that I didn't have enough money to pay for it. Have you ever not had enough money to pay for a big homo? Donald and Davey Stot interview Michael Winner...... Davey: You are making love to a lady in front of your mantelpiece. Is it true that, despite the passion, you can't keep your eyes off your dalmation book-ends? Donald: Do you like foreign food, like sun-boiled onions in feta-cheese? Davey: What is the most savoury dish in the world? And you can't have Oxo, Bovril or pies. Davey: You know all about crime, can a human leave fingerprints on a parsnip? Donald: If you ever forgot how old you were, would you cut off your leg and count the rings? Davey: Do you still wear nappies at night? |