1. First and
foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the
porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T
have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push
on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And
additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that
it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit
so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't
have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might
have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and
leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a
pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play
video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my
behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's
probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the
moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste
good. And I don't care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you
watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain
about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is
inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you
get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good
morning."
WHAT A MAN HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT
1. First of all, yes
you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier
and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full
of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does
the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit.
don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, stuffing
something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning.
Suck it up!
6. Speaking of which, if you are
bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. Trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust
me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.
8. At least there is no danger of a
dick bleeding in your mouth.
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you
are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!
12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's
"wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old &fat and looking for
some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep."
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will
you
