You may be wondering; What does "Kingseahorse" mean?  I'm sure you have heard of the term "Queen". Well, I'm the opposite of a Queen.  So, that makes me a "King".  "Seahorses" are notable for being one of only 2 species in which males become pregnant.  I'm man enough to have my own kids.

I'm a FtM transsexual, not transgender.   I want to change my body, not my mind.   Gender is between the ears. Sex is by the legs.

I do not understand why the "experts" want to call us trans Gender.  How do you change a mind's makeup? I have tried for years to change my mind's makeup but, was unsuccessful.  I was down right miseriable. Doctors can change a person's body (sex).  So, wouldn't that make us trans Sexuals?

When I was young, I loved to play cowboys & indians.  When I played with girls, I would always played the "Dad".   I never liked playing with Barbie. In time, we just didn't play together.

My Mom tried for years to whip the boy out of me but, all she did was whip him into hiding.  I had went to a buddy's house & we went to the local "Boys Club".  His Mom told my Mom about where we went & she whopped my ass good.  Everytime I went to his house, his Mom told my Mom, until finally, I just wasn't allowed to back to his house.

Dresses:
My Dad was a preacher & we lived over the church.  So, we went to church many times a week.  I was required to wear a dress.
The only dress I truly liked to wear, was a blue denim dress that zipped up the front, with a neck tie attached to the zipper puller.   Mom would say. "You're wearing that again?"  I out grew that dress before I wore it out.

Boys:
I thought if I could fell in love with a boy that would make me feel like a girl.  Well, I did fell in love with a guy.  We lived together before we got married.  I told him, I felt like a guy trapped in a girl's body.  He really didn't have much to say.   One time, we was in the shower, he took a leak down the shower drain & said, "I bet you wish you could do that."  I said, "Move, & I'll show I can.   He moved out of my way & I got closed to the shower drain & took my turn.  My aim was just as good as his.   He was amazed that I was able to get every drop down the drain.  We got married.  That did not work.  I still felt like a guy.  Now, I felt like a guy married to a guy.  

Babies:
Then I thought, maybe I would feel like a girl, if I got pregnant.  I got pregnant & had a girl.   A few years later, I got pregnant again & had second daughter.  A few years later the marriage ended in divorce.

A few years after we got divorce, we saw each other.  By now, I was male hormone shots.  When we had a moment alone, I told him, "I told you, I felt like a guy trapped in a woman's body."  He said, "I just thought you had a wild imagination.  I said, "No, that's how I really feel."    He said, "That's the missing piece of the puzzle."   That was the last we've seen each other.  The kids are grown now, 23 & 21.

I'm Normal:
In Aug. '94 I became a school bus driver.  I met a very special woman in April of '98. On our 3rd date, I could tell, she wasn't going to just another summer break woman. (A woman I would date during the summer break & then we would drift apart.)   Like I did with my ex, I told her I felt like a guy trapped in a woman's body.  She had never heard of such a thing.  But, she knew a lesbian counselor & said, she would asked her if that was "normal".  A few days later, she got back to me & said, the lesbian counselor said, that was normal for some lesbians to feel like a guy.  

For the first time ever in my life, I had someone to say, I was "normal" after all of these years of feeling like some type of freak.  I was told, I was normal.   We fell in love & in Aug. '98 I moved in with her.  In March of '99 we moved into a trailer.  

June of 2000
One Sunday afternoon in June, I was online & in a gay chat room.  I looked away from the computer screen & looked at the tv screen for a moment.   When I looked at back at the computer screen, something caught my eye.  There was someone new in the chat room talking about her "husband" feeling like a woman & how they started doing research & found out it was a medical condition.  We had a private chat session & she helped me to find information about "female to males".

For a whole week, all I did online, was research & more research. From morning to night all I did was research. By Friday, I knew I had to tell my woman what I had learned & what I had to do. I had to do whatever it took to get on Testosterone shots.  I had to do 12 hours of counseling at Chicago Counseling and Psychotherapt Center before the counselor could give my letter to get on the Testosterone shots.  I did my 12 hours of counseling & got my letter.   I was due for my annual physical.  I made sure I got a copy of all of my blood work up & lab test results.  I got the $450 together for the one doctor I had to see in order to get on the shots.

Tuesday Oct. 10, 2000 Life Begins:
With $450 in my pocket & my lab tests results in hand, I walked into the doctor's office.  He was impressed that I had came so prepared.   The fact that I had my lab tests results, got me, my very first Testosterone shot.  I can still remember that moment so well. Seem like I felt that shot within seconds.  For the very first time in my whole life, I truly felt happy.  It was like, all of my life, I was under a cloud.   All of the clouds just moved out of the Sun's rays was finally shinning on me.  I had to go back every 2 weeks for my shot.   In time, I was shown how to give myself the shots.

Thursday May 10, 2001 Court Day: I walked into a court building with one name & walked out with a different name.  Then went home & practice signing my new name, before going to the local Secretary of State office to get my new license, then to the local Social Security office to apply for my new social security card.

In Sept. 2004 we moved to another state.

Body Changes: The fat has moved from my butt, to my belly.  Check with your doctor first but, if you can, work out.  When I did, I notice a change in my elbows & shoulders.  My elbow bones are more noticable now.  I've compared my elbows to that of genetic males & my elbows looks like theirs.

*************************************************************************************************************************

Sept. 2006 The Down Side of Testosterone:
I've changed doctors.;  My new doctor took a moment to update her knowledge on Female to Males.  In her reading, she discovered, the cause of the problem I had went to see her for.   My legs swell up until the skins breaks, creating a wound.  My old doctor told me over & over it was my smoking.  But, now that I know the truth. I do not intend to ever stop taking my Testosterone shots.  Life without shots, is not a life.  I will deal with the swelling of my legs forever before I ever give up my shots.

Personal Doctor:
I will pass on a word of advice another FtM gave me.  When picking a doctor, try to get a woman doctor that is in the Internal Medicine field.   They seem to be more open minded.  A willingness to treat you as a person, not some type of freak.   One male doctor told my business to another doctor I was seeing. This guy even reported me to my insurance company, refused to approve my request for blood tests when I requested them.

Company Doctor:
Being a school bus driver, I am required to have annual physicals by the company's doctor.  One year he didn't want to pass me, because I refused to take my shirt off.  The following year, he asked me, what happened to my testicles?  That was the last year I worked for that school bus company.

Another male doctor told me, if that ever happened to me again, he wanted me to report that doctor to the AMA.  That he did not want a doctor like that in the medical field.

Warning: Some states does not allow the sex to be changed on the birth certificate.  Do your homework.

You may be asking: Do I consider myself bisexual? Since I've been with both men & women.  Yes, I do.