Carl,
Here is my entry to the meet the management page. Thought you might want it for the grave site.
Full Name: Jonathan C. Eschler, Jr.
Position: Lord of Infinite Darkness or Graveyard Shift Team Leader for short.
Date Of Birth (optional): I was told once by an old gypsy woman that my spirit is over 900 years old. My Birth Certificate says I was born
on November 10, 1977, but I've never been one to trust the establishment. The very concept of birth is merely a C.I.A. plot to
segregate by chronology. (I have photos.)
Date of Hire: Let's see . . . I've been hired quite a few times. My
first job was as a mechanic's assistant for a little service shop in
Magna . . . I think I was hired in October of 1994. Then I was hired
by another call center in March of 1996. After that, I worked as a
courier for a law firm, hired October, 1996. Then it was on to a crew
leader job for a small construction company, where I was trained, as
Jesus was, in the ancient art of carpentry. But unlike Jesus, I had
power tools. I was hired there in September of 1999. Oh, did you
mean my date of hire at the Friend? That would be October 30, 2000.
Interesting Story:
Once, upon a Time, sat a little boy. But it didn't really hurt
the Time to have the boy sit upon it, for the boy wasn't heavy. But
the little boy was sad and weeping. The Time, in its timeless
compassion, felt for the boy, and it too, wept. And for the first
time, the Time spoke:
"Dear boy, hear me now, for I am Time Eternal. Not night nor
day nor passing of age pass beyond my perception. I am all that is
past, all that is now, and all that is to come. Small one, you rest
heavy upon my soul. Days pass and you weep. Night falls and you weep.
Tell me, dear boy, what causes you such torment?"
Of course the boy was startled by this sudden and unprovoked
intrusion by the Time. But the tiny voice told the boy to trust this
noble Time, and soon apprehension yielded back to sorrow. Days passed
and the boy wept. Nights fell and the boy wept. One day, the boy
girded up the courage to speak unto the mysterious Time.
"Time, hear me or hear me not, no matter. I speak to release this
sorrow unto you, to trust in you the fate of my village, my dear family,
as well as my own. A grave threat has descended upon our lands. For
you see, the continents are drifting, the ground is shaking, our great
structures and monuments are crumbling and it's all my fault!"
Now the Time was convinced the boy was mad, so it spoke, "You are
but a wisp, a crumb of a boy. How could one as inconsiderable as you
move such an immense mass as a continent? How could such a frail and
insubstantial boy case the earth to shudder and shift? Tell me dear
boy, how can this be?"
"Great Time," spoke the boy with heretofore unseen seriousness, "you
are the eternal, the keeper of the ages, and all that is, has been or
will be. You must know that I, the insignificant scrap that I am, could
not possibly move a continent. Nor could I, a cramped and stunted
urchin, cause any sort of grounds to quake, towers to fall, or cause any
sort of sufferance to my people."
"My friend, many days ago a morsel of earth was endowed to my care
through a new government program. I did not know that beneath the soil
rests a great fault in the Earth. It is my fault that causes my lands
to tremble and our mighty structures to collapse. It is my fault which
brings death and suffering to my people, and leaves me here to weep."
Then there was a great quake, and all was lost into the sea.
The End
Life Goals:
Manifest plainness,
Embrace simplicity,
Reduce selfishness,
Have few desires.
- Lao-tzu
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be
sorry.
- Mark Twain
Anything else you'd like to share about yourself:
Things I've never done and never wanted to do:
Jump out of an airplane, attend a Vanilla Ice concert, sit on a thumb
tack, swing from a trapeze with no net, pick my friends' nose, break a
bone, eat any kind of animal brains, set my house on fire, smash or
destroy a musical instrument, consume head cheese (whatever that is),
physically assault a crustacean, shiver me timbers, watch a Barbara
Streisand movie, squirt milk out of my nose, scream at the top of my
lungs for no apparent reason whatsoever, eat any kind of insect (even on
a dare), say "bomb!" on a crowded city bus, Tie someone's shoes
together, or paint the town red.
Things I have done, but never wanted to:
Step on a rusty nail, hit myself in the forehead with a large framing
hammer, fall off a ladder, crash a dirt bike into a barbed-wire fence,
ride down the street at 30 mph on my shoulder, fall off a ladder, get my
head stuck in a railing, fall off a house, push my hand through a
plate-glass window, fall off a ladder, have a wall fall on me, get
trapped in a wooden shipping crate, get trapped in a walk-in
refrigerator, get trapped on a boat, open a can of worms, fall off a
ladder, stick my finger into a live light socket, get hit in the head by
a golf ball, slide down a black diamond ski run on my face, fall off a
ladder, and accidentally slug myself in the teeth.
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