MiSTer’s note: Mike, Crow, and Tom Servo are the property of Best Brains, Inc. The Gargoyles and all related characters are the property of Buena Vista and Disney.
[In the not too distant future…]
Bridge, the Satellite of Love
Mike is sitting at the console typing something on the keypad. Something catches his eye and he looks up.
Mike
Oh, hi! Welcome to the Satellite of Love—
Suddenly a large black and white-splotched cow races through the scene, mooing in fear. The bots chase after it a few seconds later. Mike looks in the direction they went for a moment, then turns back with worry in his eyes.
Mike
Don’t ask me what those two are doing. I don’t want to know. They’re starting to creep me out. Especially Crow.
The cow rushes back through the scene going the opposite direction, mooing madly. The bots follow close behind.
Tom
Come back here you blasted bovine!
Mike simply shakes his head. Suddenly a buzz-saw like sound comes from off screen and the cow is heard, mooing loudly. Mike hunches over and begins typing frantically at the keypad, pointedly ignoring what’s going on off screen. Soon after a sizzling sound is heard.
Crow (o.s)
Hey Mike! You want your steak bloody or well done?
Mike simply shudders at this. Suddenly the Mad’s light flashes. Mike hits the button.
Castle Forrester
Pearl is seated at a small circular dining table in the castle’s dining room being served by the Observer. She watches for a moment as he delivers her food and pours wine from a decanter into her wineglass with practiced ease. She then looks up at Mike and notices his rather pale face.
Pearl
(sweetly) Well hello dear. Someone’s looking a little pale this evening. Not getting enough sun?
Mike
No. Not getting enough time away from two psychotic robots.
Pearl looks at him funny, slightly puzzled when Crow suddenly enters holding a chunk of raw cow.
Crow
Hey Mike! You want this slice or a bigger one? There’s plenty of cow left. (looks at the display) Oh, hey Pearl! Want some dinner? (Holds up the bloody mass)
Pearl stares for a moment and then turns slightly green herself.
Pearl
I see what you mean Nelson. Ugh. (Pushes her plate away then frowns at the bot) You do know you’ve just ruined my dinner.
Crow
Good! (twisted chuckle)
Pearl glares at him.
Pearl
Just for that I’m sending you a fic from the king of twistiness himself, King Cobra. It’s called The Twisted Shadow! Hope you all have nightmares!
Suddenly the klaxons blare…
All
AAAAHHHH! We’ve got fanfic sign!!
[Door sequence]
Mike and the bots take their place in the theater.
Mike: King Cobra’s shadow is twisted?
Tom: Well he is a Cobra.
Crow: And the rest of him is just as twisted.
Author's Note: This fic is a horror story,
Mike: My life is a horror story.
Crow: Not yet. Hehehe.
Mike: Stop that!
not a simple revenge story like "Surprise, Surprise!" was.
All: Aww!
It is more differently paced in terms of setting and event. It is also more like a "Friday The 13th" meets "Gargoyles" thing.
Crow: Yay!
Mike: Boo!
Tom: Shrug.
I just wanted to clear that up. That way no one will e-mail me asking why I wrote the
same story twice.
All: Why did you write the same story twice??
Warning: Strong language; sexual situations; violence. Rated R and probably
should not viewed by anyone under 18.
Mike: That means you Crow.
Crow: What difference should it make? I’m twisted already.
Mike: (sigh) I guess I can’t argue with that.
Crow: Hehe.
Disclaimer: Gargoyles, Elisa, and the Xanatoses are the property of Buena Vista.
Jason is the property of Paramount Pictures and New Line Cinema. Neither of them
were used with permission. But they were used with the proper respect that they
deserve.
Tom: Sure they were.
Running his hand through his beard,
Tom: (as Hudson) Hmm. I appear to have beard lice.
Hudson watched as on the TV screen, the young woman screamed loudly in screeching terror, her eyes as big as saucers
Crow: Flying saucers! Ahh!
as she backed away from the menacing killer lurking off-camera. It was a horror
movie marathon playing on HBO,
Mike: The same one they hold every week.
and Hudson was getting into it. Really, despite the predictable plot, the movie was quite interesting.
Tom: Hudson’s just bored and this was the best thing on.
Just as the killer was about to stab the fair maiden,
Crow: When did this movie get medieval?
the lights suddenly went out and the aged gargoyle looked around, startled out of his interest for the movie. "Wha' in a..."
Mike: Hey! I was watching that!
Tom: Xanatos is gonna pay for not paying the electricity bill.
Feeling spooked in the darkness, Hudson reached his hand out, feeling along the
Mike: Eww!
area,
Mike: Oh.
Crow: Whose the sicko now?
trying to find a candle. Snatching one up, Hudson pulled a bic lighter out
of his pocket and lit it.
Mike: What’s he doing with a Bic lighter?
Crow: Hudson’s a closet smoker.
Smiling in unspoken relief,
Tom: He wet himself.
Mike: Eww!
Hudson pondered why the lights had gone out.
Tom: Xanatos forgot to pay the electricity bill again.
Maybe the power company was working downtown and it was
affecting them in the castle.
Crow: Good an excuse as any I guess.
That was a possibility.
Tom: Not a very big one but a possibility.
It would also explain the flickering of lights that had just occurred 2 minutes ago.
Mike: That the author failed to make note of.
Tom: It’s a fic. Shut up.
Suddenly, from behind him, Hudson heard something frighteningly bizarre.
Crow: When the noodle grinds hit the sploodoll-snak all floorky breaks loose.
(Mike and Tom look at Crow oddly. He gives them an unhinged grin and they both move one seat away.)
Chi chi chi chi cha cha cha cha.
Crow: Gotta dance! Gotta dance!
Mike: Please don’t.
What the...?
Mike: That’s what we want to know.
A hand grabbed Hudson's shoulder and he spun around, blade ready.
All: YAHH!
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" It was Broadway's voice.
All: Whew!
"Chill! It's just me!" Hudson put the sword back in his sheath and tried to catch his breath. "Aye, Lad, what are ye trying to do? Give me a heart attack?" He paused collectively.
Mike: How do you pause collectively?
Tom: Maybe that’s like pausing pregnantly.
"Dinna you hear something strange jus' now?" Broadway shrugged. "Nope. I hope the others
get back soon." Broadway cried out suddenly.
Crow: Hunger pang!
"My foot still hurts. Damn Quarrymen..."
Crow: Consider them damned. Hehehe.
(Tom and Mike shudder at Crow’s laugh)
Frowning in thought for a second, Hudson looked away for a second,
and didn't notice the fat gargoyle getting pulled back into the darkness. Hudson
turned back to face his protégé
Tom: Protégé?
Mike: He’s a fat, lazy slob!
Crow: So is Hudson.
Mike: Oh yeah!
and frowned again. "Lad?" There was no answer.
All: OOOHHH!
SQUISH.
Crow: Damn tomatoes! Stop leaving them on the floor!
Disoriented, Hudson looked down. "Wha' in the...?" He knelt down and stared at the
red puddle lying on the cold stone floor, confused.
Crow: Where’d all the tomatoes come from?
"Blood?"
(Crow somehow begins to drool slightly)
Following the trail, Hudson's match
Mike: Don’t you mean candle?
moved forward, and that's when the old gargoyle saw it.
Tom: Pearl in a bikini!
All: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
The grisly sight that made him want to throw up.
All: Us too!
One of Broadway's eyes stared up at the ceiling blankly,
Tom: That’s his lazy eye.
while the other sat on the floor in an rather tiny
lake of blood.
Tom: How can you have a tiny lake. That’s like having a massive atom.
Hudson heard it again right then. That sound.
Chi chi chi chi cha cha cha cha.
Crow: Gotta dance! Gotta dance!
Hudson drew his sword. "Show 'ourself, ye devil!" Hearing a footstep, Hudson
swiped out and knocked the objects off the shelf. "Shit!" Hudson looked around
wildly, forgetting to look behind him. Just then, the huge shape grabbed
Hudson's head from behind, and before he could react, twisted his it off,
Mike: Twisted his it off?
Bots: Typo!
pausing to raise the surprised looking face and staring at it for a second
Crow: (as psycho) Damn you’re ugly!
before throwing it away towards the other side of the room, out of sight in the
shadowy darkness.
Up in the Xanatos bedroom, David and Fox paused in their sexual foreplay.
Tom: They always seem to be doing that in these fics.
Mike: They’re husband and wife, they’re supposed to.
Crow: (drools) I need more imagery here!
Mike: You need a girlfriend.
"Why do you think the lights went out?" he asked his wife, concerned.
Tom: (as Xanatos) What? You want to make out in a well lit room?
Crow: Kinky!
Mike: Everything is kinky to you.
(Crow grins)
She smiled suggestively. "Maybe the hands of fate are letting us have a little relaxation
in the dark for some kinkiness, David."
Mike: Actually I think the generators just went out.
Crow: Where’s the kinkiness in that?
Mike: Shut up.
"That's it." David grabbed his wife and
started fucking her extensively, pushing her onto her back.
Crow: (Austin Powers voice) Yeah baby!
(Mike whaps him)
Crow: Ow!
Chi chi chi chi cha cha cha cha.
Mike: Don’t say it Crow!
Crow: Gotta dance! Gotta dance!
(WHAP)
Crow: OW! Mommee!
"David, look out!" Fox suddenly screamed, her voice filled with terror. David
looked at her, the words registering in his mind. But before he could move, the
hockey masked killer
Tom: He has a hockey mask now?
Crow: It’s Jason! Cool!
Mike: You sicko.
(Crow giggles)
rammed the fireplace poker through his back, sending the
deadly tip poking through the billionaire's chest.
Mike: That’s gotta hurt.
Tom: He’s rich. He has people to do his hurting for him.
Mike: Does he have people to do his dying for him?
Tom: Ummm…stunt double?
Crow: Wives who make it with their rich husband’s stunt doubles! Next on Jerry Springer!
David lurched backwards, his wide eyes standing open and his mouth working several unspoken words in pain,
Crow: Those words being *$*&^&%^*(*#!!!!!!
Mike: Wash your mouth out Crow.
Tom: I didn’t know you could pronounce special characters like that.
Crow: It’s a gift.
and then his dead body landed on the bed. Looking up at the blubbering woman on
the bed,
Crow: Fox gained weight?
Mike: That’s blubber, not blubbering.
Tom: Fox doesn’t blubber anyway. She’s a merc.
Crow: Maybe she’s a stunt double too.
Mike: Don’t start.
the slasher moved for her.
"Stay the fuck away from me!"
Fox grabbed a bedside lamp and smashed it onto her assailant's head, looking as
the killer staggered backwards and tried to dart past him for the bedroom door.
But he was too quick, grabbing her by the hair, and pulling her to him.
Mike: Okay, he’s not Jason. He’s Mike Meyers.
Tom: How do you know?
Mike: If you get hit with a lamp you don’t take it without a whimper. Or at least some bleeding.
Crow: He’s the bad guy in a horror fic. They’re all invincible. Look at Freddy.
Forcing Fox over to the wall, The killer pulled the struggling woman's head back.
Crow: (as killer) Gimme a kiss baby!
"No, please! Nonononono...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGHHHHH!!!!"
Crow: Sounds like she’s getting some more!
Mike: That’s a scream of pain Crow.
Crow: Pain. Pleasure. What’s the diff?
Mike: You’re starting to scare me Crow.
(Crow grins over at Mike, his eyes glowing in the dark. Mike moves down another seat.)
Fox's screams rang in deaf ears as the murderer smashed her head into the wall
repeatedly, making indents on the other side,
Tom: Okay! Whose trying to hang a picture on the wall?!
until finally her bloody mangled skull popped through it,
Crow: Surprise!
Tom: Boo!
Mike: Yahh!
and her body spasmed violently before ultimately
relaxing.
Crow: Afterglow!
Mike: You keep this up and I’ll wipe your memory clean.
Crow: Been there, done that. Didn’t help.
The killer walked away. He had other victims to kill.
Crow: Hehehehe!
Landing on the courtyard, Goliath was in confusion.
Tom: I thought he was in New York.
Crow: He’s always confused. All muscle and no brain.
The entire city had just blacked out. There were no lights anywhere. It was as though a black blanket had been thrown Manhattan.
Mike: Yet another typo.
Tom: The whole city forgot to pay the electricity bill?
Crow: Somebody just flipped that switch that makes all the lights go out.
The lights had begun flickering fifteen minutes ago, and
now they were shut off completely.
Mike: We’ve already established that.
He searched around, his eyes scanning the stone fortress he dwelled in.
Something was very wrong, and Goliath couldn't put his talon on it. Where was
everyone?
Crow: Well, Broadway’s body parts are lining one room. David and Fox are in their makeout room, also bloodied…
Mike: Stuff it Crow.
The Xanatoses and Owen had stayed behind with Hudson and Broadway, who
was recuperating from an injury sustained in a Quarrymen battle.
Crow: Now he’s trying to recuperate from being dead.
Tom: Actually that’s a pretty permanent thing.
Crow: I didn’t say he was doing very well at it.
Tom: True.
Now it seemed like no one was here.
Mike: The critical word being ‘seemed’.
Chi chi chi chi cha cha cha cha.
Crow: Gotta da—(WHAP!) OW!
Goliath looked up. What was that?
Crow: The sound of my beak getting whapped, dumbass!
Mike: Shut up Crow.
"Where is everyone?" Lexington's question mirrored Goliath's thoughts, causing
him to forget the strange noise. "It's like they vanished."
Tom: No, they’re just hiding.
Goliath made a decision. They would search the building.
All: (unenthusiastic) Wow!
Tom: Now that’s original.
Crow: I’m amazed he was able to decide that.
Mike: He’s in rare form this evening.
"Angela, you and Lexington search the lower levels of the castle. Brooklyn, Elisa, and I will look for them in the upper levels." Everyone nodded, and went their separate ways, intending to find
their kind friends David and Fox and the Gargoyles Hudson and Broadway.
Tom: Kind friends? This is getting too mushy.
Crow: David and Fox give them favors.
Tom: What kind of favors?
Mike: You don’t want to know.
******************************************************************************
"So, do you think we'll find them?" Angela asked Lexington as they padded
through the hall, looking in different directions, searching for Hudson and
Broadway.
Crow: Eventually, when the smell gets bad enough.
"I don't know," Lexington answered. "I hope so." Angela hoped they
were all right. She hated the thought of anything bad happening to her father's
friend and her mate.
Especially since she was a brainless bitch who had wanted to fuck Broadway that
night.
Crow: Took the words right out of my mouth.
Tom: You wanted to fuck Broadway tonight?
Crow: You know what I meant!
SCRAPE!
All: YAHH!
Angela, being stupid as always, left Lexington's side to check out the door to
her left for the source of the noise.
All: Of course.
Tom: And the plot thickens to the consistency of tomato soup.
The small Gargoyle kept walking, not noticing the silent soundless motion of Angela opening the door and backing away in horror as the killer buried the double-sided axe in her head.
Mike: How did he get that axe?
Tom: Horror fic villains also get their choice of weapons.
THWACK!
Mike: Yahh!
Tom: Ugh!
Crow: Mmmm!
He just walked away, puzzlement of what happened to Hudson and Broadway tunneling in his
brain.
Crow: Along with the worms that were tunneling in his brain.
Tom: So Lex is deaf and stupid.
Crow: Pretty much.
Suddenly noticing Angela wasn't by his side, he turned around. "Angela?"
Mike: Sure. Now he notices.
The gray door, which Lex was sure was tightly closed, was now partially open.
Considering his options of leaving the broad to fend for herself, Lex shook his
head and grabbed the bedroom door, pulling it open all the way.
Mike: Something tells me he doesn’t like Angie.
Tom: No. King Cobra doesn’t like Angie.
There was nothing there. No sign of Angela. At least, not in the darkness that prevented
him from seeing into the room.
Tom: So turn on a light dip-shit!
Suddenly, the masked maniac grabbed Lex and spun him around, wrapping both arms
around him in an almost sweet hug that looked affectionate but was actually
crushing his ribs.
Crow: He’s a gay sadomasochist!
Tom: No, you’re thinking of yourself.
Crow: You die tonight Tom.
Lex struggled wildly, his talons on his feet flailing and
kicking wildly. The killer had him in a death grip, squeezing the air out of him
and making the small gargoyle feel dizzy. Then, his eyes widened as his torso
was crushed, and he knew no more.
Tom: He didn’t know much to begin with.
The last thing he saw was the red plastic hockey mask glaring down at him. The killer dropped Lexington's body to the floor.
******************************************************************************
In the boiler room, Brooklyn and Elisa followed Goliath closely, extremely
spooked but trying not to show it. This was where the fuse box.
Mike: Typo!
Maybe they could get the lights working here.
Tom: Maybe pigs will sprout wings and fly.
Finding the fuse box, Goliath grabbed the handle
and yanked it upwards. Nothing happened. Then he gripped it again and pulled
downwards. The group sighed in relief as the lights came back on-
Revealing Owen's body lying on the floor, badly burnt, skin blackened, and his
usually puss faced expression fixed in a dead glare of terror.
All: AAHHH!
Looking at him, it was obvious how he had died. Elisa screamed, petrified, and jumped into her
beloved's arms.
Mike: Since when did Elisa become such a wuss?
Tom: She’s been turned into a typical horror fic female.
Goliath held her, and glanced down at the body.
"This explains why the lights flickered and died." Goliath rationalized.
Mike: Brilliant Holmes.
Brooklyn tried to regain his voice, but when he did, it was shaking. "Let's get
the fuck out of here."
Tom: Good idea!
(The bots race to the theater door and struggle to open it but find it locked. They look back to see Mike gazing at them.)
Mike: Told ya.
Bots: Shut up!
(They take their seats again)
They ran, bolting back down the stairs for dear life and into the hallway.
"Wait!" Elisa cried. "I have my cell phone. Maybe I can call Matt and get him
over here." "Good idea," Brooklyn gasped. Elisa took her phone out of her
pocket, and started to dial.
Crow: Suddenly her cell phone batteries go dead!
Tom: Elisa following said batteries a moment later!
Before she could punch the last digit, however, the psycho lunged at her from a
door in the hallway.
All: AAHH!!
Elisa screamed, and Goliath attacked the killer, landing
furious punches against his face. Grabbing the large taloned claw, the killer
flipped Goliath onto his back, still holding his arm...
Mike: And once again the villain feels no pain even when getting his face smashed in by a gargoyle.
Bots: Remember. Horror fic villain.
And rammed his foot down onto Goliath's face, crushing it into his skull.
Tom: Damn! Those were my favorite steel-heeled boots!
Brooklyn held Elisa back as she tried to rush in and save Goliath. It was too
late to save him, anyway. So it didn't really matter.
Tom: Cinnamon!
Mike: Toast!
Crow: Captain!
CRUNCH!
Elisa shuddered, frightened anguished sobs echoing from her throat and tears on
her cheeks. Brooklyn lunged at the killer, and was met with a smack of the fist.
Brooklyn hit the floor, and his head was smacked into the wall, not hard enough
to kill him.
Tom: DAMN!! HE NEVER DIES!!!
Crow: I thought you cured him of that!
Mike: That’s impossible with you around.
Brooklyn slumped, unconscious. Elisa hauled ass.
Running onto the balcony, Elisa spun around and saw him coming for her. She
pointed her gun at him. "Stay back!" Instead of stopping, the killer grabbed the
gun and tossed it behind him.
Mike: Faster then a speeding bullet!
Crow: Superman’s the killer?
Tom: Makes sense. Invulnerable, super fast, stupid babes always around him…
Grabbing Elisa by the throat, Jason strangled her
Tom: Guess it’s not Superman.
brutally, then, when her body went limp, walked over to the balcony and tossed
her off.
Crow: Oh come on! You didn’t even screw her first!
Mike: Crow!
Tom: This guy gets pleasure from killing. Rape is boring.
Crow: How would you know?
Tom: Read, okay!
BANG!
(All three jump several feet into the air)
The force of the bullet was so great that it sent Jason off the balcony to
plummet a long way down.
Tom: King Cobra! Lord of the Understatement!
Brooklyn sighed as he lowered the gun. Sure, everyone
was dead. But at least he was alive.
Mike: Sure. Always thinking of himself.
He truly was the last Gargoyle now, which
was kind of a shame.
Mike: Kind of?
Tom: He’s forgetting about Avalon.
But there was always Avalon to go to, if he ever wanted to
find female companionship.
Tom: Guess he didn’t forget.
Crow: Brooklyn on the island of the amazon gargoyles! (drool)
Listening to the sound of approaching police sirens,
Brooklyn stood up. It was time to go greet the police and explain what had
happened. They wouldn't fear him, not after he had saved that train and been
declared a hero for it all those years ago.
All: Yeah right!
Down on the street, Brooklyn greeted Matt, who responded by placing handcuffs on
him.
"Hey!"
"Shut the fuck up. You killed my partner."
All: Huh?!
Brooklyn looked and, to his horror, saw only Elisa's corpse on the pavement. But
Jason had gone down the same way, in the same area. They should be lying side by
side or at least close together! But Jason was not there. Did he get up and walk
away? No. That wasn't possible.
Was it?
Tom: Of course it’s possible. Haven’t you seen Halloween?
Mike: Told you he was Mike Meyers.
"But I didn't kill them!" he screamed. "It was Jason!"
"Jason? Jason Voorhees? From those Friday The 13th films?"
Crow: No, just his stunt double going postal.
Brooklyn didn't answer. His mind was beginning to crack from the terror he felt
and the fear he had killed them himself. Could he have imagined the whole thing?
Did he actually kill everyone himself? No. How could he have done so? He was on
patrol when Owen and possibly the Xanatoses were killed, and he hadn't killed
the gargoyles. Yet, could Matt be right? Could he have imagined Jason? Was the
hockey masked killer just what he had seen when he had killed his friends
himself?
Mike: Maybe.
Crow: Kinda reminds me of Belgarion’s What Might Have Been fics.
Tom: Huh?
Crow: You know…the one where Brooklyn becomes a serial killer?
Tom: We didn’t read that series thank god.
Mike: No. Thank Pearl.
"Get in the car, Brooklyn. You're going away for life, you sicko."
Brooklyn, instead of answering, began to laugh in a demented fashion as Matt
Bluestone pushed him into the vehicle and the police car moved down the road,
cruising towards the police station.
Crow: Okay, he’s definitely the Brooklyn from What Might Have Been.
Tom: Crossover!
To Be Continued?
All: We hope not!
Please...don't ask.
Mike: We won’t.
I was watching a horror movie, and it suddenly struck me. What
would it be like if the Gargoyles were forced to suffer such a thing?
Crow: Pretty messy actually.
That thought was the inspiration of this fic.
Tom: Please don’t have any more thoughts.
Hopefully, it will not upset anyone with my graphic depictions of death and/or maiming.
Mike: We’re all going to wretch.
Crow: I liked it!
Tom: You’re also a sick, twisted bot.
(Crow merely grins)
This story was also just written to express the twisted side of me.
Crow: And enjoyed by the twisted side of me!
Tom: That’s your only side.
This is not the kind of fic I'm used to writing, but I wanted to try something new. If it upsets anyone, I promise I will never write something like this again.
Mike: Good! I want to be able to sleep at night!
So, send your criticisms to
Tom: Email bomb coming up!
[Door sequence…]
The trio walked back onto the bridge to see Pearl on the view screen finishing her meal. She notices them and smiles coldly.
Pearl
Hello dears. I trust that fic I sent you was sufficiently horrible to give you nightmares for a few weeks.
Mike
If anyone needs me I’ll be in the bathroom tossing my cookies. (exits)
Pearl laughs quietly.
Pearl
Perfect! And what about you my tin friends?
Tom
I’ll be leaving my night light on for the rest of the month!
Crow
I wanna see it again!
Pearl frowns at this.
Pearl
You what?
Crow
(beginning to rant) I wanna see it again! I want it more bloody! I want to see Brooklyn’s head on a pole!
Pearl
Are you feeling alright dear?
Crow
I’VE NEVER FELT BETTER!! (laughs hysterically)
Pearl carefully reaches over and hits the button to shut off the view screen. Tom silently hovers out of view leaving Crow on the bridge alone, his psychotic laughter echoing throughout the Satellite…
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