Disclaimer: I don’t own the idea of Gargoyles nor it’s characters. I don’t own Regis or Oliver deBurrows. I am dirt poor and will not make any money off of this! As usual, all meant in good fun. Also, Alexander the Gargoyle is Jerr Bear's creation.

Threesome

by King Cobra3,
MiSTED By Jerr Bear

[email protected]

In the not-too-distant future--

Next Sunday, A.D.--

There were a group of gargoyles and two halflings,

Not too different than you or me.

The Gargoyles fought Demona,

Protecting New York from Evil Deeds;

Unfortunately she put them in a temporary coma,

Demona had an evil plan

So she shot them into outer space.

We'll send them cheesy fanfics,

The worst ever made. (La la la!)

Regis says when you get gold,

You make lemonade.

Now keep in mind they can't control

When they have to read the fanfics,

Because Lex used those extra parts

To make his computer 'l33t'.

Cast roll-call—

Elisa: Demona must die!

Fox: You hold her down, I’ll saw off her head!

Broadway: Alexander dies too!

Regis: Calm down! Calm down!

Oliver: Why don’t I seduce Demona?

Demmmmyyy!: NOOOOOO!

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe

And other science facts,

Just repeat to yourself it's just a fic,

You should really just relax

For Mystery Gargoyles Theater 3000.

"What!? You’re actually considering dating that geek!?"

"Not considering, doing it," Angela told her mate.

Broadway fell off of their bed. "B-b-but… it was the ruby pendant!"

"Obviously you’re not ready to commit," Angela noted with sarcasm, "So why not an open relationship?"

The chubby gargoyle smiled as he thought of the possibilities. He eagerly agreed to Angela’s proposal.

"Good," Angela replied. "I’ll date the geek, get us off this ship, and we’ll have an open relationship."

"Why do you want one?" Broadway asked with suspicion.

"Why not?"

Broadway left it at that and left their room. Angela wondered if it was such a wise idea to have an open relationship. Ever since Broadway had made out with Regis, she had started developing doubts of how good their relationship really was. She didn’t see many alternatives, though. They couldn’t go see a marriage counselor, and she didn’t want to break up with her mate! Perhaps if he saw her with someone else, Broadway would finally commit.

"Regis, want to have dinner?"

The halfling turned around to the sound of his voice. "Nothing would make me happier—" he answered.

"Great! How’s spaghetti sound?" Broadway cheered.

"—but, I don’t want to make Angela mad." Regis finished.

"She won’t be mad. We’re in an open relationship now."

Regis slid his hands into the pockets of his cargo jeans. "Yea, she told me. I still don’t want to hurt her."

"Will you at least consider it?" Broadway asked.

The chubby halfling sighed. He wouldn’t mind a nice dinner with Broadway, but he had sworn off the Gargoyle in favor of salvaging his friendship with Angela. Though he guessed she wouldn’t be too mad if he and Broadway started a relationship, Regis knew he would feel bad. "I’ll… think about it," he told the gargoyle.

"That was six moves, not five!" Fox accused Elisa.

"I don’t cheat at Pachisi, unlike some criminals."

"Hey!" both Fox and Regis exclaimed.

"At least you’re doing better than me," Broadway whispered to Fox.

As Regis rolled the dice, they heard the doors to the room close shut. Elisa sighed as she looked at the screen on the wall. There was Demona; not looking too pleased as usual.

"Foolish humans! Did you think I’d let you go a week without torture!?"

"Mother, let us go!" Angela pleaded.

"I will not! You must learn the humans are evil! Just look at reality TV!"

"Mother," Angela began, "Is that offer still up?"

Demona’s eyes nearly bulged out of her sockets. A big smile spread across her face as Broadway groaned.

"Yes, my honey-pot-pie! Alexander still wants to date you."

Fox put a hand on Angela’s shoulder. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes."

"But he’s a Microsoft Engineer!" Elisa yelled.

"Very well," Demona stated, "I will teleport you back to Earth, where Alexander awaits for dinner."

Broadway let out another groan. He didn’t like the idea of his mate dating someone Demona picked!

On-screen, Anton Sevarius pulled some levers and flipped some switches. Angela disappeared from the room in a blinding light. As soon as everyone’s vision cleared, Demona started talking again.

"Meanwhile, I’d like to introduce your newest partner in torture!" She announced as another light appeared.

Regis’s mouth fell open as he saw the figure falling out of the light. "A halfling!" he murmured.

The newest arrival, a chubby halfling wearing purple pants, a rapier, a purple hate with one side pinned up by a large orange feather, a long flowing purple cape, and a white shirt got himself off of the floor and straightened out his clothes. He rubbed one hand over his neatly trimmed goatee then traced a finger against his pencil moustache. "Where am I?" he asked, in a mixture of a Spanish and French accent.

"I present Oliver deBurrows!" Demona proclaimed.

Oliver turned around to the screen while unsheathing his rapier. As soon as he saw Demona, his demeanor changed.

"Ah, milady! Your fiery hair sets my heart aflame with Passion and Amour!" he complimented as he dipped into a low bow.

Sevarius snickered as he watched Demona turn a darker shade of azure. "Fool," she ranted, "I shall enjoy torturing you along with those human-loving fools in Goliath’s clan!"

Oliver stumbled back a step and grabbed his chest with both of his hands. "Milady! You wound my heart with such words! Why have you stranded me with these good folk when we could make love?"

Sevarius could no longer hold it. He let out a loud laugh and fell to the floor as Demona glared at the halfling. "You just answered your own question!" she managed to stammer as everyone else burst out laughing.

Oliver snapped his fingers and sat down next to Regis. "Usually my charms work so well," he confided to the halfling.

"I tried using my ruby pendant on her once, but she cast a spell against that."

As Demona was about to say something, a light engulfed her on the screen and then she appeared right in front of her audience. Her mouth dropped open, as she comprehended exactly what had just happened.

As she opened her mouth to curse Sevarius, Broadway lunged at the gargess. Elisa, Fox, and Regis tried holding him back, but to no avail. Demona ran around the room as Broadway chased her with a frying pan, three forms being dragged along for the ride. Oliver turned to the screen, ignoring the ruckus, and gave Sevarius an inquisitive look.

"I love intrigue as much as the next Gascon, but why is the lady here?"

Sevarius’s maniacal laughter filled the room as Broadway continued chasing Demona around the room. "My little man, that ‘lady’ owes me five Christmas bonuses!"

"Damn you, Sevarius," Demona spat while running, "DAMN YOU!"

"Broadway," Regis called softly.

Broadway stopped as soon as he saw the ruby pendant swinging in front of his face. His eyes glazed over as he followed the ruby swing to and fro. He sluggishly nodded his head as he watched the pendant.

"You must calm down, or we will never leave this place," the halfling soothed.

Broadway nodded as Regis put his ruby back under his shirt.

"That comes in handy," Oliver commented as he put an arm around Regis’s shoulders.

"I can’t die anyway," Demona snarled, "I’m immortal!"

Demona’s eyes glowed red as she turned her head toward the screen and shot Anton a glare promising hours of torture.

"No, no, no," Anton warned, "I won’t let you down unless you sign a contract repaying me those Christmas bonuses you owe me, and stating you will never torture or kill me afterwards."

"Never," Demona stated.

"Human, why did you not join Broadway in the chase?" she asked as she looked at Elisa.

Elisa looked at Demona calmly. "As much as I’d’ve loved to, you’re more likely to free us than Anton."

Regis got his ruby out and swung it in front of Demona’s face. The gargess angrily slapped it away and proclaimed the protection spell was permanent.

"Now," Anton began, "the following fanfic was actually requested to be viewed by you all from the author! Let the ‘Torture for Christmas Bonuses’ begin!"

Threesome By King Cobra3 ([email protected])

Note: This fic was fan requested. No one get pissed at me for writing this. To that fan, I have one thing and ONLY one thing to say: You are welcome.

Oliver: How convenient. Blame the fan-request!

Regis: King Cobra3 forgot to add at the end, "and you’re a sick, sick puppy! Sick!"

Warning: The Gargoyles are the property of Buena Vista. Any and all original characters are mine. So leave them alone, unless you ask first. If you don't ask, I'll hack into your computer and read your email. Think I'm bluffing? Maybe I am...Maybe I'm not. Try me.

Regis: He’ll hack a computer? How; with an axe?

It was a beautiful day in Manhattan. The sun peeked brightly over the tops of the buildings

Demona: (Chants) Peeping tom! Peeping tom!

Fox: That Sun sure is a big pervert!

, those tall skyscrapers that seemed to have no end from the ground level. The sky was an ocean blue, with no cloud linage in sight. The streets of the metropolitan area were, for once, pleasant to look at. The crime rate seemed to be taking a rest today. The city never appeared more serene.

Demona: (Singing) It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Won’t you be mine? Won’t you be mine?

Fox: Demmy, I’m surprised you like Mr. Rogers!

Demona: Foolish human! You know nothing of me!

And that was very good news for Becky Rose.

Broadway: (Narrates) Because today she was going to set fire to her ex-boyfriend’s car!

Demona: Cause he cheated on her with an incredibly short fat man.

Broadway: (Glares at Demona) It was the ruby pendant…

Once a citizen of Minnesota, Becky had relocated to Manhattan when things had started getting bad in her former hometown of Minneapolis.

Elisa: (Narrates) Becky had gotten in trouble with the law one-too-many times. She was a street-roughened-and-wise junky whore with a heart of gold and a flaming case of Crabs.

One week before they had moved, the young beauty, then 15, had arrived home with her parents following a business dinner at her dad's company, and found their house ransacked.

Oliver: Then Becky turned around to find that it wasn’t really their home at all, but their neighbor’s. The neighbor saw her, and mistook the young lady for his ex-wife! He grabbed a chainsaw and hacked off her head! The end.

Regis: If only that worked.

Everything had been turned over or destroyed, and several of her mother's glass valuables had been stolen.

Demona: Including her prized glass bust of Patrick Swayze’s ass.

Fox: Patrick Swayze makes my ass twitch!

Her lifelong collection of priceless antiques from the 1930's and beyond; all gone, stolen by persons unknown and taken to areas unknown.

Elisa: Beyond? So she had antiques from the year 3149 huh?

Fox: (Narrates) Becky was just glad they hadn’t stolen her glow-in-the-dark vibrator.

Becky remembered how her father, Luis, had stomped around the house, heading for the phone upstairs. Approximately two seconds later, his loud booming voice, asking for the police, was heard from all the way downstairs.

Demona: Luis had reached a phone sex operator instead. That’s the reason why Becky lives in New York now, the experience of her father pleasuring himself still haunts her nightmares every night.

Fox: It turned out to be her elderly male teacher on the other end, anyway.

Luis had been a big man, widely structured, and his voice got loud when he got pissed

Elisa: On

. That night, his voice had been the loudest Becky had - or would ever - have heard.

Regis: Because Becky promptly took an axe to his head and proclaimed herself Lizzie Borden. Now she lives in a Loony Bin.

Broadway: Why an axe? A frying pan is so much better… (Glares at Demona)

Demona: I can’t die, remember?

Broadway: Still doesn’t mean I can’t kill you more than a million times.

Demona: (Mutters to herself) I’d like to see you bring it on, biatch!

Becky's mother, Sandra, had just broken down.

Fox: Wow! Becky’s mother was a Stepford Wife!? What are the odds?

Her valuables were gone, and on the wall of the upstairs bedroom, she had found the words EAT SHIT written in black marker.

Elisa: So she stuck her hand down her backside, into her ass, pulled it out, and ate shit!

All (Except Elisa): Ewwww!

The graffiti was obscene, and Sandra, who was of a trusting nature,

Oliver: So trusting that Becky wasn’t even really Luis’s daughter. That’s another story for another time, though.

was unable to comprehend that anyone would pull such a stunt, and her mind was lost for a few seconds. Becky comforted her mother as she cried.

Now, back in the present, Becky, now 29,

Fox: I bet she says she’s really 24.

Elisa: Oh? How old are you?

Fox: 22.

Regis: (In His Chris Rock Voice) If a woman looks 26, and says she’s 26, she’s damn near 40!

shook the bad memory out of her head. There was no point in going backwards. The damage had been done, and there was no judicial way to change it.

Broadway: I guess that means they weren’t insured.

Regis: Except for the bust of Swayze’s ass. They got five million dollars for that and Becky sued her father for mental damages and got two-point five million dollars.

She could only look ahead, to the bright future that lay before her. Though things had not improved for her family in this town, Becky had kept a positive attitude, always believing that no matter what, things would be better in the end.

Demona: Optimism is something liberals invented to make a rainbow-shiny world that doesn’t exist!

Fox: No, it’s something Conservatives invented to keep the minorities down!

Elisa: Will you two stop with your conspiracy theories!?

She had taken a job, working at a diner. It was lousy pay, but at least she always got tipped.

Oliver: Tipped like a cow?

Regis: No, no, no. She always got tipped as in drunk! Becky is really a lush!

Oliver: Oh! I see!

So if she was ever behind on her rent, she always knew she could count on an extra $100 from a kindly middle aged gentlemen that would help her muddle through.

Broadway: (Narrating) Of course, it didn’t help that Becky liked to spend that money all on her secret addiction.

Oliver: And that would be?

Broadway: Hello Kitty vibrators!

Fox: They do not have Hello Kitty vibrators you liar!

Demona and Regis: Yes they do.

Elisa: How do you both know?

Demona and Regis: (Silence and Blushing)

It wasn't just because she was a good waitress. She was, but the tips also usually came from young men who had a hard up for her.

Elisa: And let’s face it; nothing says "Be Mine" like a one hundred dollar tip for serving coffee!

She was good looking, with her tan skin, and her blonde-streaked-black hair, and she knew it. She was often the victim of a catcall or attempted pinch from random people while strolling the streets. She met strange men who hit on her everywhere she went. Her beauty knew no bounds.

Regis: Wow, someone has a good opinion of themselves!

Her only flaw, at least it was a flaw in her eyes, was that she was too short. Standing at only 5'3", Becky often found herself wishing for some extra height whenever Christmas came around.

Regis and Oliver: (Together) That isn’t a flaw! Being short has it’s advantages!

Demona: Yea, right!

Oliver: (Leers at Demona) Want me to show you? Just stand up and sprea--

Demona: (Demona punches Oliver across the room) No thanks.

And as always, Santa failed to deliver.

But she was still good-looking. She could have any man she wanted.

The problem with that, though, was that she didn't want A MAN.

Elisa: Oh, so she’s a lesbian!

She wanted THE MAN.

Broadway: George W. Bush? That’s fucked up.

Demona: Figures that you’d cheat on my daughter you unpatriotic liberal!

Fox: Say that again, and you’ll be eating sh—

Elisa: I said stop it already!

A male who was special, and who recognized how special she was on the inside, not someone who would make wolf whistles and slip a hotel room key into his tip money when handing it to her. She wanted someone who appreciated HER, not just her sexy looks.

Fox and Elisa: Oh! She wants a gay guy!

So far such hoping had been futile. Were there NO men like that in Manhattan?

She had begun to wonder.

Demona: There are no men like that. All men are scum.

Oliver: (Whispering to Regis) Someone is jaded.

"Hey, Becky, you're still on duty!"

Becky flinched.

Broadway: (As Becky, grabs eye) A beeee!! Getitoffofmegetitoffofme!

She had been so lost in thought, she had actually forgotten that she was still in the diner. "Huh?"

Her Boss, Marcus Skyler, rolled his eyes. "You're still on afternoon shift, remember? Damn, girl, get outta the third dimension and start serving. We've got hungry customers waiting!"

Elisa: (As Becky) But boss, the third dimension is fun! Where else can I get away from my shit-eating mom and my pervy dad?

"Okay...uh, yes...yes...Mr. Skyler."

The balded man turned away and disappeared into the kitchen.

"Sounds like Skyler's on your case again."

Fox: (As Becky) No, he’s just mad I won’t put out. Bastard.

Becky looked at her close friend, a mid 20's waiter named John Percell, and smiled wearily.

"Something like that."

"You need a ride home later? I'm heading in your direction, anyway. Tina wants me to get dinner for her at the local Subway, anyway." Tina was Paul's wife.

"No, no thanks. I'll just hitch a cab."

"Okay." Paul approached a table where two old women waited,

Broadway: That’s when he jumped on the table and the old ladies started screaming "Take it all off!"

leaving Becky alone with her thoughts as she went back to work. Paul, as far as she knew, had seemed like a nice guy, but she had only known him for two weeks. Not to mention the fact he seemed...odd...occasionally.

Broadway: Uh… is it just me, or did he change his name from John to Paul?

Regis: Maybe he’ll change it to Mary or Peter later.

Demona: Peter, Paul, and Mary was one of the best rock bands ever… (Sighs)

Oliver: I’m surprised no one made an amorous remark about "You need a ride home, later?"

Regis: (As Becky) Sure do! Do you have Trojans "Ribbed for her pleasure"?

Oliver: I stand corrected.

Especially at closing time last night, when Becky had seen the shadowed form of a gargoyle gliding overhead under the moon, and had called him over to see for himself. Thinking back, Becky recalled that cold ice that had appeared in Paul's eyes.

Fox: That’s quite a feat there, forming cold ice in your eyes.

Oliver: He has his own handy ice dispenser! I bet he’s really popular at parties!

That strange look that had sent chills up her spine. Becky had replied "Paul, relax. It's not gonna hurt us." and Paul had slowly turned his head to look at her.

Regis: (As Paul) Biatch! That’s my ex-boyfriend, Broadway!

Broadway: Like I’d date a guy that scrawny!

Oliver: Cuddly and gay! You wouldn’t happen to have a thing for halflings, would you?

Broadway: I am not gay, I’m just heteroflexible.

Regis: (To Oliver) I thought you were straight?

Oliver: No, just Bisexual. Ask Luthien Bedwyr.

All (Except Demona and Oliver): Who?

Demona: You did not have sex with Luthien!

Oliver: There’s a lot in those books that weren’t mentioned. Did you know Katerin O’ Hale liked to cross-dress as a man?

Demona: Anyway, you’re in luck because Broadway happens to be a pervy hobbit fancier!

Broadway: Hey! I am not pervy!

Needless to say, Becky had never mentioned it to him again.

Regis: She never mentioned the "ride home" again? Tease!

Becky shook her head, clearing away the memory. She had customers to tend to.

Demona: (As Becky) Welcome to Marcus’s Diner! How may I service you?

Later that night, Becky, relieved after a long night of work and wanting nothing more then sleep, entered her apartment and suddenly someone's hand went over her mouth before she could turn on the lights.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the Gargoyle sympathizer."

It was Paul, and he was not alone.

Oliver: (As Paul) Stay away from my ex-boyfriend, BIATCH! He’s my man, not yours!

Regis: (As Becky) Bitch, puh-lease! He’s my man, not yours!

All: (Chants) Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

The light came on, and Becky saw that her home was flooded with at least Fifteen Quarrymen.

Elisa: I guess they’re not potty-trained.

All (Except Elisa): EWWWW!

Regis: What’s with the "potty" mouth?

Oliver: No punning.

Regis: But I like punning.

Becky tried to scream, but it was a muffled cry, nothing loud enough to get attention from a neighbor who might have investigated.

It got someone's attention, though.

Two large shapes, one brown in color and the other Aqua Blue, crashed though her skylight.

Paul snapped

Demona: His fingers

at the nearest Quarryman. "Shoot them!"

The Quarryman, obedient as always, eagerly complied, and Hudson lunged at him, throwing the poor soul through the wall. Becky's apartment soon looked less like a safe dwelling and more like a disaster zone.

"'Ang on, Lass. Help is onna way."

Fox: (As Hudson) Aye lass! Help is onna way! In the form of eight inches!

Regis: Bow-wow-chicka-bow-wow-wow-chicka-chicka!

Elisa: Well, this is rated X, so the cheesy porn music fits in.

Demona: Hudson isn’t eight inches, he’s nine.

Fox: How do you know that?

Demona: (Silence)

Who just said that? Was it one of the two Gargoyles kicking the Quarrymen's asses?

All: Duh!

Regis: Becky sure is dense-headed!

Oliver: I heard her head is filled with cheeeeeese.

Despite her terror, Becky hoped so. She had been wanting to meet an actual talking gargoyle ever she had moved here. It was evident, however, that Paul, her assailant, was not as ecstatic as she was.

Oliver: I don’t know. Judging from the look in his eyes, he wants to make sweet love with Broadway.

Broadway: Good luck! Too scrawny, and looks like Mike from Something Positive!

Regis: Uh, hate to break it to you big guy, but…considering this is Rated X that could be the author’s plan.

Broadway: (Screams to ceiling) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Demona: (Screams and smiles to ceiling) YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!

"Destroy the filthy monsters!"

Oliver: I could be wrong.

Broadway: (Sighs) Thank the Dragon!

Demona: (Sighs) King Cobra3 couldn’t have at least killed you off?

Broadway: Hey!

Shoving his victim to the floor not too gently, Paul pulled a hammer out of his belt and charged it.

Fox: Wow, look at the size of that ‘hammer’!

Elisa: Didn’t know you liked them oddly shaped, Fox.

Demona: I’ve had bigger.

Regis: So have I.

Oliver: (To Regis) Not yet! (Arches eyebrows and smiles mischievously)

Regis: (Blushes)

Becky looked on, horrified, as the electric charge appeared at the hammer's blunt end. Paul marched rapidly toward the old brown one, eyes shining with insane hatred and glee.

Oliver: Run Hudson! Run before he performs bukkake on you!

All: (Sing) Ooooh, bukkake!

The old Gargoyle was too busy fighting the extra Quarrymen to notice his attacker coming for him from behind.

Regis: Then he dropped the soap. Bad move, Hudson.

Broadway: (Looking sick) Will you all stop!? He is my father!

Becky screamed a warning. "Look out!"

Hearing her cry, Hudson knocked down the closest attacker and whipped around to see Paul swinging the hammer at him. Hudson, om impulse, threw himself onto his back on the floor, out of harm's way. The angry Quarryman's hammer whistled through the air as it come down at Hudson again.

Oliver: Oh no! Too late! Bukkake!

Demona: Poor Hudson! Bukkake is so humiliating when you don’t want it!

Elisa: What’s bukkake?

Regis: It started in Japan as a way to punish women for cheating on their husbands. The woman would be bound in the middle of town while all of the men masturbated and took turns ejaculating on her. Today, it’s just a genre of pornography.

Elisa: Why is it you always explain these things in such disturbing detail!?

Reacting quickly, the aged creature brandished his sword and swung it straight up, knocking the deadly weapon out of Paul's hands and sending it skittering across the floor.

Fox: Loraina Bobbited him!

Demona: Is that even a term?

Fox: Well, I couldn’t think of anything else.

Hudson leaped to his feet, and before Paul could react, grabbed him by the shirt, slamming his head roughly but cautiously into the wall.

Broadway: Unfortunately, there was a metal plate in the wall. As the man’s head connected, a funny squishing noise erupted and blood and brains exploded all over Hudson, thus ending the story and everyone’s talk of my father having sex! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF THE DRAGON, STOP!

Paul fell unconscious. The rest of them were out as well.

Becky looked up at the two gargoyles, and her face split open into a

Oliver: (narrates) Gigantic Venus Fly Trap! As Broadway and Hudson stared at each other in disbelief, the Becky-Fly Trap bit off both of their heads!

wide grin.

Oliver: I could be wrong.

"GARGOYLES! Actual...living...breathing...Gargoyles!"

Demona and Fox: (As Broadway and Hudson) No, we’re actually fairy god fathers here to grant your every wish!

Elisa: (As Becky) Ooo! I wish that I were a movie star!

Demona and Fox: Wish granted!

Elisa: Hey! I didn’t want to star in Remakes of 70's TV Shows-Movies!

Hudson cocked his head, and raised an eyebrow. "Eh?"

Becky climbed to her feet, extremely and unreasonably jubilated.

Elisa: (As Becky) Ravish me, o’ my king! Ravish me!

All: It’s good to be the king!

"I'm a member of the PIT group, the People for Interspecies Tolerance. I've always DREAMED of meeting you guys in person!" Broadway looked at Hudson, and shrugged. The human woman's excitement was largely blatant to them, but it was still unusual to see a human actually showing admiration to them instead of fear.

Broadway: Then I remembered that humans usually showed fear only when they’ve beheld us naked!

Demona: You know what they say about males who say they have a big—

Broadway and Oliver: I’m not listening, lalalalalala!

Regis: I wouldn’t mind seeing (Leers at Broadway and Oliver)

Fox, Demona, and Elisa: We would!

Broadway: So, you do want to date me?

Regis: Can’t. But who said I can’t look and not touch?

Becky, noting their startled glance, was quick to respond. "Oh, don't worry! I'm not usually this hyper or anything. It's just such a thrill to me, interacting with my winged protectors."

Oliver: Winged protectors?

Fox: Dove, maxi-pads with wings!

Hudson smiled warmly. " 'Winged Protectors.' I sure like the sound of that."

Elisa: (Narrates) From that day on, Hudson and Broadway became spokesman for Feminine Hygiene.

Becky smiled, then suddenly remembered the Quarrymen lying motionless in her living room. "So what are we going to do about them?" Hudson gazed at the bodies, and replied in a somber fashion. "Aye, lass. Let us handle it."

Becky, regaining her senses, nodded genuinely. "You guys take care of them while I call 911."

Oliver: Instead, Becky accidentally called 311, the band.

Regis: They took care of the bodies by making them into puppets for their stage shows.

Five minutes, having completed her call and reassured that the police were on their way, Becky returned to her living room and was surprised to see her attackers, still unconscious, all tied up in groups. Paul hung by his wrists from a rope tied to Becky's Italian chandelier. Hudson and Broadway looked up at her as she looked spellbound by the quick job. "You guys work fast."

Elisa: Then Becky noticed the white stains all over the Quarrymen.

Demona: (As Becky) Wow, you guys do work fast!

Broadway: (As himself) I bukkake for justice!

Regis: Finally, a scene where a Something Positive quote actually fits!

Broadway smiled. "That's part of our nature. If given the chance, gargoyles would probably make incredible marathon runners." He frowned, remembering his manners. They were guests in a strange surrounding, and he wanted to introduce himself. "My name is Broadway, and this is Hudson."

"I'm Rebecca Rose, though I prefer being called Becky." Her eyes flashed.

Elisa: You’re under arrest for indecent exposure! You have the right to remain silent—

Fox: Who are you talking to?

Elisa: Her eyes flashed us!

"How did you two know I was in danger anyway?"

Broadway had an answer ready. "I saw them a mile away. Hudson and I swooped down when we saw them climb up your fire escape, and we watched, waiting to see what would happen. When we saw the lights come on, we know we had to intercede right then."

Regis: Becky’s eyes widen at the admission. She pulls out a can of mace and sprays it at Hudson and Broadway’s eyes while screaming "Stalkers!"

Becky smiled. You guys saved my life. How can I repay you?" Hudson closed his eyes wearily.

Fox: (As Hudson) Well…if ye insist…

Broadway: (Sighs) Not again…

Regis: Bow-wow-chicka-bow-wow-wow-chick-chicka!

"Aye, Lass, life for a 'Argoyle is not about being repaid, but being a protector."

Becky frowned. "I still want to pay you guys back. Maybe..." Her words were cut off by a knock on the door. "Who is it?"

Regis: Oranges.

Oliver: Oranges who?

Regis: Oranges!

Oliver: Oranges who?

Regis: Bananas!

Oliver: Bananas who?

Regis: Orange ya glad I didn’t say oranges?

"NYPD, ma'am."

Becky gestured wildly

Demona: with her middle finger

to her balcony and the gargoyles dashed out of the room hiding on the balcony. Becky wiped the hair out of her eyes, trying to look composed, lest she give away her excitement and ignite the officer's suspicions. "Come in!"

Oliver: This is fast becoming a gang-bang type flick! But when will we see the pr0n!?

Fox: This reminds me of that Christine Morgan fanfic where I dreamt about all of those cops.

The door opened and several cops, led by a middle aged African-American policeman, entered. "Ma'am, I'm Officer Morgan. You called regarding a Quarryman attack?" Becky nodded, acting calm to keep from giving away the fact that there were Gargoyles outside. "They... broke into my apartment and tried to assault me."

Morgan pulled a

Oliver: Cherry Whip

notepad

Oliver: I could be wrong.

out of his chest pocket. "I just need a statement, ma'am. Do you have any idea why these guys attacked you?"

Becky thought about it. "Well, I'm a member of PIT. I imagine that upset them..." she jerked her head in Paul's direction. "...Especially since one of my so-called friends was an apparent Quarryman and was also familiar with my social habits."

Demona: In other words, Paul knew she was a whore.

All: (Snicker)

Morgan looked at the bound forms littered around the room, most of whom were coming to and being led out by several cops. Those who didn't were carried out strung across the cops' shoulders or were helped to stagger out. Morgan shook his head and whistled, awestruck. "How did you subdue them?" Becky had to think fast. "Well, uh..."

Morgan looked up at her, obviously expecting an answer. Becky thought, and an idea came to mind. But would he buy it? Becky decided she had to break the tension and try. "I...studied martial arts."

Oliver: (As Becky) And when that didn’t work, I gave them lap dances!

Morgan frowned. He didn't believe her, but he decided to play along, though she was clearly embellishing. "Did you?" Becky nodded.

~What a relief! He believes me!~ she thought feverishly. What she was SPEAKING was "Yeah. Almost seven years. I have a black belt." She grinned convincingly. "I could probably take Jackie Chan!"

Broadway: (As Morgan) That’s a lot of semen. You wouldn’t happen to be one of those whacky chicks-with-dicks, would you?

Regis: Wow, that’s another S*P Quote!

Morgan sighed. The young woman was obviously lying, but what else could he do? He thanked Becky for her testimony and left. As soon as they were gone, Hudson and Broadway re-entered from the balcony. Becky looked relieved. "I thought you guys would've flown off or something."

"Aye, lass, we woulda...but Broadway begged we stay."

"Why?"

Broadway: (As himself) Oh…I’ll show you why. Dad, you go home.

Demona: (Takes out a notepad) Note to self: Kill Broadway later.

Broadway: What was that?

Demona: Oh nothing…

Hudson smirked. "The lad said he wanted to be rewarded for 'is brav'ry."

Becky smiled, scratching her birthmark under her armpit, which was a reddish blob, while she spoke. "So what do you guys want? Money? Food?"

Oliver: Ugh! That’s rude! Why is she scratching her underarms?

Demona: Most humans are chimpanzees…

Fox and Elisa: Hey!

Broadway: If we wanted money, we’d have just taken it! Is she that dense!?

"Actually," Broadway suggested. "I have something else in mind."

Hudson knew what Broadway was hinting at, and tried to restrain him from such thought. "But, Lad, what of Angela?" Broadway looked at his leader, slightly pissed. "Hudson, Angela dumped me for Brooklyn, remember?" Hudson nodded. "Aye, must be my old age."

"Or your brain took a relapse," Broadway muttered.

"Eh?"

"Nothing." Broadway replied innocently. He looked at Becky. "Come on. Let's get that reward now."

Broadway: Oh! The character assassination! I’d never be so mean to Hudson!

Demona: Doesn’t surprise me, cheater.

Broadway: (To Regis) Tell me why I have to leave her alone, again?

"It's in the kitchen," Becky informed the rotund creature, leading the way into her sparkling kitchen, which looked like something out of a Sears Catalog. Broadway whistled appreciatively at the beautiful white tiled wall design.

Regis: Wow, Broadway really is gay!

Broadway: Heteroflexible!

Oliver: (Snickers)

Hudson remained imposed, looking gruffly at the surroundings. It was not the nicest place that he had been to, but, for Hudson, it was pretty close to perfection as beauty could get. "Tis' a nice kitchen, lass."

Becky smiled, pleased. "Thanks." Her smile faded as she opened her refrigerator and pulled out a large chocolate cake, setting it on the table. Broadway suddenly looked like a child in a toy store. He began to salivate slightly.

Fox: Look why he’s salivating. Notice how the cake is shaped? Is it any wonder why we all think Broadway is gay?

Broadway: (Yells) HETEROFLEXIBLE!

Becky nodded at him. "Do you guys like cake?"

Broadway exploded in a rush of enthusiasm. "Do we?!" He practically jumped onto the table, scarfing down helping after helping of rich chocolate heaven without even offering his mentor or his new friend a bite. Hudson and Becky looked at each other, surprised, and both feeling equally queasy.

Oliver: (To Broadway) If I didn’t know any better I’d say you want to make love to that cake.

Broadway: Well, there was this one time I—

Demona, Fox, and Elisa: I’m not listening! Lalalala!

When Broadway was done, Becky asked "So what do you guys want to do now?"

"I have a few ideas," Broadway answered meaningfully.

Hudson groaned. "Nay, Laddie. We best be moving off. The ideas you be thinkin' are unethical." Broadway looked at his mentor, his leader, his friend, for a while before speaking. "But, Hudson, she's offering us a piece of ass!" Becky looked startled, but smiled at the statement.

Fox: If I were Becky, I’d have kicked his ass.

Broadway: Like I’d say that out loud!

Regis: Broadway, just let it go…

Hudson didn't know what to do. Should he participate in this foolhardy little game of Broadway's? The aged warrior did not want to admit it, but he felt getting pretty excited by the idea of a threesome, even if it was immoral to his life's beliefs. Hudson pondered for what seemed like an eternity, before he decided 'the hell with it' and looked, smiling, at his two companions, before exclaiming, "Broadway, lad, let us get our foreplay accomplished!"

All except Broadway: Bow-wow-chicka-bow-wow-wow-chicka-chicka.

Demona: I sense some ‘fatherly love’ there. (Snickers)

Broadway: We don’t do that!

INTERMISSION

Anton reappeared on-screen accompanied by a dozen lawyers arguing over a contract. He smiled wickedly at Demona as she got off of the floor and glared at him.

"The lawyers are working on the contract as we speak," Anton said.

One of the lawyers pulled out a gun and vaporized another. Anton chuckled as he watched the display.

"Looks like they didn’t quite agree with one another."

"Let me go!" Demona screamed.

"Not until the contract has no more holes in it."

Broadway hugged his knees as he rested his chin on them.

"Thinking of Angela?" Regis asked as he laid a hand on Broadway’s shoulder.

"Yea," he admitted.

"Who's Angela?" Oliver requested.

"Broadway’s girlfriend."

"So where is she?"

"Long story for another time," Regis told the halfling.

"As long as you’re telling me," Oliver added with a smile. Regis blushed as he looked at the halfling. He sat down and couldn’t help but wonder what Angela was doing.

Angela sighed as she looked at her date. This was the fifth time she was watching Alexander clean his glasses after dropping them in his tomato soup. She wondered why exactly her mother wanted her dating this guy.

"…and then, that’s when I was kicked out of Comic-Con for humping William Shatner’s leg! I can’t help it if I’m prone to fits of fanboyism…" Alexander kept ranting.

Angela closed her eyes as she whispered to herself, "I’m at the Ren Faire. Ren faire, ren faire, ren faire!"

"I’m sure she’s doing ok," Elisa soothed as she patted Broadway’s back.

"She’s probably making out with him as we speak," Demona muttered evilly.

Regis and Elisa held on tight as Broadway lunged at Demona again, frying pan in hand! Oliver and Fox just sighed as they watched the spectacle.

"So, what’s your name lovely creature?" Oliver asked.

"Fox, and I’m married."

"Damnit!"

Oliver’s next reply was drowned out as the fanfic began playing again.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Becky's pain wracked screams bounced off the walls as Hudson rolled on top of her, his great bulk nearly pressing her ribs into her lungs.

Elisa: And then, as Hudson let his whole body fall on top of her, her ribs broke and punctured her lungs! Hilarity ensued as Hudson and Broadway heard her death rattle and they tried to hide her body. The moral of the story, kiddies: Drink Milk.

Fox: Isn’t that too harsh of a lesson, Elisa?

The three of them had been engaged in sexual foreplay for ten minutes now, and Becky had always fathomed the idea of a threesome.

But not like this!

Regis: She always imagined that it’d be with George Clinton of Parliament Fuckadelic and Bozo the Clown.

Becky shrieked again as Hudson mounted, his huge member pushing itself so far between her legs that her body moaned in pain. Broadway and Hudson were the two fattest beings--human or not--that she had ever seen. She was regretting promising to repay them for her kindness.

Fox: Her neighbors must be idiots, or those are really thick walls!

Oliver: They thought she was auditioning for WB’s Superstar.

Here she was now, underneath Hudson as he was shooting his seed into her. Becky screamed in unbearable agony. Having sex with Hudson made Becky feel like an ant trying to hump an elephant. Becky screamed as the rocking, as well as Hudson's weight, broke the bed down.

Demona: Killing Becky’s pet cat under the bed! They all mourned his death and buried him in the backyard.

Elisa: (Looking sick) I really didn’t need the image of an ant trying to hump an elephant in my mind!

Why was this so painful? She had done it with them the night before, and it hadn't hurt then. What was the problem? Then she remembered how, after the sexual intercourse, Hudson and Broadway had both raided her fridge like starving children. The added calorie intake probably added more weight onto their already massive shapes.

Broadway: Hey! Everyone gets hungry after sex!

Elisa: Note that she intentionally failed to mention that she had raided her fridge too.

Demona: I don’t get hungry after sex.

Broadway: (Whispers) That’s because you’re frigid.

Demona: What was that!?

Broadway: Er, I said that bus is rigid!

Demona: Oh.

Becky had been so sleepy last night that she hadn't noticed how much her bed sunk or groaned under the weight of two heavy gargoyles.

Unfortunately, Becky had been rudely awakened by two Gargoyle tails swishing against her buttocks and stomach while she tried to sleep. How annoying! Especially after Broadway had sleepily mumbled "Sorry, Becky. Can't control 'em" and she kept getting rudely awakened by tails slapping against her. They were worse then having snakes in her bed!

Fox: Gargoyles turn to stone by day. Is she so sure it was them?

Oliver: It turned out to be rattlesnakes! As Becky jumped out of the bed, she got bit by one. Slowly, her body turned orange as it swelled up and exploded!

Of course, Becky found herself questioning why she would have done it with them a second time

All: Perhaps it’s because she’s a whore!

, but then, major alcohol consumption, as a result of stress, can do things to people. So that explained it, at least in her slightly drunken mind.

~I was better off with the Quarrymen!~ Her mind screamed as Hudson slid off her. Becky only had time to take a couple of quick shallow breaths before...

Regis: …an alien exploded out of her chest and lunged at her face! It wasn’t a normal alien, though. It said, "I’m Rick James, bitch!" and then slapped her!

"My turn!" Beck heard Broadway cheer from somewhere on the bed.

~Oh, god no. Not again.~

Becky closed her eyes, trying to bite off the agony, as Broadway pulled his great mass onto her scrawny frame and entered her, massaging her breasts in the meantime. "Get...off...ME!" Becky screamed as her lungs felt like they were going to explode.

Elisa: And then they did. The end.

His weight made it impossible for her to breathe.

Broadway paused what he was doing and looked at her. "Huh?"

"You're TOO FAT!" Becky screamed, her pain giving way to anger. "Look at me! I'm THIN! You two weigh more then Drew Carey and Roseanne's love child!!!

Regis, Oliver, and Broadway: Hey!

Yet you're riding me like I'm a farm animal!!! What do you think I am, a fucking mule?!"

Broadway: (As himself) Well…you do have the ears and tail to match…

Hudson looked pissed. "We save your ass, and you reward us by acting 'sterical?" He looked at Broadway and they pulled on their loincloths. "Come, Broadway, we'll be going now."

Demona: Wow. Gotta give the author points for making Hudson say ass.

They left, leaping off the balcony and spreading their wings to reach the castle before sunrise.

Becky sighed in relief over the fact that she would never see them again. Tomorrow she would hand her PIT leaders her resignation...and then pay a visit to John Castaway for Quarryman recruitment.

Regis: Does she really want to join the Quarrymen? I heard they have a bad health plan!

Fox: Any health plan that says removing a person’s genitals will make them better is a bad health plan.

Oliver: What about chronic rapists?

Fox: Touché.

Elisa: (Yelling at Becky) The power of Darwin repels you!

Becky leaned back to flop onto her bed. Unfortunately, she had forgotten that her mattress was now floor level and Becky fell back onto

Broadway: A large splinter. As blood gushed out of her stomach Becky finally found the peace she was searching for at last.

her ass on the mattress.

"Ouch!"

Groaning in pain, rubbing her butt, Becky scowled and staggered to her feet, slightly dazed. Jesus, was that the worst incident in her entire life! What had she been thinking, allowing herself to get mated by two huge gargoyles? She must have been out of her gourd.

All: Or she's a crack whore that will jump anything breathing!

Limping stiffly, Becky headed to the kitchen to make herself a snack and calm down. She needed some relaxation after the experience she'd just had. A nice soothing turkey sandwich with some Cherry Pepsi would be just what the doctor ordered.

Demona: Unfortunately, the Cherry Pepsi had been poisoned. Poor, poor Becky! (Snicker)

Fox: How come I have a feeling that’s sarcasm?

INTERMISSION

"So, that’s what happened," Oliver replied as he listened to Regis’s story.

"Yes, and now we’re all trapped here."

"Explain to me how fan fiction will make the gargoyles hate humans?"

Regis shrugged. He wasn’t so sure if Demona even believed that. He sighed and ran a hand through his curly hair. "Did I tell you about the problems we’ve had since?"

"Not yet," Oliver answered as he stroked his goatee.

Regis explained to his newfound friend everything that had happened ever since their imprisonment, up until Oliver’s arrival. Oliver put a hand on one of Regis’s knees and slowly leaned closer. "Why did you think you needed the Ruby Pendant for that?"

Regis blushed as he looked into Oliver’s brown eyes. "Well…I never figured Broadway to ‘swing that way’," he stammered, "Besides, I don’t think I’m all that attractive."

Oliver bought his face closer to Regis’s. "You definitely wouldn’t need to use that pendant on me," he said as his lips slightly brushed against Regis’s. Regis blushed as he looked into the halfling’s eyes.

As Oliver was about to kiss the blushing halfling, Fox slapped the swordsman in the back and knocked him over. She laughed as she watched the halfling fix his hat and try to assume a more formal pose. "Why Oliver, if I didn’t know any better it’d seem you are trying to seduce our friend, Regis," Fox chuckled as she tapped a finger against her chin.

The halfling unsheathed his sword and assumed a heroic pose. "Milady, of course I am," he admitted without any hesitation.

Angela started pulling her hair as soon as Alexander pulled out the boom box and began serenading her. Her actions continued to encourage the gargoyle more as he sang the second verse to "Star Trekkin’!"

‘If I don’t do something soon,’ she thought to herself, ‘I’ll go insane!’

"Oh, I don't fucking believe it!"

Oliver: Neither do we, but we’re not the ones cussing.

Fox: (To Demona) Why can’t you ever send us a good fic once in a while?

Elisa: Give her some credit! This is far better than "Dark Futures" was!

Demona: If I sent good fics, I’d be spoiling you all! Anyway, I’m already spoiling you all with this!

Becky gasped in horror as she stared at the pregnancy test. Instead of the minus sign which she had been hoping for, there was a bright green adding sign on it which meant only one thing.

Broadway: (As Becky) I’m having a Crotch-Goblin!

One thing that both pleased and sickened her.

Becky was pregnant. And she felt shocked, and yet strangely excited, by this bit of news.

Regis: (As Becky) Time to do what every whore does…trap the father in a marriage and live off of welfare! WHEEEEE!

Who was the father? Was it that mid-20's guy she had met at the restaurant? Was it the handsome college kid that had struck up a conversation with her on the subway?

Oliver: Was it that guy that she banged in the back of the 9:15 AM bus?

Broadway: Was it that guy she met in the church and went into the confessional with?

Demona: Was it that worthless human she met when he arrived at her door with the pizza she ordered?

Elisa: Was it one of the twenty guys she slept with on that crazy free drink night at the bar? The twenty she slept with consecutively?

Fox: Geez! Becky sure does get around!

Or was it...

Becky's eyes closed in annoyance.

Elisa: It was the twenty guys! She’s annoyed because now she needs to go on Maury Povich and get them all tested!

Oh, please god, no...

Oliver: Worse! It was the guy in the bus! The one that smelled like road-kill!

It COULDN'T be one of the Gargoyles. She refused to believe that it was. She tried to convince herself that one of those two hornbirds was not the father of her child.

Broadway: I hope it’s Hudson. I sure can’t afford the child support!

Demona: Hah! You admit it! I got it all on tape! (Plays tape, hears her voice) Monday, destroy humanity… (Crushes tape machine) DAMNIT!

But there was only one way to know for sure. She had to find the two guys from the restaurant and the subway and get them both to have a blood test before she had a sperm test done for herself.

Elisa: She's forgetting the other 23 guys that she slept with…

If she could prove that one of those two guys was her baby's daddy, then that excluded Broadway and Hudson from parental responsibility, which was something she desperately hoped would happen.

Fox: Or…she could just stick her head in the oven and end her miserable existence once and for all.

Oliver: Oh no, Broadway is about to explode…

Broadway: (Yells) I do not over eat! I declare shenanigans on the author of this fic!

Elisa: Well, there was that one time I bet you three hundred dollars you couldn’t eat twenty apple pies…

"Aye, laddie. Verily, your eatin' leaves much tah be desired." Broadway chuckled, showing Hudson a good luck of all the food crammed in his large mouth. The old gargoyle looked back at the TV, thoroughly sickened. "Hey, Hudson, I'm going to go see Becky. Do ya wanna come?"

Regis: (As Hudson) Nah! Becky gave us crabs, remember?

"Aye, Lad, but we make this fast. There's supposed to be a Scooby-Doo marathon in ten minutes."

"Okay," Broadway and Hudson flew off, headed for Becky's place.

Demona: Celine Dion! (Sings) Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you, That is how I know you go on. Far across the distance, And spaces between us, You have come to show you go on. Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on! Once more you open the door, And you're here in my heart, And my heart will go on and on!

Fox: Now that was scary…

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

Becky stomped to the door, and threw it open swiftly, drawing forth an expression of surprise from the Aqua gargoyle that was standing in front of her.

Elisa: The neighbors weren’t surprised to see a Gargoyle at the apartment. Nothing surprised them since Becky came home drunk with a chicken and a pack of condoms.

Regis: She’s like a doorknob; everyone gets a turn!

He quickly recovered, and smiled. "Hey, Becky." The friendliness was not returned. Becky urged him inside with a movement of her hand, slamming the door behind Hudson as he followed Broadway. The rotund Aqua creature gazed adoringly at Becky's surroundings before looking at her. "So, what's new with you?"

Fox: (As Becky) Oh, not much. I’m pregnant and the baby is possibly yours or Hudson’s. What’s new with you?

Broadway: (As Himself) Well, other than that fact that I now have to apply a special shampoo because of you, not much either!

Becky ignored the question. "How did you find me? I moved out of my old apartment."

Oliver: (As Broadway) All I had to do was follow the smell of "Junky Whore" Perfume.

Regis: An experienced Ranger would have followed her droppings.

"You should move during the day, babe, when I'm stone. Otherwise, you'll always have a surveillance system tracking you."

Becky paused before speaking. Did she really want to do this, remembering all the shit Hudson and Broadway had placed her through?

Elisa: What shit? All she did was open her legs and let them do as they see fit, the slut!

But she had to. Her parents had raised her responsibly, so that made it her necessity to tell the father the news about their human child, their half-ling.

Regis: How can Broadway be the father if it’s a halfling?

Oliver: Well, if he had sex with one of us and the semen remained…

Fox: Too much info there, deBurrows!

Besides, even if the father knew, did she mean she'd have to see them again? No.

Demona: Actually, stupid human, yes you would! What’s the point of telling them if she doesn’t want the child to see them!?

Oliver: I’d assume it’s slut logic in her mind. I could be wrong.

Becky closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, steeling herself for the expected reaction. "I'm pregnant."

Elisa: (As Becky) Surprise! You’re on Candid Camera!

No one would, at least as far as the fat warrior knew. But who was the father? Him---or Hudson?

"Broadway, I went to get a sperm test done. I'm carrying your child."

Fox: (As Becky) Here’s a cup. I can’t exactly take you to a hospital. Now get to work.

Regis: Geez she’s so bossy.

The large gargoyle stared at her, comprehension not becoming apparent instantly as these words sunk into his melon head. "You mean...we're having an egg?"

Becky nodded, suddenly wondering what the hell had driven her to this in the first place. Hudson was staring at her, startled, and then walked away, exiting through the door into the hall. "G'day, Lad. I've got me a marathon to watch. Ach!" With that, Hudson was gone, wings flapping, as he leaped through the overhead skylight in the hallway

Broadway seemed excited, however. He began to rant endlessly his plans for when the egg came. How he would take care of it and proclaim Becky as his mate before the clan, how he would roost on Becky's roof from now on. Ignoring the pale look of horror dawning on his visitor's face, Broadway pressed on, emphasizing the way he, as well as their child, would start eating all the food in Becky's fridge to keep their strength up. And, last, but not least, Broadway started to babble about how he and Becky would be together forever and forever and forever and forever...

And that was when Becky screamed in terror, slugged Broadway in the jaw, and kicked him into the hallway, screaming "I CAN HANDLE IT BY MYSELF!!!!" When she was gone from his sight, Broadway rubbed his jaw and got off the floor. He could NOT believe what Becky had just done. Maybe she was on her monthly time? He got up and knocked on the door. "Becky?"

"FUCK OFF, YOU HIDEOUS FREAK!!!!"

Broadway: (As Himself) You gave me crabs, bitch! CRAAAABS!

Frowning, slightly offended, Broadway kept knocking on her hardwood door, not wanting to give up. "Come on, Beck, we can work things out!"

Fox: Beck rules!

All: (Singing) Oh give that pious soldier, another lollipop! Cause we’re on the good ship, menage trois! Oh, oh, oh, Peaches and cream!

The door opened, and Broadway smiled as Becky appeared. He opened his arms, intending to give her an affectionate hug.

Demona: And flew back into the wall as he felt the heat of shotgun pellets enter his flabby belly!

Broadway: (Mutters) You’re pushing it!

And choked as Becky sprayed the water gun in his face before slamming the door.

Demona: Close enough.

Broadway wiped the water out of his eyes, and squinted at the closed white door, thinking maybe he had done something wrong. That could be what the situation was, and why Becky wouldn't talk to him. As he turned and leaped out the skylight, he muttered one thing under his breath.

"Gee, I wonder what her problem was?"

Fox: She’s a whore.

Elisa: Actually, she's a slut. Whores actually require people to pay for their services, so they have standards.

Oliver: But it's so fun to call her a whore!

Elisa: Fine! But if we get sued by the American Whore Association for stereotyping it's your fault!

Oliver: So she really is a Crack whore!

Fox: There go most of our whore jokes. (Sighs)

Elisa: Who says we can't still use them?

She mush seriously be losing it, thinking that she could put up with that blue slob for even a microsecond. Looking back, the perspective was laughable.

Demona: I agree. I always wondered what my daughter saw in him.

Regis: Well, yesterday she did tell me his nickname is "The Pounder".

Demona: (Takes out a notepad) Note to self, kill Regis for that mental image!

Broadway: (Blushes, looks at Regis) She told you that?

Once Becky was parked in her underground parking lot, She went up to her apartment, took her key out of her purse, unlocked the door, swinging it open --

--and then she screamed when Becky saw

Oliver: that someone had indeed stolen her glow in the dark dildo and wrote "Eat shit Bitch!" on her wall!

Broadway and Hudson

Oliver: I could be wrong.

, along with five other gargoyles, one of which had no wings and seemed to be a ground-oriented beast, waiting in her living room, all engaged in different activities. Lex and Brooklyn watched a motorcycle road show on TV, while Broadway cooked, his back to her. Goliath, Angela, and Hudson all sat on Becky's crumpled couch, talking. Bronx dozed at Hudson's feet.

Broadway's face, from over his shoulder, looked up in her direction, hearing a scream, and smiled when he saw Becky staring at him from the door, mouth open, her jaw dropped so far down it looked cartoon-ish. "Evening, Becky."

"Wha...well, what is...what the hell is THIS!?"

Broadway: (As himself) We decided we don’t need you anymore.

Regis: (Narrates) As Broadway finished his sentence, Leatherface leaped from behind the corner and hacked away at Becky’s legs with a chainsaw!

Oliver: Becky screamed as she felt her legs give way beneath her in a fountain of blood. Angela pounced for one of the legs and began beating Becky to death with it, screaming about how much of a whore she was! The end!

Fox: (As Angela) Die, whore, die!

Broadway frowned and spun his entire huge frame around to face her, and for the first time, Becky saw the rotund gargoyle wearing a huge black spandex outfit that stretched every flabby inch of his gelatinous body.

Demona: Even though I hate him, even I have to admit that Broadway isn’t exactly gelatinous.

Broadway: I’d never wear a black spandex singlet! I’d wear a dark blue one!

Regis: (Hunches over and blushes)

Oliver: Broadway, I think you fried his hormones with that image.

Elisa: (Hands Regis a book)

Broadway smiled and asked "Do you like it?" before breaking into a goofy dance, shaking every flabby fold of his body. Becky grimaced and, had to swallow to resist the bile that was rising in her throat.

Fox: Then Becky made the mistake of swallowing while she was breathing! Not only did she swallow her tongue but the bile got in her air passages! Becky’s face turned blue, she fell to the floor, and the Gargoyles laughed as they watched her death spasms!

"Hey, what's wrong?" Broadway sounded concerned. Becky, unable to cope with the reality of what was happening, could only gasp out, "Oh...dear god. Where did you get that?"

Fox: Yea, Broadway. Where did you get that?

Broadway: Angela made me buy it! I swear!

Broadway smiled, full of such jolly humor that Becky wanted to strangle him. "I got it from this exercise guru. For some reason, he seemed really happy to hand it over after I jumped through his ceiling." His smile faded. "I wonder why?"

~I can guess,~ was Becky's responsive thought, just as she passed out.

Elisa: And hit her head on the in-table. Her neck twisted in a 380 degree angle and Broadway watched in horror as she choked to death!

INTERMISSION

Angela watched in disgust as Alexander gyrated to the song he had serenaded earlier. The gargess clenched her fists, grabbed a wine goblet, and threw it at Alexander’s head. The glass shattered against the gargoyle’s nose as he went into a high note! Alexander slumped down to the floor and let out a pain-filled groan.

"What ever made me consider this!?" Angela asked herself as she grabbed some sporks, the only available weapons, and locked herself in the closet.

"Booooooooo!?" Alexander exclaimed as he pounded on the door, "Boooo Booo Baby!! Are you ok!?"

"Go away!" she yelled as she held the door closed with one hand and the sporks in another.

"I wonder how Angela is doing?" Elisa wondered.

"Well, if Alexander’s taste in Hentai is any indication, she’s living in Hell," Fox mused, "What made Anton send these up here in the first place?"

"Can we watch the hentai!? Please?" Oliver and Broadway begged as they stood on their knees in front of Fox.

"May Chthulu bless the Japanese," Demona murmured as she looked at the Hentai videos.

"You like Hentai?" Fox asked.

"Anything where human females get raped by tentacles is funny!"

Fox’s next reply was cut off by the fanfic playing on screen.

Oliver: (As Brooklyn) Is it so wrong to find this arousing?

Broadway: (As Goliath) Only if she isn’t dead! Let’s cut off her air supply!

Elisa: (Sighs) I seriously need to get my boyfriend help for his love of Snuff Films after we leave this ship.

"She really seems to like you, Broadway," he muttered sarcastically. "And I thought the incident with Maggie was bad; this is a million times worse."

Broadway: (As himself) Are you kidding!? At least I didn’t perform a nude rendition of "Pricilla: Queen of the Desert" for her!

Demona: (Arches Eyebrow) Did that really happen?

Elisa: Sadly, yes.

All: (Snicker)

"Brooklyn's right, Broadway," Lex agreed, though his tongue was hanging out and his eyes got secretive when he looked down at the unconscious human woman.

Regis: Lex would have a major "I’m gay!" moment right about now.

Broadway: Ever since Lex came out he's always had a "I'm gay!" moment.

"From her reaction, she can't stand you." He caught Broadway's furious glare. "But if you want to marry her, that's fine with me."

"Me, too," Brooklyn responded, looking down at the beauty, "She's no Maggie, but she's a hottie." Angela smacked his arm, with gentle anger. "Uh, that is, I meant, Uh..." Brooklyn's voice trailed off. "Sorry."

Angela's anger faded. "Apology accepted." She kissed him.

Broadway: (Eyes glow white) GRRRR!

Oliver: Calm down! It’s just a fic!

Angela and Goliath agreed. Only Hudson seemed offset by this, which was made clear by his disgusted "Ach!" Everyone looked at him, especially Broadway, who suddenly seemed worried. "What's wrong, Hudson?" The old warrior snarled at him contemptuously. "She was mine, you wee devil, and you stole her soul from me!"

Demona: I may not have been around the Clan for years, but I doubt Hudson would be jealous.

Fox: Maybe he thinks Broadway is one of the Evil Dead!

Broadway: (As Evil Dead Zombie) I’ll swallow your soul!!!!

Broadway looked startled, and a little resilient, at that, but before he could say or do anything, Hudson tackled him, knocking Mr. Fatass to the floor. Hudson drew his sword, but Broadway's swiping claw swung it out of his hand. "She's muh girl, ye usurper!" Hudson was beyond control. Broadway tried to throw his mentor off, but Hudson was too filled with jealous rage to be budged too much.

"Get off!" Broadway half-gasped, half-growled. Hudson's immediate response was to growl angrily, and swipe his taloned fingers, leaving three huge bloody streaks across Broadway's stocky face. The Aqua gargoyle roared in pain, as the nastiness of the slash sunk into his raw flesh, and he kicked Hudson off. The rest of the clan tried to hold Broadway and Hudson apart, but such attempt was like standing in between two tanks rushing towards each other and trying to halt them with a water gun. Hudson and Broadway both reacted violently, sweeping the other gargoyles across the room, even Goliath, who smashed into the living room wall, and slid to the carpeted floor, unconscious, leaving a massive indentation upon the plywood wall.

Regis: Could be worse…

Elisa: I’m afraid to ask…

Regis: Well, this could be that fanfic Jerr Bear once planned to write where Sam Gamgee’s lust overpowers him and he rapes Broadway in a fit of rage. Jerr Bear, you are God! Please don’t kill me?

Elisa: Or that Legally Blonde/Gargoyles crossover?

Regis: I stand corrected.

Hudson growled, his eyes flaring, as he struggled with his colleague, landing furious punches and swipes to the younger fat gargoyle's chest. Broadway, deciding he's had enough, got his feet into the foray, and lashed out, kicking Hudson across the floor, where the old Gargoyle's back plowed into Becky's glass shelf aligning one portion of the wall. Hudson grunted in pain, and, seeing his sword close by, snatched the blade up, keeping it leveled at Broadway. "Have at thee, then!"

Elisa: That reminds me. (Turns to Fox) Just when are you and Xanatos going to pay that 35 million dollars the Gargoyles have amassed in Property Damage over the years?

Fox: They owe that much!?

Broadway rushed him then, an angry barreling creature that seemed to be made of nothing but bared teeth and talon. Time to teach Hudson a lesson in jealousy, make him back off of BROADWAY'S girl.

All: (Sing) I wish that I had Broadway’s girl! I wish that I had Broadway’s girl!! Where can I find a crack whore like that!?

They collided, a maddened scuffle that made the previous match seem like a puppet show. Wearily, the gargoyles, regaining consciousness, looked up at Hudson and Broadway, who were both slashing, punching, and kicking at each other rapidly. It was like a scene out of hell. But things were about to get a lot worse.

Oliver: Oh no!

Regis: It’s impossible…

Demona: It’s…Ron Jeremy!

Fox: Why is he spreading his ass cheeks—ohmygawd!! That’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen done in a fanfic!

Elisa: The humanity!

The floor caved in, sending all in the room crashing down to the level below. Fortunately, the apartment under Becky's had been vacant, so no one was there to be injured, save the Gargoyles and the luckless woman, who was coming to, when the floor moved down a floor, with a tornado of dust and debris.

Broadway: (Sings) We’re off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz!

Fox: His name is Beecher, and he’s Keller’s bitch.

All: (Snicker)

Becky came to,

Oliver: She came also? That’s a bit odd.

Regis: It just so happens Becky’s fetish happens to be the destruction of her apartment. What an odd coincidence, right?

coughing, and gagging upon the dust. Unfortunately, a very much still conscious Bronx leaped on her chest,

Demona: Unfortunately, Bronx forgot that Becky wasn’t a Quizno’s sandwich! All the Gargoyles could send of her body to her parents was what they picked up in the pooper scooper later that night.

licking her face, and sent her sprawling backwards. "Oof!" Becky pushed the huge dog away and stood up.

Broadway just lay on his fat back wheezing like someone who'd been smoker for forty years. Hudson was just as winded, choking and trying in vain to stand up, his large frame keeping him anchored to the dust-ridden floorboards. The rest of the clan were unconscious. Broadway, grabbing the wall, managed to somehow hoist himself to his feet, and Becky took the chance to scream in his face, unleashing her pent-up frustration.

"What the HELL are you doing!?" Becky raved, looking mad as hell.

Broadway: Uh…getting up, you whore?

Then her hand drew into a point and she shot it in the direction of the knocked-out gargoyles, her voice cutting like ice. "And why the hell are they here!?"

Broadway: Well I figured I should let them meet the person who gave me crabs so they wouldn’t make the same mistake!

Broadway tried to soothe her. "Relax, Becky, I brought them with me so they could meet you. After our first night together, the clan has been wanting to know you!"

Elisa: (As Becky) Know me? As in ‘know’ biblical-style?

Broadway: Yes!

All: Bow-wow-chicka-bow-wow-wow-chicka-chicka!

"Well... I don't want to know ANY of you!!!" Becky was very, very pissed off, and Broadway's brain couldn't recognize why.

Demona: That’s surprising considering the new depths she has sunk the ‘Ho Level’ to in this fic…

The fat was getting to his intelligence, and he showed this by asking one simple question. "Why not?"

"Why NOT?!" Becky screamed, her voice rising several octaves. "Ever since I've met you, I've been attacked by Quarrymen!

Elisa: Uh…they attacked before you met them. Dumb bitch.

You nearly crushed me into my bed!

Demona: You’re the slut who gave it up so easily!

You raided my fridge!

Regis: Don’t forget that you ate more food than Broadway or Hudson.

You and Hudson fight over me!

Oliver: (Sings) You’re so vain…

I'm carrying your baby that will probably end up looking like a freak from hell,

Fox: Probably not. But then again, considering Becky’s addiction to crack, maybe.

and you want to help me raise it, which would drive me crazy for the rest of my life!

Broadway: Hey, hey, hey! You’re the one who told me about the baby!

And you ask me WHY NOT?!!" Becky personally felt like strangling him right then.

Elisa: We’re learning a lot about Becky. She’s a Junky Whore, she likes to sleep with anything with more than one leg, she has a ‘destroyed apartment’ fetish, and now we learn she’s into auto-erotic asphyxiation! Will she cease to amaze us?

She could barely restrain herself from doing something stupidly drastic. It was hard to do so, though.

It was at this point that Broadway grinned, like nothing was wrong between them, put his arm around her, and asked her, in the most suave voice possible for a gargoyle, "I was going to wait for my clan to wake up, but," He nurtured her shoulder reassuringly. "Would you be my life mate? You're already carrying my hatchling."

Fox: (As Becky) OHMYGAWDOHMYGAWD! I’M GETTING MARRIED! SQUEEEEE! LIKE YOU’RE SO DEEPULAR!

Becky grimaced in disgust. "Oh, hell, no!" She pushed Broadway's arm off, and ran out to get to her car, leaving the Aqua gargoyle to look surprised by her quick exit. Since her apartment was demolished, Becky Rose would have to stay at a hotel for a while. Or maybe a relative's house. Like her parents' place.

Hell, she'd live in a bomb shelter buried 3,000 feet down if it would keep the gargoyles away!

Regis: I would recommend she live with Toby Keith. But anyone that writes a song about America kicking everyone’s ass that sets us back fifty years and makes even a country star say "He’s making us look like rednecks!" isn’t really a good room mate I’d assume.

Becky smiled at the thought. How nice and serene the thought of peace and quiet without dealing with Broadway's boisterous

Broadway: 100 points to the author for using the word, "boisterous"!

nature would be, how soothing the absence of any winged creatures would be! It would be a dream come true after all the shit she'd suffered the last several weeks!

Oliver: What about the parrots she taught how to say "Wanna get high!? Wanna get high!?" in honor of Cheech and Chong movies?

After Becky ran off, and Broadway followed, protesting, Hudson's attentive gaze shifted to the rest of the clan, all of whom were awakening. "Aye, come on, lads," he looked up at the hole in the ceiling. "Let us get the lass's things relocated to the castle."

Fox: (As Angela) Look what I found!

All: Oooh! It glows in the dark!

Regis: Biggest Douche In The Universe!

his mate before the clan, but Becky wanted nothing more to do with this insane experience. This was madness! Why the hell she had so defensive towards Gargoyles all those weeks ago she had no idea.

Elisa: Because she secretly wanted to sleep with one, have his kid, then claim she wanted to raise it alone despite the fact that she told him about the child. Soon my conquest of the world will be complete…MWUHAHAHAHAHA!

All: (Step away from Elisa)

Back then, she had been Becky Rose, a nice

All: Junky Whore

girl who had believed that the "monsters" were docile creatures that deserved respect. Now, she couldn't stand them. Broadway was going to end up sending her to a mental ward if this kept up!

Jumping into her driver's seat, Becky revved the engine, and when Broadway rushed towards her retreating vehicle, he plowed face first into the side of the car, allowing Becky to laugh at his expense.

Oliver: (To Broadway) Hey man! She’s laughing at your pain!

That would teach the idiot. She swerved out onto the main highway, heading eastbound, and then something landed on her roof, denting in her car, and Becky screamed

Regis: As the roof caved in, crushing her to the floor! Becky could only scream and cry helplessly as her car swerved off the road into a Stryker Rock Concert, killing the band Stryker!!

Broadway: (Frowns) Christian Heavy Metal bands usually yell ‘demon’ at Gargoyles.

. "GET OFF MY CAR, YOU WINGED MONSTER!!!"

"But Becky..." She could hear Broadway's booming voice even through the closed car window and above the roar of the midday traffic. "We can work things out, babe!"

Becky saw the low-hanging tunnel nearby and zoomed towards it. "I'm NOT your "babe"!"

Broadway, who was standing up, preparing to punch a hole into Becky's car roof, looked up and saw the fast-approaching low tunnel.

"Uh...oh..."

WHAMPF!

Broadway was knocked off the car, and landed on his back in the road, head throbbing terrible. Getting thrown off the car wasn't what he had been expecting, but, hey, maybe it was Becky's way of telling him "okay, let's work it out."

Broadway: (As himself) It’s just her way of saying let’s work this out…by chopping off her arms and legs and forcing her to make Amputee Porn!

Not taking the hint, Broadway flared his wings and glided at high speed, following the fleeing yellow Pinto.

That thought returned when Becky glanced at her rearview mirror.

"Oh, no..."

There it was. The distant but unmistakable shape that could be nothing but a

Demona: UFO! Becky tried to swerve out of it’s way but she was too late! Becky suffered 495 anal probes, the end.

gargoyle. Becky could not believe her rotten luck. How the fuck did Broadway even survive a head-on collision with a low tunnel, much less being flung off into the road? The gods must be against her.

Regis: Yes they are, particularly Helm and Ilmater.

Cursing angrily under her restrained breath, Becky pulled out into the main flow of the highway, shooting past other vehicles and allowing the current to take her wherever it wanted, like she was in water or something. Right then, Becky didn't care where she went, just so long as it kept her away from him! She shot out of the flooded intersection, going well over 200 MPH.

Cruising rapidly, shooting constant glances at the gliding creature behind her, Becky nearly screamed when she saw that somehow, he was zooming in, keeping speed with her car so he could drop in and be sitting next to her. Becky swerved sharply to the left to avoid this from happening. But to no avail. Broadway folded his wings behind him in a clear intention to dive towards the car, and Becky, to her terror, took her eyes off the road to look wildly up at him. Reverting her gaze to the road, Becky screamed and tried to slam on the brakes. But it was too late.

Becky Rose dived out of the driver's side as the onrushing Chevrolet rammed into her Pinto, sending the small car screeching backwards in a bone-crunching sound of crashing metal, and a lightshow of yellowed sparks. Broadway, amidst the chaos, began looking for Becky, who, seeing that Central Park was before him, its' entrance way open to her like a welcomed exit sign, got up from the ground, and dashed quickly, hiding amongst the trees, using the branches as cover as she sprinted. She had to get away from Blue Romeo!

Elisa: It’s never a good idea to go into Central Park at night…

Fox: Look at it this way, Elisa. Maybe she’ll get kidnapped and sold into white slavery. They don’t even have to hook her on crack since she’s already admitted to smoking it!

Demona: (Jotting down on notepad) Did you say crack? Anything else I should know about slave rings?

Looking up as she heard Broadway calling, "Becky! Where are you?!" the frightened woman continued her frantic dash through the concealed layout of the park. Since the tree branches, luckily, gave her protection from the searching eyes of her constantly persistent suitor above,

Oliver: But not to the flashers in Central Park.

Becky found it fairly easy to make her way to the other side of the park about a half-hour later, where a dumpy joint entitled "Lenny's Beer" seemed to be almost awaiting her.

Stumbling inside, Becky paused and took in all the scenery of the place. It was dark and poorly lit, with lava lamps casting blue light around the small area.

Fox: (As Becky) It was then that I finally realized that the cosmic answer to everything wasn’t crack, but beer!! I swayed to the music of Jefferson Airplane as I walked up to the bar.

Several patrons lined the tables and the counter, all drinking their scotch and bourbon and gin and alcohol extensively, while at the front counter, the barkeep was wiping and cleaning several sets of used beer glasses. Loud, hip music flooded the airwaves of Lenny's,

Broadway: In other words, they were playing teeny pop.

and Becky, glancing across to the the other side of the bar, smiled as she watched several young people from their early 20's to late 30's dancing a drunken waltz as the music played, blaring over the speakers shelved in corners of the ceilings.

For Becky's perfectly imbalanced psyche, this was a perfect place to unwind. She took her place on a stool at the bar. "Could I have a shot of bourbon, please?"

"Got I.D.?" the barkeep, who Becky saw from his nametag, was named Lenny, requested, in a gruffly-hoarse voice that seemed to match the personality and style of this place.

Regis: (As Becky) Bitch puh-lease! I don’t need ID! I look damn near sixty!

Becky nodded, opening her purse, and handing him her state I.D. After he inspected it, Lenny nodded, handing the identification back to her, and went to get her that drink. When he had returned with it, Becky drowned it in two quick swallows, then, feeling slightly dizzy, requested another one, and he obliged. About ten glasses, Becky could barely remain sitting in her stool. Mumbling a drunken "Thank you" companioned with a few hiccups, Becky Rose staggered outside.

Oliver: Maybe she should just hold up a sign that says "Free Crack Whore Looking for a home".

"My car?" she slurred to herself. "Where's my fuckin' car?" She snickered, not entirely aware of what she was doing. "Oh, yeah, the, uh, the gargoyle (HIC!)... t-t-trashed it..." At this point, the intoxicated young woman started for no reason other then the fact that her trashed car seemed funny to her right then, and it was amusing, and Becky spent the entire majority of ten minutes laughing before she collapsed into an exhausted and hammered sleep.

Demona: I’d laugh to if someone destroyed my Pinto.

Elisa: Honestly, maybe Becky is laughing because she just realized how funny it’d be if she went into the hospital to get that pine comb out of her uterus?

INTERMISSION

Sevarius sighed to himself as he watched yet another lawyer die. ‘They sure know how to kill each other,’ he mused to himself as he called for another janitor to come and clean up the mess.

"Do you imbeciles have any idea how hard it is to wash brains out of these shoes!?" Anton asked the lawyers in a loud voice.

The five lawyers snickered and then resumed their work on the contract.

"Dressed yet?" Elisa asked as she covered her eyes.

"Almost," replied Oliver.

‘I hope so,’ Elisa thought to herself. Earlier he had said so, and when they all turned around there he was naked! Regis and Broadway could only stare until Elisa slapped them both upside the head and snapped at Oliver to put the damned clothes on. She slowly opened her eyes and looked the halfling over.

"Lucky I had some spare clothes around," Regis commented.

"What do you call these pants again?"

"Carpenter Jeans," Regis answered, "Or so Fox told me."

Oliver walked around the room testing them out. They felt comfortable enough to him. He looked at his discarded pile of clothes and grimaced.

"Remind me to never sit next to Demona when Broadway has a can of ‘Chocolate Sauce’ over her head."

As everyone else snickered, except for Broadway, Demona, and Oliver, Broadway shrugged his shoulders. He hadn’t meant for the halfling’s clothes to get ruined. At least his rapier had been easy enough to clean off.

"Next time you try a stunt like that, I’ll have you vaporized," Demona threatened, "Daughter’s objection or not!"

Regis: Becky bought a plane ticket to Europe to put her baby on the black market. She panicked at the idea of taking care of a crying crotch-goblin!

Demona: Well, humans do desire Gargoyle Organs for their superiority.

She certainly hadn't vanished into thin air.

Should he go back, get Hudson, maybe all of them? Start a searching party?

Broadway: (As Himself) Then I decided, fuck it! Why should I chase Becky when I have my hand…

Demona: (Sits ten feet away from Broadway) Unwanted mental image!

He would have to do something. And soon. Broadway was not about to leave Becky all alone out here in a dangerous place by herself. No matter what the cost, gargoyles protect.

Fox: (Takes out a notepad) When we get back to Earth, I’m signing the clan up to endorse Condoms!

Elisa: Trojans…ribbed the Gargoyle way!

In the late evening sky, no one noticed as a hugely-framed shape soared towards the direction of Becky's section of Manhattan...

Regis: It’s MEGAS! Long live Coop!

Oliver: MEGAS?

Regis: MEGAS XLR. Cool new show on Cartoon Network. I’ll show you later.

Broadway: (As Himself) Brooklyn stole my Playboys!

Fox: Someone once told me that Hugh Hefner got so desensitized to his own magazine that he’s now gay. Where do they get this information!?

Elisa: From Google.

Broadway was wild-eyed with worry. "It's Becky. She got kidnapped or something. I mean, she wouldn't just leave me!" Hudson tried to comfort the gargoyle that he loved like his own son,

Demona: (As Hudson) Doh! He is my son!

putting a reassuring arm around his shoulder and leading fatso into the castle.

Broadway: I am not fat! I’m pleasently plump!

Regis: Awww, some of us like plump guys. (Pats Broadway on the back)

Broadway: (Pouts) Yet you refuse to date me.

Oliver: (Whispers to Regis) Is he sure he’s not gay?

Once they were inside, Hudson gently shoved the younger warrior into his reclining chair and questioned him, with an air of superiority, what had happened.

Demona: (As Hudson) Where were you on the night of May 23rd, 993 AD? Answer me before I rip out your jugular with my bare teeth and laugh as you let out your death rattle!!

Broadway: I swear, I wasn’t peeking in on Goliath and Demona!

Regis: Broadway…Hudson’s not here, remember?

Broadway: It’s…it’s just she did such a good impression!! Also hunger makes me forget things!!

Demona: (Turning a darker shade of blue) Grrr—you—grr—arg! If Angela weren’t around I’d SO kill you right now!

"I-I don't know," Broadway responded, sounding mildly exhausted. "She lost control of her car or something, cruising at 115 MPH for nearly two miles before she got into a car wreck.

Fox: 115 MPH in 2 miles? That must have been some magical car!

Last I saw of her, she was headed north in Central Park, and then I lost her!" Broadway began to cry. "She must be all alone in that awful place, begging for someone to help her. She could be hurt!"

Broadway: (As Hudson) There’s also a possibility the lass could have been beheaded in the accident.

Oliver: (As Broadway) Whoo-hoo! Let’s celebrate!

All: (Singing) Celebrate good times, c’mon!

Demona: Let’s celebrate!

Elisa: She was just in bed with a 90 year old man, a male goat, and an odd sensation in her anus.

Regis: Don’t forget that weird taste of vomit and wine in her mouth and the Nixon mask she was wearing!

Demona: Must you two always disturb us all!!

Elisa and Regis: Yes…

She was just so drunk, she was unconscious. Fading in and out of awareness, the plastered woman was only slightly aware of her surroundings. Some seedy bar loomed over her nearby, its' designed appearance seeming to loom over her like a ferocious beast from the depths of hell.

Oliver: From the depths of Hell I stab ye with popcorn! (Throws popcorn at the screen)

She screamed then, a sound of terror mixed with a drunken gurgle, as she staggered to her feet, reality setting in as best as possible for someone in her state of mind. Becky's tarnished mind tried to grasp what had happened, but it was slippery, some elusive THING that pulled itself away from her every second.

Broadway: It’s playing hard to get with her!

All: Tease!

It was only about twenty minutes later that some sense of rational memory returned, and Becky realized, through murky thoughts, that Broadway could very possibly still be searching for her.

Elisa: Ya think!?

Fox: Honestly, Elisa, we don’t need that much sarcasm here…

Which meant she'd have to keep moving.

Demona: (Narrates) Then Becky decided the best place to move to next would be Cuba. Biggest mistake of her life. Her skeleton now decorates Fidel Castro’s house.

Becky treaded ground, stumbling blindly through the shrubs and out onto the sidewalks of central Manhattan. She didn't give a shit where she went, as long as it was away from those fucking gargoyles.

Regis: So she didn’t give a piece of shit to where she went? How rude!

Fox: That wasn’t a very good comment.

Regis: (Gets indignant) Let’s see you make up a good one for that paragraph!

Fox: As Becky ran through the brush, she stepped on some thorns. As the pain went up her leg, she grabbed her foot, tripped, and next thing you know her brains are littering the grassy knolls of Central Park as she hits a boulder.

Regis: Touché.

She paused, half-way through her journey. Which way to go now?

Demona: I got an idea! See that woodchip shedder over there, Becky? Yes, the one that’s turned on! Go hide in there, quick!

Her apartment? Nah, too risky. Besides, they knew where she lived, and, also, it was demolished.

Elisa: Go ahead back to your apartment. They’ll never find you there!

Oliver: Except Hannibal Lecter.

Fox: I hope he makes her eat her tongue.

A friend's place? No. What friend would accept her being the way she was at the moment, and with as wild a story as she had experienced?

Broadway: Then technically they’re not her friends. Of course, if they’re anything like Becky they’ll probably just assume it was all a product of too much hitting of the crack pipe.

Regis: Or they’ll be in the same predicament!

The police? That was a possibility. In fact, it was her only choice.

Elisa: Let me guess…this is where I step in.

Alone, and drunk, Becky ignored the curious glances of the city onlookers as she stumbled towards the police station.

Demona: Becky! You’ve got a brown streak down the back of your pants—oh nevermind!

Elisa: (Pretending to type and reading aloud) So Ms. Chavez, that is exactly why I’m going to suck out your intestines through your ass and strangle your scrawny hoe neck with them! You boyfriend-stealing slut!

Hearing the sudden BANG of the front entrance slamming shut, Elisa

Broadway: (Narrates) pulled out her gun and shot Becky in the head. The end.

looked up reflexively to see a young girl, in her mid 20's, stagger into the precinct. Her manner was wobbly, and she had obviously been drinking.

Fox: And from the smell of her, not in control of her bodily functions!

Before anyone could react to this girl, Elisa, for some reason known only to her unconscious instinct, grabbed the girl's wrist, and led her into the interrogation room.

Regis: (As Elisa) Tell me what you know of the Cardinal Glick! Answer me!

Demona: (As Becky) Honestly, I only know he created the Buddy Jesus!

Once they were inside, with the door shut and locked securely behind them, Elisa regarded her surprise visitor suspiciously.

Oliver: Even more suspiciously when she noticed Becky’s "I <3 Goliath" tatoo.

Who was this drunken pedestrian that had wandered vicariously into her place of employment?

All: The girl that gave Broadway crabs!

Did she need help?

All: Yes! But psychological.

Maybe she'd been in a car accident.

All: Maybe.

It wouldn't surprise the detective. She'd seen people like this get into auto wrecks before...

"What's your name?" Maza reacted strictly, letting her "Don't Fuck with me" tough cop attitude come to the surface.

Elisa: I used that same attitude on Matt Bluestone in my ‘Let’s Be Friends’ speech after he asked me out.

The girl looked at her through bloodshot eyes. She looked like hell.

"I'm...(HIC) Becky...Becky R-Rose..."

Elisa started, unable to believe her ears. THE Becky Rose?

Elisa: THE Becky Rose!? I WANT YOUR AUTOGRAPH!

The human woman that Broadway had fallen for hard?

Broadway: Not really.

Oliver: Quite the opposite in fact.

Elisa recalled how excited Broadway had been when he had first told the clan about Becky.

Broadway: I wasn’t excited. The crabs were biting that day.

Elisa had been there, and she could how much Becky's presence in Broadway's life pleased him. Maybe she should let him know that Becky was here, even if she did look like hell...

The policewoman made up her mind, and excused herself from the Interrogation, making sure to lock the door behind her, in case Becky tried to escape. Though why would she? Becky did not yet know that there were humans in the Manhattan Clan. Still, Elisa wasn't taking any chances.

Regis: (To Elisa) That’s not what you would really do, would you?

Elisa: I’d really have locked her in, but I’d have come back with a hacksaw and an aluminum bat.

Picking up the phone in her office, she began to dial the number of the Eyrie Building, waiting patiently for the lobby security to put her in touch with Xanatos himself. After what seemed an eternity, the billionaire finally picked up with that usual suave voiced "Hello?"

Oliver: (As Elisa) Hey sexy! So…what do you want to do with me on the phone tonight? You naughty, dirty boy!

Fox and Elisa: Hey!

"Xanatos, it's Elisa. We have a..."

All: bitch!

She lowered her voice so that no one could hear. "A situation. I need to speak to Goliath, and then, Broadway..."

He beamed up at his friend as he took the sleeping form from her arms. "Thanks, Elisa."

Elisa Maza, 2nd class Detective, smiled back warmly. She knew how much Becky meant to him. "You're welcome."

Elisa: Then I told him to dump the body where they’d never find it.

Broadway: Oh, you mean in Rosie O’Donnel’s refridgerator!

Turning away from the policewoman, Broadway leaped off the tower's edge, where the balcony used to be, and soared, taking his beloved back to his home of Castle Wyvern.

Oliver: Then, as an updraft hit him he accidentally dropped Becky into the waiting traffic. Becky not only exploded literally as she dropped like a brick on a car’s hood, but her body caused a massive multi-car accident!

Fox: That’s when she noticed she had an arm and an ear missing.

Regis: Her friends in the black market tricked her!

Her couch.

All: Duh!

Thank god. It was only a dream, a hideous nightmare that had invaded her sleep, probably as a bad result of too much Ice Cream before bedtime.

Demona: Geez, if too much Ice Cream causes that kind of dream, I wonder what kind of dream she’d have if I stuffed 800 gallons of Ice Cream down her gullet!

Oliver: A nice wonderful dream involving little pink elephants squashing her flat?

The woman chuckled to herself. Even that had happened to her, all the gargoyles, everything, had just a figment of her stressed mind. What a relief! Becky wanted to laugh.

Elisa: Unfortunately, she couldn’t because she just remembered that Dr. Hannibal Lecter made her eat her tongue earlier. It saddened her like watching Kittens get killed by Domo-kuns!

Broadway: I kill seven kittens a day.

Demona: (Backs further away from Broadway)

"Evening, babe!" Broadway's shining face peered too closely into hers, and Becky screamed, feeling some of that relief subside into horrified desperation. It hadn't been a dream after all!

~No!" her mind screamed. ~No no no no no!~

Fox: No, not like that! Like this! (Stares up at the ceiling and yells) KHAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN!

Broadway smiled down at her, completely oblivious to her agonized reaction. "Guess what, Becky?"

"What?" the woman heard herself groaning, despite herself.

Broadway's grin became bigger then ever.

Regis: They finally removed that pinecone from your uterus!

Elisa: (As Becky) Finally! That thing itched!

"You and I became official mates last night!" Becky stared, unable to believe. What? Oh, god, no... Had she been THAT drunk?

All: Of course!

Becky realized to her horror that, yes, she had been.

She turned her face to the ceiling of Castle Wyvern's Living Room, getting ready to scream in petrified fear, when Broadway put his arms under her and picked her up.

"What are you doing? Where are you taking me?"

Broadway: (As Himself) This one’s no good. Throwing her off the castle towers.

Oliver: (As Goliath) Make sure you clean up the entrails this time!

Broadway's grin never left his face. "To our room," and started to walk, with her in his arms.

"Our room?" Becky suddenly remembered that gargoyles turned to stone during the day. He would have his patrols during the night, so she wouldn't have to see him all that much.

Demona: And the fact that Xanatos is a rich, sexy, man doesn’t quite turn her off either!

Fox: Hey! I thought you hated humans!

Demona: Doesn’t stop me from fantasizing.

Fox: Well stay away from my man!

"I got Xanatos to give us our very own room together," Broadway said, making Becky pause. "We have a fey called Puck who lives here. He's kind of like a magician, a real and very powerful magician! I got him to see to it that I could stay awake during the day. That way, you and I will be together both day and night!"

Broadway: I really see no advantage there. Becky isn’t exactly the best catch.

Regis: No, no, no! Obviously you want to stay flesh by day so you can fatten up Becky and offer her to Chthulhu!

Becky felt her heart plummet and her lungs fall flat.

"But let's not waste this days with words. It's our mating day, the first mating DAY in the history of Gargoyles!"

Broadway: (As Himself) Of course except for the one Angela and I had, along with Lex and Brook.

"Wha...?"

Elisa: That’d be my reaction! Why didn’t he and Hudson invite them to the threesome?

Oliver: Well it wouldn’t exactly be a threesome then, right?

Broadway looked at her, a little shocked. "Why, Becky... did you honestly think that I would mate with you on our mating night while you were asleep??!!"

Demona: Why not? She wouldn’t know the difference!!

Broadway: (Glares at Demona)

'I didn't think anything would stop you', she thought.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, my love," Broadway said. "I would never have done that! I waited all night until you were wide awake and sober, so that we would have clear memories of our first love making as mates. And now that you're awake...?"

Fox: Now would be a good time to add some Dukes of Hazard commentary.

Demona: At about this time, Becky knew she was in a whole heap ‘o trouble! She better get drunk, or just plain bang her head on a wall and end her existence!

Becky suddenly realized WHY he was taking her to THEIR room! And it was then that she decided to start screaming in terror.

Broadway, thinking that her screams were screams of anticipation, decided to speed up and ran towards their room.

Demona: Anticipation for the pain.

Broadway: (Glares at Demona, then looks at Regis) Please use that Ruby on me so that when I behead her I can plead enchantment!

And now she was heaving, sweating, screaming, as Broadway's egg started to leave her womb. It felt like pushing a bulldozer out of her! Becky Rose panted for breath between pushings. Why wasn't the damn thing coming out? It was stuck in her. Stuck and not budging. Then it was out, resting comfortingly in the hands of the clan's own personal physician, appointed by Xanatos.

All: Ewww! After-birth!

The last thing Becky thought before she passed out in Broadway's tender yet grossly sweat-dripping arms was ~oh, god, the family's getting bigger.~

Broadway kicked the door open with his foot and banged it shut with his butt. He strode over to the bed and dropped Becky onto it.

Broadway: That’s when I proceeded to saw off her other leg. We need the money for the baby, and Hannibal Lecter offered a good price.

Becky looked up in shock and fear. 'Please God' she prayed. 'Don't let this be happening. Please let it just be a nightmare?!'

Her stomach churned as Broadway turned and locked the door, so that they wouldn't be disturbed. He bent over in his spandex, making the suit stretch and expand until she thought for sure, his ass would come bursting through. He then proceeded to remove his spandex clothing. 'God! Hadn't he gotten rid of that yet?' He shook himself out of the tight material and his belly and other flabby bits of flesh came bursting out, like water from a dam.

Regis and Oliver: (Drool)

Demona: (Hurls)

He stood before her, presenting his naked body to her, as naked as the night he had been hatched. He smiled sweetly at her and crawled onto the bed, towards her on all fours.

Something about this reminded Becky of a horror movie when a hideous monster came crawling towards a young innocent girl before devouring her.

Fox: Reminds me of Tentacle Hentai Anime.

Elisa: God bless the Japanese!

Broadway: It’s Goddess, or so says Queen of Wands.

Broadway stopped and balanced himself on top of his hips. His huge blue ass sunk the bed a few inches. He looked at her, adoring the radiant beauty that was the object of his affection. "Oh, Becky, I've waited so long for this, for you!" Becky looked disgusted, and Broadway, mistaking the sneer for anticipation, grabbed her roughly by the shoulders, planting a slobbery kiss on her mouth that made Becky want to puke. His slimy tongue thrusted into her mouth and explored every nook and cranny of the back of her throat, his breath tasting like some vile disgusted meal and she could actually taste nasty food particles in her mouth now, little tidbits that had traveled from Broadway's mouth to hers. Becky felt sick!

Broadway: I brush my teeth! Unlike some Gargoyles!

Demona: Humans invented tooth brushing as a way to dominate Gargoyles!

He gently pushed her down onto her back and began to ravage her clothing. He took no care as he ripped her clothes off her. When she cried out, he said "Don't worry babe! Xanatos has more than enough money to buy you a million dresses of all the best stock!" and he continued stripping her.

Fox: Maybe my husband will buy her a gun so she can blow her brains out.

Once he was done, he tenderly, massaged her breasts as if testing prize melons and kissed her nipples.

Oliver: (Takes out a notepad) "Your melons inflame my loins like the Sun flames in the sky!"

He then kissed her on the lips one more time and then proceeded to slide his tongue down her body.

Broadway: (As Himself) Tastes like chicken!

His tongue slid down, past her breasts and around her nipples, down her belly and into her warm damp nest. Becky shuddered with disgust and, to her dismayed surprise, desire, Broadway may be a fat slob, but he sure knew how to turn a girl on!

Demona: Doubt it.

Broadway: One more word out of you and you’ll face the wrath of my frying pan!

Demona: Oooh! A Frying Pan! I’m sooo scared!

Broadway: That’s it! (Lunges at Demona)

All: (Except Demona and Broadway) (Hold back Broadway)

Regis: (Dangling Ruby Pendant) Calm down…calm down…

She doubted that he had much experience with women though, there couldn't be any woman THAT desperate!

Oliver: I think Becky just made a shot at you, Broadway!

Broadway: Grrr…ARG!

He placed his talons on her knees and slowly guided them up her thighs and gently, but firmly, spread her legs apart.

Elisa: And recoiled at the smell that emanated from Becky’s vagina! It smelled like a mix between rotten eggs and rotten tuna fish!

Fox: Ugh! I feel sorry for Broadway.

He was slow and caring with what he did. He opened her legs as though he were opening the gateway to Heaven itself.

Regis: Oh look! It’s St. Peter! They really are!

His flicking tongue found its way in. As he tasted her sweetness, Becky moaned and kept praying for salvation.

Demona: And she got that salvation, in the form of gut-wrenching pain as the baby lobsters, that the lobster she was using for ‘self-pleasure’ laid into her womb after the baby’s arrival, burst open from their eggs and burrowed their way out of her stomach!

Regis: (Stares at Demona) Ok. You get most disturbing out of all of us!

Elisa: And top points for incorporating part of an old Urban legend in there, too!

After a while, Broadway looked up and grinned at her "My love! My Angel! My... honey!"

Broadway: (As Himself) My Honey! You at all of my honey! Now you die!

He remembered that most human males called their mates 'Honey'.

Becky decided that the best way to deal with this was to just go with the flow. She laid back as Broadway lowered himself onto her. 'CRAP' she thought! He was even heavier than last time. She held her breath as he placed his entire weight on her, her body shrinking into the thick mattress that she was lying on.

Fox: If we’re lucky Broadway’s mass will have killed her and it’d be the end of this fic!

Broadway: Hey!

Elisa: Impossible. Broadway isn’t that fat!

Broadway: Thanks Elisa…wait a minute! Pleasantly plump, not fat!

Becky trembled, unable to gather what was left of her shattered sanity, as she just stood there with her new mate, Broadway, and their child, their hatchling, named Mallory.

Regis: Mallory is a duck?

Oliver: (As Mallory) Quack quack!

At age three in Gargoyle years, Mallory already seemed as fat and hunger-driven as her father Broadway.

Broadway: Well, if she’s as big as me and she’s three, and considering her height, I say it’s time we go on Jerry Springer!

The proud father beamed at his half-ling offspring as she wolfed down on a huge steak and cheese submarine sandwich. "That's my girl!" Broadway cheered happily, lifting his surprised daughter up in his arms and hugging her affectionately. "Who's Daddy's little girl? Huh? Huh?"

Broadway: Oh the shame! Now I’m an awful father too!?

Demona: (Mutters) Doesn’t surprise me.

Becky stared, non-responding, as she watched Broadway play with her daughter, both of them gliding around and laughing. Mallory was a pudgy, olive-skinned hatchling with aqua wings, like her father's, and she also took the gut from him. The brightest feature of Mallory's was her golden colored hair.

Fox: (As Becky) Back, Spawn of SATAN!

Broadway: I don’t blame you…

And then there was her second baby, Leon, who was Hudson's son. He was as heavily built as Broadway and Hudson and he was only two years old, in Gargoyle years, with black shiny hair that drew attention away from his large stomach and brown skin. He had been born an exact year after Mallory. Luckily, Leon was watching "Nightwatch with Travis Marshall" with Hudson so Becky wouldn't have to deal with her son right then.

Becky remembered the day that, with her faint hope of escape, gradually subsiding even at that moment, she had revealed that Leon was Hudson's son. Brooklyn had laughed, clapping Hudson on the back, and then responded with "Congratulations, Hudson! Not only have you gotten back into the saddle again, but you got yourself a kid too! I guess there's still some warrior left in you, huh?"

Broadway: And…I wasn’t pissed that he slept with my life-mate?

Elisa: Share and share alike?

Hudson had fainted right then, but there had been a HUGE smile on his face.

Regis: He’s smiling because he scored.

Now, in present day, Becky only watched the two silently, letting her desperate longing for freedom, as she had for a long time now, drift to her senses, but she did not express it openly, when her family was around. But she could still think it, a small, pleading request that no one would ever hear for as long as Becky Rose would live.

Regis: (Waving the Ruby Pendant in front of the screen) Yes, Becky. Freedom. It’s in the form of a butcher knife! Now stab yourself in the gut with it and twist…

Elisa: (Monotonous voice) Ok…

Regis: Not you! Go sit down!

Elisa: (Monotonous voice) Ok…

"Please...help...somebody, help..."

Becky could not believe how unbelievably horrible fate had been to her the last six years. First, she had mated herself to the most annoying, most terrifying suitor she had ever had, then he had insisted on four times a week, basically condemning her body to a pancake formation these days, and now, just recently, her hair had begun to gray, and she was only thirty years old!

Broadway: She agreed to four times a week!? Hey, she’s not looking so bad now!

Demona: Quiet you! Why Angela chose you…

Regis: Well, Lex is gay and Brook wasn’t heteroflexible enough.

Oliver: So, how many times a week exactly?

Broadway: About 3 times. The rest of the time I’m handed lotion and a magazine.

Demona: (Hurls) Too much info!

There was a sudden knock at the castle door, and Broadway and Hudson both smiled, their faces brightening instantly. Broadway grabbed Becky's arm and nearly ripped it free of its' socket dragging her to the door. "We've got visitors, babe!" Hudson opened the door to greet their company. Becky, praying for salvation but also fearing the worse, turned away from the door.

Broadway and Hudson smiled as Burbank and Hollywood entered the room, grasping their arms in a friendly handshake. Broadway looked, beaming, at his unrelenting wife. "Honey, look!" Becky turned around, smiling falsely, as she planned a way out of this, but her forged humor faded when she saw the clones. Oh, dear god, two were bad enough, but FOUR?!

Fox: Why doesn’t she just grab a gun and blow her brains out!? Then we could finally be rid of this fic!

"That's it!" She cried before slipping her hand into her shirt, where she proceeded to whip out a handgun that she had stolen from Xanatos' artillery and pressed the barrel against her forehead, blowing out her brains and then falling dead on the carpeted floor.

Fox: Oh my God! She actually did it! HAHAHAHA! Behold and fear the power I have!

The four fatsos looked at her body in shock. What had just happened hadn't entirely sunk into Broadway's mind as he gazed horrified as his mate's dead body, then looked up at Hudson, Burbank, and Hollywood.

"Was it something I said?"

Broadway: Nah. More that she was a crack whore.

The End.

Well, I seriously hope that I haven't offended anybody with this fic. It was a fan request, so if I have, you still can't bitch at me for it.

Broadway: (Twitching) Grrr…arg…GAH!

Regis: Well, we know he at least offended one person!

Demona: Grrr…arg…GAH!

Oliver: Maybe two considering Demona thinks he portrayed Gargoyles as idiots.

All: (Except Broadway and Demona) Snicker.

King Cobra3.

Don't ask. This fic was requested by one of my readers, so if anyone who sees this gets offended, please remember that it was NOT my idea. If anyone who reads this ENJOYS it (or even if they don't) then TELL ME about it. You can find me by clicking on (or, if that isn't possible in this format, sending mail to) my e-mail address: [email protected].

Take care, enjoy life, live responsibly, and don't get flattened by falling cargo from a passing airplane.

All: Good advice!

King Cobra3.

"Thank God that’s over!" Oliver sighed as he leaned back.

"How did you enjoy your show?" Anton asked as he appeared on screen, causing the ship inhabitants to jump.

"Out of the last two we had to MiST, I’d say it’s better," Regis offered.

"Let me go, now!" Demona demanded.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, Demmy! The lawyers aren’t done yet! A bargain is a bargain," he said. "Speaking of which, let’s see what your daughter is doing right now!"

Broadway let out a groan as he remembered that Angela was on a date. The screen switched over to a very angry Angela strangling a poor Alexander with a garrote she made out of a shoe string and some sporks!

"Angela! What are you doing!?" Demona yelled in a motherly tone.

Angela immediately dropped Alexander’s carcass onto the floor and tried hiding his body behind the table by kicking it. Unfortunately, she wasn’t getting any progress. She sighed, put on a smile, and prepared to be beamed back to the ship, where Demona told her she’d get quite the scolding.

"H-H-He’s dead!" Broadway gasped.

As the realization dawned on him, he jumped for joy and kissed Demona! Demona spat on the floor as Broadway declared he was cooking a big dinner in celebration of Alexander’s death.

"Is it always like this around here?" Oliver asked.

Regis grabbed the halfling by the collar and planted a firm kiss on Oliver’s lips. After Regis broke the kiss, all Oliver could do was stammer.

"It’s usually more crazy."

The End.

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