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Chapter 2 - Getting ready One year later and it was hotter than hell in Austin. Tash managed to finish the paper she was working on, and turned her attention to Kristen, whose little boy was clambering all over her and giggling. The sound of little Luke's innocent laughter made Tash smile absently. She loved the little boy, and had always wanted kids of her own. She wondered if her and Josh would have had a child by now. They had talked about starting a family of their own repeatedly, he insisting that he wanted a lot of children, and her arching a brow and telling them he could have them if he could give birth to them! The thought amused her and she laughed out loud, at which point Kristen glanced over at her and asked what was funny. She told her and Kristen got a laugh out of it too, but then Kristen turned serious, as she had a way of doing quite a bit. "Tash, are you ever going to start dating again? No, No, don't give me that go to hell look. Josh would have wanted you to go on girl. He loved you so much, but he wanted you to be happy. I just know that he would want you to find someone else, and not spend the rest of your life alone. Why don't you try the dating scene again?" "Oh Kristen, I don't think I'm ready for all that shit. Josh was a one of a kind, and I'm not sure I'm ready to find a replacement for him." Tash said quietly. "A replacement? If that is how you are going to look at it, you are going to have a tough time of it. Yes, Josh was a one of a kind, but he was also human, and not perfect. You have put him on a pedestal, and stand ready to compare every guy that crosses your path to him. That's just not fair, honey." Kristen sighed. "Well, at least you are in better shape this year than you were after he died. I just want you to find someone that will make you happy, and I'm afraid you have no intention of doing that." Better to talk to a brick wall, Kristen thought. It wouldn't listen to me and she won't either. It was a complete surprise when Tash raised her head and said wistfully "You are right, of course. There will never be a replacement for Josh, but at the same time I don't want to rush anything. I wouldn't want to get into a relationship with someone too soon. It would only end up hurting the other person and myself as well. When the time is right, I will start dating again. I'm trying really hard to work through my pain Kristen, and sometimes that can be a long process. Josh and I were together for 3 years. You don't just sweep your feelings under the rug, not when you love someone as much as I loved him. I have to be fair, both with myself, and with other guys. Believe me, I know that this wont last forever, and I will start dating again, eventually. Just not right now." Tash smiled wanly. Kristen looked thoughtful and nodded. "I hear you honey. I think you've got it under control now. There were a few times I was really worried about you though. Hey, I just thought of something. Jacks band Thorn Tree is playing down at Stubbs tomorrow night. You want to come?" Kristen grinned, hoping her friend would agree, but Tash was shaking her head no, and Kristen's impatience flared up again. "Come on girl, it will be good to get out and hear some live music, and have some good food. Besides, if you don't come I'll have to sit with Gina again, and by the end of the evening she and I might come to blows. I just don't know what Timmy sees in her. She is such a bitch! Come with me girl, keep me from killing her." Tash laughed, and eyed her friend speculatively. "I think Tim just likes that rack she has on her chest, the one that he paid for!" Tash declared. They both laughed so hard they ended up wiping tears from their eyes. "Ok I'll come, but I might not be much company. I'll try though! And who knows, maybe I'll even get a kick out of watching you rip her to shreds!" Later that evening, Tash was getting ready for her first night out on the town in a year. Funny that it should be so strange, she thought. It was like she was going out on her first date. Her stomach was in knots for some reason. She had never been this anxious before, even when she met Josh, so why was she tonight? She thought about it for a moment, as she studied herself in the bathroom mirror. She still had the waist length blonde hair that Josh had loved so much, and those deep brown eyes he always said he could drown in. She was lightly tanned from working in the hot Texas sun. She looked just the same as she did a year ago. At that moment, she almost felt like her outward appearance should have changed as much as she had. In her mind, she heard Josh's voice the first time he was introduced to her, when he exclaimed "You have the most beautiful hair I've ever seen, it's like a ray of golden sunlight spilling down from a break in the clouds on a rainy day." And from that moment, she had been hooked on him. They were inseparable, so in tune with one another they would say the same things at the same time. When he was in the room, she had barely noticed anyone else. She sighed, and thought to herself, 'I will always love you Josh, but it really is time I rejoined the living. I don't know if I will ever be able to love anyone like I loved you, but I know I want to try.' It was almost as though she was pleading with him, but only silence answered her. She sighed again, and began to run a brush though her hair. After applying her makeup sparingly she heard Kristen at the door. "Hellloooo, you there Tash?" "I'm here, in the bathroom getting ready. I was just thinking about cussing you out for making me dress up!" Kristen came in laughing. "You are ready to go then? Wearing your hair down? You should, it's gorgeous, and I love that black blouse on you!" Before Tash could change her mind, and put her hair up, Kristen grabbed her arm. "Come on, you look smashing, now let's go! You are going to have a blast!" |
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