*

The others were so excited. There was a palpable hum of excitement as the group that had been formerly known as the Power Rangers boarded the plane to Atlanta. That was where the Pan Global games were being held this year. And that was where former Pink Ranger Kimberly Hart was about to “go for the gold.”

Tommy read that she had a good chance. Of course, he read everything about her in the papers or magazines he picked up. Sports Illustrated had ranked her third among the competitors. She could easily pull ahead of the other two with one fantastic performance. Still, he couldn’t get as excited as the rest of his friends.

They all were going together. All of them. Zack and Trini had flown in from Geneva. Aisha made the trip from Africa. And Billy even came back from Aquitar. It had taken him a week of travel by some space ship the Aquitians had devised. Everyone seemed to think that this was a monumental event that simply could not be missed.

Tommy wished he could miss it.

He hadn’t seen Kimberly since Muiranthias. A lot had changed since then. He was no longer a Power Ranger, for one thing. He was just an average almost-not-teenaged boy. He was growing up. He was attending Angel Grove University and racing with his uncle on weekends for extra cash. He broke up with Katherine – or, more appropriately, she had broken up with him.

Katherine was a beautiful girl. They both cared about each other a lot. She also wasn’t stupid. Eventually she had given up trying to get Tommy to open up to her. Kat had been in a lot of battles and she could tell when she was fighting a losing one. She had never stated it explicitly – probably to save his feelings – but he was sure she also knew the reason.

The same reason they were all on a plane to Atlanta, Georgia.

We agreed that it was over
now the lines have all been draw.
The vows we made begin to fade but now they're gone
Put your pictures in a shoebox
and my gold ring in the drawer
I'm not supposed to love you anymore

Zack made posters. They were supposed to hold up the glittering signs while Kim was flipping out on the floor. Aisha had decorated her car. “Atlanta and Gold or Bust,” it said. Everyone was in a cheery mood, wound up like they were going to a rock concert.

Except for Tommy.

He shouted along with them and clapped Jason on the back excitedly, announcing that he would wear pink for the next month if Kimberly didn’t win. Everyone laughed and smiled. The smile never reached Tommy’s eyes because it never reached his heart.

The more he thought about it the more he wasn’t sure he wanted to see her again.

He wanted to watch the games alone in his dorm room, in sweat pants so he could brood properly. His friends would never let him brood. That was one of the things he loved about them and one of the things he hated about them. They seemed to think it was wrong for him to have any sort of negative emotion. Sometimes a guy just wanted to mope.

Now Sherry says she's jealous
of this freedom that I found
If she were me; she would be out of the town.
And she says she can't imagine
what on earth I'm waiting for
I'm not supposed to love you anymore

When Kimberly first sent him that letter, telling him she had found someone else, it had hurt. But he had been happy for her. Truly honestly happy. He wished her all the joy in the world. And if she didn’t think he was the guy who gave her that joy then it wasn’t right to stay with her. Make her unhappy because of some misplaced loyalty to him. They still each cared about one another, that much was obvious. It didn’t mean they had to rush off and get married. They could be friends. At such a young age, they hadn’t been much more than friends anyway (with the exception of a few stolen kisses).

Things weren’t supposed to change so much.

He found himself missing her and wanting to call her or write her letters, like he had when she first moved away. But he didn’t. She was probably busy, with training with her new guy. How embarrassing would it be if he called while he was there? Tommy didn’t want to think about it.

So when Katherine offered him comfort, he took the chance. She was beautiful. She could’ve been a model or an actress. And she was smart, valedictorian of their senior class. She could’ve done anything. She could’ve been with anyone. And she wanted him. That should’ve made him happy. But the longer they were together the more he realized that it did not.

He dated other girls after Katherine. There was a girl at AGU named Sherry who was interested in karate. Jason set them up, thinking they would have things in common. It hadn’t worked either.

Why, he thought, why did she come into my life only to leave? Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all obviously hadn’t been in his position. Now he could never be satisfied with anyone. If he hadn’t had Kimberly first he could’ve lived with Katherine, convinced that their slightly-more-than friends love was the best it got. He could’ve been happy. But Kim ruined it. She took it all away from him when she left.

He didn’t need to see her happy with her wonderful new boyfriend, glowing from her success at the Games when he sat at home, alone, thinking about what things would have been like if she hadn’t broken up with him. Things would’ve been different then, he knew, he would’ve something then.

Oh, I shouldn't care and wonder where and how you are
but I can hide this hurt inside my broken heart.
I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before
'cause I'm not supposed to love you anymore

Kimberly was busy practicing when the team of former Rangers landed in Atlanta. They hadn’t expected her to come and greet them. They all knew how hard she had to work. Instead, they carried their heavy bags outside of the airport where they flagged a fleet of taxis to take them to the hotel.

The city was packed with people. They came from all over to see the games. The best hotel they could get with their student funds was a step above a dive. A very small step. The doors stuck; the lock that kept them closed was flimsy. The guy who handed them their keys leered at the girls as he did so, making them glad they had a slew of boys around to protect them. But still, there were beds and showers. That was all they really needed, right?

Jason, Zack, Billy and Tommy piled into one room. They were going to have to sleep all but on top of each other with only two double beds. The girls giggled but the guys just shrugged it off. They didn’t need much space. Justin, Rocky and Adam were in another room. They drew straws to see who go to sleep alone. (Rocky did an obnoxious victory dance that made Adam kick him in the shins.) While the girls all fit cozily in one room.

Tommy found it hard to sleep with Jason next to him. He knew it had more to do with the next day’s activities then it did Jason. They had gone camping together before. No, he was thinking about Kim and about the letter she wrote him. He didn’t know it at the time, but it had ruined his life.

Finally around 4 am, he sighed and got out of bed. Everyone else was sound asleep but he was still plagued by an unquiet mind. He found a pad of paper and pen with the hotel’s garish logo printed on them. Then he seated himself on the floor and began to write.

Now I'm writing you this letter
and it's killing me tonight
that I agreed when you believed it wasn't right.
And I couldn't sleep up on the bed
so I'm down here on the floor
will I'm not supposed to love you anymore

Dear Kim –

I wish you all the luck in the world today at the Pan Global games. By the time you read this, they’ll probably be over already. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to see your triumph (because win or lose, that’s what it was). But I’ve discovered that there is something far harder than fighting monsters and that’s being without you.

I know I’m not supposed to love you anymore, but I do. I can’t help it. Ever since I saw you on Muiranthias, my heart has been aching and I think seeing you there with him would break it in two.

Please forgive me for missing your moment in the sun.

Love,
Tommy.

Oh I shouldn't care and wonder where and how you are
but I can hide this hurt inside my broken heart
I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before
'cause I'm not supposed to love you anymore
I'm fighting back emotions I've never fought before
'cause I'm not supposed to love you anymore