A male friend of mine asked me ...."Why do women analyze everything?"
I simply said ..."because we're women..and thats what we do...
if you find a women that doesn't, you better check her for a penis"
Not an intelligent or well thought out response but one that seemed natural and felt comfortable to voice at that moment. Since then I have given it a great deal of thought....why do WE analyze everything?? Let me make an attempt to justify or rationalize a little more then just our obssesive analogies of everything men say and do and broadening it with how women think in general, Lets start off by giving it a label..such as..."Girl Logic" and then define it as...A series of semi-consecutive feminine thoughts that cause girls to act in such strange displays of behavior that the average man is stupefied in useless attempts to comprehend. The smart man quickly abandons such ventures as he soon realizes severe
head pain and vertigo follow.
So basically it's just a mystery, right?
It would be great if we could just leave it at that...
but unfortunately its much more complicated...
and believe me, I am barely touching the surface here...
There is, most probably, a genetic something, (imbalance maybe, *grin*) that unites all females this way. You can actuallly witness groups of them act in behavioristic unison, as if driven by some common cosmic feminine force chatting and analyzing together about what they interpreted in the last conversation with their, naive, unsuspecting, but soon to be
unwittingly involved, male counterpart.
I am sure that each and every one of you men have encountered in one way or another the highly illusive mental game of matching wits with a women, most often to your confusion and demise. The average male thinks clearly and linearly, and therefore, can't figure women out at all. The strange marvel is that "girl logic" makes sense to ALL women.
However guys, you do have the opportunity of observing our behavior, and though you cannot relate, you can certainly attempt to anticipate
our actions in the hopes of using it to your own advantage...
head us off at the path, so to speak.
It is possible (upon rare moments of dynamic insight) to be able to catch a glimpse of how "girl logic" operates in the realm of the real world. (for those who care to pay attention) And, although men may not be able to understand the complexities of our intricate system, they can, with great clarity, observe it's operations and effects in life. So, for you men out there that are attempting to woo and win a women, you need to know this system, or at the very least understand how to use it.
Lesson 1 in "Girl Logic" : Girls think with their hearts, not their heads.
Example: Man and Women in a pet store...women goes straight to the puppies and kittens, she holds them, pets them, wants them, and loves them all within 30 seconds. Now a man would look at the underdeveloped animal species and think something like "Hmmm, that is an infant form of white cat" Or maybe he would think, "All right, that is a brown salivating puppy, it is young, urinating, maybe six weeks old"
You see, Men think practically, women think emotionally.
Man: I see an infant animal form (practical)
Women: Oh, just look at him, isn't he cute, don't you just want to cuddle him all up and smell his little puppy garlic breath (emotional)
TIP: Men, while in the pet store pick out a couple animal forms of potential infant cuteness and apply an "It is cute" sentence to it and you will
score big points with your gal pal...she will think you are well rounded
and compassionate. There is a warning here, though.
Do not apply this to rodents, reptiles, or insects.
Don't say, "That baby Bolivian slug rat" is cute. The girl you are with will simply stare at you in nauseated disgust and decide
right there to never go out with you again.
Why? because she's thinking about what your children will look like.
Lesson 2 in "Girl Logic": They Analyze!! (Girls draw conclusions to a set of circumstances or events in such a manner as to completely bewilder men, (not on purpose of course)
Example: Man and Women at home getting ready to go to the zoo....women is ready and thinks she looks good. Man says, "you better wear some comfortable shoes and not-so-good clothes because we're going to be doing a lot of walking" Women hears these words, but something bizarre happens in her hearing processing unit. There is a little vocabulary filtering device imbedded in this unit called..
"The Analyzing,Bewildering Filter"
This is how it works...when the man says a perfectly harmless sentence that contains even the slightest implications of her possessing clothes somewhat below the level of Vogue, what she hears is, "You have ugly clothes, wear them out in public, you will get worn out because you are only a girl and you don't know how to dress properly for any given occasion." Now, the man didn't mean anything like that at all, but as sure as heck, because of "The Analyzing, Bewildering Filter" he is now in deep trouble. Women says, "You don't like what I am wearing, are you embarrassed to be seen with me?...perhaps you would like to just go by yourself?" A smart man will instantly realize that her "Filter" has kicked in and will think frantically for a clever sentence that will get him out of this predicament, In the meantime, his facial expression looks like he has been trying to figure out quantum phiysics and ancient Ugaritic all at the same time. The women picks up on his obvious state of confusion, hurt and dismay and quickly turns the whole charade around and compassionately says... "Oh, you were just trying to think about my welfare?"
Man cautiously mutters a confused and careful. "...Yes"
Women says.. "You're so sweet, I do have another pair of sneakers I could wear, perhaps you are right, I'll go put them on" Leaving the man drifting in a universe of confusion wondering what the heck happened...Was he sensitive or insensitive? Was he right or wrong?
There is really no way to be sure, so don't worry about it guys. I know most of you men think that women do this on purpose just to keep you confused... *laugh*...The only problem is we can't quite figure out if it's working or not.. hehe... just kidding.
Tip: The obvious conclusion is simple...when you combine "Girl Logic" with "The Analyzing, Bewildering Filter" watch out!, you don't know what the outcome will be. So the only safe course of action is to be an understanding and patient gentleman,
and just pray for the best!!
Could turn out good...could turn out bad.
Either way, get ready for a ride!!
I love the way women are!!..and I equally love the way men are!!...
and I welcome and respect the differences in both!!
until next time..
-- Kim Gallagher --
