"You are now entering Lawndale: IQ limits strictly enforced."

"Lawndale girls do a lot of supportive, proactive bonding...well, they get their teeth bonded, anyway."

"People who live happily ever after are into some serious denial."

"It's a man's world, especially when it comes to competitive belching."

"A woman's home is her castle. Excuse me while I go raise the drawbridge."

"Kevin and Brittany were made for each other. From defective parts."

"If truth is stranger than fiction, where are the flying monkeys?"

"Quinn has a dream room. Caused by eating too much cotton candy before bedtime."

"I respect my superiors. Now if only I could find some."

"It doesn't take a genius to color inside the lines."

"I refuse to say 'cheese' unless it is followed by 'burger'."

"A quitter never wins, and a winner never quits telling you about it."

"Does watching television isolate us from each other? God, I hope so"

"In my own defense, I'd like to plead sanity."

"I like musicians. They make me look motivated."

"I screen all my calls. And all other human interaction."

"It could have been worse. They could have been married in a hot tub."

"I often feel alone in a crowd. And I prefer to keep it that way."

"My parents want me to live up to my potential, so I'm careful not to let them know what it is."

"My subconscious usually wishes it were unconscious."

"I never forget a face. But I keep trying."

"I'm currently developing a comprehensive mind-your-own-business plan."

"Playing dress-up is a normal phase of development---sometimes the only phase of development."

"Rah-rah, sis-boom-bah humbug."

"If the customer is always right, then what the hell is he doing at a place like this?"

"Nothing promotes learning better than a good stretch in solitary confinement."

"Know thyself. Later on, you can make believe you've never met."

"If teachers really had eyes in the back of their heads, school would be a lot cooler."

"Irritation is the sincerest form of flattery."

"I'm a big believer in self-expression. As in, keep what you're expressing to yourself."

"Question authority. They usually know where the bathroom is."

"Brittany is smarter than she looks. But it would be hard not to be."

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Not much to look forward to, is it?"

"Computers are a great way to meet people you find revolting in person."

"I just finished a still life. It doubles as a self-portrait."

"Knowledge is power, unless you're debating a grizzly bear."

"Wish you were here. We could switch places."

"I don't go in for male-bashing. Why limit yourself?"

"I'd like to be popular---if it didn't require having other people like you."

"When two hearts beat as one, someone needs a checkup."

"I follow fashion. I just give it a big head start."

"It's great that my family likes to read. It cuts down all that useless conversation."