You know whats really funny. the good thing about this is no body is most likely ever going to read this. so i can say anything i want. i wish i wasnt so confused right now. mixed feelings of excitement, jelousy and just plain confused. its so hard to stay focused on everything when your world is falling apart. sometimes i think that my life is a movie, and we are all actors. it just doesnt seem real enough. Everything is all so very confusing. sometimes i find it hard to understand myself. or if i even know who i am. i guess im just a lost personality, hoping to be found sometime soon. and then there are the times when people just dont understand you. then there are the people who judge. I dont even know why i started this blog, but i guess it gives me a place to let things go. to scream out to the world.....i guess it can be bad to keep everything bottled up inside. too many emotions and feelings roming buzzing around inside. sometimes you just have to let them go. A few weeks back i told some of my closest friends something i kept inside of me for so long, but as i told them, i couldnt help but not tell the full story. it just didnt seem right, i felt like i was giving my soal away. but its not just something i can blurt out and tell the whole world. so half of it is still keep inside, buzzing around like the other mixed emotions and feelings. but if they are the closest people to me, the 3 most people i trust in the whole world, why is it so hard not to tell them everything? why? why does it have to be so hard?...it just doesnt feel right. i know they will be there for me, but i just cant brng myself to say it..it makes me feel so alone, even when i have them around me. am i a bad friend for not being able to let them in on everything? after all they have been able to open up to me.......why does it have to be like this..................i just wish someone would see me for who i am, not as an actor in my life, but as me, kim...the person i am........

listening to: nothing, everyones asleep..