Matt sat on the bog, scratching words into the door. 

I LOVE CLARE
I LOVE CLARE
I LOVE CLARE

it said in the thin, block capitals. Matt sighed to himself, finishing it off by drawing a faint heart around it. If only Matt's world could be locked from the inside, like the toilet cubicle, then nobody could touch him. 
He sat bolt upright, lifting his legs up against the walls. Someone's footsteps could be heard approaching. His breathing was heavy and panicky and, to make things worse, the stolen, worn out, Geography department pencil, which he had been chewing on the loo, had got wedged between his back teeth.
'I know you're in there, mate!' boomed the voice. Mate. Ha ha, so funny. Matt could hear him pound each of the cheap doors in succession, before finally coming to his. He listened out for the contact with the fist, and bit through the pencil when he heard the hinges creak. He wanted to spit it out, but it would give him away. 
'Don' think you can fool me, yeb scum. Get out where we can see you.' He put emphasis on the 'we'. 
Matt couldn't chew on the splintered wood and rotten graphite taste any longer. He let it fall out of his mouth on a trail of spit, and closed his eyes as the pieces hit the floor and interrupted the awkward silence.
'He's in this one!' said the voice. They ganged up around the cubicle, yanking it open with a piece of some bike they stole and fucked up. Matt huddled up on the toilet lid, his knees up to his chest, but they took a swipe at his head before he had a chance to protect it. He fell to the floor and watched the red drops of blood on his clothes. His eyes welled up and for a second, he felt as if he couldn't breathe in their presence. Clare stood in the corner, in the arms of one of them. 'Clare...' he whispered, looking wistfully up at her. 
'Get up!' Jamie said, bearing his new set of gold teeth before beating him down to the ground. 'That's right. A girl beat you up. Now a loser, always a loser,' he grinned, and kicked Matt in the stomach. 'Careful,' he said, backing off. 'With a nose like that, you'll stain my Air Force Ones.'
'We'll come for you tomorrow,' said Clare quietly, catching his eye and sneaking a smile. Jamie glanced at her and Matt, peeved at the secret communication. 
'Come on babe.' Clare looked back at Matt and even he could recognise the pity in her eyes. Matt's head drooped. 
'We'll come for you tomorrow,' Jamie's right-hand man, Chris, spat. 
'Yeah, three o clock sharp, or we'll get ya!' Jamie snarled. Clare found that, in walking away, she felt an inexpressible remorse at what she had just helped do.

'Matt?' said Clare, stepping cautiously into the boy’s loos. 'Are you alright?'
Matt crawled out from under the leaky sinks, coughing and spluttering with the little spark of energy left within him. Clare found herself strangely endeared to him, underneath the bits of crumbling white paint in his ruffled hair. Yet she also felt as if she shouldn't have gone back. Jamie was the jealous type, and if he found out, he'd suspect anything. But he still found it okay to flirt shamelessly with Nadine in the year below. He thought Clare didn't know. She was just like every other dumb whore he had his pick of in the school, only she was an advantage in that she shut up most of the time. A wise thing, when you've got a boyfriend who turns everything you say into a debate worthy of Trisha.
'Does J-Jamie know you're... err... here?' 
Clare shook her head. An awkward silence engulfed the two of them, and Clare hung her head. She opened her mouth several times in an attempt to break the silence, but every time, she just cleared her throat. 
'I've been here all night, you know. I'm never going back, even if I'm not safe anywhere, I'm not going back there.'
'Where's 'there'?'
'Oh, you know. The crap hole they call 'home',' Matt laughed before breaking into a cough again. Clare rushed over to his side and knelt beside him. Matt flinched and shifted away. She was too beautiful for someone like him. 'No, it's okay,' he said, in between coughs. There was a pause. 'I think I've got some allergy to Jamie.'
Clare stifled a giggle.
'They think I'm so weak. All of them. Jamie, Chris, the school, my step dad, my brother. All this time, I thought it was something wrong with them. But I guess, it's me who's got something wrong. Can they see weakness, or do they just create it?'
Clare looked at him blankly and felt completely out of place. Matt carried on rambling. 
'See this,' he said, opening his shirt to reveal an ugly scar across his bare chest. Clare got a tiny thrill from looking at him, and blushed. Matt didn't see her looking at him. 'This was ages ago but I'm proud I've still got it.'
'What happened to you?' Clare asked, incredulously.
'They shoved me in a locker and when I didn't get in, they prodded me with stuff,' Matt said, rather matter-of-factly. 'The normal stuff. Crowbars. Glass bottle bits. Knives,' he said. 'And that was when I was twelve.'
'Is there anything else?' 
'Loads, but that would call for a full on strip,' he said. Clare wanted to reply 'I'm up for that', but she noticed him staring at her more and more intently, and hid her face under her hair. 'Listen, I'm sorry,' she said, getting up again. Matt was startled to see her leave. 'I really shouldn't be here.'
Suddenly, something in Matt changed. The strings holding his face in an expression of quiet friendliness snapped and now, he looked angst ridden, almost accusing. 'You and your fucking pity!' he shouted back. 'You're all the same!'
“I…I. I’m sorry” Clare answered, shocked to see that he was actually shouting at her, yet more shocked at herself for being intimidated by him.  “But you have no idea” She finally breathed and hid her hands with the sleeves of her jumper. “It’s not pity!” She sighed and her hand reached for the door handle.
“Well then what is it? Because every time he tells you to jump, you ask him how high”
“What the fuck else am I supposed to say? I'm scared” and due to the fact that she didn’t want to speak to him about the situation any more she scattered off. Not really wanting to be seen in the lads’ toilets. He knew tomorrow that he would get the shit beaten out of him, partly because Clare was now upset and she would clearly tell Jamie, as she had no one else to talk too. In some way he hated her for it but in others he didn’t. It was his fault in the first place. Perhaps she’d seek pity on him and not saying anything. After all he had just accused her of it.
He made his way towards the cubicle where he scraped all of his random messages. He used his bitten pencil to scribble away the words ‘I LOVE CLARE’. In his mind he didn’t want to do it, but he knew if he carried on liking her there would be too many complications. A single tear dropped from his eye, as it was too hard for him to scribble away the words.

Clare fumbled with her pen. Her mind was crying out for something to write. It was ten minutes before the end of school, she was in an English test, and she had barely written two lines. 
'Clare, are you okay?' asked her teacher, noticing the look of frustration on her face. 'Do you need help?'
The whole class turned from their own papers to look at Clare. She felt her face burning. She was hopeless at school, and especially at tests, so it was asking for trouble being in the top set for English. It wasn't her fault that she cheated in the last exam. Jamie copied every single word he had ever put to paper, but no one ever found him out. He called it 'being safe'. Clare turned and stared at Matt, the only member of the class not looking at her. He was absorbed in putting whatever nonsense he had come up with onto paper. Clare shuddered. Matt didn't seem the writing type. 
'Err, yeah, I'm fine thanks,' said Clare. 'It's nothing you can help me with.' The teacher returned to writing her reports. 
The last five minutes of school seemed like a recurring nightmare. Clare did nothing accept watch the minute hand on the clock tick slowly by, whilst flicking her pen on the desk. Just then, her mind had a sudden urge to write something, anything, and in her fastest handwriting, Clare wrote:

I DIDN'T DO IT. NOBODY CAN PROVE THAT I DID IT. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME. I DIDN'T DO IT. DON'T HURT HIM. I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

A shrill noise came from the bell in the corner above Clare's left ear. It made her jump. She got up, handed in her paper, and five seconds after walking out of the classroom, couldn't remember what she wrote.

'Jamie, Jamie,' cried Clare pleadingly, running after her boyfriend. Jamie was obviously in a hurry to get down to business this time. 
'What the fuck do you want?' he snapped impatiently. Clare gave him the puppy eyes. He sighed. 
'Don't be so... so hard on him,' she muttered shyly. 
'Wot?'
'I- I said don't be so hard on Matt today.'
'You actually bovered sayin' the Thing's name, man something must be wrong with you. That kid's a psycho, and we are sortin' him out.'
'But we- we could get into trouble.'
'What, with the school?' Jamie laughed. 'What's got inna you today? I saw you looking at 'im in dat shitty exam.'
'I wasn't looking at him,' Clare replied, 'honest. Just that I think you really hurt him last time and err, we don't want him dead or anything.'
Jamie shot her a look of contempt and carried on walking. Clare felt the distance between them, but wrapped her arm around his. 
'So what's that in your hand?'
'This?' Jamie asked, waving a can of some spray in his hand. 'Well you asked me not to be so hard on him today. It's going to be nice, and slow.' He drew out his last sentence slowly and with relish for the torture he hoped he was going to inflict. 

'Where are you?' Dean shouted. His low voice, which came out something like a grunt, echoed around the empty bike sheds. 
'Don't play hiding games with me!' hollered Jamie. There was silence. 'Okay then,' he said. 'We'll weed you out by your puny little legs instead.' 
Clare saw the look in Jamie's eyes. It scared her because she remembered that look. It was the look he always gave her before he lashed out at her. The dark, piercing eyes which yielded red rage. Sometimes, for no reason at all. 
Footsteps were heard running into an alleyway by the side of the bike sheds. Jamie and the other guys ran after them, and Clare lingered behind, catching up once they had cornered Matt. Matt's eyes bulged with the anticipation of something terrible. Clare took one look at them, and hid under her hood so she didn't have to look. 
Jamie kicked Matt in the stomach and Matt collapsed forwards. Clare could hear a sob, which was more like a howl, but the next minute she looked up, there was blood on the ground streaming from Matt's mouth. This obviously hadn't been the first time Matt had been kicked there. 
'Get up!' Jamie shouted, slamming Matt's head against the wall. The words rang in Clare's ears. They were almost Jamie's catchphrase now. And she knew all too well what would happen next. 
Jamie stood back, holding the can in his hand. He threw it up in the air a few times. Matt followed it every time he catched it and hid his head but Jamie pulled it back up to face him again. Clare didn't want to watch, but her eyes were fixed. 
He sprayed the contents of the can in Matt's face. There was silence from everyone while they were waiting for a reaction. Jamie was right; by god, this was slow. Matt wanted to cough, but felt as if the whole of his lungs were being squeezed out. He wanted to move out of the stuffy bike sheds and into the light beyond, but was powerless to do anything. 
Clare felt something within her twitch. 'Stop it, just stop it!' she cried. Jamie and the gang turned to her. 
'What did you just say?'
'I said stop it, okay!' She watched Matt lean against the wall, his lips turning blue and his body straining with each breath. 'Somebody needs to help him!'
'Well err, excuse me, Miss, but what do you want me to do? Hand myself in to the police? This is classic, man. It'll make good film when I watch it back from Chris's phone later.' Jamie was in stitches as he kicked Matt, who was writhing on the floor, struggling to breathe. 
'How can you be so fucking insensitive?' shouted Clare. The words spilled out of her as if she had been wanting to say them for some time. 'Look at him. I know you may think this is funny but it's gone too far. What if he stops breathing for god's sake? What am I going to say to people then, eh? I'm sorry, Jamie, but I'm calling somebody.'
'Don't you dare, you bitch!’ Jamie grabbed her phone from her pocket and took out a knife from somewhere in his jacket. 'I knew I should have done this some time ago.' He held Clare to the wall by her neck, and the knife to her face. Clare winced as his body moved towards hers, holding her against the wall. The hot tears were falling in rivulets down her flushed cheeks. 
She screamed the loudest she had ever screamed and felt the sharp blade slice past her face. She collapsed on the floor, the tears making the new cut sting like mad, and saw that Matt's eyes were closed, and that he wasn't moving. 
“Perhaps next time, you’ll learn to leave me to it” Jamie smiled and leant down trying to kiss her cheek, but her crying didn’t help. “Just look at you. You’re meant to be my girlfriend, but even you aren’t worthy of that. How about you sort yourself out? And we’ll have a talk tomorrow yeah?” He sneered so loudly that she was scared he’d do something else to harm her.
“I love you” She blinked through tears and wondered if he would take pity on her, like she did to him every time.  For a brief moment she could see his eyes turn slightly and just hoped he’d repeat her words, but he didn’t. He sniggered and threw her phone back at her, giving enough time for her to grab it.
	“Sort yourself out” He sighed with embarrassment and placed the knife back into his pocket. He didn’t wait for her to say anything else, he left, leaving Clare pain stricken and Matt well, he didn’t look too good. 
He lay there breathing heavily, but Clare knew he was doing it to prove he didn’t care. 
“Matt…?” She called to him slightly and just hoped he’d respond.
“I. Cant. Breath” Each word was said in between breaths and now, she felt even more upset about being involved in the first place.
“I’ll ring an ambulance or something” She panicked and as soon as she dialed 999 his hand cupped the phone, preventing her from doing so.
“No.” He huffed, using his last breath.
“You don’t look too good though” She tried ever so hard to convince him that he needed to go to hospital, but he was having none of it.
“No. One. Actually. Cares” He breathed and thought back to when he fell of his bike. His step dad had accused him of being after attention, but the real reason was due to the fact that some older kids had pushed him off. Another incident consisted of his brother pushing him down a flight of stairs because he ‘stole’ his video game, but it was later found on his own bedroom floor. Proving that Matt had no reason to be pushed. However, his step dad didn’t believe Matt and refused to take him to hospital. He was used to pain.  
“I do. I want to help you” She smiled and looked directly in his eyes hoping something would soften there and it did. It he wasn’t in so much pain, he could guarantee that he would be getting a hard on, but at this moment settled for her to help him.
“Ok” He breathed so much heavier this time and she was just getting worried as to what affect the can had on his lungs. 
She rang the number for an ambulance and got directly told that one would be there as soon as possible. Which just had to be all right didn’t it. Even though Matt didn’t look good.

Matt was crunched up in a ball on the hospital sheets. Clare looked at him and stroked his hair tenderly. 'Don't lie like that,' she whispered. 'It'll make breathing even harder.' Even though she knew he couldn't hear her. 
'Hello?' said a nurse, waving in front of Clare's eyes. Clare looked at her, dazed. 
'What's the time?'
'It's just gone eight. You've been here for ages. Are you a member of his family?'
'No, just a- a friend,' she replied blankly, remembering that Jamie would make her pay for all this later. 
'Do you know any way in which we can contact his family? We've got his name, but there doesn't appear to be anyone else in the area with the same surname...'
'His mum has a different surname to him, I remember him saying he had a step dad or something... he has a brother, but I think he lives with them.'
'Do you-'
'No, I don't know his family, just him.'
'Well, we'll have to wait until he feels ready to talk, then.' The nurse sighed and rolled her eyes. 'Erm, excuse me,' she prodded Clare on the shoulder before sitting down.
'Yeah.'
'Does Matt. Does he have a history of... drug abuse?'
Clare remembered what happened. Jamie. The spray can. She sat up, startled. The nurse probably thought Matt was doing some kind of lame solvent abuse. 
'You can tell us anything you know,' she said. 'We won't tell him. If he needs help, this is the first step.'
'It didn't happen like that!'
'Well, what happened then?'
'I- I don't know, it all happened so fast, I don't know-' 
Clare was interrupted by a woman bursting into the ward. 'My boy!' she cried, rushing over to his side. She looked weary, as if something had been weighing on her mind for ages. Clare shuddered. His mum couldn't be that bad. She looked at his face as if she genuinely loved him. 
'What's he done now?' she asked, stepping back, suspicious.
'That's what we've got to talk to you about,' the nurse said. She ushered Clare away. Clare knew that she wasn't wanted, and walked out of the ward. 'Jamie... Jamie...' she whispered under her breath. How did Matt's mum know he was here? Did someone recognise her and tip her off? 'I thought she didn't care,' Clare thought.
'Jamie,' she whispered, again. She felt the plaster on her cheek. 'He did this.'
And he was standing there, in the doorway. 'I knew you'd be here.' 
“So you follow me now?” Clare sighed and scurried past him, she chose not to look him in the eye, partly because if she did, he would hurt her.
“I knew you’d be with him” He gritted his teeth, because he desperately wanted to make her pay.
“Well, I wasn’t going to just leave him. I’m not like that”
“You run after him like a little lap dog. Since when have you cared about him?” Jamie wasn’t really the one to hurt girls in public, but he grabbed her arm and physically pushed her out of sight from most people. 
“You’re hurting me!” She whimpered slightly and just knew that he didn’t care.
“Clare, why do you care about him? He’s a freak. He doesn’t have any real friends.” Jamie laughed at Matt’s lame excuse of a life.
“No one wants to get to know him, that’s all. He isn’t a freak, just feels uncomfortable around people. If you weren’t so hard on him, then maybe he’d be alright.”
“I don’t know what I ever saw in you, you know. Chris told me you were a good laugh, up for anything, but you’re just like Matt; a freak” He shouted and literally spat in her face.
“I am up for a good laugh, but not when it involves people get hurt, for the expense of you getting it on Chris’ phone.”
“You never used to say anything, why the sudden change?” Jamie wondered. He had images of Clare standing there laughing as Jamie pushed this little ginger kid down some stairs. 
“Because yeah I admit, it was fun at first, but when you get physically violent it’s not on. Matt doesn’t need you to harm him anymore than he actually is. His family aren’t that considerate” 
“I don’t care about his family. I don't give a fucking damn. If they can't not breed mutants, that's not my problem!” 
“You just don’t get it do you” Clare sighed and just wanted to get away.
“The only thing I don’t get is you. Why the fuck have you changed?”
“I haven’t changed, I’ve just not said anything because you’d hurt me otherwise. I mean if anyone disagrees with you; they get it.” 
Clare had hit a raw nerve in Jamie. He hated being criticised. Down in his heart, he knew it was one of the reasons why his brain was so twisted. He couldn't stand being told he was wrong by anyone, and if he were, the person who told him would get it. But this time, it hurt having to take revenge. He took a deep breath as he drew back his fist. Of all people, he never thought he'd have to say it to his own girlfriend. Especially as he was the only person he had ever, really, truly loved. 
Clare swallowed her pride. Her brain commanded her to run from the situation, but somehow she remained glued to the spot, and the sheer adrenalin pumping through her veins manifested itself as a bright red colour in her cheeks. The world seemed to run like a tape in slow motion as Jamie drew back his fist again. Run, Clare, run. The words rang in her ears. 
Jamie snapped. He felt the dust come into his eyes, making them water. If he had cut her earlier, why couldn't he hit her now? It was an impaired function, and the little wisecrack in his head gradually told him not to do it. He broke down. 'Sorry,' he stammered. 'I love you.'
Clare didn't hear the words. She walked out, the tears blurring her vision. When she looked back, she didn't know whether Jamie had run off, or if she refused to picture him in her mind. 

Clare rushed down the road so fast, anyone observing would think she had wheels for legs. The light-headedness she felt when Jamie had 'poked' her with the knife came flooding back and she thought she was falling. She took a few steps back to find the right house. Her house. 
'You alright love?' the calm voice of her mum shouted after her. Clare darted up the stairs, covering her cheek with her hand. She couldn't hide the cut forever. It might even leave a scar on her. But for now, she was thinking in the present. And she had to get to the bathroom. 
The empty silence took Clare by surprise as she hastily locked the door behind her. She kicked the side of the bath, but withdrew her foot as the small surge of pain rose up her toes. She opened the cupboards and blindly reached for the scissors. They slipped out of her trembling hands, and onto the floor. 
'I can do this,' thought Clare to herself, reaching for the scissors. Again, they slipped further out of her reach. She cried out in frustration. It's the little things that always hurt so much.
She grabbed the scissors. It took a long time to convince herself to write the first letter of the name on her left arm. She hurriedly scratched the rest of the name into her arm, before smothering the wound in a towel, ashamed at herself. 
She removed the towel. Even through her teary eyes, she noticed the huge amount of blood. In her madness, she scribbled each of the letters out in turn. J. A. M. I. E. That person was, in her eyes, no more. 

Matt looked around him. The light, the first which had come to his eyes in what seemed like days, dazzled him. There was no one about, but he could sense the presence of life. He sighed, when he noticed someone next to him. 
'Mum...'
He heard a girly giggle from beside him, quite different from the croak which his mum's voice had become. 'It's me, Clare,' she said. 'I don't think your mum's been here for days.'
'Thank god,' Matt said, sinking back into the empty-sweet-wrapper pillows. 'I couldn't stand getting a bollocking from her right now.' 
There was a silence between the both of them. Clare stared at the curtains around Matt's bed. When she saw that there was nothing to look at, she started to bite her nails. 
'You shouldn't wear white. It makes you look too much like an angel. I thought I died and had gone to heaven or summin when I saw your face.'
Clare smiled uneasily back at him. 'I'm not wearing white. It's blue. I think your eyes have been closed for too long, Matt.'
Matt blushed. 'How long have I been here?'
'A week.'
'And how's Jamie?'
At the mention of Jamie's name, Clare shifted about in her seat and fiddled with her sleeves. Her face was burning and her mind went completely blank. 
'Don't like him anymore, then?' Matt said, his face brightening.
'Not exactly-'
He interrupted. 'Well, I'm sorry if it's because of me.'
'You don't have to be sorry, it was nothing to do with you.'
'Sorry. There, I said it again! It's a habit of mine. My mum always said that I should be sorry for whatever I said or did, because it was always wrong.'
Clare scratched her arm. Matt carried on, without breathing, through his little rant. 'Because I am wrong. I'm her little mistake, I guess. Hey, what's wrong with your arm?'
'N-nothing, my arm's fine, really it is-'
'Whatever it is, it can't be worse than this.' Matt pulled his arms out from their former place under the sheets to reveal some painful-looking cuts, way deeper than Clare's. Her hand reached up inside the long sleeves hiding her own scars whilst her eyes were fixed on Matt's. But when she tried to read what they said, he resigned them underneath the sheets again, looking embarrassed. 'Trust me; you don't want to read what they say. I was stupid when I did that.'
'You must've had some nerve to do something as big as that.'
'No,' Matt said, not looking bothered. 'Just troubled.'
'So,' replied Clare, 'I want to see what it says.' Matt's face went white. Clare grabbed the sheets and tried to pull them away from him, but he snatched them back as if ashamed for what she was about to see. Clare wouldn't give up. She drew closer to Matt, reaching out to his sides, tickling him. He shrunk away, laughing, but she moved closer to him. Their noses were touching at one point, but Matt shifted nervously away from her. It was too late when he felt the sheets slide away from his arms. 
Clare saw the name etched on Matt's arm, and began to cry. 
“I didn’t mean too, I just… liked you, I liked you a lot, but I couldn’t have you, I can't have you, and yeah well….” He explained, and covered his arms with the sheets. He just wished she’d have listened when he told her not too.
“I’m sorry” She breathed whilst the tears still dripped from her eyes. “You know I never wanted you to get hurt” 
“I understand” He sighed with the rhythm of her tears. He knew that she was just doing what Jamie had told her.
She lifted the sleeves of her jumper and moved her arm towards Matt, where she clearly let him see the letters J-A-M-I-E scratched into her arms. He really wasn’t sure as to what to say or how to react; he didn’t want to upset her anymore.
“You’re too beautiful to do that” He literally whispered
She blushed slightly at his words. She clearly didn’t think she was.
“So are you” She smiled at him and although she had never said that to him, she clearly knew he’d appreciate it.
“No ones ever said that to me before you know”
“Well, I don’t see why they haven’t because you are” She sat on his bed and looked at him with eyes which she used when being a considerate friend. “I really don’t know why you don’t have a girlfriend”
“Would you go out with me?” He laughed slightly as if to say, me and a girl; never gonna happen.
“I wouldn’t say no” She giggled and playfully smiled. 
“Seriously though, what do you see in Jamie?” He asked bluntly. He wanted to know.
And she got comfy ready to tell him. No one had ever asked.
“He’s different when he’s not with anyone. Very possessive, but gentle.” She stopped for a moment and began to walk around Matt’s little space. “His sister babysat me and my little brother and Jamie would always tag along because his mum couldn’t be arsed to cook due to the fact that she was an alcoholic and had been for 16 years.” She sat down on the windowsill. “I was 14 when I first met him; he was the same age but looked so much older. The first thing he offered me was a spliff and because I was naïve I took it and just assumed it was good and yeah it was” she giggled softly. “Then he started offering me drink and again I took it because I didn’t know anything different. In some ways it was good, but it others it wasn’t. My first shag” She sighed and Matt couldn’t help but think she could have worded it better. “I hated it, he was drunk, I was high it so wasn’t right. It hurt so much afterwards, I wanted to cry. But the thing that attracted me to him was that he was gentle. Nothing hurt after than it was nice most of the time and he made me feel special.” She smiled and looked over to Matt who was looking at her like he was listening. “Then his mum died and he’d beat the shit out of me saying it was my fault and I could have stopped it. He knew fine well I couldn’t. And yeah I should have dumped him, but I liked him a lot and he apologised and explained that he couldn’t help it. This has been our relationship for 3 years and I still love him to bits” 
“I’m sure he feels the same way about you” Matt told her making her hear what she wanted. Although knowing fine well he was lying to make her happy. 
“I know he doesn’t Matt. Even you know that” She smiled at his sincerity and walked up towards his bed. After all of the rambling she had done she thought it was only fair she had to leave. Her watch read 8:30 and hospital waiting hours were over anyway. 
“I better go” She smiled and because she felt easy in his company she kissed him softly on the cheek. “Night Matt” she finally breathed and turned to leave.
“And you” he mouthed back to her and turned on his side ready to sleep. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do.
“I’ll come see you tomorrow” She whispered and closed the door silently. 

“I need to speak you” The voice spoke softly as she opened her front door.
“Sure” she accepted as she saw Jamie standing there, not looking his normal self. 
She ushered him upstairs, not that he really needed any direction as to where her room was. 
'So, err, I just came to say,' Jamie's voice returned to its normal gruff tone. 'I don't fink it's working out.'
He watched Clare smile as he said this, and struggled to keep his feelings from making him want to kiss her. They were alone, in her bedroom, after all. Clare's face now formed an expression of serenity, but inside her heart was leaping. Half nervous, because she was scared that he was going to hit her, and half happy, because she was now free to like somebody else, not that she'd admit to who it was. 'You know,' she muttered, 'I think so, too.'
'So this is it? This is the end, then? You ain't gonna try and get me back?'
I gave up trying a long time ago, Clare thought, but didn't dare say it. 'Do you want to try again?'
Jamie shrugged lazily. 'No?'
'Well then, I guess this is it.'
There was a pause. Jamie got up twice to leave and say something, but couldn't. With just the two of them, and no one else, he was different, shy almost. Lost for words and forgetting the four-letter ones he usually spewed out. 
'I didn't come just to end it, I wanted to say somefink else... a-as well.' His voice changed and was more cold again. 'You... y- you just stay away from that wanker, okay? I know 'e's the reason we split up, an' dat's why you're so glad, but you ain't gettin' away with it. Not never.' He slammed the door behind him as he left Clare in deep thought.

Matt found a new haunt when he got back to school. Round the bike sheds, where he 'fell'. He no longer wrote anything, though: now that Clare knew how he felt, and had split up with Jamie, he dared not write anything. There was more reason than ever for Jamie to attack him if he saw any of it. Not that Jamie understood anything he wrote. No one did. 
The smell of cigarette smoke alerted him to someone walking around the corner. He walked away, but recognized it as Clare, looking prettier than ever, and surpassing even his daydreams. 'Hey you,' she said, in a come-hither drawl. Matt frowned; he didn't know what else to do. If she is determined to make her advances, I'm not going to accept them, not while he's after me. It wouldn't be right. It's fucking hard not to, though.
Clare started back in her usual, girl-next-door voice. 'Hello?' She laughed. 'You know perfectly well I can see you there. I won't hurt you, you know.' She was puzzled. After all that had happened between them when Matt was still in hospital, he had changed. He wasn't so friendly, for some reason, and less open. She shook this thought off, though. He never was friendly. How had she been led to believe that?
'Alright,' Matt said, his head looking down at the floor. 'Give us one.' Clare threw him the packet. 
'I didn't know you smoked.'
'Don't. Can't afford it. Step dad does. Breathe it in day in day out anyway. From your voice, nobody would know you did.'
Clare gave him a patronizing stare. 'I'm not an angel, no matter what you think,' she said. 'But to be fair, they are pretty horrible. I guess I'm stuck now, though.'
'Jamie?' The two of them nodded in sync.
'If you- do you- still want to go out with me?' Clare wondered.
'No.'
Clare looked at him again.
'Alright missus, just bloody kidding!'
'Oooh, I'm 'Missus' now?'
'No. I mean sorta, yeah. But if he gets me for it, this is the end, okay?'
'Okay.'
'In the red stuff?'
'You what?'
'Come here, give me your hand.' Clare put her hand reluctantly in Matt's. He took out a pair of scissors and made a small cut across her palm. Then, he made one in his. 'Give me your hand again.' He pressed their hands together. 'Now we're a part of each other.'
She was slightly nervous as to why he wanted them to be together like that, but thought no harm of it.  The only reason she was anxious to the idea was because she’d never actually done it before. 
To her it felt weird to be going out with someone else other than Jamie. Ok so maybe Matt was gorgeous, funny and understood what she was going through, but she had been with Jamie for 3 years.
She stubbed out her cigarette and waited for him to finish his. 
When she had been with Jamie, Matt had always looked venerable, but now he looked more superior, like he was going to keep control of Clare in the relationship.
“I better go” She smiled to him as he finished the last drag of his cigarette. 
He could help but smile, she was his.
“I’ll be here if you want me” He explained to her carefully and began to walk off.
“Hey! What about my kiss?” 
He turned round quite unsure as to why she wanted one. When he turned round she stood there radiating the up must beauty. 
“A kiss?” He questioned her response and she giggling softly. 
“Yeah, off you” She smiled and moved in closer to him.
“What if Jamie sees us?”
“If you don’t want to kiss me, it’s alright” 
“No, I want too, I just don’t wanna get beat up for it” He faked smiled and checked around just incase he was there.
“It shouldn’t matter what he thinks, if I want to kiss my boyfriend” and she made emphasis on the word boyfriend and carried on “I should be allowed too.” 
“Sorry” He apologised to her and she could have smacked him for saying that. He really shouldn’t have apologised. 
“Matt, stop saying sorry, don’t worry. If you don’t want to; I can wait” She smiled ever so sweetly and if he hadn’t have had good vision he could of sworn a halo was producing round her head. They stood there for a brief five minutes not really knowing what to say.
“I’ll see you later baby” Clare smiled in Matt’s direction and walked away slowly. 

Jamie and Chris laughed as they saw Clare topple over, all of her school books flying everywhere. Chris had successfully recorded it onto his phone.
“Wanker” She breathed heavily and began to pick up her books, but every time she progressed to pick one up, Jamie would kick it out of her hand. 
“Are you going to let me pick up my books? Or are you going to continue being a knob head?” She questioned him as she left all of her books on the floor.
“I think it’s more fun seeing you struggle” He laughed and made sure Chris had all of this argument on his phone.
“Just because I’m not going out with you anymore, doesn’t mean you can push me around.” 
“I told you not too” 
“Told me not to what? Go out with Matt? I don’t think that’s any of your business who I go out with to be honest” She spat in his face and continued to pick up her books.
“I practically own you. We didn’t have a 3 year relationship for nothing you know”
“You never owned me and never will. If you’re that bothered about what happens and who I spend time with, then why did you finish with me?” 
“Because I knew you'd come back. You can't survive without me, you know that.' He shot a lecherous glance across her body and pinned her against the wall, his hand disappearing underneath her shirt. No matter how Clare struggled, she only managed to get his hand further up. 'Is this what you call fun?' 
'Don't know- what do you call it?'
Clare scowled at him, turning her head away. 'You get your hands off me,' she commanded, wanting to scream. 'We're finished; don't you know the meaning of that? Why can't you let go, Jamie? You're not man enough?' 
Jamie gripped even tighter onto Clare. She could feel his breath on her neck and shuddered. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see a figure lingering about the corridor, looking at her with a look of hate more than anything. 
'Matt...!'

'WILL YOU JUST FUCK OFF!' Clare screamed, though restrained in case people were listening. 'You said Matt was a wanker, but now I know that you're an even bigger one.' She pushed against him as he grabbed hold of her flailing arms, his nails digging in. 'Let go!' she shouted, kicking him backwards towards Chris. 'Don't you look at me like that,' she spat. She knocked the phone out of Chris's hand with a violent swipe and broke it with her foot. 
Clare walked down the corridor, her teeth grinding and her knuckles white. She was determined to find Matt but had no idea he'd gone. 'You idiot!' she shouted, kicking over an innocent bin in her anger. 'I hate him,' she said, flinging open the doors and running outside. With a breath of fresh air, she was even more hell-bent on taking it out on the benches outside. 'I hate Jamie, I hate this world, I hate myself,' she cried, kicking the bench with all her might. But however angry she was, her poor foot wasn't invincible, and she eventually withdrew from the bench, howling at the sudden pain in her toes. 'I hate...' she whispered, breathless and with her head in her hands. 

'You think I'm bloody stupid, don't you?' shouted Matt. He and Clare were face to face, having possibly the most pointless argument in history. 'You thought you could just- lead me on and all the time you're thinking of fucking him?'
'I didn't fucking fuck him!'
'I saw that look on his face. And yours. I'm your little shitty airhead boy who you can just toy around with, am I?'
'In the corridor? Oh, you've got to be joking! Matt, slow down will you? You're fucking embarrassing yourself!'
'Oh, I am, am I?' Matt came to a stop. He started shouting at her again, louder than ever. 'You shut up and hear me out! All those times you said you liked me, I never believed you. She's too fucking good for me, one part of my brain said. But oh no, the other side of it has to go and say 'Mate, you've got a chance with that girl.' You have no idea how much it hurts, have you? No, you don't, cause you're a whore, that's what you are-' Clare reached over and kissed him before he said anymore. 
'You're a twat, Matt. Hey! Matt the twat. That rhymes. Now are you going to keep arguing with nothing, or do we kiss and make up?'
'Well, the kissing sounds nicer.'
She kissed him again and made sure that a smiled produced on his face. It did. She wiped the excess lipstick from around his lips and smiled.
“I’m not a whore though” She told him truthfully and just wondered why he had said that in the first place, because it hurt,
“I know darling I know. I was jealous that was all” Matt apolgoised and just wondered if she would hold that against him. 
“And yes, I do know how much it hurts, because Jamie did it all the time. I wouldn’t do that to anyone and especially not you, because I know what you’ve been through” She whimpered and just hoped Jamie wouldn’t see her crying. 
“I just saw you two and thought you were playing me about, it’s happen to many times before” 
“Just because other people have done it too you, doesn’t mean I will” She smiled towards him. “Trust me, I won’t hurt you” She laughed softly and held onto his hand. “Coming for a fag?” She smiled knowing fine well he did and he just laughed at her.  
“Sure” He manly smiled and followed her as she led him away. 

	He stood there quite shocked to be in her bedroom. It was just like any other girls bedroom, well what Matt knew anyway. Her walls were purple with a silver etched border and it was neat, perhaps she always liked to be that way. The usual furniture was in there, but he seemed to notice the big double bed in the middle of her room. The bedspread was deep purple and it was covered in several teddies, she obviously loved them.
	“You can sit down you know” Clare giggled softly and threw her school bag onto the floor.
	“I was just looking” He laughed with her and got ready to ask a question. “Who’s that lad downstairs?” Perhaps he was jealous.
	“My brother. Well, if you can call him that, so you know, nothing to worry about” She smiled knowing to well what he was implying.
	“Ahh right, just wondered that was all”
	“Don’t worry Matt, I never fancied him and never will” She smiled in his direction and signaled for him to sit down. 
	“I didn’t expect your room to be like this” He told her and looked around even more.
	“Me either, It was a mess last time I looked” 
	“No, I meant I thought it would be different. Not as nice. No offence or anything”
	“It’s alright, none taken. I still don’t get what you mean though, but still” She shook her head and got comfy on her bed, well she sat with her legs crossed and picked up a random magazine.
	“I just thought it would be more………what’s the word? Grimy” 
	“Grimy?”
	“Yeah, not that you don’t look after yourself or anything, I think it was just the fact that you were with Jamie and it just made me think”
            'He might be a chav, but one thing Jamie really isn't is a tramp.'
Neither of them found anything to say and sat, rolling their eyes, on Clare's bed.
'So... what do you want to do?' Matt crossed his legs on the bed. 
Clare changed her voice mockingly. 'Anything you want...'
A satisfying tingle shot up through Matt's body. 'Don't talk to me like that, it gives me the shivers.'
'Well my parents are out, and we're kind of alone.' She blushed and felt like she was repeating a line in some teen film. 
'Your brother is in the house.'
'Oh, he won't mind. He doesn't give two shits; he'll have his music blasting up over it anyway.'
'Music? Are we going to be that- that loud?' Matt's mind was racing and his heart beating, faster and faster, as Clare stripped him almost routinely of his clothes. 
'Don't know- wouldn't know,' she winked. 'Jamie was loud, but that compensated for something else...'
Matt's breathing got faster, and heavier, as she played with the rim of his boxers. 'But I- I'm not- I never...'
'Virgin?' Clare giggled, kissing him. Matt nodded tentatively. 'I won't bite... well maybe I will,' she laughed, 'but I'll be gentle.'
'What if I don't want you to be?'
'Then you and I will get on very well.'

Matt's sleepy eyes forced themselves open at the feeling of some cold. The room was still dark, but there was some faint sunlight coming through a chink in the curtains. He looked over and felt to his sides, worriedly. Apart from him, Clare's double bed was empty. 
'Morning gorgeous,' said a soft voice. Matt turned, his eyes remaining fixed on the image of Clare getting dressed. 
'It's morning?'
'Keep your bloody voice down!' Clare hissed. 'It's Saturday, okay? My family are late sleepers, so you should be fine. Just that if anyone comes to wake me up, hide.'
'Hide? Where the fuck are you going?'
'Out, to get the pill. You don't expect me to sleep with you without using protection, do you? You, naughty boy, didn't use a condom last night, I just realised,' she said, pulling her top on over her chest. Matt slumped down under the covers again once there was no longer any flesh on show. 
'I guess you should go, then. Just- don't leave me here too long. Your brother scares me,' he laughed. 'And if I'm gone by the time you're back, then you know he looked for me and I left.'
'Okay darling,' she said, blowing him a kiss and carefully opening the door. 
'Oh, by the way- how was it?' asked Matt, just as she was about to leave. 
'Terrible,' she teased, waiting to close the door behind her. 'I was joking, by the way,' she smiled. 
'I knew that.'

'Clare! Get your lazy arse outta bed!' Clare's brother shouted, half awake, grouchy, and thumping the door. 'Oh, sorry,' he said. 'Mother requests your presence downstairs.'
There was no response. 
'Oh, fuck it,' he muttered, entering Clare's room. He was taken aback by the smell of girl which usually assaulted him on one of his rare visits to her room, but this time something was amiss. Clare normally answered him, for a start, and with a fair few f words too. But the thing underneath the covers slept through all that he said. And, suspiciously, there was a lingering smell of aftershave. 
'What the hell...'
Matt screwed up his face and opened his eyes. 'Clare?' Whoever was in the room didn't answer him. 'Clare?' He got up, and was staring straight into the face of Clare's brother. 
'Of all the fuckwits, I never thought she'd sleep with you,' he said, repulsed. 'I got an earful from Jamie the other day for what ever stupid thing she'd done. And it looks like it's all because of you.'
Matt gulped. 'You- you know Jamie?'
'Can't believe you didn't recognise me,' he said arrogantly. 'But I'd rather not speak to the likes of you. So get out.'
'What?'
'I said get out of my house!' he said, kicking Matt out. 'And stay away from my sister. My mum gets shocks easily, so you better be out in five.'
Matt rubbed his arms, which he had been half dragged out by. Clare's brother fished out his clothes with a hanger and threw them at him in disgust.
'I think you'd like these,' he said coldly. 'And I don't think we'd like to get contaminated.'

'Matt!' Clare whispered, edging up the stairs and trying to look through the gap in the door to see if he was still there. She entered the room. Matt must have switched off the light in order to get some serious sleep; his body was still lying static under the covers. But she saw nothing wrong with waking him up- after all, everyone else was awake and before long, they might suspect something. 'Matt,' she said tenderly, nudging him. Matt turned over, his eyes opening. Clare noticed those eyes immediately and knew they certainly weren't Matt's. Before long, the thing from underneath the covers had dragged her in, covering her mouth so that she couldn't scream. 
'Hello baby...' 

The next morning she woke tiredly and just hoped that Jamie wasn’t lying next to her. She turned briefly and saw that he wasn’t. Her body sat bolt upright and the tears automatically dripped from her eyes. She felt sore, dirty and hopeless. Why did he have to do this to her? Was he seeking revenge? Perhaps he was jealous? She didn’t know. Running feebly towards the bathroom she slammed the door shut and began her search. The item she desperately wanted was hidden in the bathroom cabinet right next to the small tube of toothpaste. 
“You’re so stupid” She cried as the first glide of the scissors ran across her thigh. “Why couldn’t you see he was going to do that?” She finally breathed as it hit her thigh again. Repeatedly the blade scrapped across her skin and no matter how many times she did it, nothing made her feel better. She wanted Matt, but felt that even he couldn’t make her feel better.
“Clare” her brother called through the bathroom door and she dropped the blade.
“What?” she snarled through the door and just hoped he would leave her alone.
“I need a piss come on!”
“Yeah well I’m busy, fuck off” 
“Is Matt there with you?” He asked ready to break down the door.
“No, I don’t do it in the bathroom strangely enough.”
“I don’t want you with him. I’m getting too much shit of Jamie man. You either break it off or I’ll do some serious talking with mum” 
“I don’t care. Tell her” She rolled her eyes and opened the door, making sure everything in the bathroom was left as it was.
“He aint good for you.”
“And how would you know?” She wondered 
“He’s a fucking geek.”
“Well, no matter what he is I like him. You can’t tell me who I can and cannot go out with. You got a problem with it then; TOUGH, because I really don’t give a shit.” 
She rushed past him not really wanting to finish the conversation. Maybe he was being protective over his sister, but why when Jamie was worse than Matt was. She couldn’t understand.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you got in, but like I said I suspected, your bro came after me” He laughed and planted a small kiss onto her cheek. She flinched slightly, not because of him, but because of the male interaction. 
“It’s alright. He said” She lied, but it wasn’t like she could tell him the truth. 
“Thanks for the other night darling, was fun” He giggled softly and began to nibble at her neck. She pushed him away, quite heavily and Matt looked taken aback. 
“I don’t feel too good” She breathed and as he took a moment to look at her, he noticed she didn’t like right. Her hair was a mess, the face he knew to be rosy, was now sickly white and her eyes looked rather bloodshot. 
“You don’t look to good, why did you come in hun?” He asked quite concerned and took her hand for comfort. She didn’t want to seem like she was being distant and held loosely onto his hand, but every second she did, it made her feel afraid. 
“Boring at home” 
“I would come back with you, but your brother would kill me” He smiled and just hoped that she was laugh, but she didn’t. 
“Seriously you better go home” 
“No, I’m fine. Perhaps I just need a fag” She laughed softly. After all that happened she didn’t want him to find out.
“Knowing you, yeah” He brought the cigarette packet out of his pocket and handed her that and his lighter. 
	Once lit, she took the longest drag ever possible and made sure all the nicotine was going to the right places.
“O look at those two” Jamie sniggered as he saw Clare and Matt sitting together. 
“Fuck” Clare screamed as the cigarette hit her leg. “Listen. I’m going home. I’ll ring you later” She quickly slurred and kissed Matt quickly. 
“Cant keep her for long can you?” Jamie laughed as he saw Clare scurry past him.
“She’s ill actually”
“Is that’s what she says now is it?”
“I beg your pardon?” Matt wondered as he stubbed out his cigarette. 
“Well she certainly wasn’t bothered when she was riding my cock last night” Jamie sounded so smugly.
“Don’t make me laugh, she wouldn’t touch you if you paid her” Matt rolled his eyes and turned away.
“There’s one thing that I don’t do Matt and that is lie, if you’re that bothered as to whether or not it’s a lie go and ask her” 
“I don’t see why I should because it’s clearly not true” 
“Believe what you want to believe mate, but yeah was shaggin’ her last night.” 
In some ways Matt believed it to be true and others he knew Jamie was lying. He didn’t think it was right to turn up on her doorstep because for one her brother wasn’t that inviting and two, she was ill.

He tapped loudly on her door and just hoped she would answer. Several minutes after knocking she answered, still not looking her normal self. 
“I need answers” He confronted her and at this moment in time, he wasn’t bothered as to whether or not her brother was in. 
“To what? I need some questions first.” She laughed silently and shut the door.
“When was the last time you slept with Jamie?”
She laughed and answered “You know the answer to that. I’ve told you before”
“You’re lying” 
“No I’m not”
	“Clare I know fine well you’re lying. Jamie told me” 
	She looked at the floor and immediately burst out crying.
	“You have to believe me I didn’t want too”
	“I don’t want the whole fucking story Clare. You cheated on me”
	“No! It wasn’t like that. Her made me do it” She explained to him and just hoped he’d believe her because it was true. 
	“So if he told you to jump in a fire you would?”
	“Matt you seriously don’t know what it’s like to have someone do that to you do you? It fucking hurts AND YOU DON’T WANT IT TO HAPPEN, BUT YOU HAVE TO LET THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE STRONGER THAN YOU! I seriously told him not too, Matt I really did” She hysterically cried and grabbed onto his hand. She led him to somewhere more suitable and brought her trousers down, revealing the scrape marks on her legs “Every fucking time it hurt. Each one hurt so much because I felt bad for doing it, I didn’t want to sleep with Jamie, I wanted it to be with you, but it wasn’t like I had much choice was it” She explained to him and now he just felt slightly stupid. His hand slowly moved across her thighs. 
	“Babe I’m so sorry” He apologized.
	“How can I be with you if you can’t trust me?”  
	“I can trust you. It’s him I can’t” He screamed with aggression. 
	“Why would I want to be someone who has a small cock? Why would I want to be with someone who forces me into bed? Matt it’s you I want, not him.” 
	“I know I’m protective, but I’ve never been in a relationship and I just want it to work, especially since you're my first,' he said, lowering his head. 
            Clare sat down, almost scratching her tears away. Well, at least it brought the redness back to her cheeks. 'It will happen. I will make it happen, and I will stop,' she said, clutching Matt's hand nervously and leading it up and down the scars. 'Matt, you've got to help me.'
            Matt nodded, and she fell into his arms, exhausted by the outburst. 

            Clare stumbled blindly around on the arm of Matt. Her right eye was still partly fused shut due to the dried up tears from the night before. Matt fidgeted under her tight grip, removing his hand and holding hers again. 'Why do you keep doing that?' she questioned sleepily. 'I need you Matt, don't let go, please, I'm begging you.'
            'I'm not letting go of you for all the world,' he replied. 'Hang on. Are you delirious or something? You sound a bit out of it to me.' He caressed Clare's forehead, her heavy eyelids closing under the burden of his touch. She relied on Matt to lead her, or rather drag her, around to the school gates. 'You go in,' she said wearily, slumping down on a bench. 'I'll just be a minute- I didn't get much sleep last night.' 
            Matt looked anxiously back at her, but decided to leave her alone. Besides, Jamie would taunt him less if he saw Matt on his own. 
            Clare curled up in a ball on the bench, squinting at the image of Matt edging away. She tried to keep her eyes open, but fell down into something, into darkness.
	 
	“You’re a prick I swear” Jamie screamed as his fist collided with Matt’s now aching jaw.
	“It takes one to know one. Arsehole” Matt retaliated for once, and just hoped it would end at that. It didn’t. 
	Jamie had no reason to beat Matt up, well other than he was going out with Clare, but even that wasn’t worth a battle.  Matt thought back to when Clare had been standing the boys bathroom laughing as Jamie hit and kicked him and now he just felt stupid. Even when going out with Clare he wasn’t safe and although know one really cared, he would to be saved. He loved Clare more than anything and after seeing what he had that previous night; he wanted to protect her even more. Jamie looked Matt straight in the eyes and whistled. Chris and Clare’s brother were immediately at Jamie’s side and Matt couldn’t help but think them too, were after him. 
	“You mess with my sister, I mess with you” Clare’s brother screamed and punched Matt repetitively in the stomach. 
	“I didn’t do anything to her.” He practically whispered on the floor and tried his best to kick back. 
	“I don’t give a shit, it gives me an excuse to beat you fucker up” he screamed for the last time and rammed his trainer into his abdomen. Matt screamed out in pain as Jamie and Chris joined in. To say he was crying was a bit of an understatement, but at this moment in time; he couldn’t give a toss. All of them laughed as they saw Matt’s body move in pain.
	“You leave her alone alright?” Jamie screamed and shot a look over to her brother, meaning that the job was done. They each had a kick at Matt as they left and he lay silently on the floor waiting for them to leave. He wiped the blood from around his face and kept both hands on his stomach. It fucking hurt. He breathed softly to see if he could still breathe and in some way he could. Unlike before, there was no one to help him, he was pretty defenseless.  With all the effort her had in his body, he crawled along the floor; not really caring he was crawling through piss. He entered the cubicle where he always used to sign and closed the door and lay back. He wanted his relationship with Clare to be perfect. But it wasn’t happening. He felt the vibration in his pocket from his mobile phone alerting him that he had a text message. He drew the phone out of his pocket and noticed that the message was from Clare. ‘Gone ome, I fink I fainted, sum1 took me ome. Meet me at mine l8r. luv u! xxxx’ 
	He didn’t want to seem rude, but refused to text her back. The reason he was like this in the first place was because of her. 
	He had been thinking for several minutes now. He had come to a decision, and he wasn't looking back.  

            'Where the hell is he?' Clare's brain was pleading, as she looked at her phone. She had barely moved for the whole day, except for a brief flexing of her fingers to text Matt, or the leaning over to be sick in a bucket on the floor. Her tired eyes flickered as she watched the time move from 8, to 9, to half 10, to 11. It wasn't late, but Matt didn't seem like the kind of person to keep her waiting. She tasted the acid rising up in her throat as she was about to be sick again, and a tear ran down her cheek. Was it ever possible to be lovesick? Because that was exactly what she was feeling now, bar her turning stomach. 
            She slumped down, drowning her sobs in the pillows. Was she taking this too seriously? Wherever you are, please answer me. Come on, Matt. I know you wouldn't leave me waiting. I need to talk to you...
             The thought pattern was disturbed by her leaning over into the bucket. 

            The calm night breeze felt like a gale to Matt, who was turned, curled up in a fetus position, determined not to be blown about like another autumn leaf. He couldn't get to sleep under the intense blaze of the streetlights. 
            He got up, and walked on, the pain in his stomach returning. He curled up on the floor again. 
            Somehow, he felt like he wasn't the only one to feel that pain. 
	With all the hope he had in his hands, he brought the phone closer to his body and prepared himself for something the he would regret for a while. The message was short, but brutal and as he had never done this before; he only thought it was best. ‘It was gud while it last’d. Sorry but its nit workin’. I dnt wanna go out with ya nemore. I’m sorry’ 
	In one way, he felt like the world had been lifted off his shoulders, but in others, he felt devastated. The only girl he had actually had feelings for and now she’d slipped through his fingers. Only because he had let it.  At around 1am, her head finally hit the pillow and she hadn’t read the text. Maybe it was for the best because if she had of read it now, her guts would be in the bucket. And as she had fallen asleep she was safe.
	He cried silently as he tried to get comfy on the pavement, yet with no such luck. Why did he have to split up with her? He shook his head vigorously. It was worth it, his head told him. She's no use to you.

            'Oh Matt,' Clare sighed as she caught sight of him on the path. 'You didn't go far, did you?' She had been walking all day, looking for him, and yet he was in the place she had never thought of looking. If Clare hadn't been looking for him, she would have missed him completely. Propped up against the tree, he was as insignificant to anybody else as the dirt on the ground. To most people, he was even lower than that.
            Clare sat down beside him, watching him sleep and with no sign of waking up. The whitish colour of his face would have betrayed him for dead, were it not for the twitching of his hands and feet in the cold. 'Why did you leave me waiting?' 
            'I didn't want to get in any more trouble.'
            Clare jumped. She didn't expect a response. Matt fell haphazardly into her lap, rubbing his head. 'I didn't want to get hurt again.'
            'So that's it. This is your answer. You end it, because you can't handle Jamie, because you're just fucking scared. I thought you loved me!' Clare got up, kicking Matt's head to the floor.
            'That fucking hurt!'
            'Oh, I'm sorry, it was never intended to!' Clare walked away towards the river. 
            'I didn't mean it like that! I mean, it was never going to work. Jamie never got over you, and there was more reason to crap me up over it. I'm fucking dead. I guess I was right; it is- was pity.'
            'So I'll be having your shitty little kid in nine months because I feel sorry for you.'
            'You what?'
            'When I asked you to meet me at mine, that's what I meant. It's not Jamie's, and I'm bloody well sure of that.'
            Matt's eyes widened. 'Are you- are you sure?'
            'Do you want the whole details? Jamie was only inside me to hurt me- he didn't- you know, or whatever.'
            'Can't you kill it?'
            'As much as I am a whore, Matt, I have principles too. I couldn't kill your kid, anyway. I loved you too much... then.'
            'But what about me? Do I look like a role model for a kid? All I ever do is get beaten up all the time. I don't want you, and I don't want this kid,' he replied. There was silence as they came to the side of the river. There was nowhere else to run from Clare, so he would just have to say it like he meant it. No beating round the bush now. But why couldn't he bear to look at Clare's tear-stricken face? The words which ran back and forth in his mind were stuck in the back of his throat. 'I- I'm having nothing to do with it, okay. But understand that you meant everything to me. I dreamt about you everyday.' By this point, he was aware that Clare was too busy with her head in her hands, but he carried on talking anyways. He wasn't good at expressing stuff like that. 'I cried over you. How I couldn't get you because you were with Jamie. Never would. For two years, you were the only person I ever loved. It's no good: I can't say loved. I love you, but I don't. But I do-'
            Clare appeared to soften as he said these words, but she forced herself to be angry at him. He had wrecked her life, hadn't he? She was used by him like she was with everyone else. Just when she thought he was different, he had to go and rip her heart into a thousand pieces again, although she was in more pieces with him than she was with Jamie. 
            'If I'm so important to you, why don't you just push me in?' she said, sliding down the mud on the bank, her eyes red with tears. 'I can't swim.'
	“Well, give me your hand?” He signaled and stuck his hand out quickly, to make sure she didn’t hit the water. She was reluctant to take his hand, perhaps he’d let her fall? She didn’t know. “Take it then” He instructed her and as she couldn’t be bothered to disagree, she gripped on tightly as he brought in her body. 
	As soon as she had hit the river bank, she could feel the acidic taste travel along her throat. That had to be the fiftieth time, she had been sick. 
	“Maybe you need to go to the doctors?”
	“Yeah because that would look good wouldn’t it?” She sneered, as she wiped away the excess sick.
	“Does your brother know about- you know?” He wondered, quite scared of the prospect of being a dad. 
	“He was the first person I told”
	“Really?” 
	“No! No one knows about it apart from you and me” She told him truthfully and slowly sat down by the nearest tree; she felt light headed. 
“How do you know for sure?” He seemed quite concerned. 
“No period, the pregnancy test. You know the usual?” She breathed trying to gain her balance back.
“I’m guessing that pill you took didn’t work”
“Guess so!”
“I want you to stay with me” She sighed and tried her best to look in his eyes, but he denied.
“I’m not staying with you. No you and no baby”
It wasn’t like she could control her feelings and again, she was sick. This time, everywhere.  Matt used his free hand to rub her back and she shrug it off weakly. I don’t want your help; she thought and coughed.
	“I was only trying to help!”
“Yeah, well I don’t want it” 
They both sat in silence as they tried to get to grips with what was going on. Matt was scared and so was Clare. She had always been careful and now after their first time ever; she was pregnant. With a kid he didn’t want.
	“I guess you’ve made up your mind?” She bluntly broke the silence and got ready to leave.
	“I don’t want either of you. Fucking hell, even that sounds weird!”
	“You’re a prick” She finally spat at him and he was slightly taken aback to this outburst. “I would say you were better than Jamie, but even he isn’t that low to leave his pregnant girlfriend”
	“For one, you’re not my girlfriend and two; it might not even be mine” 
	“Matt, I know whose baby it is and it’s not Jamie’s. He didn’t ejaculate inside me, you did,' Clare said, sounding like a sex ed video. 'Now call me stupid, but I think it’s slightly obvious”
	“It was my first time. You can’t get pregnant on your first time!”
	“Stop being so fucking naïve. YOU CAN!” 
            'Run away with me.'
            'What?'
            'Well, you've got a choice, ain't you. Stay here and die, run away and die... but not as painfully.'
            'Thanks a fucking lot, but I'm not doing any dying yet. Save that for I actually try and get your baby out.'
            'But if you stay here, Jamie will find out. And if he does, you're dead, I'm dead-'
            'What about my mum? I can't just leave her. It's all me me me with you,' Clare said, starting to cry again. 
            'Your brother-'
            'But my mum!'
            'Decide if you're going. Meet me here tomorrow morning at six if you're interested.'
            'I should never have trusted you.'

            'Jamie,' Clare smiled fakely, her head low as she closed the door behind her. She was amazed that he had let her in with no sign of upcoming violence.
            'I almost thought you was gonna say Matt,' he mumbled sarcastically. 'You've come back.'
            Clare couldn't resist looking evilly at him, even though she was supposed to be nice to him. 'It isn't like that, Jamie, don't big yourself up too much.'
            'What the hell are you ere for then? Why don't you go back to scum there.' He shifted closer to her. 'But you know, there's no one else around, so why don't you just degrade yourself here and now-'
            'Don't push it!'
            'Your words, I remember, not mine. I thought you wanted nothin to do with me.'
            'It turns out that I have everything to do with you, whether I want to is a different thing.' In the silence, Clare's powers of lying had gone completely out the window. 'I'm pregnant and it's yours,' she said reluctantly. Jamie wondered if it really was too good to be true and frowned at her, puzzled. 
            'So lover boy's incapable!' he shouted mockingly. He kissed her on the cheek, to her immediate repulse. 'Hey Clare, I thought you didn't go out with guys who can't even get it up. You're an even bigger slag than I thought.'
            'I didn't- I didn't sleep w-with him,' she said. Her brain told her to say it, but her heart was crying out for her to take it back. 'We didn't do anything.'
            Jamie laughed even harder at this revelation. 'So what do you want me to do?'
            'Do you want anything to do with the baby, or not?'
            'No?' Jamie replied, looking horrified. 
            'Fine,' said Clare, trying to look gutted. 'And now, I am going to leave before you insult me even more.' As she got up to leave, Jamie stood in the doorway, blocking her exit. 'Don't play games with me, Jamie, let me out.' She stepped to the left, but he blocked her. 'I mean it, Jamie, let me go!' she cried, as he suddenly grabbed hold of her arms in the same way that he had done in her room. 
            'I know your lies,' he said. 'You can't face up to the fact that your baby's father is a deadbeat, so you try and pretend it's mine,' he said, as she cried out. 'Do you know how much of a fucking insult that is to me?'
            'I didn't think it was one at all,' Clare retorted through her tears. 'Matt! Please, somebody! Let me go!'

	Jamie had finally let her go, with much persuasion. He really didn’t want to hurt a pregnant girl, even if the child wasn’t his. She ran home, practically dodging everyone and everything. No one was home and so this gave her the biggest opportunity she would ever had. She was now sitting in her bedroom, most probably writing something which would change her life forever.
‘Sorry, I have to do this, but it’s the only way I feel I can be happy.  I can’t believe I’m telling you through a letter, but if I were to do it face to face; it would be worse. I don’t know how to tell you this and I’ll probably regret it sooner or later, but mum; I’m pregnant.’  She paused, her tears making the ink bleed. But she forced the facts on herself; there really was no going back. ‘It wasn’t meant to happen this way and you don’t understand how much I would pay for everything to return to how it was. It’s not Jamie’s though; it’s Matt’s. I know you don't know him very well, but please don't judge him, even though I really don’t think he wants anything to do with it. He told me pretty clearly. Yet I still feel the need to listen to what he has to say. This is going to be the last form of communication I’m going to have with you. Matt and I are running away. He hasn’t forced me to; it’s my own decision. And as much as I love you with all my heart, I can’t stay. Jamie has made it pretty obvious that if we were to both stay, one would end up hurt. And I couldn’t live with that. 
I love you more than anything and if I can I’ll try my best to keep you update on everything. I know how much you'd like to see my baby, but I’m not promising  anything. Love you Clare xxx.’ She finally ended and placed it inside the envelope.  The envelope was placed where all the other letters usually were. Her mother would definitely find it. She hurled the large backpack over her shoulder, and just hoped there was enough clothes and money inside it. She stroked one of the teddies by her bed and mourned at the thought of never seeing it again. Never seeing her room again. Never coming back here again.
She closed the door behind her hastily, in case she changed her mind. She looked at her watch. 5:45. Here we go, she thought. What a day to change my life forever.

The eyes scanned the letter meticulously, for any sign of a post mark. There was none. The door was opened, and the vicinity of the house was checked for any sign of Clare and Matt. They had been missing for just over nine months now, but maybe, just maybe, there was a chance that they came back, just to deliver this letter. When it was sure that they weren't there, the hands lifted the flap of the envelope, which was unsealed, and scanned its contents. It was a series of letters from newspaper headings, cut out and bundled together to spell words. The words they spelled carried the message thus:
'David Kyle Willis born on the 24th June, 2004 in London.' 
On reading this, the hands scrunched up the birthday card, repulsed, and disposed of it in the most derogatory form possible: throwing it on the floor, and stamping on it as if to stamp out every word it said. The person walked away. 
But there was one message omitted from the person's reading, one thing they missed. 
'Happy bday mum. You're surprised I remembered, aren't you? But that's because it's the same as David's. I know you would like to see us, and I wish you could, but you can't. I can't say why. I will come home one day, though.'
The last words on the card were written in thick, black pen, as if a statement which urgently had to be remembered. 'I promise.'