Words Can Not Describe The Way I'm Feeling
Sitting in the back of the tour bus James looked around it, half formed memories of connect four and Jelly babies floating around his mind. When he looked to the window he could almost see Matt and Charlie looking out of it with a camcorder, almost hear the fans screaming back to them. The bus stopped and the almost screaming turned into real screaming which just increased in volume as he got up and made his way to the door of the coach. He climbed down the steps and out of the bus, turning back to look at the door of it as he heard Matt's voice,
"Let me get my jacket man!"
He could see Charlie pulling Matt from the couch, Matt clamped tightly to his side before he struggled out of his grip and ran back into the bus. The screaming coming from his side brought him back to the here and now, shaking his head to rid himself of the memories he looked to the fans and tried to smile, almost managing it although a couple, not quite so noisy fans noticed it for the fake grin it was.
He followed the many official people that had appeared around him into the large arena building. It suddenly became quiet as the door into the empty corridor shut behind him, blocking out the noise from the fans. He stared around the corridor for a minute, stopping in his tracks as he looked at the blank walls. They used to run through these corridors together, laughing and talking, all three of them reeking havoc. He could see Charlie and Matt chasing each other around, Charlie trying to catch Matt and Matt yelling out to him, egging him on. He felt like laughing as he watched his mates running around like they always used to, until a distant shout for him to hurry up broke through his thoughts and he remembered that they weren't there with him now.
He was lead to his dressing room, and the door was opened before he was ushered in, the door closing behind him and leaving him in the room on his own. He ambled in and slouched down onto the sofa. Straight across from him was the TV, a play station sitting hooked up to it on the shelf below. He moved off the sofa and across to it, he remembered the difficulty they'd had setting this up once, someone else having to come and do it for him. Shaking his head again he moved and turned the TV and play station on, taking hold of the controller and going back to his seat on the sofa.
He watched the screen load up and the game begin, then watched as his character remained stationary, his fingers forgetting to move as he imagined Matt sitting next to him, furiously hitting the controller as they battled against each other. Then Charlie joined them and he took over from James in the battle against Matt. James watched them as Matt won twice before Charlie suddenly jumped from his seat, gleeful at having finally beaten Matt.
James was called out of his dressing room and to the stage for sound check, the rest of his band having already arrived and waiting for him there. He walked slowly through the corridors, more memories of Matt and Charlie following him. Matt stood leant against a wall on his phone, Charlie rushing past having forgot his hat, Matt running up and grabbing James round the neck before Charlie joining them as they walked to the back of the stage.
He walked through the final door and into the black area, filled with cables and men rushing around, setting up equipment. He found the steps up to the stage and started to go up them, remembering how they had once stood at the bottom of them, Matt playing with a tennis ball until Charlie stole it off him, dropped it on his head, and he himself had caught it, by accident, highly surprised when he looked to his hand and it was there. He looked own at his hand, remembering that fondly, hearing again Matt's laugh as he had realised James had caught it.
Hearing his band mates shouting for him to hurry up and get on stage James hastened up the steps and appeared, still not quite with them all as they ran around rather hyper and excited. It was their first time on a stage like this. He could remember how that felt perfectly. Looking around the stage now though he felt none of that, just a slight disheartening as the air was void of Matt�s infectious laugh and Charlie's mumblings. Now it contained the chatter of his new band and it just wasn't the same to him.
He looked to their grinning faces though and knew he couldn't spoil it for them so he plastered his fake grin back onto his face, knowing they wouldn't see the fakeness of it and they didn't. They went through sound check without anyone noticing his less than happy feeling that had settled with in him. Once it was over they all climbed down from the stage and headed to catering for some food.
James was quiet all through the meal as the rest of the band sat around him chatting happily. He looked down at his plate and pushed the food around a bit, more memories of Matt appearing, this time the time when he'd been showing the cameras round and had announced he made anything on his plate look a mess before shoving the camera in someone else�s direction where the meal remained looking nice. He pushed his mash potato around a bit more before getting up and leaving the table, going back to his dressing room.
There he set about trying to sort out his appearance for the show but as he looked into the mirror he could see Charlie and Matt's laughing faces after he'd let Danny straighten his hair, then Matt stood staring into the mirror carefully applying his eyeliner as he talked to him and Charlie next to him sorting his own hair out into the time consuming, perfect, messed up look he spent ages perfecting.
Deciding he would do as he was he waited for a few minutes before the rest of the band crashed through the door, all still chatting happily and laughing. All still excited about the show that night. James sat and watched them fooling around, imaging once again that it was Matt and Charlie there with him in the room.
The call came for them to be on stage and the rest of the band quietened down a bit with nerves. They all picked up their guitars, or bass or drumsticks and left the room, heading through the corridors murmuring good luck to each and that they'd be great. James remained silent, his gaze fixed ahead of them on the door that lead through to the stage.
They reached it and went through it, James stopped for a moment and tried to clear his head of all his previous thoughts. That night had to go well, it had to, he had to forget about the past. He stepped up onto the ramp where the others were waiting for the signal and when it was given they all ran out on stage to be faced by a large, screaming crowd.
James looked around it as one of his grinning band mates yelled a greeting to the crowd at the top of his voice, doubling the volume of the crowd�s cheers. His glance moved to the side of the stage, and for the first time that day he smiled a genuine smile.
Standing there, grinning back at him was one of the faces he had been longing to see all day. He might not be on stage with him anymore but now James knew he was there he felt al lot better about it all. Still smiling he walked up to his microphone and shouted out hello to the crowd who all screamed and then they launched into their first song for the night.
Matt watched from the sidelines, grinning as James ran around the stage and did what he did best. Things may have changed, but others always stayed the same.