Tough Love
The apartment's empty. No one's home except Bud. There's no kiss to greet me
at the door except for Bud's sloppy kiss. Bud gives me company when you're
gone, but can't fill the void that you leave. Let's face it: Bud is only a dog
who can't love me the way you do.
You've been gone for months now. The only time I see your face is on television
or the internet. You can't help that, though. You're 1/3rd of one of the
hottest bands around. You can't just leave. Sometimes you're so busy I can
talk to you for only five minutes. But that's not your fault either. You don't
get to decide how much time you have to call or spend with me. I know you try
your hardest to make this work, but sometimes I can't take it.
My cell phone starts to go off as I enter our lonely apartment. I pick it up
knowing it's you, "Hi honey." Bud jumps on me to say hello. I rub behind his
tears.
"Terri, I miss you! Its so good to hear your voice. How's everything? How's
Bud?"
I sigh heavily. "Bud's fine. I'm hanging in there. When are you coming home,
Matt? I miss you."
There's static on your end and I can barely make out what you say. "Baby, I've
told you before: I don't know. Things are crazy right now. Fletch has us
promoting in the morning and touring in the evening. I'm surprised I can stand
on my own two feet. I'm so tired, but this is the life I chose."
"I know, I know. Well, Fletch needs to understand that you also have
obligations to your family and to your friends. Matt, I don't want to sound
bitchy, but I deserve more than a five minute phone call. I don't know how much
longer I can stand this distance." I hated saying that, but that was the God
honest truth.
"Terri, honey, I'm sorry, but I have to go do sound check. I'll call you
tomorrow. I love you!"
"I love you too," I whisper as you hang up. I can't believe you just did that
to me. You didn't even hear what I said. You blew me off...again. You just
proved to me what I need to do.
This hurts a lot. I can't handle this anymore. I don't like that you're never
here for me when I need you to be. I do love you, but I'm getting hurt more
than I'm getting love. I can't go one this way. So when you call tomorrow
things will be over.
I go to get ready for bed. This will be the last night I spend in our bedroom
alone. I press play on the cd player. I hear the song from the bathroom. Its
the song you wrote for me. 'You sit there waiting for my call and I know I leave
you on your own, and I need you to be strong, when I'm walking away.' You know
exactly how to write it down, but you don't know how it feels. You've never been
left alone, sleeping in the bed that you're supposed to be sharing with the one
you love.
The song plays on and I can't help having tears come to my eyes. I do miss you
terribly, but I can't stand to be hurt any longer. I lay in bed and it hurts to
think that I'm breaking up with you. Bud climbs into our bed. He knows
something's wrong. He places his head on my lap and gives me his sad puppy dog
face. The cd plays through out the night, which makes it harder for me. But I
know what needs to be done.
The next day I could hardly eat, let alone think straight. My mind wasn't on
work, but on you. I didn't know how you are going to take it and I was nervous
you would be hurt. My boss saw I was distracted and even told me to go home. I
tried to not let you bother me.
By the time I got to go home, I was ready to just climb into bed. I knew you
would be calling about the time I walked into the house. It would be rude of me
to turn off my phone on you. But as I stepped inside, my phone didn't go off.
You weren't going to call me. Why did this bother me? It put off telling you
that things are over.
Bud came out of the bedroom running happily. I scratched behind his ears and
quietly said, "Oh, Bud." I didn't understand why he was happy. I was still
upset.
I pulled my hair out of the ponytail and let it fall in my face. I decided to
just go to bed. You weren't worth waiting for right now. I pushed the door to
our bedroom open more. To my surprise, you were kneeling on the floor. I
flicked the light on to see you more clearly.
"Terri, I know things have been rough, but I talked to Fletch. He promised us
sometime off, so here I am. But there's one thing I need to ask you. Will you
marry me?" You flick open the top of the velvet box. A ring sat inside. A
simple silver band with a tiny diamond. The diamond sparkles as the light hits
it.
I smile at you. What's a girl to do?