The Thin Blue Line
I'd been an idiot. There was no questioning it. I looked down into the tiny little boy's deep brown eyes and sighed. He was never going to know his father and I was never going to be able to provide him with much of a life. It saddened me to even think about how stupid I'd been.
It had started when my best mate had got tickets to see Busted. I'd been dead excited. I just couldn't wait for the night to come around. Matt was my favourite member and I couldn't wait to see him upclose. I wanted to know if he was as fit in real life.
The day of the concert finally came around and we were both hyperactive about finally going. We spent hours at my house, getting ready. We did our hair and our make up and then put on some cool clothes. We wanted to impress any guys that might be there. Two hours before the gig started we arrived at the venue. We'd got the train in because we didn't live that far away. We waited outside for an hour until we finally got let inside. It was cold but we were too excited to care. We bought some of the ridiculously over priced merchandise and then took our seats waiting for the gig to actually begin. We sat and spoke about how excited we were. We made friends with some of the other girls their as well.
Three hours later and it was all over. I was buzzing as me and my mate left the arena. It had been a great show and we'd sung along to practically every song. We linked arms as we made to go to the train station. One of the girls who we'd befriended came over to us. She told us that Busted were coming out to the back gate soon to talk to the fans who were hanging around there. She asked if we fancied going to the gate. We said yes and followed her round the back.
We waited for what seemed like an age for them to come out. We almost gave up infact. Then all of a sudden they appeared. They were there infront of me. James was the first one I saw. He walked over and chatted to us for a while. It was cool. We chatted about the show and the band and other random stuff until Matt came over. I was in awe by then. He looked even sexier in the flesh. He smiled at me. He asked me my name and I told him it, stuttering slightly. He laughed slightly at my star struck state. We got chatting for a bit and it was amazing. The guy who's posters lined my walls was standing infront of me, talking to me like a human being. Like he was actually interested. We talked for what seemed like forever until someone came out and told them they had to go. He looked me in the eye as he paused, as if he was thinking. Then he asked me my age. I replied with a lie that, had I not told, I wouldn't be here cradling my son today. I told him I was 18. It was only two years away from the truth. He smiled. He asked if I had a pen and I rummaged around for a bit in my bag. I found one and he took my hand. He jotted something down and handed the pen back before smiling and walking away.
As me and my mate walked away, I looked down at the message Matt had left on my hand. I enjoyed our chat. Maybe I could buy you a drink and we could talk some more. Meet me outside The Lowry at 11. Matt xxx. I stopped for a second. My mate asked what was up and I showed her the message. Her eyes lit up and she smiled. She asked me if I was going and I said yes. I looked at my watch and realised I had about 45 minutes to get there. She tried to persuade me not to go. She kept telling me it was a bad idea and I'd get hurt. If only I'd listened to her. In the end I ended up getting a cab to The Lowry while she went back to get the train, rather pissed off at me. When i arrived, Matt was standing on the pavement outside the hotel, smoking. He smiled whe he saw it was me in the back of the cab. He walked over, paid the cabbie for me and took me inside.
When we were inside, Matt took me to the bar. He bought me a drink and we took a seat. James and Charlie were at the bar, laughing and talking to loads of people. They seemed to be having a great time. After we'd had one drink things started getting more and more rowdy. Matt smiled and leaned over. He asked if I fancied going to his room where it was quieter. He told me we could talk privately up there. I agreed and we left the bar to go to the lift. As we went up, we stood silently. Matt reached out and took my hand in his. I smiled and suddenly realised that there might be more than talking on the agenda when we reached his room.
When we reached the right floor, Matt pulled me out of the lift and along the corridor. We stopped outside room 420 and he pulled out a key card from his back pocket. He inserted it into the appropriate slot on the door and let us both in. He shut the door and we were plunged into darkness. I heard Matt fumbling around again and suddenly got the shock of my life when he grabbed my hand, pulled me round in the dark and planted a firm kiss on my lips. I stumbled backwards, him pushing me back, until I felt the bed underneath me. Matt reached out and put the bedside lamp on. He smiled down at me and stroked some hair out of my eyes. He told me I was beautiful and that he really liked me. I could do nothing but return the compliment. My favourite memeber of my favourite band was lying on top of me, telling me he liked me. This was way too surreal for me. He kissed me again. I could do nothing but kiss him back. Before I knew what was happening, he'd pulled his top over his head and was slowly pulling mine off as well. I went along with it. I just knew I couldn't pass on this opportunity.
The next morning when I woke up, he was gone. I'd been used as just a worthless one night stand. I cursed myself for letting things go that far. I wasn't stupid. I knew these celebrities were just after quick shags to keep them going. That night something had taken over and I'd let myself fall into the net. I slowly gathered my clothes and pulled them on sadly. I sat down on the bed and pulled my phone out of my bag. There were 6 messages from my parents begging me to ring home and let them know where I was. As I went to leave, I noticed a note addressed to me on the bedside table. I opened it and read it. I'm sorry I had to go. Matt xxx. P.S I know you lied about your age. I panicked. I was worried about how he'd found out. I looked down. The pen lying next to the note was the same pen I aways carried around in my bag. I groaned. He must have found the pen in my bag then found my I.D. I put both the pen and the note in my bag and then made my way out of the hotel. When I got to the street I called my parents. I told them where I was and that they didn't have to worry. I explained that I'd make my way back to the train station and I'd be home as soon as I could. I managed to hail a cab and have enough money for the train ticket. When I got home eventually sometime after midday. I got a serious bollocking and managed to get myself grounded.
Over the next few months I managed to put the whole incident to the back of my mind. I never truly forgot about it. I just stopped thinking about it so much. Then, three months after it had happened, It came rushing back in the form of a blue line on a pregnancy test. I couldn't believe it. I was having a baby and even more bizarrely it was the baby of my favourite pop star. I knew I needed to get in touch with Matt somehow but I also knew it would be almost impossible. I was just some stupid fan. I couldn't ring up the record label and tell them I was having Matt's baby as they'd more than likely put the phone down. I fiddled about in my bag looking for mobile to ring someone to talk to. A small slip of paper fell out. I picked it up. It was the note Matt had left me. I flicked it over, a number scrawled on the back. I took a deep breath and dialled it. It rang a few times. Suddenly a voice appeared on the other end. I explained it who it was and Matt perked up. I told him I needed to meet him but he wasn't keen. He told me the press would see and it would cause a whole load of problems. Plus he didn't want anything to happen now he knew I was underage. I was so upset I couldn't help myself. I just blurted it out. His end went quiet. He told me to repeat it a couple of times. It must have eventually sunk in as he finally agreed to meet me.
We met at a park near my house a week later. Matt looked edgy despite wearing a trucker cap pulled down over his eyes. He explained he wasn't ready for a child and that I'd either have to get rid of it or go it alone. I decided on the latter. He nodded, understanding my decision. He pulled an envelope out of his pocket. He explained he wanted to pay for the baby. He gave me �10,000 plus �5,000 for me to spend on myself and to say sorry. He told me he wanted me to call as soon as the baby was born and that we'd discuss stuff after that. He hugged me, telling me not to worry and left. I was devestated. I was alone and I was scared. I wasn't sure I was ready for a baby either but I wasn't going to kill my own flesh and blood.
My son was gorgeous. As soon as he was born I fell in love with him. I chose the names Dominic Ryan. I called Matt and he liked them as well. He told me to give Dominic his surname and that he'd try and come down to see him soon. I hung up after discussing the situation with Matt feeling slightly happier. I might have made a massive mistake but my mistake had given me a beautiful baby son who I would have for life.