Tears and Shadows
A small breeze blows by and you start to tremble. I look around the room.
You're packing your things. There are boxes on the bed and garbage bags on the
floor. I don't know what you're doing. Why are you packing? I don't
understand.
I place my hand on your shoulder to keep you steady, but you start to cry
harder. You hold your head in hands. I move in front of you to see your
beautiful face, but I can only see your tears. You pick your head up and look
at me. I take your hands in mine. You seem as if you can't see me, as if
you're looking right through me. I start to wipe a tear falling from your eye
but it keeps falling.
You get up from the bed and side step me. I see you go over to the mirror. You
pick up the picture we took last week. You looked unbelievable that night. You
had that special sparkle in your eye. My eyes were glued to you. Now you pick
up a picture from high school. We look different from then. I had blonde hair
back in high school with the blue stripe that I thought was cool. My hair is
finally one color and a natural color at that. As each year has passed you've
become more beautiful. Your hair is shorter and lighter, but still as beautiful
as ever.
You drop the pictures and start to cry again. You can barely hold yourself up.
I wrap my arms around you for support, but you don't hold onto me. I lean in
close to you and ask you softly, "Lynn, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
You hesitate to answer me. "Why did you leave? I can't do this alone!"
I stare at you confused. "I didn't leave. I'm right here. I'll always be
here."
You push me away and start to grab something out of your back pocket. You throw
it on the dresser by the pictures. You turn away and sit on the bed again. I
pick up the object you threw against the mirror. Its a service card. Who died?
I don't remember a funeral. I turn over the card and read what it says: 'In
loving memory Matthew Jay Willis 1983-2005. A beloved friend, brother, son and
father-to-be.' I drop the card on the dresser.
I remember now. I was driving home from the studio to see you. You had phoned
me asking me to come home early. You had to tell me something important. I was
at a stop light and as it turned green, a guy ran through the red light. The
bright lights blinded me and everything afterwards was black.
I died. I never got to see you or hear the news. You're pregnant; that's what
you wanted to tell me. I'm sorry I found out this way. Now I understand what
you meant by why did leave. You never felt my arms around you. You didn't hear
me talk to you. I'm a ghost. You don't know I'm here. I place my hand on your
stomach to feel our baby. You place your hand over mine but you can't feel me.
I look at you and whisper quietly although you can't hear me, "I'm here."
You look at me as if you see me. "I know," you reply as if you heard me.
There's a knock on the door. You got to answer it and I follow close behind.
You look out of the peep hole. You wiped the tears and opened the door. There
stands James, good old James. He kisses your forehead and I can tell your
trying hard to hold back your tears.
James walks behind you as you go into our bedroom. He grabs two boxes while you
grab the garbage bags. You pick up the pictures and the service card placing
them in your purse. You look around all the rooms of the apartment as you said
your tearful good-bye to our home. You turn your back to the life we once
shared.
James is standing in the doorway staring into space. He's probably thinking of
some of the drunken nights we had. He picks up the boxes from the floor as he
turns to leave. But as he turns I say, "Take care of Lynn for me."
James looks inside the apartment one last time. "I will, Matt. I will."