James watched from behind the scenes as Terry Wogan prattled into the lens of a camera telling the country that tonight they were hoping to raise even more money this year than they had last year. Smiling James turned back and made his way back to the dressing room that he had been given. This year James had been asked to do Children in Need, and instead of doing a plain straight forward song, James had come up with a plan that would not only raise money for the charity but would help him get his own back on a few people.
To this end, James had rung up a few people and asked them if they would appear in front of the audience and the millions of viewers that every year tuned in to the show. Of course all three had agreed, as none of them wanted to look bad in the public eye. And as such they had all turned up for the rehearsals, not knowing that the song they heard James sing then wasn't the song that he would be singing that evening.
Slipping back into his dressing room, he found himself pinned against the door and a tongue invading his mouth, while a pair of hands tried to divest him of his clothes. Breaking the kiss, James smiled up into the big brown eyes that gazed back down at him, before Matt enquired if James was ready to make complete and utter fools of their three victims. Nodding, James unwrapped the arms from around his waist, and went to change into his stage costume.
An hour later Terry stood up in the audience and announced that the next performer would be James Bourne and some friends. Smiling happily James strode out onto the stage, dressed in a leopard skin print catsuit that left little to the imagination.
And then as the lights dimmed and the song started, a screen went up to reveal Fletch, who blinked violently as James began to sing.
I've known a few guys, who thought they were pretty smart,
But you've got being right down to an art,
You think you're a genius; you drive me up the wall
You're a regular original, a know it all.
All the time James walked around Fletch trailing a hand across his body, teasing his manager.
Ohhhh, you think you're something special,
Ohhhh, you think you're something else,
Okay, so you're a rocket scientist.
Telling the world exactly what he thought about his clever.
That don't impress me much
So you've got the brains but have you got the touch
Now don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night.
That don't impress me much.
Yet cold blooded manager.
The screen dropped hiding Fletch from view, and the next one rose, revealing Danny Jones, dressed in a style that he thought looked cool. Giving a sly smile, James started to sing the next part.
I never knew a guy, who carried a mirror in his pocket,
And a comb up his sleeve just in case
And all that extra hold gel in you're hair ought to lock it,
Cause heaven forbid it should fall out of place.
Danny's grinned faded, to be replaced by confusion.
Ohhh, you think you're something special,
Ohhh, you think you're something else,
Ok, so you're Brad Pitt.
At that line, Danny's smile brightened, he was thrilled that James was comparing him to Brad Pitt.
James frowned, Danny wasn't supposed to take that as a compliment, hopefully the next bit would burst his bubble.
That don't impress me much,
So you've got the looks but have you got the touch,
Now don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much.
James was right, by the time his screen fell, Danny was looking extremely puzzled.
The third and final screen rose to reveal Charlie, a very smug looking Charlie. He had seen how James had made fools of both Fletch and Danny, he didn't seem to realise that it was now his turn to be made look a fool.
And then James began to sing once more.
You're one of those guys, who like to shine his machine,
You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in,
I can't believe you kiss you're car goodnight,
Now come on baby tell me you must be joking right?
By the time James sang that line, Charlie was looking fit to burst, his face red with rage, as James made fun of his passionate love of cars.
Ohhh, you think you're something special
Ohhh, you think you're something else,
Ok, so you've got a car.
Charlie didn't know what to do. His hands itched to thump the small blond who was rubbing himself up against him in such a revealing outfit.
That don't impress me much,
So you've got the moves but have you got the touch,
Now don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much.
But then it stuck Charlie, James was making them look like idiots, but he obviously knew that he looked just as bad as them in this costume. As the revelation hit him, Charlie slid his arms around James' waist and hugged him tightly before joining him in singing the last chorus.
That don't impress me much,
You think that you're cool, but have you got the touch,
Now don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the long cold lonely nights
That don't impress me much.
Leaving the stage to rapturous applause, James grinned and threw himself into Matt's arms, squealing as his hands squeezed his ass. Feeling a large hand land on his shoulder, Matt looked up into Charlie's face, he looked livid. Behind him Fletch and Danny looked just as mad. And then Charlie grinned, he may not be too happy to have been made look a fool, but it was for charity, and Matt and James had got all three of them hook line and sinker.