I know you're upset. I know you were trying to hide it in the car but you gave yourself away when you snapped at me. I know how much this is hurting you, but it's hurting me too. We've just got to work through this together. I know how hard it is to try and ignore all those wankers who say we're nothing without him, but they're wrong. You'll find that out soon enough. We'll prove it to them. I know you blame yourself over this. You think it's your fault that he doesn't like the music. At the end of the day - it's his loss.You still don't acknowledge me properly as you trundle into the lounge, me following closely behind you. You sit down and switch the TV on. The news comes on and already they're talking about us. You quickly change the channel to MTV2 and just sit engrossed in the Greenday video on the screen. I nervously sit next to you. I reach out and place my hand on your shoulder. You look at my hand, then at me.

"James, please, just talk to me" I manage to plead. You turn back to the TV

"I'm too pissed off to do anything at the moment Matt. If I talk to you, I'll end up saying something I regret and I don't want to take this out on you." You say dejectedly. I sigh and fall back in the seat.

I want to do something to just put your mind at rest. We both know it's not the end, but I could hear the doubt in your voice today in the meeting. You don't think we can get through the other side and now I'm starting to doubt it as well. I know I keep getting told not to blame him but I can't help it. You got really hurt by those comments he made in that interview. You took it as a personal blow. I tried to explain to you that he doesn't always think when he's in these "credible" interviews. He says what he thinks they want to hear. You were too angry and upset to listen to me.

"Matt." You say quietly after an age of silence. I turn my head.

"Uh huh." You pause for a second before speaking.

"I'm scared." I sit upright and pull you into a hug. I don't know why. You just sounded so vulnerable when you said that.

"There's nothing to be scared of Jay." I try to reassure you. You look down into your lap.

"Yes there is." You argue. "I'm 21, I have my life ahead of me. What I've earnt in the past 3 years isn't enough to keep me going for the rest of my life. What if I have to move out of here. What if I have to give up music. What if my friends won't like me anymore. What if my family think I've let them down. What if Matt.............." You trail off, trying to hold back tears, "What if noone wants me any more?"

I'm slightly shocked at your outburst. I can't believe you can think those things. I look you in the eye. Trying to make you understand I'm being sincere before I even start.

"Listen Jay. You're an amazing songwriter. You've been making more money than me anyway. You'll make enough from your talent to be able to stay living like this. If your friends leave you because you're not famous tne they're not friends anymore and if your family think they've let you down then thats just wrong. Just remember though. Whoever abandons you and whatever changes from now on, I'll always be here for you and I'll always be your mate. You're like family to me and I just can't let you go."

You look me in the eye. You're slowly processing the information.

"What if I never get a wife Matt. Someone who loves me, someone who shares the same hopes and aspirations as me? Someone who wants kids as much as me.What if I never get kids Matt."

"James. You're gonna get everything you want. You'll make things happen, you always do. I mean, which girl wouldn't want to go out with you. You're amazing. And sexy."

I pause. I don't know if you'll take the last bit badly because you're feeling fragile at the moment. I look at you. You slowly look up and stare straight into my eyes. Before I know what's happening, your lips are on mine. We're kissing. Not just lightly either. Infact, It isn't long until I realise that I've actually got my tongue halfway down your throat. I don't know if this is a meaningless, I'm upset and not thinking kiss or whether this is for real. I hear you let out a quiet moan but I'm still doubtful. I bring a hand to your cheek but you don't knock it away. Infact, you're shifting closer to me. I can't work out if this is you wanting more or just you getting comfortable. I suddenly realise what's happening. My lips still welded to yours. I mean, I'm 98% sure I'm not gay. Of course there's been the few odd occurances with my mates when I'm pissed but they've always been pecks, and mainly on the cheek. Then I start to wonder if this is some sort of confession from you. Suddenly you push me backwards and clamber on top of me. You've gone from  vulnerable to rampant in the space of 10 seconds, which I have to admit, must be some sort of record. The next thing I know, you're lips are away from mine and you're trying to catch your breath, same as me. We both sit in silence. I think you're a bit embarrassed.

"Shit." You mumble, putting your head in your hands. "Shit, Shit, SHIT"

"James what's up?" I ask, sitting up. You turn your head.

"What do you mean what's up?" Now you're crying and you look vulnerable again. "You're going to leave me as well now aren't you I expect you're going to abandon me, just because I can't control myself." I lean in.

"What do you mean I'm going to leave you as well?" You sigh and slouch down in the chair.

"Charlie. It IS all my fault he's trying to leave Matt. The End Of Tour party. I was pissed, I tried to kiss him. Now we see him after Christmas and he says he's leaving. IT IS my fault."

I sit back. Now I understand why you're blaming yourself. I pull you into a hug and comfort you as you cry.

"James, I'm not going to leave you." I pause and think about the next bit. "For some reason, that didn't feel wrong. It felt right. I......I liked it." You look up at me. "Did you speak over that, incident?" You shake your head.

"I sent him a text. He didn't reply." I think for a moment.

"James, I have an idea that means you can still have all your dreams."

"What?" You look up hopefully. I smile.

"We just have to run it past Fletch first."

*****************************************************************************

It's a month since you first kissed me. You're standing next to me nervously. You're dressed in a simple T-Shirt and three quarter lengths. We've both spotted him over the other side of the room. There's loads of people about. Journalists, photographers, cameramen. We're standing in the corner, discretly holding hands. I know you're excited. You were bouncing off the walls before the car arrived this morning. Now there's people around, you're slightly more subjued.

"I'm scared Mattie." You whisper. I smile.

"Jay. You've not nothing to be afraid of. I'm here." You smile again and squeeze my hand.

"Guys, you still 100% sure about this? They're about to call the room to order." I look at you and you nod happily. He looks over at us. He doesn't know what's coming up next. We decided to make it a surprise. After the hurt he'd put you through.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, can you please settle down and welcome onstage, Busted." You suddenly go tense. The room claps and you let go of my hand, we slowly walk up to the stage and take our seats. He sits in the one next to me. I look out over the crowd of people. We've decided I'm doing the talking. You've never been good at speeches.

"Good morning everyone, thank you for coming today. We have one announcement we'd like to make to you this morning and I'd be really grateful if I could finish everything that I have to say before anyone raises questions." I can feel your hand on my leg. Now you're the one having to do the calming. " As I'm sure you're aware, it's been reported that there have been rifts between us due to certain interviews done and certain comments made. You'll also be aware that there are stories of one member wishing to leave to pursue other paths. Today we're not here to either confirm or deny these stories, just to put things to rest once and for all. I'm sorry to say that as of today, not only is Charlie no longer a member of Busted, He's no longer welcome in Busted. Me and James have made this decision together, with the help of our management and record label. His dismissal is due to differences between us. Not only do we feel Charlie is unenthusiastic about Busted, we feel his unenthusiasm is rubbing off on us. Instead of waiting around for him to return from tour, me and James would prefer to get straight on with the new album and go it alone. Admittedly we do both feel hurt by some actions and statements made in the last few months but would like the public to see this, not as a sacking, but as us granting Charlie's wish for freedom." I sit back. The room is literally buzzing. Charlie looks gob smacked but slightly relieved at the same time. You're hand is still on my leg but you're squeezing so hard, I don't think you realise you've cut off the blood supply.

We take some questions. You even speak up a couple of times to voice your opinion. You look happy and relieved, like a weight has been removed from your shoulders. I can tell you're aching to make some sort of announcement about us but we've already agreed not to. At the end of the press conference, Fletch comes over to congratulate us. Charlie walks over as well. He doesn't look angry, or upset, just slightly miffed. There's an awkwardness between us. We shake hands and hug quickly. The last time. I send you off to talk to Fletch. Charlie looks at his feet. I go to walk away.

"Matt." I turn back. " Thank you for setting me free. I really appreciate it." I smile to myself.

"I didn't do it for you Charlie, I did it for James."

And with that, I leave him standing there. I come to find you. My bandmate boyfriend.