�Emma, if you�re coming to this party then get your arse out of your room and down these stairs now!� shouted my step brother up the stairs. I groaned loudly, rolled off my bed, turned off my CD player and walked downstairs.
�You really don�t have to escort me Matt. Just because you�re 17 now and two months older than me, doesn�t make you any more mature,� he smiled devilishly.
�Your mum told me that I�m in charge of you tonight so you can�t do anything unless I say you can.�
�Dream On� I laughed as I put on my shoes. Mum must have heard the commotion and came out into the hallway.
�Matt dear, keep an eye on her,� she smiled. Matt looked at me in victory.
�Told you so!� he grinned.
�Mum, you haven�t seen him! He can�t even look after himself,� I protested, standing up.
�No arguing Emma, You can keep an eye on him as well,� I turned and grinned back at Matt, who had now lost his victorious smile.
�Come along Matthew, we don�t want to be late,� he rolled his eyes and followed me out of the front door. �So what�s with the new hair?� I asked, pointed at his new jet black, flat style. He reached up and fiddled with it.
�Dunno, I got bored with the old style,�
�What, the old style that you created two days ago?�
�Yep, that would be the one!� he grinned. I shook my head. My mum had met Matt�s dad at parent�s evening back in year 10. To begin with nothing had really happened; they�d just had a quick chat and then left it at that. Pretty soon after that night, Matt got sent to school with a letter for my mum. Yep, you�ve guessed it, bloody adults sending stupid love letters. My mum had been bowled over and sent me back with a reply. Eventually our parents met up for a drink, exchanged phone numbers and called each other constantly. When they�d told me and Matt that they were going out, neither of us had been particularly happy. We�d be forced to go on silly little outings like the one big happy family that we so obviously weren�t. Just before our GCSE�s we all moved in together, and then during the holidays they got married. Although I didn�t hate Matt, I hardly got on with him. He wasn�t someone I could turn to in an hour of need, but I was glad of the company he provided in the house when our parents went out.
"Is this Charlie's party?" I asked as we turned the corner. Matt nodded.
"His parents are away and he has the house to himself,"
"So how did Aesha get invited?" I asked, confused. Aesha and Charlie, in a nutshell, hated each other. Even though they were friends with all of our friends, they had never seen eye to eye. Matt shrugged.
"It was probably Carly. Charlie usually does what she tells him to." Carly was my best friend and perhaps the loudest out of us. It didn't really bother any of us, it just meant that she got her own way a lot of the time. We still loved her, whatever.
"So, I reckon James has a little crush on you Em" teased Matt. I frowned at him.
"No Matt, that little crush is just a figment of your imagination. And anyway, even if he did, I don't like him like that," James was the last member of our 'group'. Although he was shy on the outside, once you got to know him, he was just as crazy as everyone else. He was the one that I was closest to really. We could speak to each other about everything and he'd been the one that I confided in when mum got married. When me and Matt got to Charlie's house, I was greeted by Carly on the front doorstep.
"EMMA!" she shouted, throwing her arms around me. I smiled and hugged her back. "I thought you weren't coming," she said pulling away.
"I'd have been here earlier if someone hadn't held me up," I replied shooting Matt a look. He shrugged and walked inside. Carly linked my arm and we followed him inside.
"God, your stepbrother get fitter and fitter everyday," Carly gushed as we sat down on the sofa. I laughed.
"Who? Matt?" I replied in disbelief.
"Of course Matt, He's just so gorgeous don't you think," she exclaimed. I looked at him. Already chatting up some year 11 girl who'd managed to get invited.
"I don't really look at him in that way, like you said, he's my stepbrother,"
"I know but he's just really cute. You are so lucky"
"Why because Matt's my stepbrother?!" I asked.
"Yeah, you must have seen him get out of the shower and stuff," I shook my head.
"Yeah and when I do, I run off screaming in the opposite direction, It's not a nice sight, believe me" I laughed. She shrugged. James came over and plonked himself on the floor infront of me. He rested his head on my knees and looked at me, upside down.
"Hey, Em" he waved.
"Hi, y'alright?" I asked. He nodded, just as Carly sighed. "What now?" I asked turning to her.
"I'm gonna go and get another drink, want one?" she asked standing up. I shook my head, "James?" James declined as well. After Carly had gone, James took her place on the sofa.
"So what's been happening in your life?" he asked, watching everyone dancing.
"Bugger all, there is seriously nothing to do, there aren't even any fit boys around here to go out with" I moaned.
"You'll find someone, I know you will. It will probably be someone that you least expect as well," I smiled at him.
"Is that your current philosophy?" I asked. He nodded. One song finished and another one started, 'Leave Right Now' by Will Young.
"Wanna dance?" James asked standing up and holding out his hand. I nodded and took his hand. He pulled me up and pulled me over to the dance floor. Matt caught my eye and gave me a knowing look. I just shook my head and wrapped my arms around James. "Em, will you help me do something?" he asked as we swayed together.
"Depends what it is," I replied. He sighed making me look up into his eyes."Tell me now," I demanded.
"Will you help get Carly to go out with me?" he asked quietly.
"Um, yeah, If that's what you want" he nodded.
"I do, I really like her and she doesn't know that yet. I just can't find the right moment to tell her," I looked into his eyes.
"You do know that she fancies the pants off Matt don't you," he nodded sadly.
"That's what she keeps telling me," I looked at him sympathetically.
"So I take it she's kind of shoving it in your face," he nodded again.
"It's not her fault, she doesn't know I fancy her,"
"Right, I have an idea, come over tomorrow at about 12, we can sort out a plan then," he smiled at me gratefully.
"Cheers Em, I knew I could count on you," Matt came over looking sheepish.
"Emma, I know its kind of early but can we kinda go, those really freaky Year 11's are stalking me," he whispered. I looked over at the side of the room where two girls were giggling over Matt. I looked back at him.
"For you, anything," I smiled. He heaved a sigh of relief. "I'll see you tomorrow James," he nodded and hugged me.
"Thanks again," he whispered. I smiled and followed Matt out.
The next day James arrived at my house early. He followed me upstairs and sat on my bed.
"So what's the plan?" he asked hopefully.
"Right, For my plan, we need Matt, Is that okay?" I asked. James nodded. "Okay, let me go and find him," I said opening the door. "Matt!" I shouted at the top of my voice.
"What?" came his disgruntled reply.
"Will you come here a minute?" I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and then Matt appeared.
"What?" he repeated.
"Me and James need your help," I explained leading him in and shutting the door behind me. Matt gave me a funny look.
"Emma, as much as I like you and James, I really don't think, with me being your stepbrother and all, that a threesome is really appropriate," I scowled at him.
"Just shut up. This may come as a surprise to you but not everything in this world revolves around sex." I replied sitting down. Matt put his hands to the side of his face.
"Emma, I'm 17, I'm far too young for you to be shattering all my childhood beliefs about the world," I tutted at him and he fell down on the bed. "So what's up?" he asked, seriously this time.
"Okay, James wants to ask Carly out and can't because she fancies you. Sooo" I got cut off.
"Wait up, Carly fancies me? Why was I not informed?"
"Because you wouldn't have gone out with her,"
"I know but I could have taken the piss out of her for months!" he whined.
"Exactly, another reason why I didn't tell you. Anyway, back to the plan, Matt, you have to ask Carly out on a date tomorrow." Yet again, I was cut off.
"But you just said James wants to go out with her, why do I have to invite her on a date,"
"Just shut up and you'll understand. You invite Carly on a date, then don't go, James goes instead. Then he can meet her and Carly will hate you for standing her up and James can ask her out. Simple,"
"What's in it for me?" asked Matt smiling.
"Nothing! Just do it out of your love for James,"
"But I don't love James," he smirked. I sighed.
"You are impossible,"
"Please Matt, just do this one thing, I'll give you some alcohol or I'll pay for you to get into the next gig down at Vibe," James pleaded. Matt thought.
"Deal," he smiled.
The next evening, I sat under the ramp in the skate park, watching Carly. She'd been so happy when Matt had asked her to meet him. Although I knew she'd probably be upset when Matt didn't turn up, something inside told me that she be just as ecstatic about James. Although it was late June, it was warm, but not boiling. As I sat, huddled up in my hoody, the gate, in the bars of the base of skate ramp, opened and someone climbed in. They shut the gate quietly and crawled over to me.
"Hey, Hey," came Matt's voice in my ear. I turned and looked at him as he sat next to me, placing a bag on the floor.
"What are you doing here?" I asked bluntly. He smiled.
"Same reason you're here," he grinned, "I'm not missing this. I thought Jimmy boy was gay so I want to see him pull a chick and prove me wrong," he laughed.
"Matt! That is so mean, leave him alone." I grinned back, hitting him round the head. He continued laughing. " What have you got?" I asked him, signalling to the bag. He opened it and sorted through the stuff.
"Booze, Fags and sweets," he listed.
"Sweets! What the f**k Matt, this is serious stuff here, not a trip to the movies,"
"Damn! Got it wrong again I guess" he smirked. "Wanna fag?" I shot my head round at him.
"What?" I asked, shocked. Matt gave me a funny look
"Do you want a bloody cigarette, it's not as if I asked if I could piss on you, what's the big deal?" he asked, laughing. I shook my head.
"Sorry, I wasn't listening to you, thought you asked me if I wanted something else beginnning with f, but this thing ended in uck," Matt giggled.
"Well we can do that if you prefer," he smirked again, moving towards me. I pushed him back.
"NO, a fag is fine." I said, holding out my hand. He put a cigarette and a lighter in it and closed my fingers, concious of the fact that I was paying no attention to anything he was doing. I went on autopilot as I put the cigarette in my mouth and lit it. Taking a long drag, I placed the lighter on the floor. "There's James," I said, blowing the smoke out of my mouth. Matt clambered over me to get a better view. "Matt, watch it, you nearly got your t-shirt alight then" I half shouted.
"Look he's going over to her," he called out excitedly, I watched as well. James walked over to Carly and tapped her on the shoulder, making her spin around quickly. She smiled and hugged him then pulled away. They spoke together for a little while, then Carly put her hands to her face and James put an arm around her, pulling her head onto his shoulder. He rubbed her back. "What's going on?" asked Matt, confused.
"Carly's crying because you stood her up," I explained.
"Oh, sh*t,"
"No, this is good, James can be the shoulder to cry on, then say something along the lines of, 'Matt's stupid to pass up on a date with you' blah blah blah, then he's all nice to her, then she falls in love with him, and they all live happily ever after, The End" Matt looked at me shocked.
"Okay, I would never have thought of saying any of that," he frowned.
"Yeah, that's because you're different to James, he's sentimental and loving and caring. You, on the other hand, are just a geezer."
"What do you mean, I'm a geezer?"
"I mean that you stroll up to girls, chat them up with cheesy chat up lines, snog them, then stroll off again,"
"Hey, I resent that," he said, looking at me, hurt, but keeping the cheeky glint in his eye. I took another drag on my cigarette and turned my attentions back to James and Carly. Carly sat back a bit, looking James in the eye.
"Thery're gonna kiss," me and Matt stated simultaneously. We then looked at each other and laughed. Sure enough, James and Carly leant forwards, their lips meeting halfway. As they stood, separated from the world, I looked at Matt.
"See, I told you my matchmaking skills would work," I grinned, triumphantly.
"Emma, I never doubted you for a second," Matt smiled back.
"Matt,"
"Uh-huh,"
"Stop with the arse licking"
"Sorry," he replied, as James and Carly walked off hand in hand in the direction of James' house.
"Well, that's the fun over," I sighed, stubbing out my cigarette on the floor.
"Yeah, but I have booze, and it's only 8.30, we have plenty of time to make more fun." Matt beamed.
"What Booze have you got?" I questioned, picking up the bag.
"Bacardi and Rum,"
"Bacardi is Rum you plank," I smirked.
"Oh, well we have rum and more rum, there's a bottle each so what do you want?" he asked sarcastically.
"Tough choice, but I'm gonna have to take the rum I'm afraid,"
"Damn, that's what I wanted," I smiled at him. When it boiled down to it, we weren't that dissimilar. We had the same likes, dislikes, the same interests. Our CD collections practically mirrored each other. We had the same sense of humour but yet we'd never really got on. It wasn't that I hated Matt, it was just the fact that he was a guy and I was a girl and we looked at things differently. I was snapped out of my thoughts by Matt handing me a bottle.
"Are you planning to get absolutely plastered tonight?" I asked as he took a long swig from his bottle. He nodded.
"Even though we have school tomorrow?"
"Yep, If my hangovers really bad then I'll take a day off. No harm done," he finished. I smiled at his carefree attitude and put the bottle to my mouth, taking a long swig. Matt looked at me in disbelief, "That was nearly half the f**king bottle Emma," I looked. Half the bottle was a bit of an exaggeration but quite a lot of the drink had gone. I just shrugged and carried on drinking. Me and Matt just sat under the skate ramp that night, talking and giggling. It was like we were two people who had never met before. I found out alot of stuff about Matt that night, including the fact that deep down inside, he had feelings, just like everyone else.
"How come your mum was single?" he asked, moving closer to me and sitting so we were side by side.
"My mum got pregnant when she was 19, my dad was 24. He told my mum that he loved her but didn't want kids that early on in his life. He left her and moved in with his mates. My mum never saw him again after that."
"Where is he now?"
"He got murdered when I was 7. I didn't really understand at the time,"
"I'm sorry," said Matt looking down.
"Don't be. He was a bastard and he deserved everything he got. What about your dad?"
"My mum died of cancer when I was 12. She always had to look good and be the stylish one. She got skin cancer from over using a sunbed. Something to do with a mole she had or something. I still don't really understand what it was but it's better that way. If I knew exactly what happened to her, it'd probably just upset me even more. It's best I just know that she died of cancer and they couldn't save her."
"When was the last time you saw her?" I asked, worried that I'd be hitting a soft spot.
"I was with her as she died. My dad went to phone the doctor, he knew it was the end. While he was out of the room, my mum made me promise to stay with dad, and understand that he'd probably be moody after she went. I was so young and just wanted to make her happy. Plus she made me promise to help dad find someone else and made me promise to find a girl I liked and treat her properly. And she told me to never let anyone get like her. I just wish she hadn't been so stupid." he sobbed, tears trickling down his cheeks.
"It wasn't her fault," I assured him, putting an arm around his back. He rubbed his eyes.
"I know but, y'know, I always wonder what it would be like if she was still here. Everything would be different. I'd have never met you for a start."
"You make it sound like you like me." he looked into my eyes.
"I do like you, I just find it hard to act like that sometimes. I've never been one to put my feelings across in the right way." I reached up and wiped away a stray tear from his cheek. As I moved my hand away, he caught my wrist, making me jump. I looked into his eyes and could see his pain. Even though I'd never really cared about him or how he felt, all I wanted at that moment was to take that pain away. He leant towards me, a sincere look on his face. He dropped my wrist and put his hand to my face, rubbing my cheek with his thumb. I shut my eyes and breathed in. Nervously, his quivering lips brushed on mine. His lips massaged mine until I allowed his tonuge to enter my mouth. At that point I could feel the bars behind me pushing into my back. My arm reached underneath the back of his t-shirt and I pulled him closer to me. As the kiss became more zealous, I moaned into his mouth. I could feel my back sliding down the railings as we became more engrossed in what we were doing. Matt spun me around, his lips still firmly planted on mine, so I could lay down properly, with out hitting my head on the railings. It wasn't until I felt his hand slide up my thigh and up the side of my stomach that I suddenly realised what was happening. I was kissing my step brother, and although we weren't related by blood, mentally, he was a member of the family. The whole situation felt wrong, but the kiss somehow managed to feel right. As his hands reached down to the elasticated waist of my combats, I grabbed his wrists. He pulled away and looked at me, the yellow light from the nearby streetlight streaming across his face. His eyes searched mine for a reason why I wouldn't let him continue.
"We can't," was all I managed to utter. He looked hurt again and all the pain came rushing back to his eyes. I dropped his wrists and shuffled backwards, my eyes not leaving his.
"But why not?" he whispered, confused as to why I'd had such a dramatic change of heart.
"It's wrong, Matt," I replied, opening the gate and climbing out. He climbed out after me.
"But if you love someone so much, why should circumstances get in the way?" I sighed and turned to him.
"Matt, you don't love me, you're just confused, what with all of the talking about your mum and that. That love was probably just the love you have for your mum, its not love for me."
"How can you tell me who I do and don't love? About a week ago, you would have loved it if I had walked out of the front door and out of your life. Now you keep wanting me to hang around with you. You don't have any right to tell me who I have feelings for when you can't even sort your own feelings out," he raged.
"Matt, you're drunk, you're going to wake up tomorrow morning and feel really stupid about this whole incident,"
"I'm not drunk,"
"Say the alphabet backwards,"
"What?"
"Please just do it, then I'll know if your drunk or not." I'd seen Matt do this when he was drunk, and when he was sober. To put it bluntly, his drunken attempts were sh*t. He sighed.
"Z,Y,X,W,V,U,T,S,R,Q,P,O,N,M,L,K,J,I,H,G,F,E,D,C,B,A" he recited, without hesitation.
I walked over to him slowly. He'd done it perfectly, but I still doubted he was in the right frame of mind to confess his love for somebody. As I reached him, I leant up on my tiptoes and planted a soft kiss on his cheek.
"I'm sorry," I said simply, before running off in the direction of home. I could hear him calling my name behind me but never looked back. I didn't want to look at his face, I just couldn't.
The next morning, I was woken up by my alarm buzzing constantly. I looked at the display, 7:15. As I sat up, I clutched my head and the memories of the previous night came flooding back. I tried to put them to the back off my mind, sliding out of bed and pulling my dressing gown on. As I walked past his room on the landing, I peeked in his door. The bed was made perfectly. Clothes were strewn about on the floor, but there was no sign of the clothes Matt'd worn the previous night. As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I could hear my mum and Matt's dad talking in worried voices.
"Are you sure he's not upstairs? In the bathroom or something?"
"No, I checked everywhere, he never came in last night," came my Mum's voice in reply.
"What if he came in, picked up some stuff and then went to a mate's house?"
"The only stuff that I can see missing is the stuff he was already wearing, I don't know why he hasn't rung"
"Well his mobile was off, maybe he has no battery," I decided to make an entrance.
"Morning," I said cheerily. There was silence from the kitchen table. "What?" I asked as I walked over to the fridge and pulled out the orange juice carton.
"Do you know where Matt is? He hasn't been home since last night and we can't get hold of him" said my stepdad, putting a plate in the washing up bowl.
"Um, I saw him, he was in the skate park, but I came home and he stayed there. I dunno where he went after that."
"He'll be fine. If we hear nothing by tonight, then we'll get worried," my stepdad continued, walking over and kissing my mum's cheek.
"I'm not going in today, I don't feel very well," I informed my mum. She nodded and stood up.
"I'll see you later okay, hope you feel better," she said as she left the room.
"Emma, can you get Matt to call me if he comes back while I'm out, he knows my mobile number so just get him to call me,"
"Will do," I replied.
"See, you later," shouted Matt's dad as the door slammed shut behind him. I sighed and sat down. Matt hadn't come back.What if he'd done something stupid because of me. I tried to think positively as I switched the TV on.
As the early morning passed, I started to get more and more worried about Matt. What if he'd stumbled off fallen in the river and drowned or walked into the middle of the road and been runover by a car. Typical Matt wouldn't have any ID on him. He'd just have cash and keys. I threw my pessimistic thoughts to the back of my mind as the doorbell rang. I stood up, pulling my dressing gown tighter around me and walked to the door. On the other side of the misted glass I could see a couple of people. I panicked. What if it was the police telling me that Matt was dead? Yet again, I tried to think positive as I slowly opened the door. There staring back at me, was Matt, his face deathly white. Behind him, James and Charlie stood with worried looks on their faces. Matt looked into my eyes for a few seconds, then pushed past me, knocking me into the wall. He ran up the stairs and into his room, slamming his door shut behind him. James looked at me.
"Are you okay?" he asked stepping in the doorway. I nodded, smiling.
"We found him under the skate ramp in the park. He reeks of fags and booze," Charlie informed me. I looked up the stairs at the closed door and sighed.
"Wanna talk about it?" asked James. I looked at him thankfully.
"I want to but I can't. It's not you, it's just complicated." James nodded.
"I understand, but of you change your mind then just ring me," I nodded. "You not coming to college?" I shook my head, unable to speak properly.
"I'm not feeling too good," I said quietly.
"Me and Charlie better go, we sent Carly and Aesha to feed the teachers some story, I'll see you later okay," I nodded. He leant forward and kissed my cheek and Charlie hugged me. As they walked out the door I suddenly remembered something.
"James, did last night go to plan?" He smiled and nodded at me.
"Thank you, I owe you one," I laughed, "Bye," he shouted, as he walked down the path and in the direction of college. I shut the front door and sighed again. I wanted so badly to talk to Matt but I just couldn't think of what to say. As I thought, his bedroom door flew open and he walked down the stairs, avoiding eye contact and ignoring my prescence. I stood still for a couple of seconds, my head analysing the information his body language had just sent me. After a while, I followed into the lounge. Matt was spread out on the sofa, a glass of water in one hand and two aspirins in the other.
"You can't just ignore me," I tried to sound strong but failed miserably. It just came out as a sort of squeak. He still didn't look at me.
"I'm not ignoring you, I just have nothing to say to you," he stated, sipping some water and popping a pill in his mouth.
"You had plenty to say last night, you told me you loved me for f**ks sake," he snorted, taking the other pill. "Oh, so I guess you've changed your mind now,"
"That was then, this is now." I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere so I gave up.
"Your dad wants you to ring him now. He said he needs to speak to you," I didn't wait for his response. I ran out of the room and up the stair where I locked myself in my bedroom. I walked over to my bed in the corner, picked up my teddy bear and cried. I just wanted this whole experience to finish.
Later that night, I gave into myself and decided to tell James everything. I looked at the red clock display, glowing in the dark. It said 11:28. I got out of bed quietly and picked the phone up off of the cradle on the landing. I then tiptoed back in the bedroom and shut the door. I switched my bedside lamp on and rang his mobile number. The phone rang for a couple of seconds before there was a click signalling he'd picked up.
"Hello?" he said sleepily.
"James, I know it's really late but I really needed to talk to you," I whispered.
"Emma, I'm all ears," he perked up.
"Matt told me he loved me, and I just don't know what to do about it."
"Matt? As in your stepbrother?"
"Yeah"
"Oooookay, that's complicated. When was this?" he asked, seriously.
"Last night,"
"What happened after he told you?"
"You mean what happened before,"
"What did happen before?"
"We kissed," there was silence. "James?"
"Sorry, I was just thinking. Did you enjoy it?"
"I dunno, If he wasn't my brother then it would have been fantastic, but it felt wrong."
"But it's not illegal,"
"No but it's just the concept of it."
"Do you love him?"
"I didn't think so at the time but seeing him like this today really made me feel different about him."
"Tell him how you feel, that's the only way you can sort this out,"
"But he's just ignoring me, he doesn't want anything top do with me."
"Emma, listen to me, I'm Matt's friend, If he loves you that much he'll come round pretty quickly," I smiled to myself.
"Thanks James,"
"No probs, anyway, I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"
"Yeah, bye,"
"Bye," he said before hanging up.
The next morning, James, Carly, Charlie and Aesha stopped at my house to walk to school with me. Mum, being the annoying person that she is, made us all wait for Matt, who decided to sleep in late. We took the short cut through the park where some of the annoying Year 11's from Charlie's party were hanging around.
"Guys, wait a second" Matt shouted. We all stopped and watched what he did. He slowly and casually walked over to a little huddle of the girls and pulled one of them to the side. I watched as he spoke to her and made her giggle. It was actually quite sickening. After about 5 minutes, Matt came jogging back over to us.
"What was all that about?" asked Charlie as we walked. Matt smiled.
"I just asked Natalie over there on a date on Friday," he beamed. My heart broke. He really didn't care about me. He'd gone and asked some girl out who he didn't even know, and the was thing was, you could tell it was his idea of revenge. James grabbed me and pulled me to the side.
"Are you alright?" he asked, worriedly. I nodded.
"It's my own fault. I should have just believed him in the first place. Now I have no chance," I sighed. James shook his head.
"It's not your fault. Just ignore it. He's trying to play mind games with you. I can guarantee he'll be over her in a couple of weeks." he smiled, putting a comforting arm around me.
"I hope so, I really do like him James," I whined.
"I can tell you do, just stick at it and I swear he'll come round," He kissed the top of my head.
"Aren't you supposed to be with Carly?" I laughed.
"I am, I'm just being friendly," I smiled.
"At least someone is,"
Over the next couple of weeks, me and Matt hardly spoke. He tried to ignore my prescence but usually was forced to communicate with me while our parents were around. His date with Natalie obviously went well. He didn't stop speaking about her whenever I was in the room. He'd even make sure he stood near me when he was having stupid lovey dovey phone calls with her. It took a lot for me to stop myself shouting at him but I somehow managed. Eventually the weekend I was dreading came round. Our parents had decided that they wanted to go away together to have some quality alone time. Although I'd tried to put them off of the idea, they eventually booked to go away to Amsterdam, leaving on the Friday, returning on the Monday. The equivalent of 3 days alone with Matt, to me, sounded like tourture. At least if we'd been on talking terms it wouldn't have been quite as bad.
"So are you sure you're going to be okay together?" asked my mum, as the boot on the taxi shut. I kissed her cheek.
"We'll be fine, just have I good time," I said with a fake smile plastered across my face. Matt hugged his dad and came and stood next to me.
"See, you on Monday," called my mum as she climbed into the car.
"Be good kids, No parties, the neighbours will be listening," shouted Matt's dad, climbing in the other side. The car engine revved and the taxi drove off. I smiled to myself then walked into the house. Matt followed close behind.
"What the hell are you wearing?" he sneered as he shut the front door. I looked down. I had a pair of jeans on and a pink tank top. Over the top of the tank top, I had a black strappy top which was a bit short for me. The pink top showed out from underneath at the top and the bottom. I also had a long chain round my neck that came down to just above my stomach, a necklace my nan gave me just before she died and another shorter silver chain. I guessed this was the insult stage of his revenge.
"I'm wearing clothes. Why?" I questioned him, walking through into the lounge and urning the TV on. Matt just snorted and ran up the stairs. I shook my head. Maybe one day he'd grow up. Later that night, Matt came storming down the stairs and into the living room.
"I'm going out to meet Natalie," he shouted, "Have fun on your own,"
"So you know her name do you. That is really a shock," I snapped.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked turning, halfway in the hallway.
"I mean, it's so obvious your just using her to get back at me,"
"To get back at you? Don't flatter yourself, your really not worth it,"
"Well you didn't seem to think that the other night when you were all over me," I shouted back at him.
"Yeah, well, things have changed, you made it clear you didn't want to know so I'm moving on,"
"You never gave me a chance to change my mind. I was confused, I didn't know what to do, I just ran." I practically sobbed. Matt stopped and walked over to me, slowly sitting down.
"Are you saying that you do like me?" he asked quietly. I nodded.
"More than you will ever know," I finished. Matt leant forwards and kissed me softly on the lips.
"I'm so sorry, why didn't you tell me?" he asked with another small kiss.
"I didn't know how. That morning when I saw you, I felt so guilty. I just wanted to rewind and replay everything that had happened between us."
"I love you," Matt whispered, kissing me yet again.
"I love you too," This time, I pulled Matt in for a more in depth kiss. He slowly pushed me down and clambered on top of me, kissing my neck and collarbone tenderly. As our bodies moved against each others, I just wanted to stay like this forever. Suddenly, the phone rang, knocking us back down to earth.
"Leave it," Matt panted, I shook my head.
"It might be important," I sat up and reached over for the phone. "Hello?" I answered, watching as Matt stood up and left the room.
"Emma, It's mum. I just wanted to check you're okay." she gushed.
"Mum, It's 9.30 our time. You have been away for 5 hours, just stop worrying." I put a hand up to my head and ran it through my hair. Now really wasn't the best time.
"I know love, Our hotel is lovely, it's really modern, you'd love it here," she gushed yet again.
"Cool, look mum, I'm really sorry but I really have to go. I'm kinda in the middle of something that is gonna get ruined if I stay away any longer," Not exactly a lie. In fact I thought it was quite truthful.
"Oh, okay then. Say hello to Matt for us, and we'll see you on Monday."
"Bye," I said, pressing the end call button. I put the phone back in it's cradle and walked up the stairs. I was sure I heard Matt come up here earlier and I really wanted to find him. I opened my bedroom door and was shocked to see him sprawled out on my bed.
"So you finally made it," he grinned. I walked over to him and sat down.
"Mum says hi" I smiled. He stood up and walked over to me.
"Wait here," he whispered, moving me out of the way and walking in to his room. I walked over to the bed and laid back on it. I heard Matt fiddling about in his room. He appeared in my doorway again, with his mobile pushed against his ear. He put his finger to his lips to signal for me to be quiet. I sat up, confused. "Hi Natalie" he said, smiling at me. "No, I know I'm late, that's because I'm not coming." he stated with absolutely no remorse in his voice. I gasped at him, not quite believing what I was hearing. "No, I'm not coming, ever. I'm dumping you," he walked over to me, shutting and locking my bedroom door behind him. "I've found someone whos a bit more in my league," I heard random cries coming from the other end of the phone. "I know I said I loved you, I'm a good actor don't you think." With that, he hung up the call and switched the phone off. He placed the phone on my bedside table and I shook my head at him.
"Matt, that was really mean," I giggled as he climbed on top of me. He leant forwards, his face centimetres from mine.
"I know, but she'll get over it. Now can we stop talking about my ex and talk about us?" he asked as he kissed me.
"Oh, so you dragged me up to my bedroom to talk? You had me thinking that there were others things on your agenda," I smiled.
"Yeah, well there are other things on my agenda, do you fancy leaving the talking til later?" he whispered.
"I think it would be for the best," I replied as I leant in and kissed him again. As we kissed, Matt moved his hands to my stomach and lifted up the material of my two t-shirts. I pulled away from the kiss and lifted my arms above my head to make it easier for him to remove my top. He did the same as I pulled the hem of his T-shirt upwards. The fact that his body was quite toned didn't come as a shock to me. I'd seen him when he'd got out of the shower numerous times and I'd always noticed how he had the beginnings of a six pack forming. Matt slowly pushed me backwards until my head was on the pillow. He then trailed kisses down my body until he reached the waistband of my jeans. The last of the kisses landed half on the jeans and half on my stomach. He looked into my eyes as he undid the zip and slid backwards as he slowly pulled the jeans down my legs and off of my body. After he had deposited them on the floor, he moved further up and kissed my neck. My hands reached out infront of me and undid the buckle on his belt. Knowing how easily his trousers fell down when he didn't have a belt on, I grabbed the sides of the jeans and pulled them downwards revealing his black Calvin Kleins and his evident excitement. He sat up and smiled at me before climbing off and standing up. "Where you going?" I asked, confused. He took my hand and pulled me up too. "Okay, where are we going?"
"Nowhere," he replied as he pulled my white duvet back and pushed me back on the bed. I smiled up at him.
"Condom?" I said, holding out my hand. Matt nodded and delved into his boxer shorts and produced a square packet, which he handed to me. I screwed my face up. "Matt that is absolutely rank, no sane man keeps his condom supply in his boxer shorts," Matt smiled at me and climbed back on me.
"Well I'm just an exception," he growled as lunged down and kissed my neck. His hands reached behind me and he unclasped my bra. He slipped it off of me and threw it behind him. He pushed me backwards again, my head hitting the pillow for the second time. As we kissed more passionatley, my hand reached down and rested on the waistband of his boxers. I giggled uncontrollably as I slid the boxer shorts over his bum and down his legs. I loved the way that none of this seemed sombre and serious, it showed we were both at ease with the situation. Matt giggled as well, his lips still on mine, as he kicked the boxer shorts off his feet. I fumbled with the condom packet for a few seconds, shaking from all the giggling, before Matt pulled away from the kiss. "What?!" he laughed, still smiling. I held the packet up.
"I can't undo these, I never have been able to,"
"Well, bite it then," he smiled.
"Ewww, no, It came out of your boxer shorts, I'm not putting it anywhere near my mouth." Matt sighed and took it off of me. In one swift movement, he ripped it open and chucked the plastic wrapping away. "I suppose you want me to do the rest," I nodded bursting into another fit of giggles. I watched as he put the condom on himself and put his hands down either side of my shoulders. "Can we finally move on?" he asked rolling his eyes, still gigling slightly
"Of course we can," I grinned, lacing my arm around his neck and pulling back towards me for another kiss. His hands slowly rolled my black lacy knickers away and he moved himself inside of me. I smiled and arched my back off of the bed slightly. Somehow, this all felt different to how it had been with other boys. Although Matt was taking this about as seriously as I was, he was still really slow and caring, kissing me all over as our bodies moved rhythmically together. As he kissed my collarbone, I placed my hand on his bum and pulled him deeper inside of me, my other hand rested on his back. One of his hands took one of my hands and our fingers entwined. As he reached his peak, his kisses moved up to my lips in an attempt to muffle both of our groans. As he pulled out of me, his eyes caught in mine and I smiled at him. He kissed me softly on the lips and rolled me round so my back rested against his chest. He had his back to the wall. I could feel his chest moving up and down and could hear his heaving breathing in my ear. I smiled as his arm wrapped around my waist and he pulled the duvet cover further up my body. He kissed my shoulder blade softly.
"I love you so much," he whispered, still clearly out of breath.
"I love you too," I whispered back. His breath caught on the back of my neck and a shiver ran down my spine. "Keep this to yourself for a little bit, yeah," I said as I kissed his hand.
"Why?"
"Because you tell one person, and soon everyone knows. I don't want to be the talk of the town, I just want us to be happy together and keep ourselves to ourselves."
"You do realise that if we're gonna be a couple, it's gonna be so difficult for us to do stuff together. At home we'll get caught and in public we'll get spotted,"
"I know but we'll make it work. There's always the option of under the skate ramp late at night. We didn't get caught last time," Matt laughed.
"When are we gonna tell our parents?" I shrugged,
"Hadn't really thought about it. We'll tell them when they need to know or when we need them to know," As I was speaking, my eyes slowly drifted closed. A smile formed on my face as I listened to Matt talking about his dreams for us but I was too tired to respond. I fell asleep, wrapped up in his arms, dreaming of all of the things he was talking about.
The next morning I woke up to the sound of Blink 182 playing loudly downstairs. Matt was gone from beside me so I stretched outwards and lay there thinking for a couple of minutes. Eventually, the sun streaming through the window got the better of me and I rolled out of bed. I pulled a T-shirt over my head and a pair of shorts and walked downstairs.
"....Show me the way to bed, Show me the way you move, f**k it it's such a blur, I love all the things you do......." Matt sung at the top of his voice. I smiled from the doorway, watching him dancing around in his boxer shorts, and walked into the kitchen. As I made some coffee, the singing stopped and a pair of arms wrapped around my waist. "Good Morning," he said, cheerily. He kissed my shoulder, moving some hair out of the way.
"Morning," I replied, in the same cheery tone. I picked up the coffee mug and walked into the living room, Matt still firmly wrapped around my waist. As I reached the sofa, I placed the coffee on the table and allowed Matt to pull me down onto his lap. I sat between his legs just listening to his heartbeat for a couple of minutes whilst he twiddled the tips of my hair around his fingers. "Do we have to get dressed today?" I sighed.
"Why? What have you got in mind?" he mumbled.
"Not what you think I have in mind." I smiled. "I just want to stay cuddled up to you all day. We have today and tomorrow and then our parents get back" I whined.
"I know but if we stay in here together all weekend, people will get suspicious" Matt said quietly.
"Are you okay?" I asked, looking around at him.
"What do you mean?"
"Well I know you were dancing around but since I've come down you've been really subdued," Matt shook his head.
"I'm just thinking about last night and how great it was," he explained. I smiled and kissed him.
"I'm going to get changed," I said standing up. As I reached the doorway I turned back to him. "You would tell me if there was something wrong, wouldn't you?" I asked. Matt looked up at me.
"Of course I would," I nodded and walked upstairs, unconvinced.
When our parents arrived back home, me and Matt found it increasingly hard to get any time together. Sometimes we'd go down the park but there would always be someone there that we knew. When James found out about us, he tried to help us find somewhere to go, with no luck. Eventually, just before my 17th birthday, Matt managed to persuade one of his older mates, Josh, to let us use his flat when he was out. It was great, knowing that we had somewhere to go where we could be on our own and do what we want. Infact, everything between us felt perfect, until the last week before the summer holidays. Me and Matt both got called home by my mum because she had 'some important news to tell us'. When we arrived, her and Dave were sitting on the sofa holding hands. Mum signalled for me to sit down. It looked like she'd been crying which worried me abit.I sat in the armchair and Matt sat down on the arm of the other sofa, something that normally he would have been told off for, but today went practically unnoticed. My mum took a deep breath and smiled at us.
"I know this may come as a shock to you, and believe me, it's come as a bit of a shock to me, but we wanted you to be the first to know, that I'm pregnant," my mum gushed. I raised my eyebrows. Definately an announcement that was completely unexpected. My mum was 36, and although she wasn't going to be the oldest mother in the world, it was still quite late on for her to be having a baby. Mum looked at me, waiting for a response but at that moment in time, I just couldn't bring myself to say anything. Matt eventually stepped in.
"Congratulations," he said, leaning over and kissing my mums cheek. Suddenly I snapped out of my daydream.
"Uh, yeah, congratulations," I mumbled, kissing my mum's cheek. I staightened up. "This is nothing to do with any of this, but I really have to go out and think for a bit," I blurted out, running out of the front door and in the direction of the park. When I got there I sat down on the grass bank next to the river and just watched a random duck swim past. I couldn't take this. My mum was going to have a new daughter and I was going to get a little half brother or sister. I wasn't jealous, I knew exactly what the problem was, just I just couldn't bring myself to admit it to anyone, let alone myself. I didn't want it to be true, I just wanted this whole thing to be a dream, a mistake, a mix-up. Whatever. I just didn't want it to be me in this position. Matt had taken the whole thing fine, but then again, he didn't know what I was going through at this moment in time. My head was a mess. It was like someone had taken all of my emotions and decided it was funny to throw them round and round my body until I couldn't recognise one from another. I didn't know whether I was happy or sad, confused or angry, I didn't know whether to smile or cry. I just wanted this whole chapter of my life to finish and I wanted to get myself out of whatever hole it was I had dug myself into.
"Emma?" came a familiar voice behind me. I turned to see Matt's face looming down on me. He saw the look in my eyes and fell down on the floor next to me. Without an explination, he pulled me into is arms and told me I was going to be okay. "Is this your mum?" he asked, stroking my head.
"Partly yes, partly no," I sobbed. He pulled backwards.
"Well what's the other part," he asked, wiping my tears.
"Emotions, I can't handle them. I don't know what I feel anymore and I sure as hell don't know what to let other people know I'm feeling. I'm a mess, I just don't seem to be able to cope with us anymore. Keeping it a secret, going behind everyones backs, It just all feels so messed up. It's confusing. I don't know what to say to people and how to explain that I can't explain who my boyfriend is."
"What so are you splitting up with me?" he asked. I shook my head.
"No, but it's just ben so stressful recently and I haven't known who to turn to. I've needed to talk so many times but just haven't been able to decide who the right person to listen is. I need someone so much, especially now,"
"What, now your mum's pregnant." I shook my head still sobbing hysterically. "You can talk to me," Matt whispered. I looked him in the eye and lifted up my t-shirt.
"Feel my stomach Matt," I sobbed, he looked at me, confused.
"What?"
"Just feel it, put your hand on it, whatever." He did what I asked and looked into my eyes.
"It's harder than usual," I nodded, "Why?"
"Because I'm pregnant as well Matt. I'm having your baby," His jaw dropped and he just looked at me for a couple of minutes. After what seemed like an eternity, his head dropped in his hands. "If I was even going to consider having this baby, I'd need mum's full support, but she can't give it to me because she's going to have her own baby to look after,"
"This is all my fault," he murmered. "I should have told you, but I suppose, I thought that if I didn't tell you, it wouldn't be true and it would go away. But here it is, staring me in the face. I can't believe I've been so stupid."
"What? Matt you're scaring me," he looked up.
"How many months gone are you?"
"About 2, Why?"
"That night, while our parents were away, the condom split. I didn't know until the next morning and I swear I was going to tell you, but when you came in, you just seemed so happy that I didn't want to upset you. On so many occasions, I came close to confessing but I knew deep down, the later I left it, the worse I was making it." I sat there, gobsmaked. Suddenly my fists started talking for me. I just continuously hit him in the arm and chest, just wanting to let all of my anger out on him.
"You are such a bastard, I can't believe you did this, I HATE YOU" I screamed. Matt grabbed my wrists and stopped me hitting him.
"You, don't mean that, Emma, just calm down. We'll get through this. If you don't want this baby, we won't have it, It doesn't matter to me, all that matters is that you're happy." I looked into his eyes and saw his sincerity. All I could bring myself to do was to fall against his chest, sobbing my heart out. "You need to think about this. It's a massive decision. Just do what you want okay and I'll stick by you," I nodded.
"I'm sorry, I don't hate you." I sniffed.
"I wouldn't blame you if you did, you know. I would completely understand,"
I knew I couldn't leave my decision making for too long but this was a life changing decision and the hardest one of my life that far. Matt had told me to make the decision and that he'd stick by me whatever I said but I just couldn't leave him out. It was his baby as well and I felt terrible deciding the fate of his first child. I carried on going to college like normal and it was only me and Matt who knew. It wasn't until a couple of weeks into the summer holiday that I knew exactly what I had to do. I opened the front door to the house having been at Aesha's for the day. Matt was having a driving lesson from his dad
"Mum, I'm home," I shouted. There was silence. "Mum?" I shouted again, walking through into the lounge. I stopped when I saw the sight before me on the sofa. "sh*t" I gasped, running to my mums side. She was sprawled out on the sofa, blood trickling down her leg, joining the puddle that had already formed on the cushions. Her eyes were shut but she was still breathing. "Mum," I whispered desperatley. There was no response. I reached over, picked up the phone and dialled 999. When the person on the other end picked up, I snapped back to the phone call. "Hello, I need an ambulance, It's my mum, she's pregnant and I think she's having a miscarriage, She's unconcious and there's blood everywhere." The woman on the other end spoke calmly.
"Right, Give me your address calmly then go and get some towels for the blood. After you hang up, just keep talking to her until the ambulance comes, okay?" I nodded, then suddenly realised that she couldn't decipher anod on the phone. "Right, what's your address," I gave it to her and hung up. I ran up the stairs to get some towels.
"Come on mum, just wake up," I whispered, stroking her head. After what seemed like an eternity, the doorbell rang. I got up and answered it, not wanting to leave my mum's side. On the doorstep was a man and a woman, both in paramedic uniforms. I showed them in and showed them to my mum. I just stood rooted to the ground, as they moved her onto a stretcher and moved her out.
"Are you coming in the ambulance?" asked the woman paramedic. I nodded, grabbed my bag and shut the front door. I climbed into the ambulance and took my mums hand nervously. "How many months pregnant is your mum?" asked the woman as she did some checks and things. I thought, my mum had told me but I'd been to wrapped up in my problems to remember.
"Uh, she said the baby was due in December time so I guess about 4 months." My baby was expected in February and I knew that I'd worked out mum's baby would be two months old when mine was born. "Do you think you'll be able to save the baby?" I asked.
"I really don't know, hopefully." I shut my eyes. When they said that they didn't know, that usually meant there was no hope. I knew how heartbroken my mum would be when she came round. When we got to the hospital, mum was rushed off and I was taken to the relatives room by a nurse.
"I need to ring my stepdad, let him know what's happened." The nurse nodded.
"I'll get the phone for you," I smiled gratefully and sat down. After a couple of minutes the nurse walked back in with the phone and handed it to me. "I'll leave you to it, If you need me, I'll be out in reception," As she shuffled out of the room, I picked up the phone and nervously began typing in the home number, hoping that they were back by now.
"Hello?" Came Matt's voice from the other end. As soon as I heard it, I couldn't help but break down in tears. "Emma? Is that you?" he asked worried.
"Matt, is your dad there?" I sniffed.
"What do you want my dad for?"
"Matt just get him for me," The phone was obviously snatched out of Matt's hands as Dave's voice came on the other end of the line.
"Emma? What's happened" he asked sternly.
"It's my mum, she's loosing the baby, we're down at the hospital. You really have to come down because they keep asking me loads of questions and I don't know the answers," I sobbed.
"We'll be right down there" I wiped my eyes and hung up the phone. I pulled my knees up to me and wrapped my arms around them. I didn't want a baby but I was having one. Mum was so happy about her baby, yet she lost hers. Okay they hadn't confirmed that yet but they might as well have. As I sat there sobbing my eyes out, Matt and his dad were ushered in the room. Matt sat down next to me taking my hand in his. His dad sat opposite, watching us.
"Dad knows," Matt whispered, "About me and you. I told him. I know you didn't want me to but I just needed to talk some things over." I nodded and looked at Dave. He didn't look sad, angry or disappointed with us. He just smiled weakly.
"When did they last come and talk to you?" he asked, his eyes red.
"They haven't told me anything since she went in. I haven't bothered asking." As if on cue, a doctor came walking through the door. He shut the door behind himself and looked at us sadly.
"I'm afraid we couldn't save your baby, Mr. Willis. Your wife suffered an ectopic pregnancy where the embryo starts to develop in the fallopian tube. We've had to remove the fallopian tube and the embryo for your wife's own wellbeing. In normal circumstances, it would still be possible for conception to take place but it appears that your wife only had one fallopian tube in the first place, perhaps as a result of a previous ectopic pregnancy?" Dave nodded.
"She had one before she even met me, she told me." This was certainly the first I'd ever heard of it, although I do remember having to stay with my nan for no apparent reason for a couple of days, when I was about 10. "Does this mean that she's unable to concieve?" The doctor nodded.
"Why was she unconcious?" I asked, my hand still firmly in Matt's grip. The doctor turned to me.
"It would appear that your mother fainted at the sight of the blood, she's concious now and asking for you, would you like to see her?"
"I need to talk to Matt for a few minutes," Dave nodded and stood up, leaving me and Matt alone.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"I think we should keep this baby, but I think we should give it to our parents to bring up. They looked so happy when they found out my mum was pregnant and now they can't have kids. If I don't want this baby, what's stopping them having ours?" Matt shrugged.
"So you mean being like surrogate parents?" he asked. I nodded.
"If you can call it that, then yeah"
"If that's what you want then I'll stand by you, you just have to convince our parents first." I smiled and kissed him.
"What did your dad say when you told him about us?"
"He said he already knew. Apparently our body language gave us away. Your mum knows aswell. She was the one who pointed it out. According to my dad, as long as we're happy, they're happy." I smiled and snuggled up to his shoulder.
"Trust my mum to notice," I giggled, as he put his arm around me and pulled me closer, giving me a noseful of his aftershave. Just sitting there with him, I felt safe and protected and just felt that nothing could spoil my plan.
Luckily, our parents agreed to my plan after lots of conversations and lots of persuasion from me. Matt seemed to keep quiet and keep out of the whole thing which I found strange. My mum told me that she would only go along with the plan as long as I chose the name and I didn't find out the sex in the scan. She said she wanted it to be a surprise. She also told me that as soon as he or she hit 16, we'd tell them everything, assuming they didn't already know. I'd had to drop out of college but it didn't really bother me. I felt like I was going round in circles. At Christmas, Matt came up to my room to talk. I was just sitting on my bed, reading magazines and listening to music. My clothes had become considerably more wavy and floaty to accommodate my bump. Matt sat down on the end of the bed, and just looked at me.
"What?!" I asked eventually.
"You know what!"
"No I don't so just tell me."
"I asked you to come up with a name for each sex ,Emma, and you still haven't done it." I rolled my eyes and shut my magazine.
"I told you Matt, you just do it, it doesn't matter to me what we call it, it's not my responsibility,"
"Emma! I can't believe you're saying this. After this baby is born, we are doing nothing for it, all your mum has asked you to do is pick a name and you can't even be bothered. Just do this one thing for this baby, it's the least you can do," he practically shouted. I sighed, and grabbed a pad and pen.
"Right, lets make some lists," I sighed, placing the pad in his lap. He smiled at me and poised the pen. We sat for hours just thinking up names. Something which actually turned out to be quite fun. When we had 20 of each sex, I read through the list. Matt had definatley gone for the uncommon names whereas I'd just thought of anything. "Okay, lets look at boys names," I said holding up the list. They went in alphabetical order, considering we'd picked them out whilst reading through a babies name book. "Aaron, Ashley, Brandon, Damian, Dominic, Finn, Guy, Hayden, Jack, Jamie, Joe, Joshua, Max, Miles, Oliver, Ryan, Scott, Spencer, Vaughan and Zak" I looked at Matt and shrugged.
"Pick 5," he said, taking the list off of me and reading thorugh it. I thought for a moment. This was definately harder than planned.
"How about, Ashley, Finn, Jack, Scott and Zak," Matt nodded.
"Sorted, now the girls names," he read through the list. " Aaliyah, Amber, Angel, Aurora, Carmen, Casey, Crystal, Daisy, Ebony, Faith, Georgia, Hope, Isabelle, Jazmine, Maisie, Nevaeh, Precious, Roxanne and Tamsyn"
"I picked the boys, you pick the girls," Matt smiled.
"Angel, Daisy, Faith, Jazmine and Nevaeh is kinda cool,"
"Done, now we just have to wait for the baby to be born, What do you want?" I asked as I rested my head on Matt's stomach. Matt's hand fell to rest on my bump.
"Part of me want's a little boy to play with but the other half wants a girl so I can make her into a daddies girl, What about you?"
"Dunno, I haven't really thought about it. You do realise she won't be a daddies girl, she'll just be you'll just have to be her cool older brother," he nodded.
"I know but I can still spoil her,"
"Of course you can, you just can't let it slip," He was silent for a little while. "Matt?" he jerked back to life.
"Sorry, Just thinking," I smiled to myself. Thinking, along with growing up, was something I'd had to do a lot of recently.
I looked in the mirror and applied my final layer of mascara. I looked down at my black dress and held my massive bump. Standing up, unsteadily, I made my way downstairs. Matt met me at the bottom and kissed my cheek.
"Happy Valentines Day," he whispered, taking my hand. I smiled and kissed his cheek. My mum walked into the hallway where we were standing.
"Have a nice time," she said, hugging me. "And be careful, Don't forget you're nine months pregnant." I nodded. My mum looked at me funny.
"What?" I asked, holding my hands up. Mum shook her head.
"Your just bigger than I ever was when I was pregnant, you're massive," I looked down.
"Cheers mum, way to boost my self confidence." I moaned, sarcastically. Matt wrapped his arm around my waist.
"You may be massive, but I still love you," he smiled. A car horn honked outside the front door. "Taxi's here," Matt shouted, opening the front door. I kissed my mum and followed Matt out to the cab. He opened the door for me and I climbed in. "Town Centre please mate," said Matt as he slammed the door shut behind himself. The taxi driver nodded and drove off. Matt smiled and put his arm around me. I fidgeted a bit and looked into his eyes.
"Matt, I really think we should cancel our plans and go to the hospital," I said quietly.
"But why? It's Valentines Day Em,"
"Yes I know it's f**king Valentines Day but this bloody baby doesn't and if we don't get to the hospital soon, your going to have to deliver your own f**king child." The realisation hit him and he tapped the cabbie on the shoulder.
"Yeah, I heard Mate, Hospital, quick speed," smiled the cab driver. Matt sat back and I grabbed his hand. "This your first born?" asked the cabbie looking in the rear view mirror. I nodded. "You're going to be fine. Just do your breathing thing like they teach you at ante-natal classes,"
"Have you done this before?" I asked, breathing heavily.
"Of course I have. I had to deliver my own son and I've had to deliver three other children for strangers. Don't worry. If you don't make it in time, I'm fully trained." I smiled and looked at Matt who now had his phone plastered firmly to his ear. "Oh and if your waters have broken, just leave it, I'll clear it up later," I missed the beginning of Matt's conversation so just listened to what he was saying.
"We're going to be about 15 minutes, Thanks, Bye," he pressed the end call button. "Now the hospital are expecting us, I'll ring your mum so she knows to get to the hospital," he dialled another number in his phone and put it back to his ear. I watched him as he spoke. "Dad, you really need to get to the hospital, Emma's gone into labour, I'll speak to you soon," he hung up and squeezed my hand a bit tighter.
"When we get there, just get out and go. Don't worry about the fare, you can have this ride on the house."
"Are you sure?" I asked, still doing my breathing.
"Of course, just forget about it,"
"Cheers," I smiled, resting my head on Matt's chest. When we pulled up outside the hospital, I opened the door and climbed out, Matt close behind me. I turned and smiled gratefully at the cabbie. He gave me a wink and drove off. Matt hurried me inside and everything sort of turned into a blur. Loads of nurses and doctors started to surround me, making me feel slightly claustrophobic. The led me into a side room and I lay down on the bed.
"How far apart are your contractions?" asked a nurse as I slowly changed into a gown.
"Uh about 3 minutes." she nodded and put a clipboard on the end of the bed. "Right you might be in for a long wait, but I'm not sure, If you need us, then press the button behind you," I nodded and took Matt's hand again as he sat next to me.
"Does it hurt?" he asked as the nurse shut the door.
"Of course it f**king hurts, it's excrutiating," he laughed and stroked my head. "Have you decided on the name yet?" he shook his head.
"I want to see it first then we can decide together," I squeezed his hand a bit tighter. "You okay?"
"I dunno, I think it's coming but she said it was gonna be a long wait,"
"No she said she wasn't sure," Matt smiled while pushing the button. After a couple of minutes, the nurse came in and smiled.
"I think this is it," I whined, screwing my face up even tighter. She nodded and signalled to another nurse who came in to help. I propped myself up on my elbows, ready for what was likely to be the most painful experience of my life.
"Right Emma, On the count of three, I want you to push, ready? One, Two, Three, Push" I pushed, so hard infact that I was sure I was going to turn myself inside out. Matt stroked my head.
"You can do this, just keep breathing," he encouraged, watching as his child was born. His face went a little bit white. "Come on, I can see the head,"
"Push Emma," shouted the nurse again. Yet again, I pushed, screaming as I did so. "Just once more," I pushed yet again and above my screams, I heard the cry of a baby. I fell backward, trying to catch my breath. "Congratulations, you have a healthy baby girl," I sat up again and Matt placed the bundle in my arms. He moved the white blanket from her face with his index finger and smiled down at her. "We'll leave you to get aquainted," smiled the nurse, pulling off her gloves and leaving the room. I looked up at Matt.
"I can't do this Matt, I just can't," he sighed.
"I know you can't. You'll mum will be here and then you can get on like normal."
"No, I mean I can't give her away. She's so beautiful and she's mine. I love her so much already," Matt broke into a massive grin.
"Do you mean that?" he smiled. I nodded and looked down at her. "You don't realise how much I've wanted you to say that for the past 7 months," I looked up to see my mum looking through the glass. I beckoned her in and she smiled.
"Mum, I'm so sorry, I......."
"I know," she cut me off.
"What do you mean?" she turned her attentions from the baby to me.
"You didn't honestly think that I would take your baby away from you. You forget, I've had children. I know how much love you instantly feel from them, the moment they're born," I smiled and then turned to Matt.
"So what are we going to call her?" he looked down at her.
"I think Jazmine Angel Willis," I smiled down at the bundle.
"Perfect,"
The next morning Matt arrived bang on 8 am, when the visiting hours started, and was shocked at the reception he got. I was holding Jazmine in my arms, looking down on her, but next to me was another plastic cot with another baby in it. Matt walked over and looked into my eyes.
"Who's baby is this?" he asked as he stroked Jazmine's hair. I looked at him and smiled.
"This is Finn Ashley Willis, he's your son." Matt looked absolutely shocked to say the least.
"My son? But you had Jazzie and she's my daughter and I'm really confused so you're going to have to explain to me."
"Last night, while I was lying here looking at Jazzie, I got this really hard dragging sensation in my stomach. I called the nurse and she told me I was going into labour again. He was born at 4:36 this morning. It turns out that I was expecting twins all along but one of them was hidden behind the other in the scan. The nurse couldn't explain why they were so far apart but she said it's happened before. He's so gorgeous, he looks just like you," Matt smiled into the cot.
"So is that why you were so big?" I nodded. "Why didn't you ring me and tell me?" I smiled.
"I wanted it to be a surprise. Plus I knew you were coming in this morning so it didn't matter. Do you like the name?" I asked, handing Jazmine to him and picking up Finn. Matt nodded, in awe.
"It's great. He's going to be a right little dude. I'm gonna get him kitted out in all these cool outfits."
"What about Jazzie?"
"She's going to be my little princess. I'll get her all these groovy outfits and dresses so she looks as gorgeous as her mum." I smiled at him.
"And where are you going to get the money for this?" He looked at me and flashed me another one of his cheeky grins.
"I'll find a way, just you watch."
"Mummy, Finn just called me a naughty name," Jazzie shouted, running from her bedroom into the lounge where I was sitting at the table reading through a magazine. Finn came running in behind.
"Mummy, she's lying. I didn't call her anything," he moaned.
"Yes, you did you called me a c**kmonkey," I looked up from what I was doing and looked over at Matt who was sprawled out on the sofa watching MTV2.
"Matt, what have you been teaching our kids?" I asked. He looked up at me innocently.
"I haven't done anything, don't get me involved,"
"Yes you did, you called Uncle Charlie one the other day and told me not to let mummy know I heard but I didn't tell her, it was Jazmine," I smiled at my sons naivety.
"Look, Just don't do it again Finn, okay?" he nodded and sulked over to his dad, who lifted him up and sat him on his stomach. I looked at Matt and Finn on the sofa together and it was like looking at Matt's mini-me. Finn was only 4 but already he was taking on some of his fathers traits. His hair was brown with blonde highlights that Matt had put in for him once when I was out and Matt's mates were here. He was wearing a childrens Quicksilver T-shirt and some 3/4 length jeans. He even had a pair of checked boxer shorts showing above the waist band of his jeans. Jazzie on the other hand was a bit more like me. She loved getting dressed up in nice dresses on special occassions, but at the same time, she preferred wearing jeans and T-shirts at home and when she went out . Matt looked at his watch and then looked out of the window.
"Do you fancy going out for the afternoon?" he asked, picking Finn up and carrying him over to me.
"Yeah, If you want, but what about the press?"
"Emma, It's my day off. Okay it might not be their's but that's their problem if they want to follow me around all day, taking photos," I looked over at the kids.
"Come on you two, we're going out," They cheered and fought their way out of the living room, nearly knocking over Matt's bass guitar as they did so. Matt smiled at me and pulled the magazine I was reading out from under my nose.
"Who reads this sh*t?" he asked, leafing through the pages. "I mean look, there's a picture of you and me shopping. How can anyone find that interesting?"
"Your fans do. They love it. You can't exactly do anything about it though can you? It comes with the job," Matt smiled, shut the magazine and kissed me on the nose. After I'd had the kids, James had decided that he really wanted to start a band. Matt had agreed and after much persuasion, so had Charlie. They managed to get themselves a record deal and built up a fanbase to become the biggest band in Britain. When he had enough money, Matt moved us all into a flat in London. We'd initially tried to keep Jazzie and Finn a secret from the press. Matt wanted them to have a normal life and didn't want them to have to put up with all the attention every time they walked down the street. When they were 3, Matt decided to come clean and confess all to the world, something that went down better than expected. Both Jazzie and Finn loved the attention and were real posers when they knew a camera was on them. Me and Matt were interupted from our moment by Jazzie and Finn running back into the living room. Jazzie was ready but Finn was waving his baby Vans above his head.
"Daddy, can you do these up for me?"
"Of course I can," smiled Matt, sitting him down on a chair and putting his shoes on him. I slipped on my own shoes and a denim jacket and picked up my car keys.
"Come on you two," I shouted, taking Jazzies hand.
"Yeah come on," she shouted as well.
"We're coming, we're coming," replied Matt, picking up Finn and sliding his own trainers on. I picked up my bag and house keys and opened the door to the flat.
"Lets Go!" shouted Matt, who now had Finn on his shoulders. I smiled and led Jazzie down the stairs to the car. After we'd loaded them into the back, I climbed in the drivers seat and Matt, in the passenger side.
"Where are we going then?"
"Hyde Park of course!" he smiled back. Having children had definatley bought out his inner child. I rolled my eyes and drove off. When we arrived at the park, Jazzie and Finn climbed out and ran off, closely followed by Matt, who was screaming and roaring at them. I laughed as i locked the car door and followed behind them slowly. I chucked our stuff down under a tree and sat watching as Matt chased after his daughter and son. I then watched in interest as he called them both over, crouched down and whispered something in their ears. Jazzie and Finn turned and ran in my direction, pushing each other out of the way in a bid to get to me first.
"Mummy," Jazzie started before she was elbowed in the ribs by Finn.
"I'm supposed to ask her. Daddy said you give her the present and I tell her the thing." he moaned, stamping his feet.
"Hang on, you've completely lost me," I said, confused as to what was going on. Finn sighed and turned back to me.
"Daddy said to give you this thing and that we had to go back over and tell him your answer to his question but he didn't tell us what the question was." he explained, now obviously confused himself. Jazzie opened her hand and inside was a small black velvet box. I broke into a grin and opened the box slowly to reveal a white gold ring with three diamonds on it. I looked up, grinning and beckoned the two of them towards me.
"Tell Daddy, that Mummy says Yes, but he has to come over here and give her a kiss first," They both ran off, fighting yet again, to tell Matt the answer. He looked up at me and walked over. I slid the ring along my wedding finger and squealed as he lifted me up and spun me around, kissing me as he did so. Jazzie and Finn looked on in amazement, still not quite sure what was happening.
"I love you," Matt whispered placing me down on the ground.
"I love you too," I whispered back.
"Mummy, what's happening?" asked Jazzie eventually. I turned and crouched down to her.
"Me and Daddy are getting married," Jazzie smiled and jumped up and down.
"Can I wear a dress and have a big bunch of flowers?" she asked excitedly.
"I don't see why not" smiled Matt, taking my hand.
"You're going to look like a princess, mummy," Jazzie gushed.
"No," Matt corrected her, "She already is a princess"