I first met her when I was 13 at a party my dad had organized to celebrate me coming home. I’d been away for three months – my parents had split up six months before and I’d started myself as a way of coping. In the end, the doctors sent me to a special unit in Scotland to get help. It was horrible, but I was feeling better and I was really glad to be home.
“There’s someone I want you to meet,” my dad said as we drove home from the station…
Dad said that he had a new girlfriend, Christina, who was 33-, and he’d been seeing her for a few months. I was shocked, especially when I found out she’d moved in, but I was happy dad had found someone.
When we met, Christina and I clicked immediately, she was a top laugh. She’d cover for me when I got in late, and paid for the cinema. Dad was made up we got on so well and, in time, we grew closer.
On Tuesday nights when dad was working late, Christina would cook candlelit meals for the two of us and would make a fuss of me. Her behaviour could be odd, though. When I started going out with a girl called Debbie in October, the meals stopped and Christina wouldn’t speak to me. Then me and Debbie broke up and suddenly things went back to normal. But this time she was even more intimate with me. “You’re so beautiful,” Christina would whisper during dinner, stroking my hand as we sat at the table. I couldn’t help myself – I knew I was starting to fall for her…
Over the next 18 months, Christina and I spent more and more time together. Then, in July, my 16th birthday arrived.
“So what are we doing this year?” I asked her. Christina had organized my 14th and 15th and they’d been so great. Christina paused.
“As it’s your 16th, why don’t you and I go for a meal by ourselves?” My heart started pounding. This was it – after becoming so close, I knew that if we went, something would definitely happen between us. Nervously, I agreed.
When the night arrived, Christina told my dad that she’d take my friends and me for the cinema, go and meet her friends, then pick us up afterwards. My dad even bought me an outfit to wear – faded jeans and black Jakesville tee.
The restaurant was in a hotel miles from home. The meal was so romantic. Christina leant over and told me I was beautiful. I was so happy – I knew it was wrong but I wasn’t thinking about dad at all.
I didn’t want the night to end. As we got into the car, Christina turned to me.
“We’ve run out of petrol,” she said. We had two options – get a taxi or stay at the hotel. We agreed to stay and Christina called my dad. She told him we’d broken down and were staying at her friend’s house. At the hotel, there were only two singles or a double room left… I glanced at Christina.
“Let’s have the double, it’s cheaper,” I said, and she smiled.
When we got upstairs, I headed straight for the bathroom. I didn’t have anything to wear, so I came out wearing only my boxers. I could feel Christina’s eyes on me and knew she wanted me. I have to admit, I wanted her as well…
“Thanks for tonight,” I said to her as we both climbed into bed. She cuddled me tight.
“You mean so much to me,” she said, and suddenly we were kissing. After a few hours, the kisses got more passionate, then I could feel her arms around my back – she rested her fingertips on the waistband of my boxers. I was a virgin and had no idea what I was doing, but Christina was so gentle and guided me through it all. Eventually we started having sex. It was perfect. Afterwards, I drifted off to sleep with Christina’s arms around me.
When I woke up, I felt so bad. What had I done? Christina handed me a glass of orange juice and took a sip of the one she had herself. I saw her throwing in a pill.
“It’s the morning after pill,” she told me. “Just in case.” I watched her taking the pill, but was confused. No chemists were open and we were in the middle of nowhere. Where had she got it from?
As Christina went to get petrol, I sat in the hotel lounge, thinking. Had she planned the whole thing? The hotel, the double room, the petrol – it seemed too much of a coincidence. But then I’d wanted it too…
We drove back to the house in silence until, five minutes from our street, Christina kissed me and told me she loved me. I was totally reassured. But as we pulled in to the drive, loads of cars were parked outside. Dad had thrown a surprise barbeque…
“Right, now Matthew and Christina are back, I can tell you why you’re all here,” dad said happily when we arrived. I couldn’t look him in the eye, but Christina acted normally. “I know it’s a bit soon, but Chris – will you marry me?”
I was in shock, and felt so sorry for my dad. After what had happened between us, she was obviously going to say no. but then I heard her answer…
“Yes,” she declared, a big smile spreading across her face. “Of course I’ll marry you.” I couldn’t move. In robot mode, I blanked Christina and congratulated my dad. Then I ran upstairs and threw up.
For the next few weeks, I avoided dad and Christina, especially when dad started talking suits. I was so jealous of him – despite what Christina had done, I still loved her. Then one day dad said:
“Matthew, we don’t think you’re being particularly enthusiastic about this wedding. Me and Christina love each other.” I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“She didn’t love you when we were having sex in a hotel room!” I snapped.
I regretted it right away.
Dad went white.
”Is it true?” he asked her.
“Yeah, but it didn’t mean anything,” she grovelled. I felt so humiliated….
Suddenly my dad lost it and punched me in the face.
“You whore! Get out of my house!” he screamed, and ran upstairs, threw some of my clothes in a bag and pushed Christina and I out the door.
I was in tears, but Christina was totally calm as she said, “It’s you I really love, let’s just go now.” I couldn’t believe it. I was so angry I punched her and was shocked when she hit me back. She must have knocked me out as I then woke up in the hospital, alone. I was there, crying my eyes out. This was all my fault.
A year on, I’m living at my mum’s in Wolverhampton and haven’t seen Christina since – neither has my dad. Last month we met for the first time since it all happened. It was hard, but I hope we’ll eventually be as close as we used to be. I just want a chance to make up for the horrible thing I did.