Because I Needed Her
By Tannii

"Nii, I love you..." I sit and gently stroke her long brown hair softly and she doesn't even open her eyes. Jeez, she's so content lying here at the moment with her head on my lap. She always said that she could go to sleep on my lap for a couple of days and not wake up. God, she's so perfect when she's sleeping. Well, she's perfect all the time but there's something about her when she's sleeping that's adorable. She's my Tannii and she's smart, she's funny and she's beautiful and she'll be awake soon, which is great. It's not that I don't want her to get her sleep because I do and she's wonderful to watch but when she's awake there's someone to talk to and I won't be sitting here feeling as lonely as I am now. Plus, she's cute when she's asleep because of the way that her eyelids flicker as she dreams, the sound of her beating heart and the soothing way her chest rises and falls. 

Only, watching her now I am more than aware that I've been watching her for hours, or, well days it feels like and not once have I seen those eyelids flicker. Not once have I heard the sound of her gentle heartbeat and neither have I seen her chest rise and fall and I start to get worried. It still makes me sick to think of what I saw when I walked into the flat the other day, her perfect pretty face pressed against him. My so called best mate and bandmate. I'd noticed of course, that they acted overfly friendly towards each other, but I never expected it to happen, never expected her to go off with Charlie. That's why I got so angry, that's why I pushed him away. Turned my attention on her... that's why I... urgh. 

I have to move or I'll throw up on her, I shove my head down the toilet and let out of contents of my stomach, everything I've eaten for a couple of days and I turn, once again to look at her and God, she doesn't look so beautiful now, her usually pinkish lips shine blue, the dried blood on her shirt can be seen properly now, her tops completely soaked... she's not gonna wake up, I can tell now. I feel sick again, but I've got nothing left to bring up so I just resort to opening my tear ducts instead. I can't believe I killed my girlfriend. The one I offered my heart too. I can't believe I lost my temper with her as she told me, trying to be soothing, that she'd fallen for Charlie and they wanted my blessing so that they could be together. I can remember her scream as I plunged the scissors into her as far as they'd go near her heart, bursting an atery and dragged her in here so I could clean up. 

Then I remember him coming back into the flat. Calling out my name to see if I was here and then seeing the blood, he must have noticed I was in the bathroom. Then, I can hear the voices, Oh god. The battering on the door. The "Mr Bourne, open this door now." and the inevitable shoving the door in, the policeman stood there. 

I'm covered in Tannii's blood, her dead body lying at my feet - there is no way I can deny that I did it. They take one look at me, one of them curls his upper lip into a snarl. "James Bourne? You're under arrest. You have the right to remian silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law."

So, that's that then. I've lost her, I've lost my life and I've lost my career. I'm not going to get off this, there's too much evidence and she's not even here anymore so there's no point in denying it. There's no point in being anymore now that she's gone. I can't believe that I did that to her, all because I didn't want her to be without me. I can't believe I lost her because I needed her too much.