A Midnight Thought

Standard Disclaimers Apply, in other words I don't own the characters.

Written by:  Kimagure Angel

Comments and Criticisms are always welcome.  Flames will be returned in kind.

Spoilers Alert!

Aoshi-sama, why canít I get through to you?  Canít you see how much I love you?  I know youíre probably fed up with me always being around, but I canít stand  by and watch you shut yourself off from everyone who cares about you.  Youíve got to realize that not everything is your fault.

Even when I was a child, you buried you emotions within, not giving anyone a chance to see what you were truly like.  But even then, I could tell that underneath that ice cold exterior, there was a warm heart.  Thatís why Iíve always wanted to see you smile, to hear you laugh.  But youíve never let me get that close.

I know you feel guilty about Beshimi, Hyottoko, Shikijyou, and Hannya being killed trying to save you.  I also know that they would never want that.  You were their okashira, they respected you, thatís why they put themselves in the line of fire.  Donít ever think that anyone blames you for it, either.  Everyone here knows what the risks are and that any time any of us go out, some of us very well might now come back.

Oh, Aoshi-sama.  I wish youíd stop looking at me as the child you knew when you and the others left.  I wish youíd see me as the woman that I am.  It seems as though you are the only one who still sees me as a child.  And the age difference excuse wonít work on me.  Especially not after Iíve seen how happy Himura-san and Kaoru-san are together.

In a way, I wish you were more like Himura-san.  he was able to deal with his past, and, with Kaoru-sanís help, heís learned to live again instead of just running from life.  Which is what youíve been doing when you close yourself off from everyone.  And I hate it.

Iíve thought about just leaving you alone and giving up, but Iíve never worked up the courage to do so.  And now since Himura-san and Kaoru-san have gotten married, I have some hope.  I figure that if they can overcome everything thatís happened to them over the last three years and still be happy, we have a chance to do the same.  Thatís if youíll just let me get close to you.

Can you believe that Iíve even talked to Kaoru-san about us?  She told me that it reminded her of how Himura-san was in the beginning.  She told me that during the first year and a half he was staying at the dojo, he wouldnít let himself get close to her.  Sound familiar.  But her persistence paid off in the end.  Now, she and Himura-san are celebrating their first wedding anniversary and are expecting their first child in a few months.

Oh well, it looks as though Iíll have plenty of time to dream about what could be.  Just once though, I wish youíd let me through the walls youíve put up around your emotions.  Just once so I can see your smile and hear your laugh.

Itís late, and if I donít get some rest now, I wonít be able to get up in the morning and do my chores.  Good night, Aoshi-sama.  Who knows, maybe one day my wish will come true.

Author's Rantings:
Ok, ok, I know you're probably tired of hearing me go on about nothing but oh well.  As you've probably guessed, this is my third in the series of singles.  I wrote this not long after I started really appreciation the relationship between Aoshi and Misao.  They make such a cute couple, too bad Aoshi can't forgive himself like Kenshin did.

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