A Midnight Thought
Standard Disclaimers Apply, in other words I don't own the characters.

Written by:  Kimagure Angel  [email protected]

Comments and Criticisms are always welcome.  Flames will be returned in kind.

Spoilers Alert!

In my 31 years of existence, I never thought that I'd find a place that I could call home, until now.  So why am I trying to convince myself that I don't deserve it?  I know exactly why.  As a hitokiri, I took hundreds of lives without mercy.  In a way, I believe I actually enjoyed the killing.

Every time I look at Kaoru (yes, it's Kaoru now, no longer Kaoru-dono), I wonder why she ever decided to love me.  She could do so much better, but believe it or not, even knowing about my past and seeing me turn back into that monster I was, she still loves me.

It's hard to believe that we're celebrating our first wedding anniversary tomorrow.  I can barely believe that I had the nerve to ask her to marry me.  I must really thank Sano for that.  Actually, both him and Megumi.  They helped me realize that even with a past like mine, someone out there could love me.  Just thinking about that day when I almost lost the one person that I care most about, makes me even more thankful for the time we have together.

I still get mad at myself when I remember all the times I pulled away from Kaoru, my love.  Seeing the hurt in her eyes every time that happened was almost more than I could bear.  I had never wanted to make her unhappy, I just thought that if I acted disinterested, she'd start trying to find someone who was more worthy of her.  I just wish that I had realized sooner that even with my past, she loved me unconditionally.

The night I left home (yes, this is my home now, I finally admit that) to become the hitokiri once more was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.  She's the only one I felt a need to say goodbye to, my beautiful Kaoru.  I can still see her crying and begging me not to go and leave her alone.  It hurt so much, but it was something I had to do.  When I saw that she had came after me there in Kyoto, all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and tell her how much I loved her, and that I'd never leave her again.  I wanted to keep her there in my arms forever and make sure she was safe.  But that never happened.  Instead she saw a side of me which I had hoped she would never see, glowing amber eyes and all.

Now, I am finally happy.  Lying here with my love beside me is more than I could have ever hoped for a little over a year ago.  Never again will I let anything come between us.  Kami-sama, I love her so much that I don't know what I'd do without her.  She is my sanity and what holds me together.  And to think that she used to think she wasn't good enough for me.  She once told me--not long after we were married--that she used to compare herself to Tomoe (she was my first wife, and another story altogether).  She used to believe what Megumi had once told her--that she was an ignorant country girl.  While I will always hold Tomoe dear to my heart, Kaoru is the one that I love and will protect.  And when our child comes, it too will be put upon a pedestal like its mother.

Well, enough of this.  I'll take one last look at my beloved before I join her in sleep.  It seems that the only way I can sleep nowadays is with her in my arms, but I'm not complaining.

Authors rantings:
Okay, okay, I know this is really short, but I wrote it in about an hour and lets just say I wasn't quite awake yet.  Minna, let me know what you think, onegaishimasu (author bows in a futile attempt to humble herself).
This was my first compleated attempt at a Kenshin fic so I know there is room for improvement.
Finally, a special thank you to my editor Sword of Sedevale.  Without her, lets just say that the grammer would be a mess (not to mention the spelling and lots of other stuff).  ^_^x

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