I sure everyone remembers Dangermouse,
it was one of those telly shows that just seemed to come on automatically
after any show you happened to be watching on the ABC, but unlike most
of the others, Dangermouse was actually worth watching. Thus, i have deemed
it worthy for me to do a special on it. That is all. *s*
Danger
Mouse
There is no official profile
on D.M. there are one or two memos relating to his activities but even
these are written with invisible ink and, if they are ever typed up, it
is done by a blindfolded typist in a blacked-out dustbin who types on invisible
paper with a keyless typewriter. These records are difficult to come
by. His real name - any more than dangermouse is his real code name.
Dangermouse's father is thought to have been of noble birth, considerable
girth and little worth - though, as an amateur inventor, he is credited
with devising the Cheadle Hulme portable tennis elbow. On his mother's
side - and not many people were - his ancestors were all leaders of men
except for the Black Sheep of the Family who was a sanitary engineer and
the likely source of the famous legend of the Woolly Black Plumber of Ramsgate.
In the year of his birth his mother joined the ill-fated Cutt-Pryce Everest
Expedition. Apart from D.M.'s mama, the expedition included Mr. U.L.Tyde,
famous in his day for his Chippendale wooden leg. An it was on this expedition
that Dangermouse himself was born.
In September that year, young Dangermouse started at Eton after which he
went on to Cambridge, Oxford, Harvard, the Sorbonne and Würtembery
picking up his B.A., B.Sc., M.A., M.Sc., and Ph.D. He became a double
black belt in Judo, Tennis Champion of the World and was awarded his Firelighting
Badge. Then, in October, he was approached by a certain Colonel K. The
rest is common knowledge.
Penfold
Only son of Arthur Wigglesworth
Penfold and Bronwen Merionedd Ysptty Ystwyth Penfold (née O'Herlihy).
Place of birth:
Osbaldestone Bottoms, Lancashire. Moved to Plumstead, S.E. London, when
7 months old.
One of a long line
of family of HAMSTERUS COWARDISSIMUS TERRIFICATUS - recognisable by the
broad yellow strip down the centre of the back.
Distantly related
to the Dutch hamster who reported a burst dam when his garden spade hit
a water pipe. This caused a panic evacuation of the city - traffic ground
to a total standstill causing the original hamster jam.
Educated at short
notice and Whipsnade. Always of nervous disposition, took correspondence
course in `How to Overcome Fear' but failed to complete because too scared
to go out and post papers.
Nero
Nero (Greenbacks faithful pet)
comes from a long line of Champion Caterpillar at Tufts. The species, CREEPIO
NASTISSIMUS, is noted for its evil intelligence, its loyalty to criminal
geniuses and its cunning attempts to overthrow all that is good. At an
early age Nero sold his own moth-er to a butterfly farm. In 1979 a top
level inquiry was launched into the mysterious disappearance of valuable
roses from Colonel K`s garden in Chorleywood. All the evidence pointed
to the rosenap being the job of an eight-man gang. Traces of white hair
and mysterious semi-circular bite marks on the leave made Nero a prime
suspect. It was not until early 1981 that D.M. was able to penetrate Greenback`s
hideout by ingeniously allowing himself to be frozen into a block of blackcurrant-flavoured
ice. This is where the discovery was made that Nero, indeed, has 8 pairs
of feet.
Stiletto
Nasaccio Mafiosa Cornetto -
to give him his real name - was born in the little walled Italian town
of Semolina di Budino. "Rigoletto!" exclaimed his mother as the midwife
pressed him into her arms, “but he is - a beautiful!”, “ Look Juan!” (His
father was the famous Italian lawyer `Just` Juan Cornetto.) "Look! He has
the handsome black feathers of a crow and the mouth of a jackdaw!" It was
after this occasion when his farther subsequently threw him out the door
and he was pushed back in through the letter box by a couple of wolves
that Stiletto decided to devote his days to the devious double dealing
and disgrace of a desperado. Soon after these events, he was spotted by
one of Greenback`s scouts as he stole babies’ rattles in the Piazza di
San Marco and recruited into his organisation. Greenback realised, as soon
as Nasaccio signed on the bent dotted line, that he had a right-hand man
worthy of his evil. He was, as the Baron said, "One of the sharpest little
heels the world has ever seen - we shall call him Stiletto!"
Baron
Silas Greenback
If it is difficult to dig out
the facts on Dangermouse, it has proved downright dangerous to attempt
to learn anything about Baron Silas Greenback. What he is, is common
knowledge. At the mention of his name, tyrants tremble, strong men go pale
and hard-boiled eggs turn to jelly. But such is his power that no
computer holds a single fact on him or his origins. He pays no income tax
- who would dare collect it? He drives without a driving license, shoots
without a gun license and keeps a pet caterpillar without a pet caterpillar
license. Nevertheless, infinite pains (mostly other peoples) have been
taken to uncover the background to the Terrible Toad and what few documents
are available are attached. But no matter what this evil villain
attempts, he is always foil by the might of Dangermouse.
Secret
Headquarters
You might think that having
a secret agent`s H.Q. in a Mayfair pillar-box would have considerable disadvantages
- like being buried in football pool coupons every Friday night and finding
that half the wall was swinging open three times a day. This pillar-box,
though is different. You see, the slot opens into a large pipe which in
turn leads to a temporary storage chamber below ground level. At regular
intervals, the stored letters are sucked out and travel along a communicating
pipe until they come to rest in a matching pillar-box in Willesden Green.
Far from being cluttered with letters and postcards D.M.`s home is fitted
out with all that the World`s Greatest Secret Agent might need.
Extensive
Reference Library: Where D.M. keeps detailed maps, criminal
records and dictionaries of the world`s arrest languages such as Turbo-Stoat,
Rirweeli and Barnsleyite. [Because of the H.Q.`s circular shape, there
was considerable difficulty in fitting the bookshelves to the wall. this
problem was overcome by using planks made from the wood of the banana tree.]
D.M.`s
Wardrobe/Changing Room: He has 730 identical white suits and
730 black eye-patches which allow for a complete change of clothing every
morning and evening. They are made from a unique synthetic fibre specially
developed by D.M. from his No. 3 chemistry set. This Trihexybutylchloro-mentholhydro-
oxylmolybelenomdicotyledonous-pollybide is water-proof, thorn-proof, heat-proof,
cold-proof, moth-proof, wear-proof, dirt-proof and bullet-proof.
Penfold`s
Bedroom:The only bedroom. that is because our hero never sleeps.
Penfold, on the other hand, is only properly awake when he is scared. His
cot has closely spaced bars to prevent the bogey-man
from nibbling his tootsies
in the night.
Detachable
Escape Module: For use in he event of flood, fire or earthquake.
In flight it looks remarkably like the science-fiction writers` idea of
a flying-saucer. Early testing of the device over Wharbridge generated
many reports of UFOs on which of course, the government could not comment.
Main
Living Room: Simply decorated, it has a semi-circular couch
so that people can sit around, and set into the wall is the Mark III Fishuki
Videophone.
Central
Lift Mechanism: Any alarm call sts it in a state of readiness.
After that it needs only the weight of D.m. leaping onto the couch to activate
the high-speed hydraulic mechanism which drops the passengers at 347 grams
per square yard into the garage areas. The rapidly descending weight compresses
the shock absorbing fluid into the central column and at 1.37 STTD (seconds
to touch down) this pressure is used to power a hydraulic starter motor
on D.M.s car. At 0.92 STTD the couch reaches the base of the column and
a hinge mechanism flips the seating forward thus propelling our heroes
into their appropriate seats in the car.
The
Car
The Mark III car is a masterpiece
of automouseic engineering. Watching it turn right-angle corners at high
speed, it is clear that its road-holding is of superb quality. It is a
very advanced vehicle with some useful features that were not built into
the Mark I or II models.
High-Powered
Suction Device: This is built into the front bumper. It collects
any broken glass or tin-tacks scattered on the road by enemy agents and
blasts them out at 45° from the rear of the car.
Telescopically
Extending Wings: Stored in the sides of the car, they can be
activated by the touch of a button on Dangermouse`s wrist-mounted controller.
Exhaust
Duct Angle Control Unit: Inter-connected with the wing-deployment
mechanism. As the wings extend, the exhaust duct angle decreases first
to the optimum for climb and then acts as a rudder for both right/left
and up/down maneuvers.
On-Board
Videophone: Enables the team to communicate directly with Colonel
K at Headquarters.
See-Through
Canopy: 3.73% of the airflow through the ducting system is diverted
so as to provide a high-speed and impenetrable air-flow which exits from
the rear of the bonnet and acts as a see-through canopy for driver and
passenger.
Hydraulically
Operated Suspension: This has one or two unusual features -
for instance, through a uniquely maneuverable hinged and extensible ram
the wheels can be placed in any place - enabling the car to be driven up
walls, trees, across ceilings (or Sealinks) as well as down walls, trees
and back across ceilings (or Sea Lynx) What`s more, the ram extends
to 120 foot thus allowing the driver to get a good view over the vehicles
in front should there be a diplodocus jam.
Extending
Loud-Speaker Mechanism: For addressing dangerous criminals who
have been surrounded by Dangermouse, terrifying advancing enemy hordes
with tapes of Colonel K playing the trombone or, in Penfold`s case, shouting
for help.
