-foobar104, on Slashdot.org
"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'"
-Dave Barry
"I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. but I know that secretly, they're watching my every move and plotting to beat me over the head with a large steel pipe and take my shoe."
-Jack Handy
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
-George Carlin
"Jesus died to forgive our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?"
-Jules Feiffer
"Sure, your guilt might force you to vote Democrat, but secretly deep down inside you long for the Republicans to lower your taxes, ignore the poor, brutalize prisoners, dictate what goes on in your bedrooms and rule you with an iron fist."
-Sideshow Bob
"Sanity is a one trick pony -- all you have is rational thought. But when you're good and loony, the sky's the limit!"
-The Tick
"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."
-John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy 1981-1987
"What I'm against is quotas. I'm against hard quotas, quotas that basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society."
-George W. Bush
"Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done."
-Jack Handey
"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-Dan Quayle
"You can�t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."
-Frank Zappa
"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
-Mark Twain
"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
-Dan Quayle
