March 24, 2004; 11:10pm, winsome Wednesday
_I don't wanna know, baby. It hurts me too much... it's just another night of these thoughts. An unbearable mix of these nightmares I'm living with... I can't get it out of my head. "I feel it when I hold you... when looking into your eyes I cant believe. I don't need to know the truth... baby, I don't wanna know. If you're playing me, keep it on the low, cuz my heart can't take it anymore..." I Don't Wanna Know by Mario Winans & P Diddy. I can so sympathize with that man there... that song is a smashing hit right off the block. but what's goin on, Mario? it's so bad that u don't wanna deal with it anymore?... dammmmmmm... it's is so tragic... ANNIE YOU FORGOT THE PINKIESWEAR TODAY!!! OH NOS... drat. what the fooze is we thinkins? theres OH SO MANY methods i could use to improve my friendships with certain everybody's. she was there from all day today!!!!!! and I STILL manage to mess myself up. we sorta played hide and seek a bit, then i contemplated that she should stop... she was scaring the HEAVEN out of me. Henry, Henry! geez why does she do that?! not being offensive, but... darn. it seems that everyone feeds off my energy. im a contradictory person, highly contradictory in softspoken ways. when im not in some real thing, im quiet as a sonnet. and yet when im really up and about and THERE, my presumptual presence is felt everywhere. my neverending endless energy flows thru everyone, and most of the time thats why some peopel are absent at certain places. Its deja vu i swear! its so strange. i fuel my whatever family i have left, whatever friends i have. maybe thats why im an Aries. sigh... people have got to have more energy into what they do. im never going to be around forever, the best you can all do is carry on my supreme energy. in fact, i have such held back energy that i must be conservative to not unleash wildfire. not trying to be hyphee anymore... dangit. my grades arent as great as i thought. being a man of God isn't enuf, u know. argh. theres alotta chances... but im a ridiculous bunglar, i know... i know. but i dont wanna know anymore, like the music vid im watching now. its so mellow i feel like crying. "Why are you crying?"; "Because everyone feels like crying sometimes." there isnt truly rehearsal for me tomorrow... BUT ill go anyways. I want to appease myself and a certain someone. Or someone(S) plural... ive gotta figure out some stuff before i resort to evil plans. i dont wanto be demonic. i suppress it all... Charles suppresses his deliberately shady intentions all the time. charles feels his lids getting a bit heavy. i have only so many chances. opportunities. ive ruined TOO damn many before, and i swear... aaaafter that pinkieswear tomorrow. that i will TRY BETTER NOT to fear them, for i am the REVEREND HENRTY T DOBSON. charles, u know what im talking about. dont feign... charles has a general dislike for people, especially crowds. charles feels bad. he is sorry, a miserable fellow at wrong times. economy worldwide is bad too... everyone seems to become meaner and meaner. "For the wretched of the earth, there is a flame that NEVER EVER dies!" i so believe in that! ~,~ ^_^ peace is the flame that will stop whatever wretched there is, and believe me, theres a whole lotta evilness worldwide. its time for dear henry t dobson to go. shower up to cleanse dirty spirits!! hmmm... that egotistical reverend is getting catchy. so is being a sailor. `,`_
March 25, 2004; 11:10pm, terrifically topsy turvy Thursday
_mmm... for some wrongful reason i actually feel nice. a bit fuzzy, one can say! ~,~ ooookay, Charles is a little high... but maybe it's because i had too much activity today. Vine is a punk, but deep down past his extremely rough exterior, he's a cool guy, a bit mashed brains but he's alright deep down. he was making a valuable pal of mine uncomfortable and i swear- i was gonna take it outside literally. of course, he listened and stopped. i was drenched in the rain!!! suddenly it flooded like there was no more room for the dead in hell at around 3pm!!! hash browns!!! ugghhhhh...... horrible. i felt sickened a bit weakened even... but my friends support rallied and boosted my power. Damn. it was waaaay too silly of a day even a bit for me! a tad of a pole, as the english would say! im trying to get some alone time in the restroom washing up and some people burst in on me, goofing off. dang, what is people smoking. leggo my eggo! geezus. what is wrong. nothing really, but we tested today in choir again. on Honor And Glory. it was like the worst test of my SL choir career to this point. charles was so confuzzled. son of a NAZI!!! found out i got some pretty decent grades and can still raise math to a better level!!! YESSS!!!! so happy.... until tomorrow i finally get a bad grade contrary to my supreme faith and suddenly im feeling grumpy again. moody. bloody period..... yikes, dont spew that out! some things people say get stuck in my head all day sometimes, for all life even... scary. im keeping that starburst wrapper red heart she gave me. she kept wanting me not to crumple the wrappers up so she could make a heart when all the while i conceived her making other things like a boat or ship or plane. Sigh. i dont listen well to fears. oh nos. i ate food which two other people ate from. a girl and a boy, both hungry, rumamged thru my food. i was pretty reluctant but im a peaceful, respectful guy, so i lett them!! charles u r a bad boy, again! ok im contumacious and violent at the worse times but still. I have a stomach of steel and even tho im dastardly hygienic, ill participate in some things. what sorta blew my top off was that i was the only one capable of calling the custodian to open the gym doors today. everyone else-arent u proactive?! hmmm charles is sick and tired of being the energetic, spiritual, active person. when im on the bench i dont seem like anything but when im into it, i am INTO it. holy devil. charles says too much and wonders if he still has to do bad book report for the hp english3 class, mis duffey. i hinted that Weber had a bday a week from now, but he had like no clue. whats up with that? Dan, i feel sorry for u. alot. Charles wants to fix that. charles will give it a try. hopefully. awkwardly. as always. aw crapps the Sacramento Kings, my fave NBA and basketball team, lost by at least 20 to Lakers yesterday. Bad loos, bad, very bad. they gave up on themselves, especially in defense! jeez! very annoying! and they're next 6 games are gonna be filled with backbreaking teams ready for anything. SAC, u must endure. "Sleep is golden. Remember that." ~Frank. I will, forgotten buddy, Frank. I promise I will._
March 26, 2004; 6:55pm, f'd up Friday
_dont ask me that. in fact, dont even ponder about wondering about that. the issue that im snobby, rich, full of myself, egotistical, thinking im better than everyone else, and unbeliveably mean! ayyyyyyaaaaaa no no no im not like the FRENCH! (smile) even tho i am 1/3 their blood... the race of love. charles feels a bit tingly. ^-^ this song You And I Both by Jason Mraz is so loving. Download it, i recommend strongly! it is a must! for i know music, and love it. it's odd everyone talks about Miss You by Blink 182. That song is really sensual and nerve torturing. its sad and tells a story. its a great song. also i was speaking about I Don't Wanna Know song, and when i was going home 106.1 was playing it! awkward. Charles is thinking this is another one of his endless deja vus. so many coincidences. when i was walking home on the sidewalk, this pair of girls walked out to give hi fives to everyone who walked by. what the booze? are they high on dope? what shizzos is they in fer rizzles?! the last time i saw Dallas Mavericks was around Halftime, and they were losing by 4!!! a mere 4 points. gees bohegus! there goes that SLAM DUNK!!! holy bald lady and russian communists! dang!!! Dwyane Wade of the Miami Heat--> he's around 6'4" and just dunked that ball in like no other! i havent seen a dunk that spectacular since i was never born! `.` NBA is constantly filled with surprises. i so 0love this game. so much. charles is content that he has better grades this term season and is so glad that hes in March madness. things are a bit f'd up (i dont mean to cuss really) as people are having their problems. how come I dont have finals everyone else does at this point of the year. Prrraiiise the Lord!!! (nod nod) i hope everyone else is doing well in one way or the other. i think im going to cruise thru some shops and centers tomorrow. growing pains thats why. i need some new outfits even tho charles is an individual of plain quality on appearance, has non gelled hair, doesnt even have a belt! (shhh...) doesnt even wear ice like Jacobs on wrists and chains around necks! i tried doing all that "mature" look before, but i feel more comfortable and waaay better when i dont have to "act adult". im a plain, casual, relaxed guy who cares a lot more about hair and shoes than the middle parts or appearance. just to let u know. LOL i cant stop laughing!!!.... almost got tears. in this movie some dude said, "gaw gwy nay!" very loud to the woman he loved! hilarious! these silly things concerning love i like to see. i just adore watching and feeling the presence of others in strong bonds and relationships. the test in HP advanced algebra wasnt so bad after all. mis green was nice because she was going to give me a banana because i normally dont eat lunch often anymore. its such a hassle. and i dont wanto gain extra weight... -___-. i try to exercise, but not enuf. time managament, charles! The Black Jack java game Rick Styner assigned about a month ago(!) is still not fully finished. me and this other guy named Willie dont have completely funtional programs. but once we finish and integrate all the sub routinues into one real, suave game, it'll be like the real thing! it sounds so fun!!!!!!! =- ) it'll be like professional Black Jack where one can Double Down, bet money, have insurance, the dealer actually has personality, there are cheats, soft 17s, advice, etc. its been going (a bit too) peaceful for me today. room 446 at the rightmost corner of San Leandro High School was once a government and economics class. what happened to it? i wonder oh i wonder... it's now taught by the infamously difficult Miz Ruszel... scary. english class. hreh, i actually know some people in there. fulla sophomores. 10th graders... pshhh.
;- P one major thing that creeps myself is that is my voice really like recorded versions?! when u listen to a recorded tape of my voice, does it sound like RL voice of me? everyone and me admits it doesnt really sound same. good! becuz my recorded voice sounds muchhhhh worse, like mud stuffing my sinuses up. it takes a lot to clear my voice.
i think im going to the box office this weekend to view The LadyKillers and Dawn Of The Dead and even Secret Window. heard they're all good in some way(s). yesterday Jacob told me some bad, sick things about Dragon Express asian food- it's filthy. he once saw ants crawling on the countertop near the food, and chef there definitely is spoooooooky. why dont u tell me earlierrrr jacoby? im never eating there again! Lauren's bday today, i had her in hp english2 last year mis Dolder this year i have her for HP English3 with Miz Duffey. Shes got a good smile on her and cute in a way. -_-BOO! TEE! LISH! ESS! BOOTYLICIOUS!!! _
March 27, 2004; 10:50am, satisfactory Saturday
_"I can chaaange the world... i would be the sunlight in the universe... baby, if i could, chaaaange the world." Change The World by Eric Clapton. He's a soulful singer, quite spiritual. download it; its an astonishing song!!! GOOD MORNING TO ALL i just woke up 50 minutes ago. slept from midnight to 10am. a lovely, refreshing sleepy sleep it was! i hope to all of you reading this u take note on sleeping, its not a waste of time, its an incomparable relaxation!!!. blah these "stylish, elegant, formal clothes" are just ridiculous. im not preppy and a square like my parents! ^+^ in fact im quite the opposite, bloody hell. they're playing I'm Still In Love W/ You by Sean Paul & Sasha on KMEL. such a sweet song, sad tho. today at rehearsal 1pm-5pm there is mandatory dress. darnit. i dont really think i look all that great if at all in black silk pants and white collar shirt. i might need a belt... =- [ hopefully rest of day is relaxing and fun! cheeri-os to u all!
11:45am; there really isnt any dress for today's rehearsal! dear god im so surprised. found out from a frend, she better be riiight!... mmm pineapple pizza. yummy. was eating raisins and now im going to change into street clothes again. hash browns. "Love knows no bounds." I only have moderate belief in that. hmm. tragic in a way. but blissful in the other! ahhh i need some Altoids, the curiously strongest breath freshener in the world! i need to restock asap!
8:15pm; Mel Gibson is one of the best actors ever! ive watched this man in a thousand movies and hes tremendous. he has just phenomenal effort in his acting. Dammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!! What Women Want i just saw it. it was a romance movie and was so so heartfelt. it was about a guy named Nick played by Mel Gibson. he got a freak accident and could suddenly mind read female's minds!!! there was this gal named Lola in the movie, and she had life altering sex with him, and for some peculiarity Nick dint go back to her; that stud! she waited for hours for him outside his workplace and finally she confronted him and scolded him for taking off like that. Nick was in awe until he read her thoughts.
March 28, 2004; Noon, satiric Sunday
_Morning. Afternoon. Whatever greeting you want me to choose or I'll let you choose yourself. wow i actually completed a few lines of sentence structure correctly at first in my journal! thats prob what the bastards who call themselves my parents would say. those fucking turds. those FUCKING SQUARES. they're the most squarish, preppy fuck heads ive ever met. including some other fools. damn them. they want everything perfect, everything exquisite, ooh la la and all that. most people would agree with me on the topic that asian parents are THE worst kind. HELLA frickin dull, harsh, boring, strict, dutiful. overtly serious in unneccesary situations. GODFUCK THEM!
the nigga who calls himself my shithole father scolded me full force this morning right before i opened my eyes. he was saying that im a loafer. THAT FAG, that maggot, hes the loafer! look at his van. it like garbage and shit in there, full of old papers, grease, and other fcked up whatever. damm. and dont forget the female counterpart. that bitch started capping on all sortsa things. sure, i dont have a job... i dont have a car... but comon, look at it in practicality, fools. if i had a job, i wouldnt support their asses anyways. ive got a whole trashload of past problems and stress with them. family. what does that mean to you. to me, its like nothing. cept for two close exceptions. elder sister, younger brother. and even with them- my sister i can only see basically 2x a year, shes in LA, whoo!!! my brother, i fear him and hate him even tho i love him. dang. damnit. what does family mean to u? i dont got a car, but thats for surefire safety reasons! believe me, i dont sit in backseats for a bad reason. other than the fact that i stink at driving, i drive harshly. its simply so much more comfortable to be in the passenger sides. plus im not a responsible guy! i dont wanto take blame for some idiotic car situation! im waiting till i AM ready. by then hopefully ill be outta this candy ass neighborhood. or in a better candy ass place. Peace, homies. forgive my rude awakenings.
5:35pm; Pasie, what u think i be doing. im not some hater, but i HATE, absolutely HATE those shitless assholes calling themselves parents. when you all become parents one day, hopefully youll be decent ones. the weather's warmed up considerably compared to Thursday to Saturday. It's a pleasant expectation to see my wondrous friend, Nameless again. he's goofy as me, but nice. nice people. dramatic._
March 29, 2004; 3:10pm, Marchy March Monday
_(laughs sinisterly) ahahahahahahahahahaha!!! (turns on a solemn face) March is about to end. well as all things may. darnit. darn, goodbye march. month of multiple occurrences. as the saying goes, all good things will end indefinitely. my anger streak ended, so no worries! "dont worry", as my sister used to comfort. damn. i need a belt! ^-^ funny im gonna buy a belt at some weak store soon. my pants sag 2 much. hreheh... about time i got a waist constrictor. =- \ . =- ]... drats. figures that i cant get a belt. none of them suit me. i alredy went to the stores. SAT II. dreadful. im gonna take the writing part of the test. it'll best suit me. *winces in pain* .... ugh the wisdom teeth. my wisdom teeth began sprouting in full force since January. no wonder people said its painful. god dangit. the bottom ones are growing now. jeeeeeeezzzzzzz!!!!!!!! (wraps fingers around head) oooooouuuuuuuchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_
March 30, 2004; 2pm, twerky Tuesday
_what the waffles with no syrup man!? i got library service today after school till 5pm. and then rehearsal again 6pm-9pm. alotta rehearsal time starting next month and in the past few days as well. getting scary. sorta. Allen finally got me 2 CDs with the music i requested. thanks very much. much deserved thanks, thank you thank you. too bad hes senior and hes going away this year. its odd u know. right now its 4th period ADV COMP SCI and theres all guys in here. including me, 11. and we're supposedly the most elite machinery task force of San Leandro youth? bet again. a sub in here, misses styner. well anyyyway im gonna take a snooze and rest a bit. i wanna go sleepy sleep. and nap on something soft. lovely to smell and charmed to touch. something lovely. Delovely._
March 31, 2004; 3:30pm, wacky Wednesday
_unbelieveable. im gonna bash Alvin, this loud mouth bastard, into grain i swear if he does anything else major... i wont even contemplate the severe consequences. watch out. the beast is on the lookout. Alex Bunte, an 11th grader, is an odd person. He said, "life isn't fair." during a strange conversation in class. i agreed silently as there was a moment of 1 second silence after he said that. awkward. other than that... something's bothering me. again. it eats at my soul; its something i must live with everyday. Rosie and Annie... dammit!!! WHY IN HENRY T DOBSON'S NAME did they BOTH SAY "I LOVE YOU" to me?! im so close to tears and nearly went totally berserk at rehearsal when they said that yesterday night. nobody's said that for real in such a long time for 4 tormenting years. sheesh (regains composure). well as touching as it is, there's always the wretched on the earth. Don't worry, the flame will never die. Does fuzzy logic tickle? im ticklish as hell! rehearsal today!_