clean jokes week 3

Clean Jokes week 3 A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"
The Manager replied, "Which one? We have "Barbie goes to the gym" for $19.95, "Barbie goes to the Ball" for $19.95, Barbie goes shopping for $19.95, "Barbie goes to the beach" for $19.95, "Barbie goes to the Night club" for $19.95 and "Divorced Barbie" for $375.00"
"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are 19.95? Dad asked surprised. The Manager replied: "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea,so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the hell is a pinata?

"The Honest Wife"

A man who was driving a car with his wife was stopped by a police officer.
The following exchange took place.
The man says, "What's the problem, officer?"
Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 65."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gave his wife a dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken taillight. "
Man: "Broken taillight? I didn't know about a broken taillight!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that taillight for weeks." (The man gave his wife another dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
The man turned to his wife and yelled, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
The officer turned to the woman and asked, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this
way all the time?"
The wife said, "No, only when he's drunk."

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a hotel
in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review.....

*********
Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service"

RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"

RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"

RS:"San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"

RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes 'means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes,an English muffin
will be fine."

RS: "We bother?"
G: "No..just put the bother on the side."

RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"

RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem,tossy singlish
mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"

RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
G : "You're welcome"

Two babies were sat in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little
girl or a little boy?"

"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby.

"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.

"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling. "I'll climb into your crib and find out."

He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly disappeared
beneath the blankets. After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.
"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly.

"You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell?"

"It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy, "you've got pink booties and I've got blue
ones."

Subject: Kermit's Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that
the teller's name is Patricia Whack.
So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow?
The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is
Kermit Jagger; his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to
secure some collateral against the loan.
She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about
half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears
into a back office. She finds the manager and says: "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger
out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use
this as collateral." She held up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
(Are you ready?)

The bank manager looks back at her and says:
"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

A father asks his son, now aged 10, if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears.
Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong.
"Oh dad," he sobbed, "at age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the
'there's no Easter bunny' speech.
Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me
now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for!"

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