First the English Phrase, and then the Chinese
Interpretation:
He's cleaning his automobile.
Wa Shing Ka.
This is a tow away zone.
No Pah King.
Is there a fugitive here?
Hu Yu Hai Ding?
Small Horse.
Tai Ni Po Ni.
Your price is too high!
No Bai Nut Ding!
Did you go to the beach?
Wai Yu So Tan?
It's very dark in here.
Wai So Dim?
I bumped into a coffee table.
Ai Bang Mai Ni.
I thought you were on a diet?
Wai Yu Mun Ching?
you really stink.
Yu Stin Ki Pu.
They have arrived.
Hia Dei Kum.
You know lyrics to the Macarena?
Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
I got this for free.
Ai No Pei.
A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving him the evening off to do as he pleased since they would be out until quite late. The couple went to a ball and dinner.
After an hour and a half, the wife told her husband that she was horrible bored and that she preferred to go home and finish some work for the next day. The husband responded that he had to stay for a few more hours to meet some very important people who were his new business partners. So the wife went home alone and found the butler spread out on the couch watching TV.
She slowly moved towards him and sat down very seductively.
She then told him to come closer. then, even closer. She moved forward
and whispered in his ear "Take off my dress..." "Now take off my
bra." "Next remove my shoes and stockings." "Now remove my garter belt
and panties." She then looked deep into his eyes and in a sharp voice shouted,
"The next time I catch you wearing my clothes, you're fired."
Thanks Angela
An American is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Canadian man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The American ignores the Canadian who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:
Canadian: "You American folk eat the whole bread? " American (in a bad
mood):
"Of course."
Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Canada, we only
eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform
them into croissants and sell them to the States."
The Canadian has a smirk on his face. The American listens in silence.
The Canadian persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread?"
American: "Of Course."
Canadian: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't.
In Canada we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels,
seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them into jam and sell the
jam to the States."
The American then asks: "Do you have sex in Canada?"
"Why of course we do", the Canadian says with a big smirk.
American: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Canadian: "We throw them away, of course."
American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle
them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Canada."
Thanks Angela
Finally a Barbie I can relate to! At long last, here are some
NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging
gracefully.
These are a bit more realistic...
1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens
fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames
too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart
Living.
2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her
face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration
appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her
whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers
and magnifying mirror.
4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too-muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.
5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and
lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from
Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is
really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high
school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in
robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit
punch.
8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs
a change, and Alonzo(her personal trainer) is
just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in
her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. includes
a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."
9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house,
Ken's car, and Ken's boat, Kens’s clothes, no Ken.
10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with
the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve
Steps instead of dance steps.Clean and sober, she's going to meetings
religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of
Diet Coke.
11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she
sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and
tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the
channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex.
As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner
Self" is included.
This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas
website, by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company,
of course, does not have a sense of humor, and made the web department
take
it down immediately (make sure you read the disclaimer).
-------------------------------------------------------
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.
In order to protect your new investment; please take a few moments
to fill out the warranty registration card below.
Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information
will help us to develop new products that best
meet your needs and desires.
1. [_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other
First Name:...................................... Initial: ........Last
Name: .............................................
Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
Code Name:.............................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ......................
2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):
....../....... /......
4. Serial Number:
...............................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell
Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three- (3) factors that most
influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas
product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Panama
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
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[_] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or
intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
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[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
Indicate all that apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Nice Person
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Work At Post Office
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our War Not Peace Sweepstakes!
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This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named
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any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized
(either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social
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Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context
somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or no
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of this email, although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time,
let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown
will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by
reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.
However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your
computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you
have received this email in error, please don't read it again. Thanks Dawn
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue.
5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
6. I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky,
and I
thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
8. My reality check bounced.
9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
10.I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
11.You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
12.Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
13.Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
14.Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
15.A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
16.Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
17.After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
18.The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
19.You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
20.Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
21.If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
22.When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
Thanks Dawn
