OK.....Now we'll see how good you would be as detectives. Pay attention
to the clues along the way. No cheating. Don't look ahead.

This story concerns an elderly gent, two elderly ladies, a large bottle of Jack Daniel's (Black Label), and a baseball game.  Our three protagonists went to their first Mariners game; something that was an occasion of great excitement to them. To add to the excitement, they smuggled a bottle of booze into the game, and started immediately to enhance the soft drinks they bought.

It was a good game. There was a lot of action on the field and a lot of action in the stands. The elderly gent graciously gave himself double shots and the ladies, singles. All too soon, long before the game was over, he had dozed off and the bottle was nearly empty.

By now, I have given you enough information to be able to tell us how
far along we are in the game, and what the status of the game is. i.e.. Inning & how many runners on base?

Have you figured it out yet?
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It's the bottom of the fifth, one out, and the bags are loaded.

Thanks Talley

1. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.

2. You can't feed that to the dog.

3. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

4. Trim the fat off that steak.

5. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

6. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

7. Duct tape won't fix that.

8. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

9. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

10. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin'.

How many of these can you get correct? Don't step too far down into the
 gutter to answer these!
 
 1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to  swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?
 
 2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man  always has me first. What am I?
 
 3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?
 
 4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard What am I?
 
 5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men  and women go down on me. What am I?
 
 6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me you  feel good. What am I?
 
 7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I  come, it's news. What am I?
 
 8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to  get me off. What am I?
 
 9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?
 
 10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?
 
 
 ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
 
 Answers:
 1. a dentist
 2. a wedding ring
 3. peanut butter
 4. chewing gum
 5. an elevator
 6. a nose
 7. a newspaper boy
 8. a glove
 9. a crane
 10. a toothbrush, of course!

Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point. Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable. Women come in all sizes, in all colors, and shapes. They live in homes,
apartments, and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the
same to people you come in contact with.

MEN

Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and fixing shit.