Adult jokes Week 13

SPRING OF 1957: It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in."Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says. Bobby says "cool" Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father responds "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says "Whaaaat?" "Yeah," says Peggy Sue's father, "Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!" Bobby's eyes light up and smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening.A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirtwith her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while dad is saying "Have a good evening kids," with a wink for Bobby. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: "DAMMIT DADDY! THE TWIST!!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?" The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart. Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?" The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"

How could I ever repay you?
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before!
All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

   I woke early one morning,
   The earth lay cool and still
   When suddenly a tiny bird
   Perched on my window sill,
   He sang a song so lovely
   So carefree and so gay,
   That slowly all my troubles
   Began to slip away.
   He sang of far off places
   Of laughter and of fun,
   It seemed his very trilling,
   brought up the morning sun.
   I stirred beneath the covers
   Crept slowly out of bed,
   Then gently shut the window
   And crushed his fucking head.
   I'm not a morning person.

This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods
and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop."

So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them,
"I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like a great desert camel."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't
need them, being the sex God he was.

The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Pakistani man replied,"Just try dem
on,Saiheeb."

Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on.

As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years . . .
raw, sexual power.

In a blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Pakistani man, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, and
ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Pakistani's thighs.

The Pakistani then began screaming.......
"YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!"

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. After the initial embarrassment and uneasiness, they both go to sleep. The man in the upper berth, and the woman in the lower berth. In the middle of the night the man leans over,wakes the woman and says, "I'm sorry to bother you,but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and get me another blanket?"
The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye says,"I have a better idea, just for tonight let's pretend that we are married."
The man happily says, "OK. AWESOME!"
The woman says "GOOD..... Get your own fucking blanket."

The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the Church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.
"Nothing much, Pastor," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life."
"Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex."
In unison they all replied, "You win!"

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