Adult jokes Week 12 word
A young fireman placed a ladder against the bedroom window of a burning
house and rushed up. Inside was a curvy brunette in a see- through nightie.
"Aha," said he, "you're the second pregnant girl I've rescued this year!"
"But I'm not pregnant," the brunette indignantly exclaimed.
"You're not rescued yet either."
Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
Are you ready for this??????
This is good........
A: 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, 1 beaver, an unknown number of
hares, and a fish no one can find.
Thanks John
One day Little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could
buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Little Johnny's
father said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and
you want me to buy you a bicycle??? Wait until Christmas!"
Christmas came around, and Little Johnny asked again. The father said,
"Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry kiddo.
Ask me again some other time."
Well, about 2 days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house
with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father felt
sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.
Little Johnny said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I
heard you say that you were 'pulling out,' and mommy said that 'you
should wait because she was coming, too....'
"And I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna get stuck with your $80,000 mortgage!"
Thanks Dawn
At last a MALE BLONDE JOKE ...
Three businessmen were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how
stupid their wives were:
The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went
to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale,
and we don't even have a fridge big enough to Keep it in."
The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is
thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car,"
he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"
The third, a blonde male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women
sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every
branch.
However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me
every time I think of it," he chuckles. "My wife left to go on a trip to
Greece.
I watched her packing her bags and she must have put about 100 condoms
in there. She doesn't even have a penis!
This was in the Calgary Sun ... the title of the article was "Best
Comeback Line Ever."
In summary, the police arrested Ward Branham, a 22-year-old white male,
resident of Lethbridge, Alberta, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.
Ward will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency,
and public intoxication at the Calgary courthouse on Monday.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided
to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was
no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't, " he stated
in a phone interview. Ward went on to say that he pulled over to the side
of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes,
cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess
I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident emarrassment.
In the process, Ward apparently failed to notice a police car approaching
and was unaware
of his audience until officer Brin Taylor approached him.
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor.
"I walked up to (Ward) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin. "Taylor
went on to describe what happened when she approached Ward. "I just went
up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize
that you are screwing a pumpkin?"
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then
looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin?
Damn...is it midnight already?"
GOLF
A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate
their marriage when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession
to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues. "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods"
"Tiger Woods the golfer?"
"Yeah"
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that."
Then they make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets
up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" the wife asks. The husband replies "I'm hungry,
I was going to call room service and get something to eat.
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah, what would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a
second time. When they are finished, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
"Now what are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service
to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah, what would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it again"
The guy slams the phone down, goes back to bed and makes love one more
time.
When they are finished he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to
the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what's the par for this
hole".
A woman, getting married for the fourth time, goes to a bridal shop
and asks for a white dress. "You can't wear white." Reminds the sales clerk,
"You've been married three times already."
"Of course I can, I'm a virgin," says the bride.
"Impossible," says the sales clerk.
"Unfortunately not," the bride explained;
"My first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk
about it. My second husband was a gynecologist, all he wanted to do was
look at it. My third husband was a stamp collector. God, I miss him."
