ADULT JOKES Week 5
In pharmacology all drugs have generic names.
Tylenol is Acetaminophen, Advil is Ibuprofen, and
so on. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra and
announced today that they have settled on Mycoxafailin. Other names
considered were: Mycoxafloppin, Mydixadrupin, Mycoxnoworkin, and
Mydixarizen.
Thank you Angela.
The Condom
Miss Bea was in her eighties, and much admired for her
sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her
one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her
Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a
little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed
a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water
floated, of all things a condom.
Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss
Bea had flipped her lid or something...! But he certainly couldn't
mention the strange sight in her parlor.
When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The
pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water
and it's strange floater, but soon it got the better of him,
and he could resist no longer.
"Miss Bea" he said "I wonder if you would tell me about
this" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh yes" she replied "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last
fall and I found this little package. The directions said to put
it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease.
And you know...I haven't had a cold all winter."
Thanks Dawn
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend,who is ahead by
a couple of strokes.
The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next
putt."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth
of your sex life?"
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be
meaningless, but also that perhaps this is a good omen, so he says, "Okay,"
and sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get
an eagle on this hole."
The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth
another fourth of your sex
life?"
The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure."
He makes an eagle.
On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win.
Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says,
"Would you be willing to give
up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"
The golfer says, "Certainly!" He makes the eagle.
As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside
and says, "You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't
know who I am.
I'm the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life."
"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."
Thanks Donna
The Magic of Toilet Paper
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her
a full-length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands
in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.
One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of
the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.
Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece
of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper,
and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.
"How long will this take?" she asks.
"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
The wife stops and asks, "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet
paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"
The husband shrugs, "Why not, it worked for your butt, didn't it?"
The husband lived, and with therapy, might even walk again.
Thanks Dawn
A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how
to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to
return home.
He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was
how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree." The missionary
is pleased with the response.
They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says,
"This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when
he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a
couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered
and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and
kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has
spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other,
so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "My bike."
Thanks Dawn
Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first
tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking and bragging about their sons.
The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he
is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free."
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns
a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new
Mercedes, fully loaded."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a
stockbroker, and he's doing so well that he gave his friend a stock portfolio."
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking
care of business. The first man mentioned, "We are just talking about our
sons. How is yours doing?"
The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and dances in a gay
bar."
The other three men grew silent as he continued. "I'm not totally
thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing good. His last three
boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio."
Thanks Dawn
This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan.
They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and
such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a
gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You foreigners! Come in.
Come into my humble shop."
So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them,
"I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey
make you wild at sex like a great desert camel."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after
what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need
them, being the sex God he was.
The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex
freak?" The Pakistani man replied,"Just try dem on,Saiheeb."
Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally
conceded to try them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look
in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years . . . raw, sexual
power.
In a blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Pakistani man, bent
him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, and ripped down his
own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Pakistani's thighs.
The Pakistani then began screaming.......
"YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!"
Thanks Dawn
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