Humorscope
(4 the
gullible/extremely stupid)
Here is your horoscope for September/October 2003!
Choose your sign:
Aries (March 21-April 20)
Taurus (April 21-May 21)
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
Leo (July 23-August 22)
Virgo (August 23-September 23)
Libra (September 24-October 23)
Scorpio (October 24-November 22)
Sagittarius (November 23 -December 21)
Capricorn (December 22-January 20)
Aquarius (January 21-February 19)
Pisces (February 20-March 20)
Your
mother is about to admit she illegally drank orange juice last Sunday, when you
were out picking marshmallows. Your mother will be sent to prison for 30 years,
and will have to live only on apple juice!
You
will begin making strange facial expressions, completely unconsciously, in
which you push your lips out as far as possible. Also, you will begin spending
hours staring at tropical fish.
Today
you will order pizza for supper. You will find hair in your pizza and demand a
refund, or at least request to hire a bald man/woman.
You
will sneak out tonight, with a box of navel oranges under your arm, and grinning an evil toothy grin. When you wake up tomorrow, you
will remember nothing about it. That's just the way these things work.
Another one of those boring days at school. Try to liven
things up by summoning someone from the dead society.
Good
day to act sneaky. Try glancing sidelong at people, or standing just out of
sight. Adventure is calling your name, but maybe that’s just because you’re
hearing things.
Today
will be the best day of your life, if you can just remember, er, now
what was that? Hmmm. If you can just remember something really important!
Otherwise, no.
You
will invent a new sort of optical illusion today, involving 6 straight lines,
an assortment of blobs, and a picture of an iguana. Everyone will gasp in
amazement.
You're
in luck! What you thought was existential nausea is really only a mild case of
salmonella poisoning. Lucky girl!
Stay
clear of laser beams, bread dough, CD cases, and 50$ bills today! It could be
catastrophic!
Good
day to examine your cuticles. If you do that studiously enough, I'm quite sure
nobody will realize you're not paying any attention. So have fun staring at
those nails, prrr!
You
will be strangely drawn to an odd glass sculpture in an antique shop. The
proprietor will show it to you with some hesitation, and will be visibly
perspiring when you buy it. You'll hear an almost anguished sigh of relief from
him, as you leave with it.