And neither can you. It really doesn�t matter how badly Reeves sucks. Little known fact: Supposedly Will Smith was slated to have the part of Neo. I�ll tell you right now, there is NO SUCH THING as a black, muscular, attractive computer hacker. NO WAY. Reeves physical appearance fits the part so DAMN well, its ridiculous. Sitting in front of his computer, black hair parted on the side, pale white skin about to peel off due to the computer monitor�s gamma radiation. Oh yeah man, that�s the stuff. �I know kung fu.� Yup, you sure do Reevsie, and you also know how to add drawl raspy undertones to EVERY LINE YOU SPEAK. But it doesn�t matter, because I would rather see Reeves SUCK IT OFF on screen, then have to deal with ANOTHER Will Smith movie soundtrack music video. Basically what it comes down to is that Reeves sucks, but the movies are so damn good that it just doesn�t matter.
THINGS THAT WERE GOOD WITH SUCKY ACTORS
Planet of the Apes (the first one)
Anything with Adam Sandler
UHF
FRIENDS or anything on the Disney Channel (which I don�t think are good, but everyone else does)
The X Files
Star Wars (all of them up to the recent ones)
And of course, Army of Darkness
2. The Matrix Reloaded had too much hype to live up to.
Yes, yes it did. The first Matrix was the sleeper hit of the summer. It had relatively NO hype compared to ANY movie that comes out after April and WHAM it kicked ASS in the box-office and totally RAPED in DVD sales. It is the best-selling DVD of all time. It was the first one I ever bought, and I�m not alone on that one. The only ad I EVER saw for the first Matrix was on TV; it just showed Trinity crashing the helicopter (more like hella-sweet) into the building and it just said, �Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.� BAM! I wanted to see the movie so bad, I crapped all over the place. Because of the huge success of the last one, Joel Silver (the hella-jewish producer [I�m not racist, he calls attention to that fact all the time on the DVD�s]) crapped his pants and gizzed all over the western seablock for about 4 months, then went into intensive care for a week to repair his collapsed left nut, then went back to gizzing for like 5 more months. The Wachowski brothers were probably sitting there the whole time going, �Sweet, our movie rules,� while Silver is looking into platinum butt-plugs. The second and third movies are so hyped, its rediculous to even pay attention to it. It pisses me off when I go to Suncoast and see the crap merchandise Silver has all over the place like t-shirts that say Agent on them and such, and I�m going to BEAT THE CRAP out of the first quasi goth kid I see wearing one of them, then drag them to a corn field, then BEAT THE CRAP out of them again. DAMN IT. But honestly, I take comfort in the fact that the Wachowskis, the soul behind the Matrix, are so honestly devoted to the films themselves that they wouldn�t even give TIME an interview or appear on the channel 11 round table discussion of the movie the day before it opened. Awsome. Conclusion: (Too much hype)x(greedy producer)=(crappy merchandise)+(increaced expectations for greatness) Area under the curve? Less than or equal to 85% of that of The Matrix, greater than or equal to 70%.
3. The Matrix Reloaded is basically the same thing as the last movie, but with better special effects and a HUGE fan following.
This is where it gets edgy. While I would agree that there are many elements of Reloaded that have been taken from the first movie, one fact remains: The story of the Matrix series COMPLETELY ANHILIATES pretty much everything else being cranked out by studios in the mainstream today. It has been done before, but the whole �fake reality you must realize to preserve humanity� has never been done on this kind of scope or vision before. Movies like Dark City came before, but were not as well received because they lacked the philosophical depth and sci-fi action of the Matrix series. As I read the reviews from many of the critics, I realized that (probably because of the Hype, see #2) they were expecting, literally, the BEST movie IN THE WORLD. Not gonna happen. When I found out there was going to be a sequel I was EXTATIC because I just wanted to know what was going to happen next and see where it could possibly go from the end of the last one. How are the Wachowskis going to write a movie that is a sequel and introduce 50,000 new ideas like they did in the first one? IT�S THE SAME STORY, EXPECT IT TO FOLLOW THE FIRST. Yes, the special effects were leaps better, and that was awesome. Yes, they piloted new techniques of special effects that probably won�t even show up in later movies for like 2 years cause they�re so far ahead. WHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINGING ABOUT? About the fans: any movie that has THAT many RABID fans MUST have something going for it others don�t. I didn�t see The Lizzie McGuire movie convincing FAT PALE NERDS to squeeze into pleather boots and don sunglasses at 10 on a Wednesday night�though I�m not sure if that�s a good thing�
4. Some of the special effects looked bad/lame/crappy.
Everyone keeps telling me that there were parts where Neo looks fake or just bad, or that parts just look like a video game or something. I just have a few things to say about that. Firstly, I remember a time that Jurassic Park had special effects that looked SO DAMN GOOD you wanted to crap in your popcorn. I remember when the main character of a super-hero movie wasn�t computer rendered for 50% of the movie. I remember a world of movies before The Matrix, and let me tell you, it sucked. The Matrix INVENTED special effects of the 21st century. So now the sequel comes out, and people say, �Shit dude, I can tell when it�s fake.� Ok then, hot shot American, tell me which of the 100 Agent Smiths were actually played by Hugo Whats-his-name and which were rendered by a new technique INVENTED by this movie. Yes, there were parts (like when Neo was flying through the clouds above the city, and some parts of the Agent Smith fight scene) where Neo didn�t look quite up to par, but those are literally less than a second compared to ENTIRE scenes of seamless special effects. Basically what I�m saying is, the �flaws� in the special effects were less than flaws and more like punk kids who think they know how to write in java script (not that I do).
5. The �rave� scene was crappy and too long.
No argument here.
6. The �rave� scene was completely pointless.
Ah, there�s the rub. While pretty crappily filmed and executed, I don�t think the rave/neo-buttcrack scene was completely without necessity. I think the directors/writers wanted a human element in this movie that is all about machines and the demise of all that is human. Also, I want to address the fact that Neo and Trinity MAKE OUT more than Chris Carrabba wishes he could and that there is WAY too much humping and grinding going on in the bedroom. If you pay attention, you would realize that the love between the two seemingly androgynous characters is insanely vital to the plot and the huge twist at the end of the movie. I�m not saying there wasn�t too much making out going on, I think there was, but it wasn�t COMPLETELY unfounded in the plot. I also want to say something about what one critic said on line. �Why do the inhabitants of Zion use torches and such when they have hovercrafts and big guns?� Ok buddy, if you�ll notice, they DO have electric lights and such. In fact, when they turn them off, there�s a HUGE close up of a bulb fading out. They use torches and fire to light their TEMPLE. The HOLY place in a city that is fighting a war against MACHINES. It makes sense that they would try to keep this place as �pure� or �holy� as possible by keeping technology out, much like the Amish or something.
Alright, well because I was writing this at work, I had to stop, and I lost my train of thought. I�m pretty sure that I had more to write, but meh, it really doesn�t matter, cause most people probably didn�t read this far down the page.