MAINTAINING A HAPPY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRANSSEXUAL
This is not subject to any psychological or social behavior studies, but infact an expressed opinion of said owner of the webpage.
-Monika Veliz-
A common problem between men and the "Third Species" is the lack of understanding of where eachother has been and or is trying to go, in short "Our Processes". Men often get short-tempered or very quick to wash hands of the situation..when it does not conform to the slow movement of thier process in which to date, and maintain a relationship with a transsexual, and Transsexuals often revert to a similar situation, when they see a lot of dejavu steeming from previous relationships. here are a few ways to dig a little deeper in which to understand eachother's processes:
FOR HIM: Understand.. that most men...are used to a certain type of relationship with GGs (genetic girls), He has usually played the "alpha male", where his role is physically clear to him...where he does not have to wonder day in and day out "Does she makes me Gay"? When you find a man who is ready to enter a relationship, he will usually be older, mid to late 30's, and is giving his contribution to a transsexual's life serious consideration. This is the man you would only want to encounter, his Predecessing age frame of say 18-25 is still in the "expermental phase.. that age group of men usually have alot of encounters with random TS women, be careful of this age group ladies, they are cunning, liars.. and hearbreakers...This does not exclude the fact that for some men these characteristics.. do not change...as they get older.. It is an unfortuante truth, but most men do not have the insight that we are even actually human. When you do find the man that is taking your life, and struggles seriously.. you may want to devote a little more time to the things that will help his process of understanding that this in many ways is a unique relationship...and all the while being just and ordinary relationship. Take your time with him..constantly reassure him that to love someone is just that, loving someone. explain to him that being with a TS doesn't make him gay.. it is just accepting the things that just are. You should always treat him as a man no matter what his postion is in bed (ie. top or bottom) reassure him that Role in a realtionship is light years from Role in the bedroom.
FOR HER: Realizing that you are probably not the first man to come in to her life.. you must accept that she may have alot of fucking baggage tied to her ankle, Like most relationships, Trust plays a big part, don't be quick to assume that she is Crazy because her mood swings.. from "I love you, to I can't trust you" in the blink of an eye. Abuse comes in many forms...and shapes...when men have constantly made her feel as though she is not acceptable to take home.. leave her, or cheat on her...at the same time continuing a sexual relationship from thier own selfish needs for fetish, she will often find it hard for to seperate the "Dogs, from Prince Charmings" she has subconciously been trained to believe that no man will really want anything long term, and at some point it is bound to break the spirit and the mind. You will probably encounter the "Twin TG women". There are two types of social Transsexuals. The "Disco Queen" is the one who feels she is sooo cute that she doesn't want to be tied down.. this is usually steeming from deeper issues such as; she doesn't want to go through the rig-a-moroe of explaining her place in the universe.. and playing therapist to an already confused man, or could be because she doesn't want the heartbreak she sees happing to fellow TS women and close friends of hers, so she stays clear of any deep long term relationships. Then there is the "House wife Transsexual" she is the transsexual who at an early age played the "mother" example: Like when kids play house, or always put her self in a nurturing postion she is a care taker, or of some dominant importance as a child. She is the transsexual who ultimately dreams of one daying being a mother, and a wife,..soccer practices, and martinis at 6 sharp. In her persuit to have this "Perfect life"-"Normal life" she will often date habitually, defaultering from most men who approach this type of TS not ready for that sort of commitment, out of fear of the meaning of thier own life, so she moves on to find the perfect father, or Husband, from a scientific pont of view, The House wife, can be a process of animal matting ritual, looking for the Brightes colors, or a certain smell, .. . Be sure that if you are going to date a Transsexual.. you have done your research.. In my own experiences.. it is not the Disco Queen that falls short of "male suitors" it is the House wife...her purpose and feminine energy.. out weighs most things that does not fall in the catergory of "loving home making". When You encounter the House wife, be affectionate all day long, compliment her, treat her as nothing more than a woman.. re-assure her that all while being different than other TS women.. she is no different than any other TS woman, for the approval of her mate will be driven by past expereienes.. and men who have played mind games...and torturous lying.
Well if you have had a long relationship.. what is stopping you? If it has become clear that obviously there is a deeper understanding or connection between you two sexually, mentally, then what could be the problem? Who is dragging ass? Perhaps it is anxities, which is normal, for anyone. Could it be the pressures of outside influences? Could it be that while you adore somethings about him/her you are not quite sure if you could live with others? Well it is simple. If it is mentally.. i guess it would all come down to what makes you happy..if it is sexual then it is a matter of prospective, and if it is outside influence you must learn to follow your own calling. Check out examples. below.
Mentally:
FOR HIM: Sometimes it is hard for a man to let go of a certain way of thinking.. it is often thought that being with a transsexual is shameful.. and so outcasted, that he forgets like many things, he must learn to unlearn the social sterotypes of the "Third Gender" and simple enjoy what he has created or attempting to create within the relationship. Value that being in love and accepting someone for who they are is a gift.. love is a gift. Men can often mistake a gift.. for something systematical, comfort, or simply put "just the order of things" when it comes to the way relationships go...they go from first date to sex to relationship to love..forgetting the undrerstanding and progress of acceptance that falls in between.
FOR HER: We often tend to not hold grudges with men in general, but more with ourselves.. built from the ruins of previous relationships.. we don't trust love like we once did, You knowwwww, when Transsexuality was new, and uncharted, when being in love was ast the front of the game, and it only took the one heart break...or if like me heart breaks to kill the enthusiasm for love We find the bitterness of expecting the worse out of every new relationship we place ourselves in. You must find it in yourself to forgive the mistakes that you have made in choosing a mate...realize that sometimes it is ok to love...and realize when it is safe to love.
Sexually:
FOR HIM: Well we all know that men are easily turned on by anything sexual, they could see two squirles fucking and they would instantly get hard-ons, so bare in mind that it is the same way when it comes to love making, In any relationship..male/female. or male/transsexual, most men want to feel a lot of things all at once. He wants to feel he is performing his relationship obligation, being with the woman he is in love with, and having his fantasies met all at the same time. Although a big order, it is not that hard to accomodate. Every once in a while he wants to know he is with that Shemale he first fell in lust with when first discovering his attraction to transsexuals, you know that girl.. the one he accidently stumbled across by renting the wrong porno, or something he saw on a XXX site advert.. vulgar as it may be, it is true. They want the heels, and crotchless panties, and the exposed penis hanging out.. all while wearing the sexy bra or corset, it turns them on.. They also lavish the comfortablity of not feeling exposed or judged for enjoying this quiet endulgence-enters the obligation to the relationship, He wants to know that he is making you happy, by going down on you, or also giving you your fantasies.. and turn ons without your judgement,-enter the woman he is in love with...when you make him feel like this is good and good for the relationship.. by being tender with him.. he will become more giving in the bedroom..more vulnerable. In the case of top and bottom.. if you are playing the role of a top.. learn when it is the right time to Fuck and the right time to make love, when you are playing the top role with him-in a love making cenario, be gentle.. even if he is used to you "slamming" it in and pounding away, kiss him.. pet his forehead and hair. gaze into his eyes.. and make him feel giving and wanted.. and though he is giving into you, make his vulnerablity feel appreciated and welcomed by letting him know he is still your man, and you are happy to share that moment. In the case of Fucking he wants to know that he is a good lay basically and simply put.. don't be afraid to talk to him in bed.. say dirty and naughty things, that will heighten the fantasy of being taken by a hot shemale. In most cases I am dead set against the derrogatory Term "Shemale" but in the case of a relationship.. it is a word that is ok to say and think.. because without that word.. he would not have persued you in the first place. When it comes to you playing the Role of a bottom, it is simple in both cases play the role of a woman.. don't be afraid to moan for his pleasure.. sex is 20% physical.. and 80% visual and audio. in other words ladies don't be shy, scream "Hell yeah Daddy give it to me" once in a while.
FOR HER: You are subject to get an array of Tgirls.. from the kind that is proactive about thier penis.. to the kind that is ashamed and physically disconnected from it. Acknowledge that the girl that is not into being pleased sexually "down there" is not a healthy girl in the mind.. it is human to use your sexual organ no matter what gender you are.. if she doesn't want to use it.. or have it touched or any of the other sexual things likely to happen with it.. then her problems are deeper than the eye can see. But Gentelmen.. when you embark on the transsexual who is in sync with her body, and the parts that make her a real transsexual.. you have a treat on your hands. When it comes to a Top TS, you will be surprised at how feminine she can be even with her penis behind you, When making love to her.. respect her limits...and acknowledge that right then and there she is not interested in being a fantasy.. she is most likely allowing the feminine energy to envoke her body.. and she is more into connecting with the person she is sharing her life with or at least that moment be MINDFUL, AND RESPECTFUL. in the case of fucking.. she is answering the call of the wild.. letting the masculine energy envoke her.. and it's not scary or anything that should make you question if you are gay or her transsexuality, by hearing that a she envokes male energy..it is healthy, to assume that being both and niether of the two.. that a transsexual is a conduit for all energies,male and female. When she is topping you.. let her "play" let her enter that primal playground that is "your body" although fun, it can be a confusing 15 mintues for her, everyone once in a while goes through that "...What the hell am I doing"?. Remind her that she is awoman. by using sexy sentences like "damn girl" or yeah give it to me baby" you will find her moaning like crazy.. even while penetrating you. You will still find the girl you fell for. Be MINDFUL, AND RESPECTFUL...of her vulnerable space she has allowed you into at that moment.
Well in most cases.. unless you are "Miss Cleo", the signs are not normally there.. you pretty much just have to follow your gut instinct..They say men are from Mars.. and women are from Venus.. then you better believe that the transsexual is mother of both planets, However, we don't always make the right decision when choosing a mate. Men are often reserved and a lot less foretelling of the things we would like to see and hear, and transsexuals are a lot more voical for the things they expect out of a relationship. I have found that while both are equally damning, both can also be equally beneficial. Here are a few examples of "Red flags" and a few things that you should make standards for staying and running.
FOR HIM:
Good Signs:
She should be Educated - Even though the life of a TS can be hard during Adult hood.. you must almost remember that we all had to start somewhere in life, i.e. kindergarten, middle school, highscool..at those ages we are all given the same tools in life...she should of course know how to add.. but is equally book smart as she is about streets. She should also be able to know who she is as a Transsexual, understanding her own scheme of things, for if she doesn't know who she is or her purpose in life.. what can be expected of your purpose in her life...and help you through the process of dealing with a TS if this is your first serious relationship
Goals- She should always expect the very best in her life.. and for her life. Never to accept the bare minimal, after all if she do where does that put you in her standards of things?
Relationship Concious- She should always want to know where the status is of your relationship, it is not hounding, or nagging..what she is doing shouldn't be confused with such trite emotions, this is a good sign, as she wants to know that she is making a contribution to your life, she wants to know that this is something that makes you happy, she wants to know if you are secure.
Red Flags:
If she is constantly dissappearing on dates- Chances are u have a self medicator Run!
Vampire drag- if she only comes out at night.. no matter what you suggest for daytime activites.. chances are you have a Vampire TS and does not feel comfortable within her own skin.. keep in mind it is not a matter of passing or not passing, if you are with anyone who is not comfortable with themselves.. then they will never be comfortable within your relationship.
No Reported income- Sad but true.. the rate of Tgirls in the escort buisness will always out weigh that of the GG, last i checked they are not handing out jobs or pension plans to TS women on silver platters, ergo; most girls resort to the only income they can.. this isn't really looked down upon and shouldn't, this is just the way of our world.. the world "we Built", however, if this is not the type of girl you seek then you should high tail it out of there.
FOR HER:
Good signs:
Out- Let's face it ladies.. any man that is out of the closet, to family especially, should always be taken seriously.. this is a man dedicated to what makes him happy in the world. He is devoted to living his own life.. and can be a great benefit to someone who is working on who they are.. they have much to share, and much experience.. that will make you feel more like a woman than you already do.
Speaks about the future- If a man constantly talks about a future.. you can accpect great things from this one. He sees building a life with a transsexual...this is not some passing fancy, or mid-life crises for him. If he talk about it with you, it can only mean he can actually see it, and if he can see it.. soon you will find it is you, whom he wants to touch it with. you got a good man girl!
Drag Husbands- Well having been an Entertainer most of my TS life, I have found nothing more of a joy, than to be with a man who shared my vision (when it occured). It is a good thing when a man wants to be envolved with the life you live on stage.. SUPPORT-not just sitting on the couch and saying "... alright have a good show". No, you want that man that is going to carry in your kaboodle, who is going to proudly grab your wigs from the trunk.. who when it is time to leave the house his check list is better equipped than yours as to the things you will need and can't be without during your performance. Now ladies.. most of us are shady and cady, the first things we will think is "my man is a Fag, and wants to be in the gay bars, or he is just going to try to pick up another girl. Take a breath, and just think about you having a good man devoted to the betterment, and promotion of "you" he is trying to show that your life, dreams, and goals have a place in the relationship...and that he is very much trying to aide in that growth, just relax, have faith, and trust, if he is morally fucking corrupt, he was that way long before you got there..and being a TS has nothing to do with it..
Red Flags:
The Tan- If by chance you see a tan line on that ring finger...ask for the check..and bail ASAP!
The Sex- If you find that the sex is fueld by nothing more than "can you wear" and "would you" then it is safe to assume he is only there for the fettish of transsexuals..it will never go anywhere beyond what he is presenting to you at that moment.* This should not be confused with changing things up a bit in the bedroom by a normal playful, and happily coupling)
The time- When a man can't spend "day time" with you, it is safe to assume he is not comfortable with being envolved with a transsexual, in public no matter what the passablity is, keep in mind this is to understand how the male mind works, therefore, you shouldn't mistake this behavior as shame for you, and settle hoping it will change or go away, by now you know who you are, it is him who is ashamed of himself, and the harsh reality is this phobia to be himself will never change.
The Club- Should you decide during the begining stages of your relationship to go out to the club that is frequented by TS women, (Dragqueens, crossdressers, or dare I say women of the evening), without telling him.. and there you find him leaning against a wall.. with a glass in his hand.. or caught in the act of talking to another girl, then it is best to walk by him, not create a scene. but keep in mind that at that point your relationship is over, loose his number and do not except calls from him.. it is pretty clear.. that what he seeks is hopeless nights with a Disco Queen.
Pillow Talk- If you find there is a lack of it.. after sex.. or nothing of substantial holding.. it is best to walk away from it.. he has "gotten his" and he is only lying there thinking "how can I leave without making her feel used". This is part of the "chaser's game". to get his "shemale-fix" and run. TAKE my advice.. accept the sex for what it was, IF, it was any good to begin with, help him button up his shirt.. and show him the door...and don't look back.. or you will be doomed to reapeat his cycle.. for years.
