"I used to believe that struggling was black, and real art came from poverty, and militant views against Stepford living"
-Monika Veliz-
Little did people know, We almost lost Monika to the Navy, which was her original plan after highschool. But some how she and the uniform wardrobing did not agree with one another
"I mean I know its the army, but can't they give a better alternative, to green and brown? Like neon Camoflage and khaki threaded in Gold, sheesh it's the 90's"
-Monika Veliz-
Lillies,, lilles, and more lilles, Water lillies, Asiac lillies, tube lillies and of course sunflowers
Godiva white chocolate
Beyonce'
Curling up on a wet day, and enjoying a movie, and drinking Chi tea.
Writting, friends, family, short stories, or jounaling.
working out.
" Weight wasn't the problem, it was never the problem, I was working at a young age, then came social awareness, "status quo" and all that, then came love, and relationships-failed marriages, I felt things were ultimately out of control.. and I had no say in alot of things I was envolved in, bulimia was a way of having some control over my life, and before I knew it, even that became out of control. I still struggle, it is a day to day recovery, and will be for the rest of my life, I talk openly and honestly about my condition, because our culture tells us that typically this is a 14 yearold-white girl's disease...and that in fact it is hard to believe that african americans never think about perfection, or have a hard time adjusting to pressures of body conciousness,...what pushes me forward is knowing there is a 13 yearold boy somewhere who doesn't know that it will be ok someday..and If he spend the time thinking about what others may or may not think, and the definiton of perfect, Life will have passed by, and life would have been for not"-
Monika Veliz-
Monika still resides in Cleveland, where she continues to rally for the betterment of the Transsexual community, she has dedicated alot of her time to educate about Bulimia and Anerexia Nevosa
Duality, I find it almost comical that I was born a twin, and under the sign of Gemini, it seems almost fitting that I would also be born a woman trapped in a male's body. I have found spirituality in all things, being born in a catholic up bringing, and being taught one thing.. but later realizing that spirituality exist in just about everything you can touch, and can't.
"Monika" has brought things that otherwise I don't think I would have ever experienced without "her" such as witnessing life, death, love, happiness, adventure, physical awareness, and a mental depthness that continues to grow everyday I am alive. I like to think that we choose the lives we live before coming to earth....the reasons for choosing such adversity becomes more clear to me... as I develop through out time, I don't claim to be some modern day Joan of Arc, hearing voices in corn fields..LOL, or the savior of my transgendered people for that matter, I just think spiritually, I was meant to learn something from the existance that I have placed myself in...and the Reward has been great, but like all things, Reward comes at a great price...which I have and will contine to pay... as we all will and do.
I find nothing more exciting than belonging to a community that has survived since the time of Emperors, and Pharos...and to this day still struggles to live for happiness, and most importnatly Equality This does not dimenish the fact that I am African American/Sicilian decent, it meerly states that...those things are more of a social acceptance...and deals purely with the world's veiws of you, Transsexuality in fact deals with inner conflict, inner acceptance..and hopefully for some, resulting in inner peace.
I Look upon my transsexuality as a gift.. one that most transsexuals tend to forget, the ability to move between the genders, male, female, but be neither of the two..to be in a position to understand how both feel, think, talk, walk, (coy smile)..and dare I say even making love. There is no Devine complex there, only accepting what is...is. I spend most of my time, thinking of what can I do to improve myself.. to lay fruit at the door of the tree that bare it, and not the other way around. I recently caught an episode of "inside the actor's studio" and there was a question that was posed towards the end of the show..."What would you like to hear when arriving at the gate"? I gave much thought to this...and came up with "I would like to hear... "Monika, you did exactly what I wanted you to do...live your life, you lived the life of Monika Veliz, no one could have done that but you"
If there is one messege I would like to leave behind in this life.. is to all Transsexuals.. "Love this gift we have. Nurture it, develop it, don't spend time wondering how you can be the most feminine, the most passible, at the end of the day it has nothing to do with the outside appearence...acknowledge that the phrase; "I am just trying ot match the outside with the inside"..is just Bullshit. If you do not feel love for yourself on the inside, NOTHING! you do on the outside will ever match the inside. Love yourself, and love your self hard, love yourself more than the ground you walk on, more than the stars in the sky, love... yourself. Many times, I have loved more things than I care to mention, materials, fame, the spotlight, and men, God knows the many men I have loved, trying to get them to love me back, and during all that loving, I often forgot to love myself. Love... yourself...love yourself hard! Realize, that accepting yourself.. is far greater than the desirable love of a man. He is carniate to his desires, what he sees in porn, and here on the internet, he cares for not much more than the preverbial "chick with a dick" visiual. When we love ourselves..it is seen, it will defuse those silly notions, and myths,, and we can no longer be victims to the injustices to our hearts, often inflicted on ourselves..by ourselves
And as for the next phase(s) of my life.. well ..(soft smile) ..in the words of Peter Pan.. "...That will be an awfully big adventure".
ME AT AGE 5 BELOW
