4. the fall
 

There will one morning that you won't kiss and hug My eyes won't see you by my side Teach me not to be hurt Even if I am to you A borrowed thing And shouldn't feel any pain You don't know that even if this is wrong Every moment was heaven Since your kiss has touched Your love, my love, both borrowed                             "Hiram" by Zsa Zsa Padilla "Borrowed" translated by silrayn silverwolf

Ran felt the warmth embracing him and sighed. It was at least two weeks since he had allowed Crawford to comfort him and he knew he shouldn't be so sanguine about being held by another man like this, not so soon… But he took comfort that was offered. He didn't have the strength to refuse. Schuldich's death drained him more than he would admit. He loved the man so much and never realized how much of him he had given until the other had gone beyond reach. He needed this. He lay against Crawford, trying not to be so close yet needing the closeness. He started to get back on his feet, going to school and practicing again but he needed the nightly comfort just to get through the day. He knew it was wrong but he needed it. 

At least, I am not sleeping with him, not in that sense at least…

***

Crawford sighed. It was taking more of his self-control not to take Ran there and there as the man lay in his arms. The comfort he had given was reluctantly accepted, barely acknowledged. He knew that Ran couldn't quite seem to stay away but wouldn't try to make it more.

He still loves Schuldich. He feels guilty that he needs me… He doesn't want to see what's growing between us…

Even Crawford wasn't sure if anything was there and was not a creation of wishful thinking. And there was a lot of wishful thinking on his part. He didn't know that Ran would take it this hard. He had honestly thought he could move in and win the redhead with a little effort. After all Schuldich and Ran had few things in common than he and the Weiß redhead. 

But would you love him this much if you knew he was that easy with his affections?

That was the crux of the matter, Crawford loved Ran because the man was caring in an understated manner. He wouldn't have known the depth of love that there was between them. He wouldn't have liked someone as loud as Schuldich for example. 

Stop thinking of Schuldich! He's dead now and you have Ran all to yourself…

Crawford ran his fingers through the scarlet locks and tried to sleep. The room wasn't helping any in trying to dismiss his guilty feelings. It was done in apple green silk with touches of cream that complemented Schuldich's eyes and coloring. In this room, he felt like an intruder, like a replacement, a second fiddle, someone who was sent in at the last moment to fill a role. It made him angry.

He will forget Schuldich! He will…

***

"Crawford, why are you doing this?" Ran asked, finally. It had been two months since Schuldich died and Ran had broken down. Now he was curious why the precog had taken so much time in taking care of him.

Not that I care…he's not…

Though it seemed his heart wasn't listening, it sped up a bit in reaction to the question.

"I feel responsible for not getting the warning in time." Crawford said.

"Arigatou, I know I've been quite a trial." Ran said. There were times when he had made it hard for anyone to help him. Times when he felt guiltiest or darkest that he wouldn't eat or drink or take care of himself but Crawford had been patient and force him to. 

"Don't, because lately it's become something more." Crawford said rather softly that Ran had to catch the words. Blue eyes glowed softly with hidden meaning.

"Hn?" Ran asked, wondering what this was about. He had to look away from the intensity of the stare.

"I'm beginning to understand what Schuldich saw in you." Crawford said, tipping Ran's face ever so gently to face him. 

"Hn?"

"Are you willing to try to forget Schuldich?" Crawford said, his heart was in his eyes and Ran had to look away again.

No…not ever…

"I'll think of it." Ran said, knowing that his mind was made up. He couldn't ignore that he owed Crawford too much not to try for the man's sake. 

He had been patient and caring all through out my grief. He…he deserves the consideration at least. Even if I couldn't ever see anyone replace Schuldich in my life…

***

"Crawford, why are you doing this?" Ran said after a another pointless session with Weiß. 

"I feel responsible for not getting the warning in time." The question had startled Crawford but he had prepared the answer well. It was a half-truth that would not incriminate him. 

You could have hardly told him that you enjoyed his company so much that you let his lover die… That would have surely lost all chances of being with him…

He had been elated when he had managed to get Ran to agree, a tentative agreement, true, but he knew that such beginnings were necessary.

I will make you love me for me… You'll see, Ran. You are mine now… But how do I go fighting a ghost? Maybe, it would've been better for Schuldich to be alive now. I could fight him on equal ground. Ghosts are…so…perfect…

***

You've moped in the house too long. Let's go out…

Ran sighed as Crawford took him out to the little restaurant. It was discreet little establishment, a quietly romantic place with its interior cozily dim and tastefully subdued. Very different from the usual bars and novelty restaurants Schuldich loved to drag him to. There was even that disco where one would have to drink from, ah, phallic ceramics *. Schuldich had laughed at Ran's blushes then…

***

"Oh, come on Ran. Don't we do it every night?" Schuldich chuckled lowly as Ran gave the dubious cup-and-straw combination a dubious glance. He said it low enough so that no one else heard it but Ran was blushing like a beet and couldn't even murmur his customary "Hn". The clay cup and straw combination was a sculpted version of a cock so that if one must drink anything one had to…

"Oh, man, do I have to do this? It's so uncool, sucking dick in public, I'm a man, man!" A loud brash voice said from somewhere when the loud music paused a bit. It intruded on the embarrassing moment. For some reason, Ran found it incongruously funny and chuckled. Schuldich laughed with him as well. 

No one absolutely straight and sane would have come into this bar unless someone dragged him here and from the way he abuses the word "man"…

Then Schuldich drunk from his cup deeply, leaving no more room for thought. He sucked oh-so-sensually and sloppily, ending with a lick at the tip. 

"See, nothing to it." Schuldich said, smirking softly.

"H-Hai." Ran felt his blood rush to his groin draining his face of all color. He managed a tiny sip afterwards to keep Schuldich from teasing him further but he never did get the hang of the kinky cups.

***

He smiled at the memory as he sat down with Crawford. Crawford would never bring his date to such a place. He was too classy for that. It would be restaurants like this, debonair and subtle where one can hear one's speech and one would spend a peaceful night staring into each other's eyes or in conversation. If there must be music it would be the sound of violins and other classical instruments not clash of metal strings in the popular tunes for the younger generations.

Not like the places Schuldich used to bring me at all. He is not Schuldich... But maybe, just maybe being himself is enough… I did say that I would try… 

Ran tried to look appreciative of the solicitude shown by Crawford to him. Crawford seated him on the alcove and sat beside him. He felt uncomfortable about the way the precog would put an arm around his shoulders at the most inopportune times. He was not yet comfortable with it. Schuldich had often put his arm around Ran's waist and even then it was a feather-light touch not this possessive half-hug. He never noticed it before in his grief how the man would tighten his hold on him. It had been comforting then but was starting to become an annoying habit.

I have to tell him about it or I would need to adapt to this…can I? I've gotten use to sleeping in his room instead of ours…

Crawford had persuaded Ran to finally stay in the precog's room. Poor Crawford felt so out of place inside the room Ran had shared with the telepath. 

And I don't blame him… It's hard enough to live with someone who lives with a ghost but to live in the heart of that ghost's territory. That's a bit too much… 

"What do you want to eat today?" Crawford asked him, handing him the menu.

Ran looked it over choosing the food for their meal. The items he noted were priced high enough to give him a pause if he was dining alone.

Crawford spares no expense in his courting… 

***

Crawford knew that Ran hadn't been going out except for classes and kendo since Schuldich died. Even then, the redhead had missed a few of those sessions in the man's worse days. The precog had wanted to bring Ran out of preoccupation with grief so had suggested a date. He knew it was a mistake as soon as he brought Ran into the restaurant.

Schuldich never brought him in these types of places…but obviously it reminded him of the days when Mastermind had taken him out on a date. Look at the sad smile on his face…

It was all Crawford could do, not to tear out of the place, Ran in hand and going home. 

Ran did seem to perk up a bit as the date progressed but was still a bit out of it. 

Did he get use to the loud places where he went out with Schuldich? He doesn't seem the type…

***

"How do you like the restaurant?" Crawford asked as he let Ran in the passenger seat.

"Hn, it was fine." Ran replied. It was, he enjoyed himself more than he had thought he would. It was just that he still felt guilty that he did. 

It's been months… I have to go on with my life… 

"You didn't like it." Crawford said as he started the car.

"I liked it but…" 

"It's different from what you're used to Schuldich." They were off with a savage back turn.

"Aa. Crawford…" 

"You don't like the difference." Crawford seemed to realize Ran's concern and slowed the car's speed down a bit. 

"Ie, but…"

"You're not over Schuldich."

"Aa."

The uneasy silence lasted until they reached the Schwartz apartments. Crawford stopped the car in their garage.

I wonder what he's thinking…

***

He's not over him yet… But it's been six months! But then some people take years to get over their loved ones' death… Are you willing to wait that long? Is he worth the wait? Definitely…

***

"I'm willing to wait." Crawford said finally, leading Ran to the Crawford's bedroom where he had slept since he agreed to try and forget. The man looked at Ran with glowing eyes and gently kissed him on the lips. It was an undemanding closed lipped kiss. 

I could love him…

A disquieting thought that had plagued him for a month, and if he was honest with himself for longer…

***

"Ran, you should eat." Crawford said to him. Ran had been staring into space again remembering the last time he sat with Schuldich in the dining table.

"Hn."

"Ran, eat…"

He fiddled with the fish and rice in his bowl. He really didn't want to eat but Crawford could be such a nag sometimes.

He found his chopsticks and bowl taken out of his hands. 

"I said eat." Crawford demanded, pushing a roll of rice and fish into his mouth.

Ran sputtered, being unprepared for the food. His eyes watered. When they cleared, he glared at the culprit. 

"Hn."

"Oops, I shouldn't have done that. Have some water." Crawford apologized. The man got a glass of water and handed it to him. 

Ran just glared but Crawford was so genuinely contrite that his annoyance didn't last long.

He was just trying to care of me… 

Ran smiled a little to assure Crawford besides it was funny when he thought of it. It had been his first smile in a while since Schuldich died. Crawford's expression brightened up immediately. 

"Eat." Assured that he was back in Ran's good graces, he proceeded to bully the redhead to eat again. The unrelenting concern in Crawford's face seemed to be the most beautiful thing at that moment.

Times like this, I could almost…no…

***

No, I am not going to betray Schuldich…

"Maybe I should sleep in my own room." Ran said, trembling a little at the unexpected tenderness. It was tempting just to let things take their course. Let Crawford smother him with care but…

It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fair to him. Using him to replace Schuldich…

"If you want." Crawford released him.

"I guess I have to learn not to run to him every time I feel uncomfortable…" Ran said, tentatively. He hugged Crawford for the first time.

***

Crawford wanted to crow out his elation when he felt Ran's arms go around him for the first time.

For the first time that counts…anyway…

A confirmation of the words that he wouldn't chase after shadows of the past every time Crawford got too close. 

It won't be long now…

***

A week later, in Crawford's bed…

"Crawford, can I ask you something?" Ran asked, half wondering what was he doing... 

What is this, I'm feeling? I said I'm not going to try to use Crawford to replace Schuldich but… It--it feels so right. I feel ready, I feel ready to move on. To leave the dead to the past…to begin again… Schuldich wouldn't want me to mope on forever. He'd be the first to tell me to live my life… He was so full of life…

***

They had ended up fighting each other at the time....

"Ran-kun, you're so serious lighten up." Schuldich teased as they fought. 

"Hn. Don't call me that!" Ran had swiped at the German, missing the infuriating man by inches.

"Why, not? It is you're name after all." 

"Hn." Ran gave the telepath his worst death glare.

"Hah, that doesn't scare…yah." 

They had been fighting atop bales of leaves of raw unprocessed drugs and their fighting had destabilized the "wall". Both of them ended up scrambling for footing as both of them had fallen when the bales flattened every which way. When the flurry of dry leaves subsided both of them was on the floor, none the worse for wear except for battered dignity. Both were struggled to regain aplomb, they were assassins on a mission, after all. Schuldich was the first to give up, guffawing at the sight they made as Ran death glared at him. Both of them had leaves stuck on their hair and clothing and more than a little dust on them. 

"Did you inhale some of this perhaps?" Ran meant it to be scathing but his appearance took out most of the sting of the question.

"No, if you'd only appreciate the absurd, Ran-kun. Would you look at us…"

"Hn." It was then that Ran noticed how lovely Mastermind looked with his head thrown back like that and green eyes alight with unholy glee. He quashed an impulse to kiss the German. 

I think that was the true start of our relationship…

***

"What is it, Ran? And call me by my first name, you sound like a business associate when you call me that, we've been 'together' awhile."

"Well…Brad…how can you stay in bed with me so calmly?"

Is he ready for what his question was arousing?

Crawford felt a rush of blood to his groin and almost groaned. It hadn't been easy to stop himself from offering a more physical comfort than just lying beside an unresponsive body. But Crawford had nothing but pride he wasn't going to offer that if he was just going to be a substitute for his German teammate. His deceased teammate…

Schuldich might have died, but he holds you still…

Besides, he knew he had to take it slowly or he might have frightened the redhead away.

The thought was bitter and Crawford sought not to let it color his reply.

"Who says I'm calmly staying in bed with you? But I had to wait until you were ready." Crawford finally said, heart pounding. His instincts screamed that it was the moment, his moment. He pushed himself Ran so that the man couldn't mistake his meaning.

"I think I'm ready…" Ran said turning to Crawford, blushing as he did so.

Crawford made love to Ran for the first time that night.

***

Oh boy, another inquisition…

Ran met with the Weiß as usual because he knew that it wouldn't do to hold it off any longer. He hadn't seen them in months and the last time they saw him, he looked half-dead and that made them all the more worried.

"Are you sure you're all right, Ran-kun?"

"They didn't do anything to you didn't they, A-Ran?" Ken asked belligerently. No one in Weiß had really thought it possible that Ran could have felt so deeply for a former enemy.

"No, Br--Crawford took good care of me."

"Crawford, eh? It seems that you're on first name basis with him, you were about to call him by his first name weren't you?" Trust Youji to be the one to point that out.

"Aa."

"And why is Mr. Stick-Up-His-Ass Crawford taking care of you? Seems to me that he's not the caring type."

"He feels guilty of not getting a warning to Schuldich in time." 

No use telling them the other reason they would just misunderstand…

Ran could still feel the tender, unhurried caresses on his skin.  Crawford preferred to draw their lovemaking to a slow and satisfying conclusion rather than Schuldich's more demanding tempo.  It was endearing in it's own way.

I should forget about comparing Cr-Brad with Schu and just…care for him the way he is…

"Oh really? It seems to me that I saw you on his arm in that expensive restaurant down the block the other night. Don't you think that's a little extreme for just guilt."

"Hn?"

"Are you sleeping with Crawford?"

Damned, trapped… 

"Aa."

"Betraying Schuldich? I never thought you were the type, Ran-kun. Even if he was our former enemy, I wouldn't think that's right."

"Ie, it's only now. He confessed to have fallen for me."

"And you believed him. Tsk, tsk. Ran, the man has the precognitive talent, he probably saw Schuldich's death coming a mile off. You should just return to us."

"Ie, I was there with him on that night. I saw."

"If you say so, Ran." Ken said, doubtfully.

"You can always return to us, Ran-kun."

Youji just shook his head but conceded defeat as Ran went off to return to the Schwartz safe house.

But a seed of doubt had been planted… 

Could Crawford have been blindsided so easily? He certainly had been a formidable foe for Weiß to face… No, I was there. I saw him call Schuldich, he tried, he really tried… But was there just a tad bit hesitation before calling… No, I'm being paranoid. I'm catching paranoia from Omi, Youji and Ken… Crawford couldn't do it. Not to Schuldich! They have been teammates for so long…

***

In the Schwartz living room…

"Crawford, I have a question for you."

"What is this, Nagi? Rebellion?" Crawford asked lightly, knowing fairly well what was coming but having no way to avoid it without worse consequences.

"You're sleeping with Ran are you?"

"Yes."

"And how long have you chasing after Ran?"

"A month or so after Schuldich died."

"Are you sure, Crawford?"

"I'm sure."

"I've never seen you late with a warning before. And there was the fact that you assigned yourself to wait out the missions with Ran, all too often."

"Everyone makes mistakes some of the time."

"Really?  I saw your side glances to Ran when Schuldich was alive and you thought no one was watching. I never really put it together until now though. Did you Crawford? Did you set Schuldich up, getting the warning in late?"

Crawford knew there was no escape now.

It's now or never… I know he won't fault me if I confess, but if I don't… Best not to think about it…

"Nagi about that night. I did try to warn Schuldich but…I hesitated when Ran had me in his arms. I hesitated a few seconds maybe a minute but I did try to warn him."

"I was right, wasn't I? You were infatuated with Ran before."

"Aa. But you know I'm a professional, Prodigy I wouldn't put that beyond the loyalty to the team. It was just a moment of weakness. That's all there was to it."

"So it wasn't intentional." Nagi's eyes had the intensity of lasers.

"It wasn't."

"Aa, I believe you, Crawford. I don't need to know more…" Nagi sighed, after a few moments.

"But I do." Accused a deeper voice. Crawford looked up into hard purple eyes and knew that the final reckoning was here. 

There are some things even a precognitive couldn't prevent… 

~ TBC~

Author's Notes:

* This place really exists in Tokyo! I heard about it from the Lifestyle Network. I can imagine Schuldich bringing his date there just to see the man's reaction to the "cups". *Laughs evilly*

* I couldn't resist stopping here...  It's really the proper place after all. ^__^

Reply to Reviews: Sorry this took so long folks!  Though it is the longest chapter yet for this fanfic.  I hope that would make up for the delay...though the end to this chapter still proves that I am very evil...

Sardius, kaoru: a problem with my foreshadowing? ^__^;  The good die young as the old saying goes and man *chuckles at the inside joke*, was Schuldich good.  Or more to the point, I can't do anything with someone so good to Ran in this plot.  I already planned to kill him in the onset.  Though you guys will still see him a bit more in this fanfic.

blume-chan: Definitely not! Every other character can die in my fics but not Aya-kun!  *huggles a virtual Aya plushie*  Don't hate Crawford, everybody's got their less than spectacular moments.

Lady Gackt: Yup, i overdid the "hn"s ^^; I love 'em.  They cover almost any situation.

Hue: Thanks, glad you liked the "slow dance".

DragonSoul, Asuka Hamasaki: my first fluffy angst fic I'm glad you liked it.

sweetdeily, @.@, mew95: hope you liked this next installment.

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