Maybe Someday...

Moonlight fell softly down into the room. It drew a mist over the bed and discarded clothes on the floor and to throw shadows into the wrinkles, nooks and crannies of the otherwise immaculate room. Brad admired how it gilt the profile of his lover and softened the red of his hair to a less severe shade then he rose from the bed and was about to take his discarded clothing on the floor when a hand on his stopped him.

When you wake up
And find me gone tomorrow
Don’t think I meant to hurt you
I just did what we knew I had to do "Can't you stay the night at least? You leave me so easily. They will not pry, they never intrude when I'm in here." A wistful expression the voice of his lover, deepened by the years they had been apart. Not expecting that he would stay but hoping nonetheless. The hand was hard on his and was resisting the urge to yank him back to the bed where they had made love just a few moments ago with a fervent passion that had held more desperation in it than love. They both knew they were not to meet again like this, at least, not for a very long time and it was only natural to want to want to prolong the time before the final irrevocable—break. For what else could they do in this untenable situation? They will face each other in the battlefield of shadows and assassins as enemies after all. And all the time we knew
The time was never right for us
Time to leave this love behind Brad cocked his head in a listening expression then sighed and slid back into the bed. It wouldn't harm. He had seen the immediate future and it said that both of them would be well and this small treason would be left undiscovered. This was the last time after all. It was only fitting that he spent some time with his lover.

"Hn." Ran said again in that deep voice that never ceased to surprise Brad with its richness, causing shivers to go down his spine. In fact, it had startled Brad a little when he heard it over the astonished clamor of the "Human Chess" audience. As much as seeing the owner going at him with a katana. It had taken him a moment to recognize the hardened lines of his lover's face or the steely look in those lovely purple eyes, as always, it was the red hair that he had first recognized about Ran. He now wondered if it would have made a difference had he taken the latter under his wing four years ago. Not that it would do any good to wonder now at this late date. They both keep dark secrets from each other, Ran didn't know of his clairvoyance or his involvement with Estet, as he didn't ask about what had Ran been about after the death of the latter's family four years ago. Some things were better not to know. He didn't even know that I had visited him then in the hospital…

***

Brad remembered that day as when he had come to Takatori after a mission to find the man near the rubble of a very familiar looking place and was shocked to hear a very familiar last name—Fujimiya. From the little he had overheard and what he managed to gather from his informants, the whole family had been killed except for the teenage boy. The survivor's name: Ran Fujimiya. When he heard about the boy's name, he had decided then and there to go and see if it had been the boy he had known.

He hadn't dared to come in at ordinary visiting hours since there was too many chances that he'd be spotted by someone who might report him to Takatori or worst yet to someone of Estet. He had much to fear about that and not necessarily from his superiors either. Like any organization of its kind, Estet had internal politics that was as cutthroat ruthless as the way they treated their enemies. He had been then, as he was now the golden boy of the Estet command and had made many enemies by the virtue of the much-coveted position besides the usual in the course of business. He had just observed from afar as if concerned of the last surviving witness, the hitch in Takatori's plan.

Ran had lain there, grown up to the promise of his childhood. He had been always a slender willow of a boy who never went through the awkward stage. But as Crawford noted with a lump in his throat then that Ran had gained height and soft boyish features had filled out into the profile of a very confused but lovely young man, that no longer could be mistaken to be female. That was something he had often teased his koi about in the short time they had been together four years before. Pain lines had smoothed somewhat but the bewildered look didn't leave him even in sleep. The boy wasn't hurt, Crawford had thought with relief but was only in the hospital for observation. Make that, wasn't hurt  physically— something had broken within his lover, something vital when the latter lost his family. Crawford had seen it often enough in Estet besides having an instinct when Ran was concerned. He stroked the perpetually falling bangs out of his Ran-koi's eyes then left him.

Tonight while you sleep
I’ll kiss you softly one last time
And say good-bye There was no place for someone like the gentle boy he had known in the ranks of Estet and that was all he could offer. The years had finally made clear to him that there was no way he could associate with anyone honestly without them knowing what exactly they were getting into. It was better for the youngster to heal in the care of whatever relatives he had left. I think you will heal better far away from me. How would you react, koi, if you knew I work for the man who killed your family? Sorry Ran-kun but I can't fulfill my promise that I had made to you…who would have thought that the vision I had then would come to this…

***

Brad Crawford had been walking around, evidently taking the sights of Tokyo, but was in truth rather bored. It had been lovely enough in it's own way he supposed but when you see one city, you seen them all. His manager had been adamant that he relaxes before the coming bout and had hovered over him like a mother hen when he had tried to remain in the hotel that he decided it would be better to explore the city. The man had been so eager to please his Estet employers with wins for he didn't know that Brad's legal profession was cover for the training for a more insidious one. Oh well so much for that idea! He had turned to go back to the hotel when he had a premonition. Not a full-blown vision for that was rare even for him but enough that he had stood still long enough to for something to catch his curious gaze.

Three boys had been going into a small fast food restaurant. One of them had red hair, the shade Crawford had never thought before then was possible without the aid of dye. He had entered the shop and lined up to better observe this youngster that caught his curiosity. It had helped that the place was crowded with other children who had been probably had just been turned out from school and with adults in office uniform who had been probably taking a lunch out from work. In his suit, Crawford hadn't stood out very much and he had gotten an eyeful of the red head. That eyeful had nearly taken his breath away; the youngster was exceedingly handsome. Not at all gangly like his friends, he had the slender build and grace of a natural athlete. Large expressive purple eyes set in a lovely face saved only from becoming too effeminate by an aristocratic nose.

God he's perfect! Had been all Crawford could have thought of at that moment, blood rushing down into his loins so that it was unmistakable what he had felt like doing to the boy. It hadn't been the first time he had felt any attraction towards another male but it had been the age difference that made him hesitate. Though his mind had been already ahead of his conscience and had been already trying to find ways in which to wangle an introduction. He remembered his thoughts then too as if had been yesterday…

Whoa! Crawford what are you some pervert, that boy can't be more than fifteen at the most and you're what nineteen. If he was fifteen, then there would only four years difference between us had whispered that tempting voice in his head. But—but—it's—it's sick, it's pedophilia…

Crawford had been still wrestling with his conscience that he hadn't notice that the matter was about to be taken out of his hands. In his preoccupation Crawford hadn't notice that he had drifted a bit away from the line he was to suppose to be on. When he had realized his error it had been too late, he had collided with the boy he had been observing as the latter had been heading with a ponderous lunch tray towards his friends and their table.

"Gomen, for being clumsy. I am Crawford Brad, nice to meet you." Crawford had said as he steadied the redhead's tray.

"I am Fujimiya Ran." Said the youngster smiling cautiously before he had turned to continue his interrupted walk to join his friends.

***

They had seen each other more often after that since Brad had used his Estet connections to get worm his way into the Fujimiyas' good graces via an introduction by a banker colleague of Ran's father. He had been a frequent visitor and with his upstanding reputation soon earned their trust. In a week's time, Ran had offered to tour his gaijin friend around town. He had found out to his surprise that Ran had been only thirteen but that had not stopped him for long. Another week had passed. They had been caught in a sudden shower, which Brad had foreseen and planned for. He had offered that they dry up in a nearby motel conveniently owned by an agent of Estet of which he had bribed and known that wouldn't live long. In that afternoon, he had claimed Ran's innocence and his surprise had been doubled by having found himself genuinely feeling affection and caring for the boy.

After that, They had been happily in love, they had stolen many moments on afternoons and nights when they would talk and sometimes risk arrest by making love. Two months passed and the time came for Brad to leave for his native country and had found unexpectedly that he didn't want to leave Japan and his red-haired koibito.

***

"I promise to come back when I can."

"Really, are you sure you're not going to forget me? There are a lot more red heads where you come from…" Ran had found out about his impressions when they had first met from Brad himself in one of their talks.  Since Crawford had found it almost impossible to keep anything from his koibito in those days.  Well, almost anything...  He would have confided anything about Estet or his powers that would be signing Ran's death warrant.  He had been confident then that he could keep that one spark of innocence in his rather corrupt life.

"I—promise—koibito." It had been hard enough for him that he had to leave without assurance when he could be coming back without having to deal with his young lover's insecurity.

Please realize
How hard it is to do this
I’m trying to make it through this
Say good-bye just as gently as I can He is young. In a few years he'll fill out become handsomer than ever, will he be able to remember you at all? Will he go out with equally young girls forgetting you or will he find another man to love him? You have already awakened him too young. Someone will come along and snatch him away before you will be allowed to come back.

"Well I don't believe you." Ran had sulked sitting on the opposite side of the bed that they had shared just moments before. It had been deep in the night and without a sound to mar it, the edge in the yet-young alto voice was sharp as a knife or the katana he wielded now. Ran had told his family that he had to do a project with one of his classmates and since he was such a model son they had let him go without a word. Crawford you have corrupted the lad…

"Aishiteru, koibito. When you have grown up I will come for you, when you're seventeen or eighteen I promise you that."

"I promise, koi." He had said again as the silence had lengthened to an unbearable pitch. And after a time when he had thought Ran wouldn't answer him…

"I love you, too." Said Ran whimsically in English. A language, Crawford himself had tutored Ran in, it almost done him in. All his own insecurities had swirled back to taunt him with images that could be visions of a future yet-to-be or made up of his own fears. Of Ran with a laughing brown-haired girl that reminded Crawford a bit of Aya-chan, of him hugging a dark-haired man whose face he couldn't see. Absurdly, a part of him had wanted to cling onto his young lover and promise to never let him go as a part of him, the practical part, had scoffed at such a foolhardy action. First of all, Ran was underage, as they would say "even in Tennessee". Another Estet wasn't going to take kindly to being disobeyed. Crawford wouldn't have minded it for himself but for Ran that could have catastrophic consequences.

Please try and understand
This time just wasn’t the time for us
We knew I couldn’t stay As he had struggled with his heart and mind, a sudden flash had taken that present away, Crawford had seen Ran, a more grown up Ran, lying in an unfamiliar bed then the vision faded away and he had been comforted that what he said was true. They would see each other again. He had clung to the vision as he left Ran.

I promise Ran-koi…

But that don’t make it easier to leave you
So while I can find the strength

***

In the hindsight of years, he knew he that vision had given him a false hope that hurt more in the end. And once again Crawford cursed the Gift that had sometimes felt more to be bane than boon, raising expectations when there was no chance at all of fulfillment. He knew it was wrong to feel that way since it was his Gift that had gotten him as far as he was now in Estet but he couldn't feel any gratitude for it, not now, not right now…

I should stop this and enjoy the moment. It's all we have that's certain.

And so Brad tried, he lay there as his lover's doze deepened into sleep and relaxed his tense muscles until he drifted in the happiness of the Now. Yes it was good to lie here for awhile and pretend he could stay till morning. He never had slept with Ran like this without the fear of discovery and the feeling of security felt nice.

Maybe, just maybe, he could still "visit" his love. It would be easy enough to come around with his vision to "be" with Ran now and then in spirit. Give him anonymous presents that no one else would be able to trace, maybe he could even get Schuldich, Farfarello and Nagi to cooperate… Dangerous thoughts bordering on delusion with very little chance for success and it would be so easy after awhile to rational another more physical visit and another and another…

Before your arms embrace me
Before your kisses take me
Before your eyes can make me stay Until they were caught by their respective organizations. Somehow, Brad wasn't confident that Kritiker despite their knight-in-shining-armor attitude would be sympathetic to one of their agents being involved with the enemy. He already knew what would happen if his side found him in bed with the enemy, no-questions-ask execution. Romeo-and-Juliet romances were very well when read out in prose but in real life…in real life, it never worked. Yes, it's better this way. Like I know it's wrong
I´ll wait till you’re asleep
To say good-bye for the two of us

No note, no loving promises, this time, nothing to weaken your resolve the next time we meet on the battlefield. Nothing to make you hesitate when a blow might come to end your life for good, besides I haven't been very good at keeping my word to you haven't I, koi…

A clean break, as precise as an incision of a surgeon's scalpel until this is over and they can meet again as friends, and maybe lovers if he will still have it… Maybe someday, maybe never. Brad Crawford didn't know whether to be thankful or fearful that no vision came to taunt or tantalize him then as he got up to dress and climbed out of the window into the cold moonlit night.

When you wake up
And find me gone tomorrow
Don’t think I meant to hurt you Maybe Someday, for now...

                                        Good bye

~OWARI~