June 13,2002
Bright lights above me, warmth streaming from them. My body feels heavy, I can't figure out why. Sounds of voices in the background. Asking me how I feel. Familiar yet not, "do I know you, where am I?" I asked. They answered me, and I screamed loudly, "A hysterectomy"! Freaking out, I didn't know what to do or say, all I could do was scream and cry. I asked them, "where my love was, why wasn't she there". She knows I would have never wanted this kind of surgery. She is my power of attorney. Why isnt she here. They (family) told me that there was no time to deal with legalities of a power of attorney for a lesbian couple. It was to complicated. "Complicated, what are you talking about?" They said that it was an emergancy, there was nothing they could do. Devestated and back in my room, speaking to my mom on the phone, I was sobbing,"how could they take my insides out? You know this was my only dream in life. I always wanted to be a mother". Then a raido type sound came screeching through the phone... "A mad man, with an automatic weapon is on the loose". Freaked out even more, I screamed, "I need to get up and hide", I knew he was coming to get me. I managed to pick my heavy body out of the bed, go to the window and look out. Then he went flying by the hospital, with the gun shooting out the door at the car behind him and shooting those on the street.
My body was heavy, and my eyes opened and I realized this was a dream. Thank God it was a dream. I kept thinking what on earth could have made me dream something like this. I thought about my dog who was spayed 2 days ago, she was pregnant. And also remembered talking to my love on the way out to dinner last night, about gun control. It all made sense to me in its sick and twisted way.