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| Thoughts on Virtual Relationships First, I want to explain what I mean when I use the word "virtual". I�m referring to any thing that is a representation of something that has substance and an existence all its own. Example: If you are standing overlooking a mountain range with trees and clouds and the sound of a waterfall to the left. This is reality with sound, smells, sight, and a feeling to it. Now, a photograph of the same scene no matter how well done is a virtual representation of the same place. A video is a virtual representation. A written description of that place also would be a virtual representation of it. There is nothing inherently bad or wrong with these virtual representations of things and they can actually be a source of pleasure and enjoyment to us. We realize though, that the photo is not the mountain scene; the movie is not the same as being there or really experiencing what the film is depicting. We understand and accept that and don�t struggle with any illusions about what is real or virtual in these and many other cases. However, with the advent of widespread computer use and the Internets worldwide presence, a new form of virtual reality has emerged on the scene. I�m speaking here of Chatting and the relationships that can develop as a result of people communicating via this medium. Many people are now spending a great deal of time in this form of communication. Again, as with the photo of the mountain scene there is nothing inherently wrong with this and if one understands and remembers the dynamics of the situation they can save themselves a lot of pain and hurt. When two people meet in a real life situation there are dynamics and factors of relationship and communications that pass between them that are completely absent when those same two people are communicating via chat. First of all, there is the lack of hearing voice inflections that are so much apart of verbal conversation. Also missing are the visual clues that can tell us so much about the person we are relating to. Much of what is communicated comes from seeing a persons face, body language, and overall demeanor as they speak. Another important factor is the fact that the person can represent themselves as completely different from who they actually are and there is no way to verify or confirm whether what is being said is true or not. This is true in relation to a persons location , age, appearance, sex and many other important characteristics that make up a persons whole ,real self. Another factor comes into play as people communicate with one another via chat. The person, in an effort to get a feel for who and what the other person is, begins to fill in the missing characteristics not supplied with ones that they imagine are true, or that they want to be true. This is because, I think, we are not accustomed to relating with strangers except on a real live face-to-face basis. We don�t call people randomly from the phone book and then attempt to strike up a relationship. Yet, that is exactly what happens when people chat with people from a list or interest group. Two strangers strike up conversation and begin to find out, hopefully, what the other is about. He dynamic of filling in the voids of understanding usually takes one of two directions. If the person on the other end seems to be one that has something in common with you its easy to imagine they are a lot like you in a lot of other ways as well. If they seem likable you fill in the blanks with other likable qualities. Some of these based on conversation (honest or not) and the rest based on nothing but a gut feeling about them. If, on the other hand you don�t think they are your kind of people you will tend to imagine that they probably have a lot of qualities that you wouldn�t like anyway. You might politely tell them you have to go, or just disconnect them and block them. In this second case the relation ship ends as quickly as it started. The first situation though can cause a little more difficulties as time progresses. A relationship that is based on not really knowing who the person really is can easily develop the same level of emotional intimacy and closeness that a �face �to-face� one can but it is still only virtual. That is, it�s based on only a representation of what people have when they are really together. Only one or two aspects of the whole picture are available for observation. One, in the case of Text only chat, two, in the case of video or voice chat. I�m not saying these cannot develop into real whole and complete relationships; just that they will remain �virtual� until they move to the reality level. Here�s the point I�m trying to make with all this. Be careful to be aware when striking up relationships online. Keep in mind always that your mind in an effort to fill in the unknowns about this person may be idealizing them into the person you always wanted to know, or love. In doing that you may be setting yourself up for a lot of pain when you find out they are not how you imagined or are completely unavailable. Here�s another thing that may also happen. You may, in a sense, fall head over heels virtually in love with some one you never even met. It may be completely a thing in your mind only and not in theirs. Or, it may be true for both parties involved. Either way, because of the nature of virtual relationships, often just the distances involved, the potential for heartbreak, or at least disappointment is as real and, I think a greater risk than in real life relationships where we tend to be a little more careful, and have more to base our feelings on than text and images on a computer screen. Guard your heart online, and you won�t be as sorry as if you didn�t www.geocities.com/kidddcn9921 [email protected] |
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