code

CODE
(Panel ethos)

1) EVERY contribution to the panel must discuss sports.

2) Panel members must contribute on a "regular" basis, unless granted official leave of absence.

3) Each member of the esteemed panel is required to report to the panel with a game summary any time he plays sports with another member of the panel.

4) Members of the almighty panel are to briefly report on any major sporting events they attend.

5) Members of the illustrious panel are encouraged to sign off as names other than their own, preferably using the names of obscure professional athletes from the 80's and 90's eras. Although, when doing so, panel members are not limited to only the names of athletes, but reserve the liberty to sign off as anything at all, including inanimate objects, countries, businesses in the Grantham metropolis, or any word or phrase which might yield laughter. It is also encouraged to immediately follow a sign off name with a set of parenthases containing a description of the situation during which this person or place, or object signs off. Examples:

       -John Havlicek (while stealing the ball)

       -Lottie Nelson Dining Hall (during the infamous Gentlemen's Convention)

       -Todd Scarborough (while anal-inserting a Bic pen for one dollar)

6) Newly inducted members are granted a 2 week grace period, after which they are to be assessed by the illustrious veteran members.

7) If a panel member voluntarily introduces the topic of the Calgary Flames, he is automatically assumed to be a homosexual, and will be responded to accordingly and sensitively.

8) It is forbidden to take any panel discussion personally. At no point during nor after heated panel debate may any panel member inquire about another panel members "feelings", neither within Panel confines nor outside. Apologies of any kind are absolutely prohibited.

9) Use of the word "dode" is mandatory whenever making references to male genitalia. Any other pet name for the dode is strictly forbidden...unless its wicked funny.

10) Failure to abide by these rules can and will result in removal from the panel, after which point, reinstatement can be acheived only through panel assessment. Ex-panel members pursuing reinstatement are to write two sample Panel contributions, which will be given a letter grade based on four criteria (by the following veteran members):

Knowledge (Almanac)
Humor (Tugboat)
Style
Structure (T2)

BLACKLISTED FROM THE PANEL:
Jason T-Bone Simmons, Brian Bradow, Dann Gahres, Wade Burns, Motorola Mike, Mike Cing, Nate Peach, KPTCT, Benny Bam Bams Endicott, Garret Larsen, Old #21, Ryan Swain, Reggie Theus.