WrestleMania X-7
by Jeremiah

**Again, the timeframe is well outdated, but I think you can look past that.  Besides, it's frickin WRESTLEMANIA X-7, the greatest show ever put on by the WWF.  I dont think you really need a review, do you?**
 

Well, here we go.  We spent 4 hours at the bar watching this show, surrounded by marks, and then we watched the replay after our host finally laid the verbal smackdown on the cable company, so we both got a unique mark perspective and smarter perspective.  After a few days to let this sink in (not coincidentally, I had various papers and tests those few days), I finally have sufficient time to put up the Wrestlemania X-7rambling.  It just happened, you shouldnt need much more preamble, so on to YOUR matchlist......
 

Chris Jericho vs. William Regal     Intercontinental Title Match
Right To Censor vs.  APA/Tazz
Raven vs. Kane vs.  Big Show    Hardcore Title Match
Eddy Guerrero vs.  Test    European Title Match
Kurt Angle vs.  Chris Benoit
Chyna vs. Ivory    Women's Title Match
Shane McMahon  vs. Vince McMahon   w/Mick Foley as special ref
Hardyz  vs.  Dudleyz  vs. Edge and Christian    TLC-2 for the Tag Team Titles
Gimmick Battle Royal
Triple H  vs.  Undertaker
The Rock  vs. Steve Austin   WWF Title Match
 
 

Chris Jericho vs.  William Regal

Lefts by Regal to start, but Jericho comes back with forearms and heel kick to send Regal out.  Jericho with a pescado to follow, although he overshot Regal by about 6 inches..  Chops by Jericho, and rams Regal into the barrier.  Back elbow from the top gets 2.  He goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Regal blocks.  Jericho goes shoulderfirst into the post on a charge, and Regal slams him into it again.  Regal waves.  Haha, thats why he kicks so much ass.  Regal works the knees, but Jericho is able to come back and try the lionsault.  Regal gets the knees up, and gets a rollup for 2.  Regal unties the turnbuckle pad, and gets a nice tazzplex for 2.  Regal slams Jericho into the turnbuckle.  Jericho fires back with kicks and a couple enziguiris.  Missile dropkick by Jericho, but Regal fights back and gets a nice butterfly suplex from the top.....for 2.  Walls of Jericho, but it's reversed into the Regal Stretch.  Jericho makes the ropes, and comes back with chops, then slams Regal into the exposed turnbuckle.  Jericho face plant, but I think Regal's not quite in good position, because Jericho gives him a suplex, and Lionsault finishes for the 3.  **3/4  Good opener, although I was expecting just a little more, and the ending seemingly happened out of nowhere.
 

Right To Censor vs. APA and Tazz

Pre-match pep talk by Bradshaw gets the APA fired up, and we start out with brawling.  Jackie gets a DDT on Stevie before we settle into Bull and Faarooq.  Bull with a top rope clothesline, but Faarooq back with a powerslam for 2.  Tag to Tazz, tazzplex, but he gets caught in the heel corner and triple teaming ensues.  Val in, and he whips Tazz but holds onto the arm, and gets a couple knees.  Side russian leg sweep, tag to Goodfather.  A few elbows and legdrop lead to a back suplex for 2.  He fires up with the former Ho Train (Censor Train) and it hits, but a slingshot splash misses, and Tazz gets the hot tag to Bradshaw.  Big boot, clothesline, back body drop, and a fallaway slam on Val.  Whip, and APA combines for the double angry man slam on Bull.  It's all breaking down now, and Val takes a super back drop by Bradshaw.  Brawling, GF misses the Censor Train, and Bradshaw nails the Clothesline from Hell for the 3.  **  Some entertaining brawling, but the RTC is pathetic on so many levels that just about the only thing they can do now is break up.

Steph and Trish discuss post match celebration plans.
 

Raven vs. Kane vs. Big Show

Raven tries to jump Kane to start, but no go as Kane kicks his ass.  Big Show finally decides to wander down and involve himself, and Kane tosses Raven out to him.  Going for the Final Cut, but Kane comes off the top to the outside with the clothesline.  Nice.  We go into the crowd, where you can't see a damn thing happening, and Raven seemingly disapears.  They get backstage, and Raven comes out of nowhere to hit Kane with a sign. Kane retaliates by tossing  Raven into the wall like a rag doll.  Big Show slams Kane on some wooden pallets.  Brawling with assorted garbage, and Raven is choking Kane with a garden hose....at least I think it's a garden hose.  Kane returns the favor, then tosses Raven right through the infamous WWF office window.  Big Show throws Kane through a door, then they both fall through the wall.  Raven appears from the adjoining room (have to agree with Brandon, the WWF does go all out.....they built about 4 whole rooms to destroy) and lays in some shots with a small table.  We get out of that room, and Raven tries to leave in a golf cart, but Big Show jumps on the back.  Now, when a 500 pound man jumps on the back of a golf cart, that can only mean trouble, and Raven of course wrecks it.  Kane gets in HIS OWN cart, and Im LMAO as the ref jumps on the back of it.  Kane almost runs right over Ravens leg.  Raven has blood all over him now, but I can't see anybody noticeably bleeding.  We brawl back to the entrance, and Kane beats the hell out of Big Show right in front of his picture on the Titan Tron.  Kane tries to throw him off the stage, but Show counters with a clothesline.  Show then tries to throw Raven off the stage, but Kane hits them both with a big boot, sending them off the stage and crashing through some previously set up stuff.  Kane follows up with a diving elbow off the stage, and Kane is your new hardcore champ.  ***  Say what you will, but I had fun watching this match, and if anything it give the belt more credibility when a legitimate main eventer like Kane has it.

The Coach interviews a guy that came from Australia, and he says "WWF rules."  Well yippee kiyay, you came all the way from Down Unda to tell us that?

Angle watches video of RAW when he tapped out to Benoit, and says that since it wasnt an official match, with an official referee, with official...other stuff, that it wasnt officially a tapout.  LMAO.
 

Eddy Guerrero vs. Test

Brandon's predicton---Eddy wins, Test goes to WCW and becomes a world champ.  Can't argue with that logic, but I think Test will win.  We'll see.  Eddy tries to jump the bell, but Test gets a slam and powerbomb.  I don't like powerbombs less than a minute in the match, it just kills the move.  Eddy comes back with rights, and Test responds with a clothesline and tosses him into the buckle, for 2.  Back elbow, and a slam.  Test up top, but Eddy cuts him off and tries a rana, but Test blocks.  Flying elbow.  Test going for a big boot, but Eddy ducks and Test's foot is caught in the ropes.  Saturn gets a couple elbows on Test, and the ref tries to get Test loose while he just lays there.  Now Eddy tries, then Saturn, until they finally get him loose.  The whole time Test just lays there.  If he wasn't legitemately hurt for a second, why the hell didnt he try to get out.  Anyway.....he finally gets out, and Eddy proves why he rules and goes right for the legs.  YES!!!  Sleeper by Eddy.  Test powers up and reverses, and gets a tilt-a-whirl slam.  Back up, but Eddy gets the double leg cramp and puts Test down.  Whip, reverse, and Test with a tilt a whirl into a rotation powerbomb.  Sweetness.  Saturn in, and he hits the three handled family gredunzo (!) (I think thats right, Heyman says it so fast I can't tell).  BTW, it's a swinging fisherman buster.  Eddy up top, but he misses the frog splash.  Meltdown by Test, but Saturn interferes.  Big boot on Saturn, same for Eddy, but Dean is out to distract Test.  Eddy with the belt in the head, and Eddy is YOUR new European champion.  ***1/4  Test had his working boots on tonite, I must say.  I like it.

Mick assures us that he will be a completely impartial ref tonite.

Some guy named...... Austin??...... shows up.
 

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

Kurt tells Texas that they are not 7 years old anymore and they can take off the cowboy hats.  Haha.  ABSOLUTELY INFUCKINCREDIBLE series of mat sequences to start, as both guys try to take control and get their move, and we end with the Japan staredown......and the crowd pops for it.  Damn right. Crowd is jacked, but (in my humble opinion) they go to the well one too many times, and we get less of a reaction.  I think they sense the risk of losing the crowd, because Kurt nails Benoit with a forearm to get us rolling.  Outside, and Benoit says hello to the announce table, and then the stairs.  Back in, suplex by Kurt.  Belly to back suplex gets 2 for Angle.  Rights, but Benoit back with chops.  Whip, reversed, and Angle catches Benoit with a belly to belly.  Back up, worked before, so let's do it once more.  Whip by Angle, but Benoit reverses into a clothesline.  Rights and chops by Angle (some good chops too, not weak ones).  Corner whip attempt, but Benoit reverses and hits a kitchen sink.  Elbow gets 2, and snap suplex does the same.  Up top, and Benoit hits the superplex (Dynamite Kid style, as called by Paul....when's the last time you heard the Kid's name mentioned on a WWF broadcast?).  Double Germans, but Angle somehow reverses into the Angle Lock, then Benoit reverses!!  Kurt uses the other leg to kick Chris in the head to break.  Back up, but Benoit takes him right back down with the Crossface, but Angle reverses into a Crossface of HIS own.  Just wild.  Ref bump,Benoit gets the Crossface again, Angle taps, but there is no ref.  Benoit picks the ref up and asks what the hell he's doing.  Haha.  Angle from behind and he hits the Olympic Slam.........for only 2.   Regular slam, but Kurt misses the moonsault.  Looked like he took a shot to the face from Chris's knee there.  Benoit up, and he hits the flying headbutt....for 2.  Pinfall sequence leads to a cradle by Angle, and a handful of tights keeps Chris down for the 3.  ****   Great match, besides the ending.  I would give it a higher mark, but they went to the well once too often on the mat sequence, and these guys can do even better.....I'm leaving room for improvement.  Maybe another time I'll come back and bump it up.

It is now 4/7/01, and I have reconsidered my rating, and I have officially bumped it up to ****1/2 stars.  I was reviewing Wrestlemania V, and I was thinking about Hogan/Savage, and while that was an epic match and worthy of **** territory, I cannot in good conscience pair this up with that match, because this kicked so much more ass, with less than two weeks buildup to it, and the crowd was totally jacked.  This match was just too damn good to leave at a mere ****.

Interview time with Regal, but Kamala is trashing his office.....holy shit is that funny.  2 for 4
 

Chyna vs. Ivory

Brandon wants to see Chyna win so that she will stay the hell away from the men's division.  While an admirable goal, I cringe at the thought of her winning matches at all.....anyway.  Ivory jumps Chyna to start, but that doesn't last long.  Powerbomb, but Chyna pulls Ivory up at 2.  Gorilla press slam gets the 3.  1/2*  As effective as a squash as one could hope for, and it was short, which in my book earns at least that half star.....but not much else.

Vince is talking about the match tonite and instructs Trish to bring Linda when Shane is immobilized.  Michael "Northern Lights Bitch" Cole interrupts, and Vince promises something "shocking".  In fact, he GUARANTEES it.  3 for 5
 

Vince vs. Shane

An excellent review of the Shane/Vince storyline.  The WWF production team is extremely good at summarizing fueds, in many cases making them more interesting than they are.  However, this one really doesn't need that, and I predicted before WM that this could steal the show.  Vince beats the holy hell out of Shane to start, with one of those punches leading to Shane's black eye he sported on RAW.  Shane fires back with a clothesline and a spear, then drops the elbows to pound Vince down.  Stephanie in, and she slaps Shane, then immediately runs.  Outside, and Shane nails Vince with the "Keep away" sign they have set up by the ladders.  Choking with the cord, then Shane slams Vince into the steps.  Shane with a nice flying clothesline off the barrier.  Reaching under the ring now, and Shane busts out the whoopin stick.  Literally, as he goes all Luke Skywalker on his ass with the cane.  "YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER!!!!!"  CRACK!!!!  Shane with some Ali dancing, and hits him with some jabs.  Shot to the head with a monitor, and Vince is on the Spanish table.  Crowd's buzzin as Shane goes up top......but he misses when Steph pulls him out of the way.  And now the sports entertainment begins......

Trish wheels Linda to ringside, and helps Vince up, then slaps him.  Daddy's little girl (and damn, Steph looked hot) takes exception to this, and a catfight erupts.  Mick is just hilarious as he watches them for a moment, then breaks it up to a chorus of boos.  Haha.  Steph right in Mick's face, then she tries to slap the beard right off his face.  No go, and Mick is PISSED, but Trish runs right past him after Steph, and apparently they disapear because they're not heard from again.  Vince finally up, and he sees Linda and goes right after her, but Mick cuts him off.  Vince promptly cracks him with two chair shots as Mick attempts to wheel Linda away.  You don't turn your back on the boss, Mick.  Vince places the steel chair in the corner and puts Linda in it, apparently so she can see up close Shane getting his ass kicked.  Shane is finally up, but Vince knocks him right back down, and tosses four garbage cans in the ring (the second of which hits Shane in the ankle.....and he sells it!!!).  Garbage can shots for Shane, and after each one Vince just tosses them away like he could care less where the fuck they land.  LMAO there.  Linda is finally awake, though, rising like a zombie, then kicks Vince in the nuts.  Linda.......you just don't give a man a shot in the pills...it's not kosher.  Foley is back among us, and he immediately wipes the floor with Vince and hits the running knee in the corner.  Shane back up, he puts the garbage can in Vince's face, then goes to other corner and hits the Van Terminator (McTerminator I suppose) for the 3.  ***3/4  Excellent storytelling and match, with Shane hitting the McTerminator the Holy Shit moment of the night so far.  That had the bar so jacked, I can't even express it.
 
 

Hardyz vs. Dudleyz  vs.  Edge and Christian    Tables, Ladders, and Chairs....the Sequel

Do you need any introduction to this match?  Not really, but Brandon and I agree that the Hardyz are more and more high every time they wrestle.  Jeff always has a glazed look in his eye anymore, and during the clips of Axxess during the show, you can tell he's fucked even when he's wearing the hat.  Watch and look at them, I swear.  Anyway......The Dudleyz and Hardyz both attack E+C to start, then Jeff gets Poetry in Motion on both Duds.  E+C with a ladder, cracking all four guys.  E+C with the double nut stand on Matt in the Tree of Woe position, and they drop toe hold Jeff onto the chair when he tries to help out.  Matt recovers and climbs for the belt, but Edge spears him off the ladder.  Edge climbing, and Jeff dropkicks him off.  Duds trying to come in with a ladder, but the Hardyz with a baseball slide into the ladder sending them back out.  Splash/legdrop combo off two ladders by the Hardyz on Christian.  Wazzup drop for Edge by the Duds.  Tables get set up (big shocker there).  Jeff going for a rana, but Buh Buh catches and powerbombs him through Edge, through the table.  Ouch.  Three ladders are set up, everyone going for the belts, and all six fall over, with Christian taking the bump of the night by clearing the top rope by at least a foot and hitting the floor.  Holyfuckinshit.

Spike is out, and Edge takes the Acid Drop, as does Christian to the outside through a table!  Huge reaction from everybody for that.  Rhyno out now, and he stops Jeff from climbing, then spears Matt through the table that was set up in the corner.  Crowd is just oohing and aahing at every turn, as is the bar.  Lita out now (was it any secret at all that these 3 would be involved?), she stops Edge from climbing, then hits Rhyno with the flying headscissors.  Spike cracks Rhyno with a chair, which in turn causes him to knock the ladder over, and Edge crotches himself on the top ropes.  Dudley Device on Rhyno, then Lita hits Spike with a chairshot, but walks right into 3D.  Edge tosses a chair at Buh Buh, who catches it and then is slammed by a chair from Christian (Van Conchairto?).  Ladders are set up, including the 20 footer, and Jeff hits the Swanton through Spike and Rhyno through the tables.  A beautiful move to be sure, but it doesn't make much sense, as he took himself out, and also two guys who werent in the match.  Devon and Christian climbing for the belts, but Matt moves the ladder, and we have chicken fighting until they both drop.  Jeff tries to walk across a bridge of ladders to grab the belts (!), but he falls after the third one (told you he was high).  Up again, and he's hanging by the belts, but grabs the ladder with his feet to try and place it under him. Buh Buh moves the ladder, and Edge gets a spear from about 15 feet in the air.  Damn.  Matt and Buh Buh climbing again, but Rhyno pushes the ladder over and they both fall to the outside through 4 tables!!  Devon and Christian climbing again, but Edge grabs Devon, and Rhyno puts Christian on his shoulders and assists him up for the tag titles.  Hot damn!  *****, as if you even needed to ask such a silly question.
 

Gimmick Battle Royal

Gene Mean and Bobby the Brain come out for commentary for the Gimmick battle royal, as JR and Paul graciously step aside to let them call the action.  YOUR participants are the Bushwhackers, Duke Droese (who with a repackaging could get over, he looked in good shape), the Iron Sheik, Earthquake, The Goon, Kamala, Kim Chee, Repo Man, Doink, Jim Cornette, Nikolai Volkoff, Michael Hayes, One Man Gang (too bad they didnt go with Akeem), the Gobbledygooker (with actual footage of him hatching at Survivor Series during his entrance), Tugboat, Hillbilly Jim (who also looked extremely fit), Brother Love (I love you!!!!), and Sgt. Slaughter.    The introductions last far longer than the match, and really that was what this was all about.  No rating  review for this, you just gotta sit back and remember.  When the match finally starts, everyone goes out in short order (with a HUGE boo when Doink went out, he was the crowd favorite), until the Sheik pushes out Hillbilly Jim to win.  Sheik celebrates, and Slaughter comes back in to hook the Cobra Clutch.  Awesome.
 

Triple H  vs.  Undertaker

UT pounds HHH to start, with the second Spanish table breaking in the process.  In the ring, HHH back with the running knee, but UT no sells and beats some more ass.  BIG clothesline and running powerslam by UT, but an elbow misses.  Rights by HHH, but UT again back with a clothesline.  Working the armbar, attempted ropewalk, but HHH armdrags him off.  Neckbreaker and elbows by HHH, then a swinging neckbreaker.  Cover by HHH for 2, then tries a couple more times, but those get 2 as well.  Hardly ever see that spot anymore.  HHH is understandably pissed.  UT fires back, but HHH counters with, what else, the knee.   HHH looking for the sledgehammer, but the ref grabs it before HHH can use it.   He goes for the Pedigree instead, but UT reverses into a slingshot which bumps the ref.  Chokeslam......for 2.  UT is pissed at that, and promptly destroys the ref.  Haha.  Outside, and HHH gets back body dropped over the barrier onto the concrete.  Ouch.  Brawling through the fans into the tech area, where HHH gets about 10 chair shots, including one that looked like it hit UT right in the face.  Chokeslam over the railing into......nowhere it seems.  Looked impressive, but the camera shows HHH and there is mats down there.  A letdown to be sure, but a great visual.  Elbow drop by UT, and he beats the hell out of the medics trying to check on HHH.  We head back to the ring, and UT prepares to use the sledge.  HHH begs off, then kicks UT in the nuts.  HHH with the sledge now, but he eats the UT's boot.  Trading rights, and HHH goes for the tombstone (!), but UT reverses and gets it (!).  Good to see they will still bust that out for big shows.  Ref finally wakes up.  UT going for the Last Ride, but HHH picks up the sledgehammer before the lift, and cracks UT in the head just before the drop.  The first time I saw that I was like "Where the hell did that come from?", but my second viewing  you can subtly see HHH picking it up.  Cover.....only gets 2.  I thought that was the finish right there.  HHH in the corner and goes for the 10 punch, but UT reverses into the Last Ride for the 3.  ***1/2   A very good brawl from these two, with the crowd in it the whole way.  The ref was out seemingly forever though.
 
 

Review of Austin/Rock.  Remember when I said before that the WWF production staff can make a feud look better than it has been.  Well, this is one of those cases, as they clip to stuff so that the Stunners and Rock Bottoms get shown, but we don't get that boring extracurricular BS that they have filled it.
 

The Rock vs. Steve Austin   WWF Title Match

And now, the most anticipated matchup in WWF history.....at least until Bret comes back and kicks the shit out of Vince.  Austin comes out to such an indescribably huge pop that words could never do it justice.  The Astrodome just erupted.  Rock's entrance, by comparison, was just weak.  Simply amazing.  Fink announces that the match is now No-DQ, which is a surprise to everyone.  We trade right hands to start, and the crowd is so jacked the roof is about to blow.  Thesz press by Austin, and the middle finger salute elbow.  Rock hits a swinging neckbreaker, and both guys go for their finisher, Rock tries the Stunner (the Rock-er?), but Austin blocks that and we head outside.  Brawling in the crowd and ringside, and the crowd is even more pumped, if that's possible.  Back in, and Austin puts the boots into Rock, and hits the running Boss Man ass splash against the ropes, which gets 2.  Superplex for another 2, and Austin unties the turnbuckle.  Rock fires back and hits the flying forearm, and the (alleged) belly to belly gets 2.  Clothesline over the top sends Austin out, and Rock introduces his head to the table.  Rock trips over Hebner and drops his blade, and you can hear Hebner say "right there"  Rock gets it back, and Austin nails him with the ring bell.  Camera back on the Rock's face, as it's revealed to be about as bad as a paper cut.  Brawling, and Austin helps Rocky out with right hands right on the blade.  Whip by Rock, but Austin gets the swinging neckbreaker this time.  Austin chokes Rock in the corner, and Hebner tries to pull Austin away, which allows Rock to explode out of the corner with a clothesline.  Laying the smackdown by Rock, and he slams Austin's head into the exposed turnbuckle.  Rock grabbing the ringbell this time, and hits.  Austin bleeding now.  Rights by Rock, and we go outside for some more rights, until Austin drops Rocky on the barrier.

Slingshot, and Rock hits the post headfirst.  Austin follows up with the monitor, and back in he gets 2.  Austin picking Rock up, middle fingers, but Rock gets the Sharpshooter.  We see the blood on both of their faces, including the closeup on Austin ala Bret/Austin from WM 13.  Austin almost gets the ropes, but the crowd is screaming in horror as Rock drags him back to the middle.  Austin finally reaches the ropes, and everyone can breathe again.  Rock tries for it again, but Austin blocks and gets a sharpshooter of his own (significantly better than Rock's version....I heard that he does it because Owen was his friend and he's honoring him, but if that's the case, he should at least put it on better.....anyway).  Rock breaks, but Austin is right back slamming the knee on the mat...then right back to the sharpshooter.  Rock makes the ropes, Hebner calls for the break.  Austin responds by flipping him the bird.  Hey, this is a No-DQ match, he doesn't have to break.  He does, and then hooks in the Million Dollar Dream, and Rock is fading.  He fights back though, and does the Bret-counter that almost gets 3, but Austin lets go to escape.  Rock up......Stunner!!!!......for 2.  Holy shit.

Austin with a spinebuster as Vince wanders out, and everyone is wondering what exactly he's going to do.  Cover, but it only gets 2, and boy is Austin pissed.  Rock fires back, spinebuster, People's Elbow......but Vince runs in (to a cheer, no less) and pulls Rock off at 2.  Rock is understandably pissed and gives chase until he runs right into a Rock Bottom from Austin (!).  Austin going for the Stunner, but Rock blocks and Hebner is bumped.  Austin orders Vince to get a chair, and Vince cracks Rock as Austin holds him.  Unbelievable.   Slow......count.....by Hebner, and it only gets 2.  Austin is just beside himself.  Austin tries for a chairshot again, but Rock gets the Rock Bottom out of nowhere.  He lays the smackdown on Vince, and Austin hits the Stunner, and Rock does the flip over "I wanna be just like Curt Hennig" oversell......for only 2.  Holy fuck, I'd never thought I'd see the day when that happened.  Austin can't believe it and I can't either.  Everyone is going crazy as Austin cracks Rock with another chairshot, and AGAIN it only gets 2.   The expressions on Austin's face is priceless, as you can just see him saying "What the hell do I have to do."  We get the answer, as Austin proceeds to go absolutely apeshit, pounding Rock with about a dozen chairshots.  Somewhere backstage Mick was smiling during that exchange.  Cover, and that does it as Austin finally is able to get the 3 count, and the place erupts.  Just unbelievable.  *****  I was tempted to give it ****3/4 because of Vince's interference, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Austin will make this match stand up in terms of importance when it's said and done with his heel turn.  Postmatch, Steve and Vince share a brew.  Hell might have officially frozen over, somebody should go check on that.
 

Official Grade-- A+.  Is this a joke?  I would give an even higher grade if there was one.  Aside from Best Of... Compilations, which are a totally different beast, this is the only A+ grade you'll ever see on this site.  This is, without even the slightest doubt, the greatest wrestling show that I have EVER seen, and probably am ever likely to see.  This was the highest quality of wrestling, on wrestling's biggest stage, in the most hyped event of ALL TIME, and it delivered on all points and went far beyond and surpassed them.  No mere words can express how great this show was, so I'm not even going to try anymore.