SummerSlam '94
by me
**Another review from a couple years ago, reposted because the first one was very outdated.**
Well, let's not dally with any intros and get straight to YOUR matchlist.......
IRS and Bam Bam Bigelow vs. the Headshrinkers
Bull Nakano vs. Alundra Blayze Women's Title Match
Diesel vs. Razor Ramon Intercontinental Title Match
Lex Luger vs. Tatanka
Jeff Jarrett vs. Mabel
Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart WWF Title Match
Undertaker vs. Underfaker
We are on a tape from Chicago IL, and your hosts are Vince and the King.
IRS/Bam Bam w/Ted vs. the Headshrinkers w/Cap'n Lou and Afa
The Headshrinkers were the champs heading into this show, but HBK and Diesel won the tag titles the night before this at a house show, so of course that rendered this match absolutely meaningless. Bigelow gets a couple shoulderblocks on Fatu to start, but Fatu with a superkick for 2. Attempted slam, but Bigelow is too big. Bigelow up top, but he misses a diving headbutt, and Fatu hits a BIG clothesline. Tag, the Shrinkers hit a double superkick for 2. Back elbow, and IRS comes in only to take a slam, hiptoss, and superkick for 2. Missed crossbody by Samu, but IRS misses also, and he falls outside. Into the stairs, back in, and a headbutt gets 2. Tag, double chops by the Shrinkers. Fatu ducks a clothesline, but Bigelow pulls the ropes down and out he goes. Bigelow slams Fatu against the briefcase, and a couple elbows back inside get 2. Bigelow in, and double clothesline puts both down. Tag out, back body drop on IRS, same for Bigelow. Slam on IRS, middle rope headbutt for 2. Samu tosses Bigelow, double headbutt on IRS, than a combined front leg sweep (Double J's Stroke), flying splash, but the ref is distracted. Ted on the apron, Lou Albano and Afa in, and we get a lame DQ. 3/4*
Bull Nakano w/Luna vs. Alundra Blayze
YES YES YES YES YES!!!!! Bull totally rocks it. I could give a shit about Blayze aka Madusa. Bull is supposed to be the heel hired gun for Luna here, but she gets a pretty decent pop for her entrance. BTW, Vince totally pisses me off here with Bull and her "weight advantage". Ok, so she's not a fucking toothpick....who gives a fuck? She can wrestle damn it, and that's all I care about. Who gives a fuck if the women wrestlers don't have implants and aren't perfect? Vince's major problem has always been that he rarely realizes that the WWF's fans live IN THE REAL WORLD. Every woman is not perfect, and every guy is not 6'6", 275, and cut like a diamond. Wrestling has to reflect the real world, at least in a small part, or people will not be able ot relate to the story (and more importantly, the characters) that you're presenting to them. Anyway.....
Bull offers a handshake to start, but then decides to make Blayze her bitch, and she beats ass. Quick powerbomb attempt, but Blayze slips out. Dropkick, but she tries another one but Japan rule kicks in and Bull just sidesteps. Haha. Couple righteous hairtosses by Bull. Women wrestlers----watch this match, THIS is how you hairtoss someone. Bull is workin hella-stiff here, and slams Blayze on the back of her head. Weak punching attempts, rightly no sold by Bull. HUGE clothesline and a legdrop, but it only gets 1. Face plant by Bull, and she stands on Blayze for 2. Spinning heel kick by Blayze, but she stupidly tries again, and Bull hits the Albert-Bomb. A one-handed Boston crab by Bull (she's holding both legs in one arm...picture a half crab with both legs). Holy shit. Crowd is just screaming as Bull totally sits down on it. Blayze struggles with her last breath to get the ropes and.....RIGHT before she gets there Bull lets go, and just gives her a look. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Bull right back to the attack, and gets a standing Sharpshooter, and the crowd is absolutely going nuts. Damn right. Even Vince is impressed with that. You know when Vince is impressed, because he'll drop his loud showman act and just watch for once. Choking in the ropes, and Luna gets some choking in too when the ref looks the other way. Fluke rollup for 2, but Bull is right into a crossarmbreaker. We go into the JCAFS, with Bull holding on tenaciously, and both getting a few two counts. Bull finally lets go, and Blayze comes back with what could loosely be described as two neckbreakers. Piledriver attempt, but Bull waves her fingers in the air, basically saying "What the hell are you thinking, bitch?" Back body drop and slam get 2. Blayze clothesline misses, but she floats over a corner charge and gets a backslide for 2. Rana attempt, but Bull just plants her with a powerbomb......for only 2. Shit. Slam, but she misses the top rope leg drop, and Blayze gets the one impressive move that she knows (bridging German) for 3. MEGA HUGE POP for that though. ***1/2 Hey....did I not tell you that Bull totally rocks it? This match had the second most heat for the night, but even that's not fair considering what they were going up against in Bret/Owen. Consequently, we barely heard from the women's division at all after this, except for maybe once every few months.
Interview with Todd Pettinghimself, HBK, and Diesel. I don't really care.
Diesel w/Shawn vs. Razor Ramon w/Walter Payton
Sweetness is the token celebrity since we're in Chicago. BIG pop for Razor. Tossing the toothpick to start, but that just pisses Diesel off and here we go with typical big Kev offense. Rights by Razor, but Diesel counters with a clothesline. Big boot misses, but two clotheslines can't put Diesel down, and a back elbow puts Razor down. Foot choke in the corner, with Shawn holding Razor's hair so he can't get out. Awesome. SLEEPAHHHHHHH by Diesel, but Razor counters with a belly to back. Razor takes a nice bump as Diesel tosses him outside. Shawn takes off the turnbuckle pad, then taunts Payton. Ref out to stop a confrontation, and Shawn runs over while they're busy and clotheslines Razor. Back elbow, Diesel gets his usual corner offense (elbows and kneelifts). Attempted whip into the exposed buckle, but Earl Hebner blocks it. Shawn distracting Earl, and Razor meets the buckle anyway. Side slam.....for 2. Wow, that was close. Snake Eyes, then choking in the ropes, then Shawn chokes Razor as Diesel hits the RMRAS (running middle rope ass splash) and elbow drop for 2. Razor chant as the crowd is getting jacked up. Chinlock as Razor powers out, but Diesel hits the big boot. Abdominal stretch by Diesel, and he uses the ropes. Razor gets the ab stretch, but Diesel hiptosses out. Snake Eyes attempt in the exposed buckle, but Razor reverses it for 2. Right hands, and Razor crotches Diesel around the post. Top rope bulldog gets 2 and this crowd is feeling it now. Slam for 2, and Shawn is on the apron, but Razor punches him right off and into the railing. Figures Shawn would take the bump of the match in a match in which he's a nom-participant. Jacknife attempt by Diesel, but Razor reverses. Shawn distracting again (come on Walter, where are you?) and Diesel gets a flying shoulderblock. Payton and Shawn arguing again outside, Earl out to stop it, but Shawn quickly slips in the ring for the superkick.....but he misses and hits Diesel instead. And that's the moment right there folks, as from that moment on everyone in the Clique had an excuse to be pissed off (in wrestling storyline terms) at everyone else, so that they could pretty much exclusively wrestle each other. Cover is academic for the new champ, Razor. ***1/4 Entertaining match, but I every time I get done watching this one I just get the feeling that there was a little something extra they could have tosses into this one to make it great instead of good. But I'll take what I can get.
Lex Luger vs. Tatanka
The big angle here was that each of these guys thinks the other sold out to Ted Dibiase. Prematch interview has Tatanka going off on a rant about how Lex sold out to Dibiase. They show the results of a (obviously rigged) poll, which shows that 54% of the fans think Lex sold out to Ted. Uh....yeah, whatever. 50/50 reaction for Tatanka, as it was no secret that Tatanka was the one who really sold out. Pretty good pop for Lex, with only a few boos here and there. They yell at each other to start the match. Lockup, and neither can get a power advantage. Side headlock and shoulderblock by Lex, then they trade armbars. Crossbody from Tatanka, but Lex counters with a (alleged) small package for 2. Trading punches, and a Lex suplex gets 2. Haha, that rhymes, I'm surprised he didnt use it as a finisher......The Lex Express Suplex.....you laugh at the stupidity of that sentence, but the other guy in the match uses a friggin Samoan drop as a finisher.....so there you go. Tatanka back with a powerslam for 2, then he gets the racial stereotype chops for 2. And they wonder why the Braves, Indians, and Seminoles fans use the tomahawk chop. Because they see a Native American doing them!!!!! Suplex, and Tatanka goes up top (!, ?), and a lame ass chop gets 2. Lex back with the running clotheslines, and Ted makes his way out to ringside. Powerslam by Lex, but he sees Ted and cordially invites him to get his ass whooped, which of course allows Tatanka to sneak up from behind to get the win. 1/2* Postmatch, Tatanka attacks Lex and hits the Somoan drop a couple times. Hmmmm......let's rate this on my "Couldn't Give A Flying Fuck Scale" The scoring is simple.....we look at past moments from my mark memory, and from my "smarter" view. Of course, smarter is a matter of debate. Mark----"Didn't give a flying fuck about this angle then. Smark----STILL don't a give a fuck about it." Don't be bored, fast forward. Shitty rhyme, I know.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Mabel
KING---"Double J called M.O.M. the worst music he's ever heard." Haha. Shoot comments that arent supposed to be shoot comments rule. Does anybody really need me here.....I just gave you Tatanka and Lex. Picture Mabel being big. Picture Jeff being small. Then picture Mable missing a fat ass splash and Jeff getting the pin. 1/4* And no......I didn't miss anything.
Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart Cage Match WWF Title
Vince talks to Stu and Helen while the crew sets up the cage. Man, if only Stu knew, I'm sure Vince would have died right then.....but I risk digression, as the King absolutely goes off both Stu and Helen, claiming that they drove Owen to this and they kept him down. King talks to Davey Boy about Summerslam '92.....and my lord, Diana is looking SUPERHOT. Then they talk to Anvil and Bruce, who just about get into it right then and there. We then get a great pre-match interview by Bret.
MEGA-BOOS for Owen on his entrance, and MEGA-POPS for Bret's.....as if you expected anything less. BTW, we're in the old blue cage here. AND HERE WE GO, as Owen jumps Bret the moment he steps in and quickly gets 10 punch in the corner, and badmouths the crowd. Atomic drop and clothesline by Bret, but Owen is right back, and steps ON BRET'S HAND! Haha. It's just those little things like that that made Owen so awesome. Bret back with a DDT. Trading punches until Bret climbs and Owen quickly cuts him off. Owenziguiri, and he climbs, but Bret is right behind him and hits a NASTY teardrop suplex. Bret crawls for the door and Owen stops him. Trading punches and kicks until Bret hits a bulldog and goes for the door, but Owen stops him JUST in time, leading to an incredibly hot series of both guys leaping and lunging and kicking and crawling to get out the door, ending with Bret hitting a nasty looking elbow to stop Owen. Bret climbs, but Owen Flair-tosses him off, which lets Owen climb. Bret barely catches him as Owen starts climbing down and pulls him back in. They slug it out on the top turnbuckle with Owen knocking Bret off, then hits a sweet missile dropkick. Owen gets a running leap up the cage and Bret barely catches his foot. They fight on the top rope, and both fall off this time. Piledriver gets reversed by Bret, and we hit a double KO spot. Whew, let's take a breath.
Owen crawls for the door as Bret holds on by about the tip of a boot to stop him. Bret gets one leg over the cage before Owen stops him, and they slug it out on the top rope until Bret gets crotched. Owen heads for the door and again Bret grabs the ankle. Back in the middle of the ring, headbutt to the groin by Bret. Bret climbs, but thinks better of it and tries a top rope elbow drop, and promptly misses it. See, that's what happens when you go up top instead of the middle, Bret. Owen climbs and gets a leg over, but Bret gets there to cut him off. Owen with BOTH legs over, and the crowd is just going crazy. Bret gets him by the hair, and the camera is in perfect position as Owen hangs by only his hair, unsupported, legs flailing everywhere. Bret eventually pulls him back in and Flair-tosses Owen off. Bret climbing, but Owen catches him with a weird samoan drop type thing. Owen tries to introduce Bret's head to the cage, but he reverses and Owen takes it. Bret gets halfway down the cage before Owen manages to pull him back in, then hits a belly to back from the top rope. Owen gets one leg over before Bret cuts him off again. They fight up top, and all you have to do is picture any fight you'e ever had with your brother or cousin to imagine this, as this is an out and out dogfight (as Bret himself said in his prematch interview), both guys punching and kicking and scratching and clawing for every inch. Owen manages to punch Bret off, but ends up crotching himself in the process. Bret desperately trying to crawl out the door but Owen holds on for dear life, until they end up rolling around on the mat flailing away at each other. The tension is just electric here, this thing could go either way. Bret drags Owen to the middle and slingshots him into the cage. The roof is absolutely ready to blow off the United Center. Michael Jordan WISHES that the crowd was into a basketball game like they are this match.
Both guys down, and Bret is up first and slowly crawls....to the wrong corner. The whole crowd is going to have to check themselves into Cook County for massive H(e)art failure. Reorienting himself, he gets moving in the right direction and is almost out, the crowd willingly giving their last breath to cheer Bret on, but Owen practically rises from the dead to leap halfway across the ring to stop him. HARD cross corner whip by Owen, and Bret slumps back first in the corner. Owen tries to ram Bret in the cage, but he ducks and Owen goes into the cage, as Bret hurts his knee. He still manages to find the strength to climb and gets both legs over before Owen grabs his hair. Back in, and spin wheel kick by Owen. Owen climbs, and Bret is down, as the crowd screams in absolute horror before Bret finally stops Owen halfway down the cage. Whooo, just absolutely wild, and the crowd is just dead from so much screaming. They battle on the top rope again before Bret kicks Owen's hand off the cage to send him to the mat, but Bret falls too. Double KO clotheslines again. Owen up first and climbs to the corner, but Bret gets there and superplexes Owen OFF THE TOP of the cage, sending the crowd into hysterics. Holy shit, I'M having trouble breathing here, and it's nearly 7 years later......back to the match, as Bret has about 5 false starts before he can finally get up and head to the door, but Owen again grabs his ankle to stop him. Owen drags him to the middle and slaps on the Sharpshooter, wrenching back and putting everything he has into it, and you can see about ten different emotions flicker across his face, and he's about one step away from crying with joy as he's screaming that the belt is finally going to be his. Just awesome. Bret reverses it and locks in a Sharpshooter of his own. Bret.....slowly....climbing, and Owen catches him at the last second, and they fight until both guys fall off. This isn't about past demons anymore, or world titles, or anything else, this is about primal need, about two guys who absolutely refuse to believe that the other guy is better than he is, and they would go through any length of punishment to prove that point. Like a pair of unstoppable automatons, they are both up and climbing, fighting the whole way up.......both reach the top, kicking and punching the whole damn way. Down the cage, and the crowd knows this is it, and every single person is on their feet as they know that even after about 32 minutes of punishment, this thing could still go either way, and Bret and Owen are stilling fighting with every last punch in their bodies, until Owen gets his leg caught in the cage and Bret can finally drop to the floor to retain the title, and the crowd goes absolutely apeshit. Bret didnt WIN this match, he SURVIVED it. *****, and if you couldn't figure that one out you should seriously question why the hell you even watch wrestling.
Oh.....you thought we were done with this.....oh no. Postmatch, Anvil clotheslines Davey Boy from behind (although wrestling's worst enemy, slow-motion, would clearly show Davey Boy leaning forward about two feet in anticipation), then drags Bret into the middle of the ring, locking Bret, Owen, and himself inside the cage so they can pound on Bret. In one of the great visuals of all time, the rest of the Hart Brothers storm the cage from all sides, with Owen and Anvil fighting them off and knocking them back down until Davey Boy finally makes it inside for the save and Owen and Anvil bail out. Just incredible, and I have to take a minute to pause and catch my breath.......
Would that not have been a perfect way to end the PPV? Bret, celebrating with his brothers in the ring, while Owen walks away and ponders his vengeance yet again? But it didnt......we all have our priorites, WWF had theirs......
UnderTaker w/purple trim vs. UnderFaker....w/gray trim
Now, I've heard alot of bashing of this from the online community......now, I can remember back to my mark days for this, and my discussion with all my mark friends, and we can actually remember the angle itself quite fondly......the match sucked a fat one, yeah, but we didnt care about that, and until you saw them standing side by side you couldnt really tell there was a height difference. Now, the face was absolutely different, but just by looking at height gave away extremly little. You couldnt tell until they were in the ring together, but by then it didnt matter because you had already bought the PPV anyway.......
For those who don't know who the Fake Undertaker is, it is Brian Lee. Staredown to start, as Lee has done an excellent drop of mimicking UT. Shoulderblock attempt, but neither guy moves, another staredown. UT with a big boot to the outside, then suplexes UF back in. Not very pretty there, I must say. But then again, nobody ever said people loved UT for his workrate. Zombie situp by FU, and he goes for the ropewalk, but UT doesn't play that and he tosses UF off. UT then proceeds to show UF how to do it properly, although the crowd is still dead. Honestly, it's not because this match is THAT terrible.....sure, it's not GOOD, but considering the fact that (1) other than the people in about the first 20 rows, they can't really tell who the hell is who, so how can they generate and decent heat for either guy, and (2) they are following the greatest match of all time. Not exactly an easy set of problems to perform with, and with Brian Lee's mimicry of the UT so exact, right down to the zombie situp, the no-selling, everything, it makes it that much harder. Anyway, they try.......something.....next (attempted stungun is best guess) and they fall into the ropes, and a sloppy double clothesline spot. Clothesline, and UT goes outside. VINCE---You can almost hear the sound of virtual silence from the crowd as they don't know what to think." Hmmmm. Three questions come to mind on that statement......
1. What the hell is virtual silence? Are they, or are they not, silent?
2. Assuming that the crowd IS silent, how the hell can we "almost hear" the silence? Are talking about listening to the sound of one-hand clapping here or something, Vince?
3. Assuming that silence can be heard, how can you "almost" hear something? Now, call me crazy, but I just happen to think that you either hear the sound, or you DO NOT hear the sound.....how can you "almost" hear it? That's like shooting someone between the eyes and saying "he ALMOST lived." Nooooo.....HE'S DEAD. There's no ALMOST about it!
Ponder those questions for awhile there, kids, while we continue on with the match. Actually, not much left, and both guys go through typical UT offense, until FU hits the chokeslam. No movement from UT, so UF takes this as a positive sign and give him the tombstone. Seeing no movement yet, UF goes for another......but this one gets reverses, and UT plants him with two more tombstones to get the three count and send us home pondering questions better left to philosophy classes. Well.....it's late and I'm feeling generous, so I'm gonna go *. Lot's of crappy wrestling, but also some half decent power moments, and I have to believe that the WWF took a hard look at this series when they were going to introduce Kane, because you notice this match and the WM 14 match ended the same way. Tombstone on UT, then he dishes out 3 tombstones for the win. Oh well.........
Official Grade-- B. Well, you got Bret/Owen, one of the greatest matches of all time and an absolute must-see for any wrestling fan. Also, you have two ***+ matches supporting it, so it's well worth the effort to track down the show. However, there's also four sucky matches on the card, and they definately drag down the show quite a bit. Watch the 3 good matches, make liberal use of FF for the rest.