***Note--This was an AJW commercial tape put out in 1988 and THEY named it Slant Eyed Slaughter, so it's not MY fault that they used a racial stereotype to name their own show. I had nothing to do with the name, so don't complain to me about it if you're offended by it.***
--Another review!!! This time, however, I didn't go into this particular show thinking I was going to review it--I was just watching to see how the tape was. Being the newest joshi stuff I've gotten in, however, I hadn't watched it yet and was looking forward to doing so, no matter how good or bad it was. I merely wanted to sit down and enjoy the tape.....but THEN I heard the dumbfuck announcers on this tape; consequently, I ABSOLUTELY MUST rant on this piece of shit. Let's not delay further in introductions, here's YOUR matchlist.....
Devil Masami/Wendi Richter vs. Tomi Ooyama/???
Nancy Kumi vs. Lucy Kayama
Monster Ripper/Devil Masami vs. Mimi Hagiwara/Jumbo Hori Best 2/3 Falls
Jaguar Yokuta vs. Tarantula
Lioness Asuka vs. Chigusa Nagayo 3WA Title Match
We are ON TAPE, previously live (in the 1980s), from Korakuen Hall in Tokyo, Japan.
Your announcers are overdubbed English speaking duo Dumbfuck #1 and Dumbfuck #2 aka "Andy", speaking over the Japanese announcers who can be faintly heard in the background. The tape was produced this way on purpose, at least for North America, so that's not a mistake.
Tomi Ooyama/Mekumi Nakamae? vs. Wendi Richter/Devil Masami
--OK, here's the deal with my confusion in the matchlist....I couldn't understand either the English overdub or the Japanese ring announcer in the background for the 2nd girl of the face team. So I went to the internet and consulted the usually trusty sites that have listings for tapes just such as this. Quebrada.net is usually good for joshi. The matchlisting said that this match was Richter/Devil vs. Yukari Omori and Jumbo Hori. I went to other sites...they said the same thing. However, I know exactly what Jumbo and Omori look like, and those girls CANNOT be Omori and Jumbo. They're way too skinny. Jumbo is on this tape later anyway, and I think I can tell the difference between this first match and the 3rd match. So I try to pay very close attention to the ring announcer, and he clearly announces Tomi Ooyama, there's no doubt about that. For the 2nd name though, I only hear "..... Mekumi!!!!!". Since the Japanese announce the first name of a person 2nd, and Nakamae is the only Mekumi I've ever heard of in joshi, I'm assuming it must be her, although I'm far from sure.
--Ok, the announcers. The play by play guy (aka Dumbfuck #1) is the most dead-voiced no emotion stupid ass son of a bitch I've ever heard. He never gives us his name (that I could hear), but that's actually good...cause if he did, I would hound him relentlessly and make fun of him in every single review I ever do from now until the end of time. You know the teacher in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.....Buuuueeeeelllllerrrrrr. Well, he talks SLOWER than that, with less emotion vocally, and I've officially declared him the undisputed King of Understatement. The color guy, "Andy" (aka Dumbfuck #2), is like Mike Tenay on sleeping pills. LOTS of sleeping pills. He knows all the wrestlers and obviously has a working knowledge of AJW, but he whispers everything he says and his big one-liners are "Uhhh...mmm...yeah, I guess." The worst part about these two Dumbfucks is #1 CONSTANTLY messing up every single name despite Andy telling him what it was only a second before.
--Wendi Richter should be known to anybody who watched WWF in the 80s. Devil Masami was THE dominant heel in AJW during the early 80s, until her protege Dump Matsumoto came along. Tomi Ooyama had pretty good success throughout her career but was never a real major star in AJW. She WAS very popular in late 70s in a team with Lucy Kayama known as the Queen Angels. And since I don't know if Mekumi is actually the other person, no background for her. You know what, this part went on too long, so let's restart this thing...
Tomi Ooyama/Mekumi Nakamae? vs. Wendi Richter/Devil Masami
Richter and Devil dominate early by using their size. The Japanese are no better than Vince McMahon in this respect regarding women wrestlers---since Devil and Wendi are big and not as pretty, that obviously means they MUST be heels. The announcers start fucking up shit right away, calling a simple bodyslam a "simple drop." Remember, this IS 1988....moves had progressed to the point where they should be able to call it a bodyslam. Anyway....I'd be up all night trying to point out ALL of their fuckups, so throughout this review I'll just highlight some of the worst. The heels cheat outrageously at every opporunity, then Devil drives the knee into Mekumi's throat. Wendi comes in and gets a big boot for 2. A hot false tag to Jumbo lets the heels choke away in the corner. Hairtosses commence, then we start brawling outside. They beat the 20 count back inside and Devil immediately press slams Mekumi, then chokes her in the corner. Throughout this entire "face-in-peril" situation the announcers toss out REALLY BAD Japanese jokes. "She's getting pounded like sushi," being the least offensive and "funniest" of the group. Dumbfuck #1 continually feels sorry for the faces by making thinly veiled sexist remarks. Then, for Lord Ohtani only knows what reason, Dumbfuck #1 asks about the women's pre-match diet. Andy mumbles something unintelligible, to which Dumbfuck #1 responds by going off on a weird tangent about the Japanese and hamburgers. I swear to God I am not making this shit up. While the Japanese hamburger thing is going on, the women are beating the hell out of each other with chairs on the outside. This is completely ignored, other than to say "They... shouldn't...be...outside...the ring. That's...not...good." Back suplex is countered by Mekumi into a crossbody for 2 when they finally get back inside the ring. Ooyama finally gets in the ring for more than a few seconds, getting two bodyslams and a sidewalk slam for 2. Ooyama tosses Devil over the top to the outside, but Devil climbs back inside and backdrops Ooyama to the outside. Avalanche by Devil sets up a double underhook turned into a slam. Bodyslam and 2nd rope headbutt gets the 3. 1/2*. Postmatch, everyone brawls outside and the Dumbfucks are oblivious to everything.
Nancy Kumi vs. Lucy Kayama
--I don't really know why I'm doing brief bios for these ladies, it's not like anybody really cares. Oh well, I guess it gives the review a little more substance at the very least. Kayama was the tag team partner of Ooyama in the late 70s. Other than that, I don't know much about her. Kumi was a member of the Golden Pair, one of the more popular tag teams of that era. Both Kumi's and Kayama's biggest distinction were probably as attempts to recreate the tremendous tag team popularity of the Beauty Pair, although each was a member of a different team. Eventually though, both would team with Beauty Pair members Jackie Sato and Maki Ueda, and then later they captured the tag titles together as a unit. The Dumbfucks build this matchup on the basis of a battle between partners. BTW....the Beauty Pair were the first mega-stars in joshi and just INSANE POPULAR and carried AJW throughout the 70s to huge money. From everything I've read and heard about them, they were like the New Age Outlaws at the top of their popularity X 1000, with 10 more years of drawing power than the NAO ever had, both as a team and individually.
We get a test of strength to start and some mat reversals as each feels out the other, since they are partners after all. Dumbfuck-- "I shouldn't say this, but she's quite attractive." Now, since it's in English, this tape was obviously produced for North American audiences....well it's no wonder women's wrestling has never really achieved any kind of popularity with shitty observations like that. The Dumbfucks then proceed to poke fun at numerous Japanese stereotypes, quite badly I might add. Crossbody off a whip get 2 for Lucy, then she drives her knee into Nancy's face. Nancy tries to reverse, but Lucy goes with it and turns it into a cross knee backbreaker, a move that always looks better in joshi than in men's wrestling. Women are just flat out more flexible, and the visual is better. They do a Dynamite/Tiger Mask headscissors reversal sequence, ending with an indian deathlock for Lucy. Dumbfuck #1 FLAT OUT says that this match is boring. Then he goes on a three minute rant (completely ignoring the ring action, of course) about how he sees people walking to the doors to take a cigarette break!!!! Are you fucking kidding me?!?!! WAY TO SELL THE FUCKING TAPE GUYS!!! WAY TO PUT OVER THE PRODUCT!!!!!
Anyway....while the Dumbfucks are missing EVERYTHING, Nancy reverses to an inverted indian deathlock. She gets tired of that and powerslams Lucy, but when she goes for a pin its reversed, which is reversed again to a vertical base with both women just staring each other down. Fair amount of pops for that sequence, especially since the whole arena is apparently at the concession stand. Nancy gets a takedown into a bodyscissors, but Lucy bridges back into a pin. Nancy gets a nice crucifix legbar around the neck (I haven't seen that move in forever), but Lucy makes the ropes. They hit the inverted indian deathlock, again with a bridgeback. It finally gets broken up. They mess up....something....on a whip attempt, but they improvise a slam. Nancy misses a flying crossbody off of that. Lucy capitalizes with a swinging neckbreaker, and then a Tiger Driver (!) for 2. Announcers are STILL unimpressed, those Dumb Fucks. Lucy's follow-up lariat is blocked, which lets Nancy hit a NICE delayed butterfly suplex. Lariat again, and a back suplex sets up the Mexican surfboard for the submission. Announcer STILL insists this was boring as all hell, almost going so far to say that this was the worst match he's ever seen. Whatever...this was, as Scott Keith would say, Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling. ** A little slow on the build, but a fairly hot finish....especially with all those people filing out of the arena, you know.
Jumbo Hori/Mima Hagiwara vs. Devil Masami/Monster Ripper Best 2/3 Falls
Ayumi "Jumbo" Hori was a very successful wrestler in AJW during the 80s, being a 3WA champ once (the biggest title in joshi) and holding numerous tag titles, including long runs with Yukari Omori. Despite the name, she's not really that big....well, she's big for Japanese women, but she just looks like an average sized American woman to me, at least on this tape. Mima Hagiwara was just crazy over in the mid-80s, mostly based on her looks, although she supposedly could wrestle as well. As I havent seen much of her, I will withhold my opinion on that front. Devil we know from the first match. Monster Ripper is probably more familiar to WWF fans as Rhonda Singh, although she weighs alot less here than she did in the mid-90s during her last WWF run.
Brawl right off the bat with the heels taking control. Devil slams Mima into the table. Dumbfuck--"I feel sorry for that little girl....she's so PURE and INNOCENT." Dumbfuck comments on her innocence for awhile, and then harps on the size differential between the small Mima and the other girls being bigger than her, while asking questions of Andy about Mima trying to get info....and that goes on the whole damn match! It is SO FUCKING OBVIOUS that he can't think of anything else but fucking Mima right now. He might as well come out and say it for how transparent it is. I mean, Lawler is bad enough with "puppies", but at least he knows when to drop the subject and talk about wrestling. Anyway...we get done brawling outside and Mima gets a victory roll for a quick 1 on Ripper, before getting caught with a powerslam. Press slam into a backbreaker(!) by Ripper makes Mima your hot piece of ass in peril. Sorry, got distracted by Dumbfuck mouthing off there. Ripper puts Mima in the Tree of Woe and the heels CHEAT TO WIN!!!! Hairtosses by Devil, but Mima reverses a powerbomb attempt into a sunset flip for 2. Dumbfucks are totally oblivious. Devil bails to the outside and they have an ECWish style brawl going for awhile, which is well recieved since there was no ECW around to water down that formula yet. Dumbfucks don't care about the brawl, as Dumbfuck #1 only wants to know if Mima is married. Jumbo finally gets a tag and dominates Devil, allowing Mima comes off the top with a kneedrop. She follows that with a swinging neckbreaker but doesn't cover. Devil has enough at this point and stomps Mima into the mat. Dumbfuck #1 is concerned. Mima manages to crawl towards the rope, then surprises Devil with a back suplex and inverted tombstone(!) to win the first fall. The announcer is so excited about this that he goes into another stupid rant about how he thinks ringside seats should recieve a discount because they're so dangerous. Way to sell the wrestling pal....
Mima opens up the 2nd fall with kicks, but Devil tags out and Ripper just tosses Mima around. Avalanche and headbutt force Mima to tag out, but Ripper greets Jumbo with a face first piledriver. Ripper gets a nice vertical suplex and both tag out. Mima immediately tosses Devil outside for more brawling. Devil makes liberal use of a chair at ringside, prompting THIS piece of fucked up wisdom-- "They shouldn't be using chairs...I mean, that comes out of the arena's budget, those chairs are expensive and have to be replaced if they're broken." IT'S A FUCKING STEEL CHAIR, YOU MORON!!!! Do you really think these women are in danger of seriously damaging any steel chairs today? And since when is a steel chair so expensive that it's a serious budget concern to replace 1 or 2 chairs, YOU PIECE OF SHIT, WASTE OF SPACE, NO TALENT DUMB FUCK SON OF A BITCH!!!!! THEY SHOULD PUT YOU IN A FUCKIN STRAITJACKET AND GIVE YOU TO A GROUP OF ENVIRONMENTALISTS IN BRAZIL!!!! THEY COULD PUT YOU IN A FUCKING RAIN FOREST AND LET YOU LAY THERE, BECAUSE ALL YOU'RE GOOD FOR IS BREATHING IN AND OUT TO PROVIDE TREES WITH CARBON DIOXIDE, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF FAILED BIRTH CONTROL!!!!!
Sorry bout that....must have had something in my throat there. Anyway, back inside, a nice tilt a whirl backbreaker gets 3 for Devil to win the 2nd fall. We get a brief pause before Mima and Devil lockup to start the 3rd fall, but Devil throws her down. Running high knee by Devil gets 1. Ripper comes in and continues to stomp Mima, then puts her shin across the throat to choke Mima out. Devil comes in and does more of the same, even dragging Mima around by the foot while doing it. Devil stands on Mima for about 10 seconds then chokes her in the corner. Devil charges the corner but Mima does the Tajiri corner floatover. Sunset flip gets 2 off that. A lucha-esque sequence leads to a rollup by Mima for 2. Crowd is rocking here, despite the overdub interference. Tags out and Ripper shoulderblocks Jumbo in the corner. Announcers put the wrestling over as "Two dinosaurs locking up, because this is just so...so...primitive. That's what it is...primitive." Again...way to not only bury THIS match, but also way to go ahead and bury professional wrestling IN GENERAL, you stupid fucks! Devil comes in but Jumbo rolls her up for 2. An over the shoulder powerbomb by Jumbo, followed up by a regular powerbomb leaves Devil laying in a heap. Dumbfucks are just clueless, as they've JUST SEEN two moves that had never been performed in North American before....ever....and it gets no comment. They should have been jumping up and down like idiots marking out for a powerbomb in the mid-80s. Remember, Sid didn't start using the powerbomb in America until the early 90s. Ripper smartly saves while Devil rolls outside to recover. Stungun and press slam, but a second press slam is reversed by Mima for 2. Double clothesline by Ripper on the faces, but the faces duck under a 2nd attempt and hit their own. Double suplex gets 2. Devil has finally recovered and says "enough of this shit" and proceeds to beat EVERYBODY'S ass with a kendo stick. The faces, Ripper, the ref, the people at ringside...they all get some, Devil doesn't give a fuck. After a minute or so of this, the ref has enough and throws the match out. **1/2. That thing was really getting going there before Devil flipped out on everybody. Postmatch, Ripper pulls Jumbo outside and they brawl to the crowd, while Devil hangs Mima over the top rope using the kendo stick across the neck. Devil lets go and Mima collapses outside, but Devil hasn't gotten enough. She puts Mima's head in a chair (like to Pillman-ize it), but then applies a headscissors around it!!!! NOW THAT'S SOME GREAT STUFF!!!. Dumbfucks don't care, as they speculate on possibly getting a date with Mima. "What she needs is a little lovin tonight, maybe a little bottle of wine, a nice dinner, you know...". Yeah right, Dumbfuck, whatever. And whose gonna give her a little lovin, needledick...YOU???? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Anyway, good matchand great brawl afterwards.
Jaguar Yokota vs. The Tarantula
I have absolutely zero information on the Tarantula. I assume she's either an American or Lucha chick though. Jaguar Yokota, on the other hand, is one of the greatest joshi wrestlers ever, and a great argument could be made that she WAS the greatest ever. She's almost certainly the most influential. She was the best worker of her era, and was the only woman to retire with the 3WA title in 1985. She became a trainer after that, and trained almost all of the great AJW workers in the late 80s-early 90s, including Manami Toyota, the Inoues, Aja Kong, and many others, before she left to start Yoshimoto Pro in the mid-90s.
We get stupidity before the match even starts. Dumbfuck--"How did she end up with a name like Jagger?' Andy-- "Jaguar? Don't really know." Dumbfuck--"Hmmm...Jagger....maybe she's a fan of the Rolling Stones." I cannot make this shit up. The fucker can't even tell the difference between JAGUAR and JAGGER! Anyway....fast start sees some flippy-floppy. Tarantula chokes Jaguar in the ropes for the full 5. LOTS of choking follows. Tarantula rubs Jaguar's face into the mat, then does the Eddy-rudo stomp on the forehead. I like it. They brawl outside towards the Japanese announcers. Dumbfuck speculates that Jaguar might have been up late last night due to her poor performance so far...with certain implications in "up late" in his tone. Jaguar gets pissed off from being on the recieving end of everything while getting zero offense so far, so she goes nuts on the comeback and then.....technical difficulties???? What in the hell.....? Screen cuts out, and then the Dumbfucks inform us that there were technical difficulties and we can't see the rest of the match. On a fucking commercial tape? What the hell kind of bush league operation is this? No rating.
Lioness Asuka vs. Chigusa Nagayo
WHEN CRUSH GALS COLLIDE!!!!! Asuka and Nagayo were the top faces of the 1980s School-Girl era as the tag team The Crush Gals, being the team that regained the magic of the Beauty Pair in the 70s. A history of these two would take paragraphs upon paragraphs. When they were the Crush Gals, Asuka was the steady reliable partner who was always there. Nagayo had the killer charisma and all the schoolgirls flocked to her banner. They were tag team partners for most of the 80s while battling Dump Matsumoto's heel group. Chigusa Nagayo was the top babyface that joshi has ever produced, bar none. In sheer numbers of fans, she obviously can't compare to Hogan's heydey in the 1980s or Austin's in the 1990s.....but if you can remember just how popular they were at their best.....that's how crazy insane over she was in the 1980s. I mean...when Hogan finally lost to Andre, did anybody cry? Nah, didn't think so. They cried for DAYS when Nagayo lost a hair vs. hair match to Dump in 1985. Asuka was the constant steady partner of Nagayo through every battle....in North America, Asuka would have eventually turned on Nagayo, but she never does in AJW. Instead they kept fighting Matsumoto's group until, in the end, they simply outlasted them as Matsumoto retired (AJW had a mandatory retirement age of 26 for a long time). They didn't have the mega-heel groups to fight anymore, so they were free to go their separate ways while remaining friends, while still both challenging for the 3WA Title. Asuka won her first 3WA Title shortly before this match, from Nagayo, so for the first time in their history there's alot of tension here. They had a HUGE rematch down the road, but this isn't that one...it's just A rematch, not THE rematch.
They just UNLOAD on each other to start, beating the hell out of each other in the ring and falling to the outside. Asuka climbs back inside, which annoys Nagayo. The School-girls sound like they're fairly into the match, although its hard to tell with the overdub blocking alot of the sound out. Asuka meets Nagayo as she climbs inside and rules the mat with a Fujiwara armbar, then into a double chickenwing. Gory Special w/airplane spin(!) by Asuka. I generally hate airplane spins, but I do love that particular spot. After all those kick-ass moves though, Dumbfuck is concerned about a hairpull. Moron. Asuka figure-fours Nagaya around the head, but Nagayo reverses into a bow and arrow. Dumbfuck says it looks like the Kama Sutra....can you think about anything else besides sex, you piece of shit??? Gorgeous inverted indian deathlock w/bridging chinlock by Nagayo. She moves into a figure four after that, with Asuka selling the left knee like death. Nagayo has no mercy and just kicks away. Nagayo slams the knee off the apron and pulls Asuka outside. Asuka is really fucked here....ref out to check on Asuka....and then he yanks on her leg to pop her knee back in place!!!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! I have NEVER seen that before. That's like straight out of Rocky, "Cut me, Mick, cut me..." Asuka staggers to her feet and finally makes it back inside. Nagayo moves right in, but Asuka surprises her with a neckbreaker and teardrop suplex. A regular Figure four by Asuka (called "double scissors" by the ever astute Dumbfuck), but Nagayo makes the ropes. Airplane spin and Asuka climbs, but misses a top rope splash. Whip by Nagayo and she hits a roundhouse kick....make that a deuce. Slam and middle rope elbow, but Asuka bridges out at 2. Weird moment here as Nagayo goes after the left arm for some unknown reason. Asuka sunset flip gets 2. Asuka doesn't agree with that call, but smartly takes her aggression out on Nagayo instead of the ref...MAD BITCH SLAP, BA-BEE!!!! Nagayo charges after that, but Asuka sunset flips again for 2. BIG GIANT SWING OF ETERNAL DAMNATION by Asuka. DANGEROUS BACKDROPPER!!!!!! Oh my fucking god....I think that was a mistake, but the same fucking result. Asuka's Samoan drop like finisher gets the rather anti-climactic 3. She has other finishers now, but I wish I could remember what she called this particular one. Oh well. **3/4. Good match, but they had lots better and it was a bit on the shortish side for a 3WA title defense.
--Postmatch we get handshakes because they're still friends. Asuka gets a trophy and a certificate for something....why the hell are the Japanese always trying to foist off trophies on people all the time? The Dumbfucks say some more stupid shit before mercifully shutting the fuck up and ending the tape. Turn out the lights, the party's over until my next review.
Official Grade-- C. Some pretty good wrestling, but compared to other similar commercial tapes that AJW put out this one pales by comparison. I didn't penalize the tape because of the English overdub---but the Dumbfuck announcers make this tape even worse, as this tape was obviously marketed toward North America to showcase the rather talented women of AJW, but the announcers did absolutely JACK SHIT to put the wrestling over. Still, the announcers aren't all to blame on this tape....even with sound turned off, this would be an average tape by AJW standards of the time. Take a pass unless you're a joshi completist like me and need every single tape you can get your hands on.
Acknowledgements-- This review was brought to you by......the letter K and the number 42, along with a 20 oz. bottle of Pepsi and two English muffins. Furthermore, it was brought to you by Wrestlefest '88, which was dubbing behind me, and Flair vs. Steamboat from WrestleWar '89 which I added on to another order as a single match, just because I'm a nice guy. And lastly, it was brought to you by these songs from my Winamp playlist which was set on random shuffle......
867-5309 Jenny-- Tommy Tutone
Turn The Page-- Bob Seger
She's In Love With The Boy-- Trisha Yearwood
G-Thang-- Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg
Hash Pipe-- Weezer
Kung Fu Fighting-- Carl Douglass
Gypsy-- Fleetwood Mac
1999-- Prince
Iris-- Goo Goo Dolls
All Mixed Up-- 311
Seventeen-- Winger
Jeremy-- Pearl Jam
One Hand In My Pocket-- Alanis Morissette
Come As You Are-- Nirvana
Pushing Me Away-- Linkin Park
You Make Me Sick-- Pink
Love Rollercoaster-- Red Hot Chili Peppers
Empty-- Amanda Ghost
Dancing In The Dark-- Bruce Springsteen
Last Dance With Mary Jane-- Tom Petty
Blue Monday-- New Order
Vacation-- The Go-Gos
Dirrty-- Christina Aguilera
Pour Some Sugar On Me-- Def Leppard
Stumblin' In-- Suzi Quatro
Kometenmelodie 2-- Kraftwerk
Sunglasses at Night-- Corey Hart
Appassionata 1st Movement-- Beethoven
Bette Davis Eyes-- Kim Carnes
Take Me Home Country Roads-- John Denver
Criminal-- Fiona Apple
You Drive Me Crazy-- Britney Spears
Bust a Move-- Young M.C.
Don't Leave Me This Way-- Thelma Houston
Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow-- The Shirelles
Edge & Christian Kazoo Hits-- Kurt Angle's Theme
Jamie-- Weezer
Lola-- The Kinks
Computer World 1-- Kraftwerk
Every Monday-- Marvelous 3
Surfer Girl-- Home Grown
Dancing Machine-- Jackson 5
The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades-- Timbuk 3
Pass The Dutchie-- Musical Youth
True-- Spandau Ballet
Rock The Casbah-- The Clash
Wrestling Themes-- The King of Harts, Owen Hart
Mickey-- Toni Basil (wow....we had a MAD run of 80s stuff tonight)
Build Me Up Buttercup-- The Foundationsand finally.....
Bohemian Rhapsody-- Queen